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need your help

3K views 35 replies 21 participants last post by  paramedic70002 
#1 ·
Ok so i got my pemit in August and have been carrying since i got it.. Now i have been around my girlfriends family everyday since then for the most part.. They didnt know i carried until recently when it slipped out of my girlfriends mouth on accident.. Ever since then her mom has been freaking out not letting her other kids ride in the car with me or not allowing them to go to my vehicle to get stuff...

her mom has never came out and formally told me she doesnt want me to carry around them but she has been telling my girl that she does not approve of this.. I respect the fact that she does not wish for me to carry in her house and i take it off before entering their home. But my girlfriend said that she doesnt want me to carry around her kids while in public too, which i feel is bull..

I know that it is her wishes for me not to carry around her kids and i can respect that to a point but when it comes to my or my family/her families safety that is where i draw the line... What can i do to show her that it is safe and that it is my RIGHT to carry and i will when ever i feel the need to except in her home...
 
#2 ·
You might want to sit down and talk to her and explain how things work and ask her if she has any questions. Did you have to take any special training in your state for the permit? If so you might want to mention that as well. Also you might want to mention that if the weapon is not on you then it's secure and innaccessible to those who shouldn't have access to it (like when you leave it in your vehicle it's locked or something).
 
#21 ·
You might want to sit down and talk to her and explain how things work and ask her if she has any questions.
Exactly.

Still, such folks with prejudice are, on the topic of firearms, often staunch in their beliefs. You have a tough row to hoe, here.

As for training, doing a formal, well-regarded multi-day training seminar that includes range work can go a long way to allaying some of their fears. But then, you've still got the hurdles to get over.

Of course, you know the pros/cons. Carrying is about responsibility. It's about increased safety and security for you and your loved ones. It's about understanding and accepting the simple reality that police aren't there when something happens, nor can they be expected to be. It's the simple recognition there are evil people in the world, some of them living in and traveling through your own neighborhoods, unknown to all of you. It has nothing to do with crime, other than averting it. It has nothing to do with increased risks, except for the bad guys ... assuming precautions and training are in place.

It has to do with love and concern over the safety and well-being of you and yours, that cause being something you're willing to defend, to the death if need be. That's a good thing.

You've got a real problem: reticent family members surrounding you. They might very well become a direct impediment in the event a situation goes down and you're forced to defend with that firearm, if they're so against the concept. Being so overtly fearful or against your carrying (and, effectively, your defending you/them via that method), they might even attempt to stop you in the heat of the moment. Believe it or not, this has happened here and there. Best to get it all laid out on the table beforehand. Permanent rifts are entirely possible. (I'm dealing with just such a thing, now, though she's resigned to the fact it's not the all-fired insane detriment she originally thought, as the gun hasn't spontaneously combusted before her very eyes. Hey, it's a start.)

Good luck.
 
#3 ·
ya in KY you have to take 6 hours of classroom time and 2 hours of shooting time for a total of the req 8 hours, well my class i paid a little more but i also got about 8 hours of classroom and 3 hours of shooting so it worked out well...
 
#4 ·
I hate this sorta paranoia some folks show - I am always thinking one simple thing - ''trust me - trust my gun''.

If they freak over me carrying then I can only believe I am not to be trusted. So - best I stay away!!

OK - I know - someone else's house, their rules. Can't deny that but still .......... Makes me want to put a gun down on a table somewhere and get them watching - for hours - and then tell me if the darned thing jumps up and starts going bang! :rolleyes:
 
#25 · (Edited)
I hate this sorta paranoia some folks show - I am always thinking one simple thing - ''trust me - trust my gun''.

If they freak over me carrying then I can only believe I am not to be trusted. So - best I stay away!!

That is about as perfect of an answer that you can get.


Your girl friend's mother's opinion is completely emotionally based. She has watched one too many gang-banger/death-wish type movies so she thinks guns are bad. Honor her wishes about carrying in her home, but anywhere else she has no say in.

Good luck.
 
#5 ·
How does your girlfriend feel about this? Is she on your side? Perhaps having her talk with her mother with you might help some more. It's obvious that she's being irrational as you weren't dangerous to the children when you were carrying and she didn't know, but she might need some help to see it.
 
#6 ·
ya she didnt really like it at first but once i carried for a few days and she saw that it was cool, and once my dad told her he had been carrying almost everyday she saw him for the pas 2 years she opened up alot, cause she never knew he had it
 
#8 ·
we have talked about it a few times and she is starting to get the urge to just go to the range with me, so maybe in a year when she is 21 she will want it
 
#9 ·
You also may want to remind her that it is *your* business regarding your CCW...that she should not be sharing that information with anyone.

How about taking Mom out to the range?
 
#14 ·
That... was very concise and elogent!

I am fairly recently "disengaged." So far as I know her family never knew, except for the her and the kids (15 and 5 when I met her, together for three years.) However, since the kids knew the family probably knew though the kids were told it wasn't for public knowledge. You know how kids are.

At any rate, I told the ex-fiance that the pistol just let me keep out of most attackers' range and that I couldn't do anything with it that I couldn't without it. Without it would just take more time.

My firearms enthusiasm did play a part in the breakup btw. I think what she said was "Every conversation turns to guns." They didn't, but if that was her belief then they did, if that makes sense.

Best to get it sorted out, NOW, before you go any further.

There are some girlfriends I've had whose families loved the fact that I carried. I'd be straight out asked and told not to worry about carrying it around them. One of the funniest moments in my shooting history was when I let one of those girlfriends handle my Taurus 92 after familiarizing her with it. She stood about 5' and was under 100lbs. The pistol was almost as long as her forearm and she could handle the thing just fine! LOL

Josh <><
 
#11 ·
Have a sit-down and invite the whole family to the range. If that doesn't solve it, just don't go there anymore. If you can't solve this problem, your relationship will come to an end pretty fast, and it might be better that way. Find someone who is/has a family mature enoughf to become part of your family.

Just my 2 cents.
 
#12 ·
"This Sucks..!"

This also cannot get better; you've got to figure out your own "What's What..!" Good Luck..!
I've been married now for 10 years+ to a woman who doesn't particularly approve (Incidentally the first time I kissed her was in my Armory in S. Florida; we were surrounded by M-16's, M9's, M870's, M-2's, 25mm Chain Gun's, & plenty more..!; Damn what a "Great Day..!") but as long as I'm NOT in her face about it she's perfectly fine...

Maybe you should just have a 'Lil talk to them all (Away from the precious kids...) about something somewhere along the line's of:
"If you would all just "Try" to get it out of your mind for a few moments; "NO ONE WILL KNOW; EVER..!"

(Unless of course you don't carry well... If the Latter is true; "Stop Carrying..!")

Just MY .02 cents... :image035: :spankme:
 
#13 ·
not a good situation. I am assuming by the age of your girl, you are in the 21-24 range? young adult? I think if you show maturity to her mom, it goes a long way. I do not know your history with your girl or her mom, so I can't comment on the "trust level" or past experiences. I would attempt to talk to her mom one on one, and tell her your training, and why you chose to carry. take some time or think about this conversation, and make sure you have your t's crossed and i's dotted. Let her know how you feel and why. Explain some gun safety to her, and let her know that your respect her views (even if they are off). let her know because of this you won't carry in her house if she doesn't want you to.
I wouldn't invite her to the range right away, let her get comfortable first.
If you can't resolve this, then it may not be the mother in law you are looking for. trust me, you do marry the whole family
 
#16 ·
Perhaps you could first point out that everything was fine before the information got out? In the preceeding days and weeks before there was KNOWLEDGE of your firearm, it never killed anyone, so what's the problem?

Then point out that the mother has succeeded in keeping her kids safe from YOUR FIREARM, but what about all the other CCWs out there? What about all the BGs out there. What about reckless drivers?

Turns out she isn't keeping them safe at all, but she IS CONTROLLING YOU, and preventing you from exercising your God given right to self defense.

If you drove a Ferrari, would she not let you drive it around her family, because it is too fast, or are you too fast in it? Point out that just as she trusts EVERY driver on the road, and EVERY OTHER CCWer on the street, she has no logical reason to distrust you. Ask her if she trusts herself with a firearm. Then ask her why she doesn't trust you now, when she otherwise trusts you with her daughter. Time for her to put up or shut up.
 
#18 ·
Too bad mom doesn't realize that (assuming that you're not a belligerent hot-tempered immature drunk), your firearm is a lot safer from theft or children's curiosity concealed in a holster on your hip, than it would be unattended in your car or home, even if it were locked up.

If nothing else, I hope this incident teaches your girlfriend that she really needs to keep her mouth shut regarding your carrying. It's your business, and your option to reveal or not reveal it to a person of your choosing at a time of your choosing. Because now, not only can you not carry at her mom's house, but you can bet mom has shot off her mouth to other relatives, co-workers, neighbors, the checkout lady at the grocery store, etc. about how upset she is about this.

I can sympathize. I'm dealing now with a friend who is unfortunately very free with my private information regarding carrying. It just makes me want to scream. It's my business to tell or not to tell - not hers.

LibertyGal
 
#19 ·
i know she didnt mean to it just kinda slipped out so i dont blame her for that...

i have also tried to get her mom to see that when its on my its safe and that is safer on me then sitting in my truck were i cannot use it if need be. she doesnt see my point... she thinks that since nothing has ever happened to her that there is no need to carry a gun cause nothing will ever happen, typical mentallity these days... I told her that she may not take her families safety seriously but i take mine and their safety seriously and never want to see anything happen to any of them.

Also i tried explaining one of the above statements that i carried for a month almost before they realized that i had my permit and they never knew or even had the slightest comprehension that i had it on, she didnt care about that just now that she knows she cares.
 
#20 ·
I told her that she may not take her families safety seriously but i take mine and their safety seriously and never want to see anything happen to any of them.
I don't think I would have phrased something that way in a similar situation. The fact that she doesn't like or believe in the need for guns doesn't mean that in her eyes she's not taking her family safety seriously. Actually just the opposite, because in her eyes you are a threat and with statement like that you're just antagonizing her. This is one where very very careful and well thought out statements are in order.
 
#22 ·
I don't know man, the mother I'm sure is set in her ways. Your gf sounds like she's not too far away. Anyways, if you really like this girl then give her a little more time. Go buy a couple copies of Guns Saves Lives and leave it around her mom's house. If they don't come around then leave the girl and post on the Members Meeting Place section and find someone with the same interest :p
 
#23 ·
Sorry to be so blunt but, your girlfriends mother is an idiot. I should know, my wifes mother was the same way.

We met on a blind date and it was love at first sight. Her Mom didn't like that, didn't like that I wasn't a Southern Baptist, didn't like that I was in the Navy (because she knew it meant her daughter would be moving away) and didn't like at all the fact that I carried a gun when she found out. After we got married my wife got her CCW permit and Mom went nuts. Nothing I said could change her thinking so I gave up and eventually so did my wife.

It has been 18 years since all that. Her Mom now understands why we carry. And she understands that she has no control over her daughters life. And honestly, that is what the whole thing was about and probably is about in your situation too. Control. Mom isn't ready to let go and you represent the big leap to her. You are changing her daughter. The way she thinks and acts. Introducing her to new ideas and things and Mom isn't a part of it and it is killing her.

You just have to deal with it as best you can. If your girlfriend is willing to stand up to Mom then she is a keeper. If she wants to fold to her Mothers pressure, she is going to do that for the rest of her life and you should get away now before you are in too deep.

Bottom line: her Mom might change and see the light or she might not. The key is how your girlfriend handles the situation. If she doesn't let Mom run her life and yours by proxy, then Mom will most likely come around. If she lets Mom run everything, then the whole thing is doomed between you two.

Good luck my friend.
 
#27 ·
Something else to consider. I understand that some of the folks that posted here were in a similar situation. I understand that some have strong feelings about this. I understand that this might be a loosing situtation but those posts are not HELPING at all. Telling someone that the situation is not salvageable ahead of time??? Come on.

If it gets approached with a mentality that she is an idiot and small minded it won't get resolved postively. Part of winning has to do with a mindset with which situations get approached. Anyways, I think what I'm trying to say is that depends on how you think about it and how you feel about it before you attempt to resolve it will probably in very large way determine the outcome.

Oh yeah... if I come of a bit wrong with this post, bear with me but I had a shitty day at work today and after 10 hours it's still not over!!!! (I should have been outta here 2 hours ago )
 
#28 ·
Reference Ideas..........

There's a lot of merit to what everyone has said above, but I was surprised no one referenced this article which appeared here only recently. It may give you some insights into this matter. I've also included the previous thread.......

http://www.jpfo.org/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm

http://www.combatcarry.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=13611&highlight=gun+arguments

Good luck, and I hope the above items give you some insight into the matter and help you find a solution.

Signed, Dr. Phil :smoke23: :smoke23: :smoke23:
 
#29 ·
Well last night another incident came up about me carrying so now two other people know that shouldnt.. We were at her cousins coffee shop having a smoothie and her mom and her family was there.. well we all decided to go bowling, somewhere i wouldnt carry into anyways, and we asked for her brother and sister to go.. she was hesitant to let them go, so i went out to the car to get it cleaned out just in case they could go... well apparently her mom waited til i left and in front of my girlfriends cousin(owner) and her husband she said well they cant go becuase he is carrying his gun..

I was outside and i noticed that they were arguing and i immediately knew what it was about, so i walked in side all casual like i had no clue what was going on, and as soon as i opened the door her mom shut up and talked about something else... Well my girlfriend could tell that i knew so she kept the subject going by stating that i would never endanger anyone in either family and that i wouldnt just carry it to be carrying it.. I would say for about 15 minutes my girlfriend just layed it on to her mom..

Needless to say i was proud of my girl for that, but i was pissed that her mom would say it when i wasnt there, and would say it in front of my girlfriends cousin and husband... Then when i came in she shut up that mad me even more mad..

So we get to the bowling alley and i ask another one of her cousins, who knows i carry because she bumped into me haha long story, if she knew i have been carrying the whole day.. We have been to the mall been to eat we had been together with everyone all day for the most part. She was like you have been carrying all day?? I said ya it hasnt come off all day.. So i know its hidden...

I just dont understand why or how her mom feels its ok to just go telling everyone that i carry a pistol... Its none of anyone elses business if i carry because i am 100% legal about it...
 
#30 ·
Well last night another incident came up about me carrying so now two other people know that shouldnt.. We were at her cousins coffee shop having a smoothie and her mom and her family was there.. well we all decided to go bowling, somewhere i wouldnt carry into anyways, and we asked for her brother and sister to go.. she was hesitant to let them go, so i went out to the car to get it cleaned out just in case they could go... well apparently her mom waited til i left and in front of my girlfriends cousin(owner) and her husband she said well they cant go becuase he is carrying his gun..
Yikes, you got trouble. I would suggest sitting down with the mom and explain to her that that information is not meant to be given out freely and ask for her to respect that. Explain to her that part of the responsibility that is associated with CCW includes making sure that it stays invisible and unknown. Take it one small step at a time and maybe things will somewhat stabilize.
 
#31 ·
rangerman2003 said:
i have also tried to get her mom to see that when its on my its safe and that is safer on me then sitting in my truck were i cannot use it if need be.
To my way of thinking, this was almost, but not quite, the right angle.

You'd probably do better to try to get her mom to see that when it's on you it's safer than it is sitting in your truck because your truck might get broken into, or maybe her kids could get into it. As long as it is on you, no one can get to the gun without you knowing about it and preventing it.

Forget trying to convince her (or anyone) that you need a gun for protection. You know it, I know it, but it's a losing battle. Stick with the fact that on your body is the very, very safest and most secure place for your firearm to be. Anywhere else, there's always a possibility (however remote) that children, the criminal, or the clueless could get it and do something stupid or dangerous. But when it is on your body, there's no chance at all that anyone else can handle it.

pax
 
#33 ·
Yep, I think a stern talk about the danger of outing you to anyone is in order. Beyond that, I would respectfully limit my exposure to her parents and kids until they come around. I wouldn't work too hard at convincing them to change either. The more you attack this sort of thing, the more you will reinforce what a paranoid whacko they likely already think you are. That doesn't mean don't invite them to the range. I just mean if they say no, don't keep asking. And don't talk about it unless they bring it up. If they do bring it up, be very calm and limit your responses as best you can. Don't let them bait you into a protracted philosophical debate. I really hope this works out for you.:bier:
 
#34 ·
You are in a very bad situation. She is putting you in danger by telling people you are carrying. She may not understand that but I suspect that she wouldn't believe it if you explained it to her.

I would suggest doing what I did with my Mother in law but I am sure many of you would say I was a serious jerk for suggesting it. You can PM me and Iwill tell you what I did if you want.

I'm not sure what to tell you but I can ask you this, do you think that your girlfriend is "the one"? Do you think you may want to marry her? If so, then you have to find a way to work this out. If not, it may be time to think about finding a different girl, one whos family won't treat you like a second class citizen just because you take your protection and the protection of your loved ones lives seriously.

Good luck.
 
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