This is a discussion on am i wrong within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Can't really say what I would do in that situation because I just carry a gun and it's not up for debate, BUT my wife ...
Can't really say what I would do in that situation because I just carry a gun and it's not up for debate, BUT my wife is the kind of person who will back down if she knows that I am dead serious about something (usually ).
I think it comes down to communication. You have to communicate without yelling, and getting all emotional that it is non-negotiable.
I thought you were talking about lying by OMISSION. At least that is what you typed.
I have been happily married for quite some time now. Do I tell my Wife everything?
No...of course not. I don't want to spend all of my precious and treasured time with my Wife sitting down and hashing out every little thing that we would disagree and have arguments about.
First & foremost marriage is about trust. And I trust my Wife enough & vice versa enough to know that we are two decidedly different people. It's also based on giving one another SPACE and individual freedom.
Back when I worked doing forensic photography I would come home from work and my Wife would ask me how my day was. I would say: "fine" - I would not say:
"I just photographed the naked decapitated torso of a young woman today that had the hands and feet lopped off."
I guess you could call that "lying by ommission" - another example would be be the fact that my Wife and I have totally different outlooks and beliefs as to what the near future of the U.S. will be.
She suffers from a bit of "normalcy bias" and I would probably be better classed as a Doomsday Prepper.
I happen to like my Wife with her carefree, happy go lucky, personality - I can be concerned and prepare for both of us for now.
Out of love - I have no desire to morph her into a nervous wreck over what possible future events "may or may not" unfold.
Consequently I do not tell her about my emergency preparedness purchases.
I buy them with my money - which is (of course) ultimately "our" money since I am prepping for HER as well as myself.
Do I want to hash out the Emergency Expatriation Act & the recent New Years Eve passing of the N.D.A.A. and the fact that our Vote Tallies in the next presidential election will all be funneled to Spain to a company with ties to Goldman Sachs?
Even though I am steadfast and "rock steady" in those personal beliefs I know that she does not want to hear it.
On the flip side of the coin I (for sure) do not want to know about the idiosyncracies of how she ultimately decided on the new sweater & jeans that she just purchased.
So...if you're going some place with your Wife and she states that she does not want you to carry a firearm when you go there.
You are then going to sit her down & be a manly MAN & Man Up" and debate it UNTIL you ultimately force her to agree with you? Through manly logic. AKA - Your Words: "and explain to her that this is something I will not budge on."
You'll argue or rather sternly "discuss" it & discuss it until you finally make her understand?
Otherwise.. you're just not going to go - because you just will not budge on that.
So you're just going to "discuss" it until the final pre-determined outcome is...YOU WIN & she either agrees with you...or she loses.
Wow!...what a great marriage based on TRUTH and the classic "my way or the highway" philosophy you have.
I guarantee you would feel lots worse than "just like crap" if she got killed or critically injured or your kid got killed or paralyzed from the neck down...or you became incapacitated & unable to function? And of course you wouldn't feel anything if you got killed.
That's a great formula for a happy marriage and that prior discussion would sure would make for a fun time at the Ice Skating Rink with the kiddies.
None For Me Thanks.
I'm just slippping the pistol into ol' the pocket and going to have a good time.
There is a huge leap between saying my day went fine when it didn't and another to totally go against your wifes wishes on something that is important to her.
If you think they are he same then that is your life and your marraige. I am not makeing a judgment on yours and the funny thing is you made a judgment on mine when I wasn't even talking about me. I really don't care if you lie to your wife. It was my opinion. Guess if you told her not to cheat on ya and she felt passionate about it it would be OK for her to lie about it. Of course it wouldn't. Becasue it is important to you and would hhurt you.
I am just kinda done about this about honesty. As a group, people that CC always pat themselves on the back about being fine upstanding responsible law abiding citizens. But if somebody expresses a desire for them not to bring a firearm into a home, into a business, or as in this example a family member, a wife to boot. A lot seem to to just say I am going to do it my way. We can say CANT all day long but it is a deceitful practice when it goes against somebody wishes. CANT for me is I am not going to go around advertising I am carrying but will respect the wishes of others. Whether that means not going somewhere or not carrying. I guess that is just me. Are there little lies and big lies in a marriage...sure. But I way my decisions and ommissions not on what I want, but what is important to my spouse. In this situation the spouse is adamant about not carrying to a roller rink. That is a far cry from saying your day went fine when it did not. Just my last 2 cents on the subject.
In my personal example with the hospital and why I was there, if I would have been made for whatever reason (I conceal all the time and very well, but stuff happens sometimes) I would have been directly impacting my fiancée due to my actions as she was completely put under. She could not drive, was completely out of it, and I was all she had at that point to make sure she was taken care of in that vulnerable situation. I personally chose the very small risk of being seen carrying and possibly thrown out of the hospital was still too high to do it...again, my personal risk assessment.
In the OPs example, if he was made in this family type establishment that was against firearms, someone may have called the cops and caused a raucous, his family is there with his children, other families there with children that could possibly be against guns that his children play/hang out with, and so on. It is possible that those parents as a result of him carrying and being caught, even if no legal action is possible, could completely forbid their kids from hanging out/playing with his children, his family or wife having to deal with being ridiculed or being made fun of, the possible outcomes could be endless.
My entire point being of my wordy response is that each person needs to do their own risk assessment and determine what their risk appetite is. Yours may be more than others in regards to my specific examples of possible outcomes, and that is totally ok. Just trying to illustrate that there are other outcomes to these decisions other than being arrested.
I developed my opinions and stance after reading hundreds of these posts and the laws and am comfortable with mine. As people read yours, mine, and other posts...they shall develop theirs as well. IMO this isnt something static....it's constructive and educational.
Fortune favors the bold.
Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.
The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)
I honestly am not trying to be argumentative. I am just attempting to help you see the flaw in your logic.
That would be since you stated that your desire in your relationship is for truth, honesty and no sneakiness.
When you sit down with your Wife in order to "discuss" a subject that you already know in advance that you'll not budge on....that is NOT a discussion.
That would be a sneaky, "pretend" and dishonest form of discussion that is just an underhanded method for you to lay down your law while feigning equality and faking a willingness to listen to her side and her opinion.
It's just a better hidden and more highly masked form of dishonesty and sneakiness where you would be tricking and fooling yourself and your Wife into believing that you were being fair and equitable for an outcome that you've already decided.
My wife has also layed the law down, no booze in the house. We don;t drink but when we have friends over she doesn;t want them drinking in our house.
Do you see the difference:
Here is a conversation in our house:
"Honey: I know you don;t like me doing this but this why I am going to continue to do so, I respect your feelings on this, but like I have bowed to your wishes sometimes I hope you resppect me on this.
Does that make it crystal clear, that is honesty.
This is being sneaky i.e not honest:
Hubby:"Ready to go honey"
Wife:Yes dear, you are not carrying to my dads house are you?
Hubby:"No dear, I am not" as the person slips a gun into thier pocket.
look, grow a pair before she finds someone who has some
you say--"so, i did not go"
is that to mean that they went with out you?
by absenting yourself you were in no position to be of any usefulness should anything have occurred.
be it in route or at the location...you were useless in yous absence.
multiple troubles, as have been stated, but not being there physically is to completely abdicate your responsibility to
be a force for good for your family; even unarmed you still have your ability to think and act. to be situationally aware.
investigate a keltek p380 with a slip on holster or a sig 238 with the same.
either has the same butt print as a thin wallet. till you can resolve carrying with her (if you can...)
concealed means concealed and unseen is also unspoken.
on occasion, a unilateral decision is defensible.
as for your cultural differences, thats a for-sure rocky road.
You plug 'em, I plant 'em
...kid can't read at 17 (Garcia/Hunter 1985)
Lack of preparation on your part does not necessarily constitute an emergency on mine
I come with guns. My wife chose me. I see it like a buy one, get one free deal.
Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see!