1st Time carrying & wife's reaction

This is a discussion on 1st Time carrying & wife's reaction within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Just got my OK CWL permit and carried for the first time yesterday. I told my wife I was carrying and she had a negative ...

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Thread: 1st Time carrying & wife's reaction

  1. #1
    Member Array keydet90's Avatar
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    1st Time carrying & wife's reaction

    Just got my OK CWL permit and carried for the first time yesterday. I told my wife I was carrying and she had a negative reaction (said it creeped her out). She is not an "anti", but not really comfortable around guns. I have offered to take her to the range with me several times, but so far no trips. I don't want to force the issue, but I want her to know how to use it and to be comfortable when I carry. Which I plan to do every chance I legally can. Any advise or guidance for someone who has been in a similar situation?

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array SammyIamToday's Avatar
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    It will probably just take some time for her to get used to it.

    Maybe try telling her if she'll go to the range just once and doesn't like it that you'll never ask her to again. If she agrees, help her the whole time at the range, don't just put her in a lane and abandon her (I've seen guys do this). Even better if you can go somewhere outside and get really reactive targets. Bottles, things that move when hit, and I've heard someone on hear recommend balloons. A .22 is usually great to start with as well, no recoil, accurate, easy to learn on.

    I don't really know anyone that doesn't like shooting once they do it, so hopefully that would win her over.

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    Senior Member Array tegemu's Avatar
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    Check www.corneredcat.com , it is a site hosted by a woman with the call sign PAX. She knows more about women and firearms than any man alive. Her insights and suggestions are very good and fun to read. Good info for men too.
    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence in their behalf. - George Orwell

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    Distinguished Member Array USPnTX's Avatar
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    Congrats on a successful first conceal carry. You will just need to give your wife some time to get used to the idea. My wife absolutely flipped out but she eventually came around and has even started shooting with me.
    "Do not fear those who disagree with you; fear those that do and are too cowardly to admit it" - Napoleon

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    Member Array mkeBob's Avatar
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    tegemu, Kathy (PAX) is now a member of our forum. If you've read any of her articles you know she'll be a great asset here.
    The power of the future is in its ability to inspire the present.

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    1. That's a heckuva website recommended above.

    2. She'll get used to it gradually. My wife was aghast at first. But she came around. She hunts now. I'm working on the CCW part.

  8. #7
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    I think sometimes we fail to see the other person's fears, often generated by being gun illiterate and brainwashed by the media.

    I can imagine it is pretty intimidating to a person that knows absolutely nothing about guns and fear they are ready to go off by themselves at any time.

    I think it would be most beneficial to help her understand how guns work, where the bullets go, how to determine if they are loaded, etc. Of course, some are so scared they don't even want to touch a gun.

  9. #8
    Member Array Maverick7340's Avatar
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    When I first brought up the subject to my wife a few months ago she was the same way so I gave her time to think about it.
    After a few days she thought it was a good idea so we went to the range and rented guns. I spent my energy trying to find a gun that would be good for her. She found that a .380 was just what she needed while I wanted a 9mm. I let her buy hers first since my whole point was for her to have protection at home when I'm at work. Then on the day she went to the range to shoot it for the first time she had a great sense of enpowerment. She then told me to get what I wanted and I bought my gun the same day.
    I then told her I wanted to get a CCW permit so I can protect us when we are out. At that point she thought I should do what I want.
    She still doesn't see the need for me to carry at home. I told her it's to get used to carrying before I get my permit so I'm not new to the feeling when I get my permit.
    When we watch the news I sometimes say "if they were carrying a CCW they would be alive" or "if they carried there gun at home that wouldn't have happened".
    She sees my point but is still not totally 100% on my side. She says she doesn't want to be a prisoner in her own home. I say the only way she will be a prisoner is if she can't get to her gun when someone comes in our house and chooses to hold us prisoner. That's another reason to carry at home.
    I wish I could guess when someone will come into our house to hold us prisoner. I wouldn't need a gun because I would make sure I wasn't home at the time.
    I prepare for reality not with the foolish feeling that my home is the safest place to be so I don't need to be prepared.
    There will be a time when your wife will be happy you were carrying because you might be at the wrong place at the wrong time. She might not see your point until then.


    PS: How long did it take you to get your permit in Oklahoma?

  10. #9
    Member Array keydet90's Avatar
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    Thanks folks, that was what I was hoping to hear. Time and maybe a trip or two to the range. I think it is kind of funny because when she said it creeped her out, she also said that she understood why. Kind of a weird mixed message, but oh well.

    I took my SDA class on May 20, completed the application packet the following week, submitted it to OSBI via Sheriffs Department and got the license on 8/17!

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    VIP Member Array JimmyC4's Avatar
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    As I understand it, the objective is to help her become comfortable with you carrying, not necessarily convert her to a shooter or firearms enthusiast. So, I suggest focusing on personal protection, not shooting. With that in mind, the range trips are not relevant, but may come at some later stage. Plus, since she's not shown interest so far in going to the range, to push it could move her to rebel against guns.

    I'm an NRA-certified instructor for the Refuse To Be A Victim seminar. One book that was highly recommended in my training and that I recommend to participants is Paxton Quigley's "Not An Easy Target". It's a good read for both you and your wife, and while it's not directly oriented to carry of a firearm, the focus could be very helpful toward her being more comfortable with a firearm for defense purposes both at home and away.

    Maybe buy it as a gift, or pledge to read it yourself and discuss it with her...hope this suggestion helps.

    As a bit of encouragement, my wife carries and is a proficient shooter. However, she goes to the range reluctantly, and with the express purpose of responsibly keeping her skill up with her carry gun. She is not at all a gun enthusiast nor does she consider a range trip to be fun...it's all about personal defense to her and being sure she is capable with her carry piece and alert in terms of carry and decision-making.
    Last edited by JimmyC4; September 11th, 2006 at 01:34 PM.

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    Member Array Garg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimmyC View Post
    I'm an NRA-certified instructor for the Refuse To Be A Victim seminar.
    JimmyC, I know your wife carries now, was she always a gun girl, or did it take some time?

    I'm still working on mine so I really can't offer any advice.....

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array JimmyC4's Avatar
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    Garg, when we met in 1994, she had not been around guns at all, and knew that I had interest in shooting. She came along a few times, we shot .22 rifle and a .38 revolver a bit several times. I was fortunate, since those few range trips were driven by her curiousity as not just my invitation. Then, as a gift, I bought her a nice new Ruger 10/22, scoped, sling and case setup...she loved it. Actually, we rarely shoot it, but she felt good about being a "gun owner."

    Then, I started to shoot IDPA. She shot the Classifier, but competitive shooting was a bit too tense for her, even though it was a very mellow setting.

    We started keeping the S&W Model 10 loaded as a house gun, and she was comfortable shooting it...she still loves that gun, but it's a bit heavy for carry.

    By the time concealed carry reform passed here in MN in 2003, and I bought a carry gun and was trained, she had already taken to the idea of a gun for self-defense at all times, not just in the home. This came about after multiple chats about crimes and preparedness. We both concluded that were we targeted, it was very unlikely that the police would be there or respond in time to save us. Often we joked that if unarmed, the 911 call from a cell phone was to let the cops know where to find the body! Together we moved to the mindset we hold--we are responsible for protecting ourselves, and do not delegate that to the police!

    She felt more secure when I carried and we were together. But, in her workplace she felt insecure in the office location she had, and we discussed getting her permit for carry. Since I was qualified, I did the training, and she got her permit.

    She prefers the simplicity of operation and reliability of revolvers, so chose a S&W 642 with Crimson Trace for carry. She also carries (at the ready when in a parking lot, I add) some OC spray.

    A long history, but I wanted to illustrate that a light bulb didn't just pop on one day; it was over a few years that she came to the mindset that she holds today.

    To summarize, I'd say develop a strategy to influence, work it, and be patient.
    Last edited by JimmyC4; September 11th, 2006 at 02:07 PM.

  14. #13
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    My wife - who while not a gun enthusiast - now has her CCW and her own (was mine!) Bersa. When we first knew each other she was somewhat phased when I started carrying - perhaps due to the fact that her Grandpap was killed following an accident when her bro was younger and screwed up royally handling a rifle.

    She did tho have a dad who always answered the door gun in hand! So in a sense had had exposure over many years.

    She has come to realize that safety is never guaranteed and most of the time is content that I am the one carrying - tho with some nudges I do try and get her into a more consistent habit for her own carry.

    I am inclined in this case cited - to present a slightly facetious demonstration.

    ''Honey - I shall stand here for five minutes or more, and want you to watch my holstered loaded gun carefully. Should it jump out at all and start going bang - then you might have reason to be concerned''.

    "Otherwise - if you trust me - then trust my gun''.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    VIP Member Array raevan's Avatar
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    just don,t tell her you are carrying, carry concealed while out, transfer gun to coat pocket while inside. If she never sees the gun she won't think about it. In the mean time when you go to the range tell her where you are going, ask if she would like to come along, maybe drop you off and go shopping and pick you up later. If she does this you will be surprised how soon she comes inside to watch then want to try shooting.

  16. #15
    Senior Member Array tegemu's Avatar
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    I am very pleased to see that Kathy (PAX) is now on this forum. I have been an avid fan of hers for a long time now and whenever I see any threads re. Women/Guns, I recommend her and her website. I just recommended her to the guy, Tim Schmidt, who publishes Concealed Carry Magazine in answer to his request in the mag for contributers. She will be a treat to all of us here.
    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence in their behalf. - George Orwell

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