January 29th, 2012 07:40 PM
Back to the OP.
Both QKShooter and Suntzu are right... But at opposite ends of the spectrum.
Suntzu is saying don't pull CAN'T on your spouse. It's being dishonest through ommision if nothing else.
QKShooter is saying If you feel you must carry, and you wife is opposed it is equally dishonest to either:
Browbeat her with it until she cowtows to your decision, even though she does not realy want to. (which is dishonest to her and to the relationship).
Concede and don't carry when and where your spouse dictates. (which is dishonest to yourself, and therfore the "relationship")
If you feel compelled to carry NO MATTER WHAT, it is, in QK's opinion, a non negotiable. It is not on the table... it is not open for discussion. That's fine, but you can expect to pay a price for it... (in some relationships, anyway). Knowing that you will carry NO MATTER WHAT, she may elect to keep you out of certain situations with the kids, etc. She will take them alone.
As you can see, neither of these scenarios is a "win/win" (I hate that term). It is up to you both to come to a mutually beneficial agreement about your carrying.
If you are serious about the safety of your son and wife, and you believe that carrying a weapon is an integral part of providing for that safety, you must also demonstrate your concern for their safety in other areas around the house... fire extinguisher(s), Strikemaster (or similar) door jambs, an alarm system (4 legged or otherwise), etc. The odds of your experiencing a home invasion are 1 in 5... there are 8000 of them a day (according to some sources).
The odds of your having a house fire (reportable, fire dept responding) are about 1 in 315.... Virtually the same as being killed in a handgun assault (1 in 307, last I knew).
So, if you use safety as your mantra, you best be demonstrative in many aspects of safety...
I'm just thinking out loud here.... I am not a relationship expert, or a home safety guru... but these thoughts are those that came to me while pondering the original post.
It could be worse!
January 29th, 2012 07:46 PM
Not only should you be carrying, your spouse should also be firing and training with your firearm and should have one of her own. Don't be like the woman who had her husband's gun IN HER HAND and watched him being shot to death because she refused to handle firearms and did not know how to take off the safety. Best to work in a team and actually with training and teamwork even less of a need to actually end up using your firearm as a SD solution.
January 29th, 2012 08:25 PM
Actually that is you that doesn't get it. Allow me to clarify further. The original post was as follows:
"as soon as the wife found out she hit the roof saying that i'm parinoid and that it is wrong for me to carry around any children and of course we got in an argument and i didn't end up going,"
What you are basically saying to your wife is this (below) but, you've just picked a more roundabout and "sugar sweet" way of saying it.
You might as well be saying this:
"I respect your feelings but, really I don't because I intend to sit down with you and politely tell you (or "discuss" with you) why I already have my mind made up as to why I intend to carry & we're going to politely discuss this...as long as you know that I won't budge on this issue & I'm going to carry no matter what your feelings are concerning this situation & at times I have bowed to your wishes so now you will bow to my wishes."
And what I am saying is that rather than have a "make believe" discussion which is in reality just a patronizing diatribe that will continue until you get what YOU want anyway & which will ultimately end up with one or 2 people in an incredibly bad mood - or one person not going & (for sure) unhappy & disappointed children it is better it is wiser to just go into another room & quietly place a firearm in the pocket and shut up about it.
And then also I was responding to your charge of Lying By Omission. Which is the act of NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
Not outright lying which is (in your example below)...AKA "Hubby:"No dear, I am not." as the person slips a gun into thier pocket."
Good grief...first don't be patronizing becasue it doesn;t work. Read what I wrote and stop trying to look into it like it is my life. If I need to re word it for you how about this: If I am not going to budge on something I will sit down with my wife and explain why. It is not a deception to try to sway opinions. I am upfront with it. So stop trying to rationalize your position. I get it it, you want to lie to her:fine.
My wife has also layed the law down, no booze in the house. We don;t drink but when we have friends over she doesn;t want them drinking in our house.
Do you see the difference:
Here is a conversation in our house:
"Honey: I know you don;t like me doing this but this why I am going to continue to do so, I respect your feelings on this, but like I have bowed to your wishes sometimes I hope you resppect me on this.
Does that make it crystal clear, that is honesty.
This is being sneaky i.e not honest:
Hubby:"Ready to go honey"
Wife:Yes dear, you are not carrying to my dads house are you?
Hubby:"No dear, I am not" as the person slips a gun into thier pocket.
Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ
January 29th, 2012 08:39 PM
Thats it...you readd something then try to put words in my mouth or tell me what they really mean. That is beyond ridiculous. When I say something it is what I mean. I know that is hard for you to understand. I mean someone that feels it is better to lie to your spouse than to have an open conversation about it. You can reply if you want but I won't bother.
Originally Posted by QKShooter
You really don't get it. I don't care about your life and I do understand what you are saying. But for you not to be able to understand that people do speak what they think. Just don't try to guess what is in my mind. I wrote what I meant. I guess if you are use to not being direct with your spouse you will never understand what it means not to lie about something important. Good night sir.
That is funny, how you try to quote what you think I mean. That is laughable and I feel sorry for ya. Not about your post to me. But you can not grasp that two people can be honest without sugar coating stuff. It is sad and funny at the same time
January 29th, 2012 09:29 PM
You wife don't get out much,
Heres a link for a roller rink that was shot up in Waterford MICHIGAN.
Gunmen Open Fire At Roller Rink Holiday Party, 5 Hospitalized « CBS Detroit
She needs to understand that.
Does she think thugs and robbers see parents with little children and say to themselves, "hmmm, they got little kids, maybe I won't take advantage of them"?
She is delusional and naive in her thought process.
They see women with kids as a weak, distracted target, and will opt for them more often.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn
January 29th, 2012 10:12 PM
This advice is pure gold. I do not discuss my carry status with my wife anymore and it is a total non-issue now. I conceal well and unless I get a "pat down" hug from her she cannot tell if I am carrying or not. I do not stress weird stuff in the news or things I read on here and she is fine. Sometimes it is not what you say, but what you don't say that makes a big difference.
Originally Posted by Rotorblade
Fear the man with one gun. Especially if that gun is a Glock 19.
January 29th, 2012 10:20 PM
it was a personal question and i call 'em as i see 'em
Originally Posted by suntzu
January 30th, 2012 12:09 AM
It can happen any place at anytime. I carry whenever I can.
January 30th, 2012 01:41 AM
(insert boringly long advice on how to handle your marriage)
Bottom line, happy wife = happy life.
Sent from my HTC Glacier using Tapatalk
Family first, that's why I carry.
January 30th, 2012 01:54 AM
I think that I've already sampled enough of the fine flavor of how your homefront "discussions" tend to go based on how you've posted here in this thread.
January 30th, 2012 01:58 AM
Some things are debatable ccing's not. Be firm, she'll come around if you don't budge.
Why?? Because at the last second, the Police are minutes away.
January 30th, 2012 03:45 AM
That definitely looks like honesty. I think he was saying to suggest one put a gun in thier pocket and keep quiet without having the conversation you described, would constitute dishonesty by omission. But, now you've cleared it up.
Originally Posted by QKShooter
January 30th, 2012 08:14 AM
Okay, I think I read all of the posts and no one mentioned this. And please correct me if I'm wrong ...
Did you choose carrying your firearm over spending time with your son?
If not, I apologize for the assumption from the way you worded it in your post. But if so..... dare I say, shame on you!
No firearm, no carry law, no opinion of your wife's, nothing should come between you and your family and shame on anyone who even starts to begin to let their children think that a firearm is more important than spending time with them.
That being said, these thread always tick me off in the worst kind of way because all these macho men come in and virtually pound their chest and say they'd tell their wife how it is and that's that and if she doesn't like it she can just hit the road because there's no negotiating this.
As a wife and a mother I'm very grateful to have a husband who understand both what a marriage is about and what being a father is about and one of the key ingredients is not letting THINGS get between the relationship he shares with his family.
Granted, I am fine with his carrying a firearm. I am fine with anyone carrying a firearm, but I don't think it should come before family... ever. There are many other ways to protect and guard your family and, guess what, if you aren't there because you'd rather be home with your gun and your family needs you (gun or not) you're going to feel pretty crappy that you chose to stay home.
I carried a gun to my one-month-old daughter's baby shower the other day. I carry often around children and if your wife wants to read some of the blogs I've written about carrying around children she is welcome to do so...
Carrying a gun and a baby
Guns and Play Dates
Kids and Guns and Education
If you did, indeed, choose your firearm over your child it's time to recheck your priorities. If not, again, I apologize for the assumption but that's the way it sounds from your post.
If I'm incorrect then concentrate on being a good parent and a good husband and finding a working solution WITH your wife, not through her. Don't make her feel like a subject that has to be subject to your whims. I know a lot of people will come back and say that carry is not a whim and that it's life and death and the ability to protect yourself and your family... yeah, yeah.. I know. I carry a gun, too. But the truth of the matter is that you can't protect your family if you aren't there and if this becomes such an issue that she feels like you ARE choosing a gun over her and your child (which, trust me, she WILL feel if you try to tell her that you come with a gun and she just better get used to that) then you very well may come home one day to an empty house and divorce papers... tell me how you are going to defend your family then?
Be a husband, not a master. Be a father. Find ways and get training that makes you feel confident in your ability to protect yourself and your family even in absence of a gun and then GO and be a husband and dad and play with your kid and have fun.
If a firearm can come between you and your ability to have fun with your children and play and have a good relationship with your wife, than, YES!! I say you are wrong.
January 30th, 2012 09:14 AM
In post #64 you said:
"You can reply if you want but I won't bother."
So you stated that you would not bother to reply anymore in that post. Or did I read that wrong also?
But, then you did reply two more times. So did you lie?
Or is it just that some lies are OK with you...and others are not?
And would that be indicative of the fact that you can't "let it go"
I'm just asking.
Oh...I see that you went ahead and deleted them both. Nice try.
January 30th, 2012 10:18 AM
FYI for those in this forum: I PM'ed QKshooter. I want to keep this out of the forum. My posts were deleted right after I wrote them and felt the were emotional and not appropriate for this forum. They were written around 3:AM and deleted soon after. Nobody was in the thread at the time. How he got them I do not know. But I am not going to do a personal battle over this and waste everybody's time.
Originally Posted by QKShooter
Thanks everybody for agreeing or disagreeing. That is what this is for. We all sometimes have a difference of opinion.
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