need your help

This is a discussion on need your help within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Perhaps you could first point out that everything was fine before the information got out? In the preceeding days and weeks before there was KNOWLEDGE ...

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Thread: need your help

  1. #16
    VIP Member Array paramedic70002's Avatar
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    Perhaps you could first point out that everything was fine before the information got out? In the preceeding days and weeks before there was KNOWLEDGE of your firearm, it never killed anyone, so what's the problem?

    Then point out that the mother has succeeded in keeping her kids safe from YOUR FIREARM, but what about all the other CCWs out there? What about all the BGs out there. What about reckless drivers?

    Turns out she isn't keeping them safe at all, but she IS CONTROLLING YOU, and preventing you from exercising your God given right to self defense.

    If you drove a Ferrari, would she not let you drive it around her family, because it is too fast, or are you too fast in it? Point out that just as she trusts EVERY driver on the road, and EVERY OTHER CCWer on the street, she has no logical reason to distrust you. Ask her if she trusts herself with a firearm. Then ask her why she doesn't trust you now, when she otherwise trusts you with her daughter. Time for her to put up or shut up.
    "Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18

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  3. #17
    Member Array TattooWings's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AirForceShooter View Post
    Let your girl handle it.
    If she can't, find another girl.
    You can't win this one.
    ^^^^^^Absolutely! You're dealing with a passive-aggressive manipulator (Mom, that is).

    And you always marry the whole family, not just the lady. (I just happened to get very lucky, in this regard.)
    "A government is the most dangerous threat to man's rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims." - Ayn Rand, The Nature of Government, 1964

  4. #18
    Member Array LibertyGal's Avatar
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    Too bad mom doesn't realize that (assuming that you're not a belligerent hot-tempered immature drunk), your firearm is a lot safer from theft or children's curiosity concealed in a holster on your hip, than it would be unattended in your car or home, even if it were locked up.

    If nothing else, I hope this incident teaches your girlfriend that she really needs to keep her mouth shut regarding your carrying. It's your business, and your option to reveal or not reveal it to a person of your choosing at a time of your choosing. Because now, not only can you not carry at her mom's house, but you can bet mom has shot off her mouth to other relatives, co-workers, neighbors, the checkout lady at the grocery store, etc. about how upset she is about this.

    I can sympathize. I'm dealing now with a friend who is unfortunately very free with my private information regarding carrying. It just makes me want to scream. It's my business to tell or not to tell - not hers.

    LibertyGal
    Requiring a license makes it illegal to do something that was lawful before the license was required.

  5. #19
    Senior Member Array rangerman2003's Avatar
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    i know she didnt mean to it just kinda slipped out so i dont blame her for that...

    i have also tried to get her mom to see that when its on my its safe and that is safer on me then sitting in my truck were i cannot use it if need be. she doesnt see my point... she thinks that since nothing has ever happened to her that there is no need to carry a gun cause nothing will ever happen, typical mentallity these days... I told her that she may not take her families safety seriously but i take mine and their safety seriously and never want to see anything happen to any of them.

    Also i tried explaining one of the above statements that i carried for a month almost before they realized that i had my permit and they never knew or even had the slightest comprehension that i had it on, she didnt care about that just now that she knows she cares.

  6. #20
    Member Array Huzar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rangerman2003 View Post
    I told her that she may not take her families safety seriously but i take mine and their safety seriously and never want to see anything happen to any of them.
    I don't think I would have phrased something that way in a similar situation. The fact that she doesn't like or believe in the need for guns doesn't mean that in her eyes she's not taking her family safety seriously. Actually just the opposite, because in her eyes you are a threat and with statement like that you're just antagonizing her. This is one where very very careful and well thought out statements are in order.

  7. #21
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huzar View Post
    You might want to sit down and talk to her and explain how things work and ask her if she has any questions.
    Exactly.

    Still, such folks with prejudice are, on the topic of firearms, often staunch in their beliefs. You have a tough row to hoe, here.

    As for training, doing a formal, well-regarded multi-day training seminar that includes range work can go a long way to allaying some of their fears. But then, you've still got the hurdles to get over.

    Of course, you know the pros/cons. Carrying is about responsibility. It's about increased safety and security for you and your loved ones. It's about understanding and accepting the simple reality that police aren't there when something happens, nor can they be expected to be. It's the simple recognition there are evil people in the world, some of them living in and traveling through your own neighborhoods, unknown to all of you. It has nothing to do with crime, other than averting it. It has nothing to do with increased risks, except for the bad guys ... assuming precautions and training are in place.

    It has to do with love and concern over the safety and well-being of you and yours, that cause being something you're willing to defend, to the death if need be. That's a good thing.

    You've got a real problem: reticent family members surrounding you. They might very well become a direct impediment in the event a situation goes down and you're forced to defend with that firearm, if they're so against the concept. Being so overtly fearful or against your carrying (and, effectively, your defending you/them via that method), they might even attempt to stop you in the heat of the moment. Believe it or not, this has happened here and there. Best to get it all laid out on the table beforehand. Permanent rifts are entirely possible. (I'm dealing with just such a thing, now, though she's resigned to the fact it's not the all-fired insane detriment she originally thought, as the gun hasn't spontaneously combusted before her very eyes. Hey, it's a start.)

    Good luck.
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  8. #22
    Member Array jowgafist's Avatar
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    I don't know man, the mother I'm sure is set in her ways. Your gf sounds like she's not too far away. Anyways, if you really like this girl then give her a little more time. Go buy a couple copies of Guns Saves Lives and leave it around her mom's house. If they don't come around then leave the girl and post on the Members Meeting Place section and find someone with the same interest :P

  9. #23
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    Sorry to be so blunt but, your girlfriends mother is an idiot. I should know, my wifes mother was the same way.

    We met on a blind date and it was love at first sight. Her Mom didn't like that, didn't like that I wasn't a Southern Baptist, didn't like that I was in the Navy (because she knew it meant her daughter would be moving away) and didn't like at all the fact that I carried a gun when she found out. After we got married my wife got her CCW permit and Mom went nuts. Nothing I said could change her thinking so I gave up and eventually so did my wife.

    It has been 18 years since all that. Her Mom now understands why we carry. And she understands that she has no control over her daughters life. And honestly, that is what the whole thing was about and probably is about in your situation too. Control. Mom isn't ready to let go and you represent the big leap to her. You are changing her daughter. The way she thinks and acts. Introducing her to new ideas and things and Mom isn't a part of it and it is killing her.

    You just have to deal with it as best you can. If your girlfriend is willing to stand up to Mom then she is a keeper. If she wants to fold to her Mothers pressure, she is going to do that for the rest of her life and you should get away now before you are in too deep.

    Bottom line: her Mom might change and see the light or she might not. The key is how your girlfriend handles the situation. If she doesn't let Mom run her life and yours by proxy, then Mom will most likely come around. If she lets Mom run everything, then the whole thing is doomed between you two.

    Good luck my friend.
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  10. #24
    Member Array Huzar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PT-111 View Post
    Sorry to be so blunt but, your girlfriends mother is an idiot. I should know, my wifes mother was the same way.
    That's a bit harsh.... I'd say that she needs to be given benefit of a doubt as it might come down to be just an education thing. People are afraid of unkown and of things they do not understand.

  11. #25
    Member Array Aloysius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by P95Carry View Post
    I hate this sorta paranoia some folks show - I am always thinking one simple thing - ''trust me - trust my gun''.

    If they freak over me carrying then I can only believe I am not to be trusted. So - best I stay away!!

    That is about as perfect of an answer that you can get.


    Your girl friend's mother's opinion is completely emotionally based. She has watched one too many gang-banger/death-wish type movies so she thinks guns are bad. Honor her wishes about carrying in her home, but anywhere else she has no say in.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by Aloysius; September 8th, 2006 at 03:51 PM.

  12. #26
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    Maybe I was a bit harsh but, having been in a very similar situation, it is just my gut reaction.

    I hope everything works out for you. I feel your pain Dude.
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  13. #27
    Member Array Huzar's Avatar
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    Something else to consider. I understand that some of the folks that posted here were in a similar situation. I understand that some have strong feelings about this. I understand that this might be a loosing situtation but those posts are not HELPING at all. Telling someone that the situation is not salvageable ahead of time??? Come on.

    If it gets approached with a mentality that she is an idiot and small minded it won't get resolved postively. Part of winning has to do with a mindset with which situations get approached. Anyways, I think what I'm trying to say is that depends on how you think about it and how you feel about it before you attempt to resolve it will probably in very large way determine the outcome.

    Oh yeah... if I come of a bit wrong with this post, bear with me but I had a shitty day at work today and after 10 hours it's still not over!!!! (I should have been outta here 2 hours ago )

  14. #28
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    Post Reference Ideas..........

    There's a lot of merit to what everyone has said above, but I was surprised no one referenced this article which appeared here only recently. It may give you some insights into this matter. I've also included the previous thread.......

    http://www.jpfo.org/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm

    http://www.combatcarry.com/vbulletin...=gun+arguments

    Good luck, and I hope the above items give you some insight into the matter and help you find a solution.

    Signed, Dr. Phil

  15. #29
    Senior Member Array rangerman2003's Avatar
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    Well last night another incident came up about me carrying so now two other people know that shouldnt.. We were at her cousins coffee shop having a smoothie and her mom and her family was there.. well we all decided to go bowling, somewhere i wouldnt carry into anyways, and we asked for her brother and sister to go.. she was hesitant to let them go, so i went out to the car to get it cleaned out just in case they could go... well apparently her mom waited til i left and in front of my girlfriends cousin(owner) and her husband she said well they cant go becuase he is carrying his gun..

    I was outside and i noticed that they were arguing and i immediately knew what it was about, so i walked in side all casual like i had no clue what was going on, and as soon as i opened the door her mom shut up and talked about something else... Well my girlfriend could tell that i knew so she kept the subject going by stating that i would never endanger anyone in either family and that i wouldnt just carry it to be carrying it.. I would say for about 15 minutes my girlfriend just layed it on to her mom..

    Needless to say i was proud of my girl for that, but i was pissed that her mom would say it when i wasnt there, and would say it in front of my girlfriends cousin and husband... Then when i came in she shut up that mad me even more mad..

    So we get to the bowling alley and i ask another one of her cousins, who knows i carry because she bumped into me haha long story, if she knew i have been carrying the whole day.. We have been to the mall been to eat we had been together with everyone all day for the most part. She was like you have been carrying all day?? I said ya it hasnt come off all day.. So i know its hidden...

    I just dont understand why or how her mom feels its ok to just go telling everyone that i carry a pistol... Its none of anyone elses business if i carry because i am 100% legal about it...

  16. #30
    Member Array Huzar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rangerman2003 View Post
    Well last night another incident came up about me carrying so now two other people know that shouldnt.. We were at her cousins coffee shop having a smoothie and her mom and her family was there.. well we all decided to go bowling, somewhere i wouldnt carry into anyways, and we asked for her brother and sister to go.. she was hesitant to let them go, so i went out to the car to get it cleaned out just in case they could go... well apparently her mom waited til i left and in front of my girlfriends cousin(owner) and her husband she said well they cant go becuase he is carrying his gun..
    Yikes, you got trouble. I would suggest sitting down with the mom and explain to her that that information is not meant to be given out freely and ask for her to respect that. Explain to her that part of the responsibility that is associated with CCW includes making sure that it stays invisible and unknown. Take it one small step at a time and maybe things will somewhat stabilize.

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