Another beginner question - Family support of carrying

Another beginner question - Family support of carrying

This is a discussion on Another beginner question - Family support of carrying within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; First off I want to thank everyone here for the fantastic amount and quality of information that is here, not to mention how helpful and ...

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Thread: Another beginner question - Family support of carrying

  1. #1
    Member Array bootslxa's Avatar
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    Another beginner question - Family support of carrying

    First off I want to thank everyone here for the fantastic amount and quality of information that is here, not to mention how helpful and supportive everyone is.
    Secondly I know that especially for beginners it is important in forums to search for your question before you ask for it. This has been done, which led me to this post.

    Bio: I am 25, single but in a relationship no kids.
    I have twin sisters that are much older than me that are married with children living separately then there's my parents and my twin brother whom I work with. I did not grow up around guns and my family never talked about them. I don't think it was ever an issue of fear or lack of knowledge on my parents part. It just didn't come up. I got into guns through my friends in college.

    Back to the present, now I carry a gun. I informed my mom, who made a very mom reaction to it. Worried about my safety and whatnot. Dad didn't say anything at all, I don't think he really cares one way or the other.
    My brother disagrees with it completely, doesn't see a need and since I work with him he's told me it makes him nervous that I carry at work. He's worried that someone at work will have a problem about it and fire me, then come to him and ask if he knew and why didn't he say anything (all hypothetical).

    Through him one of my sisters found out, that made her worried about me having it around the little ones since I like to roughhouse with the kids when they visit. Now this finally leads me to my question...

    Also if TLDR; Does anybody else have family members that disagree with their decision to carry at all or around other family members. If so, what then? What happens if all your loved ones dont support you?

    Certainly it's my decision and I can make up my own mind but obviously it would put me in a pickle if my entire family disagrees with something that I do every day.


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array pittypat21's Avatar
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    I'm married with a couple kids, and my wife is more than supportive.

    My mom however, was a little more leery on the idea of me carrying when she first found out. I simply explained to her about the crime in the area, my experience with safe weapons handling through the Marine Corps, and how I feel about my role as protector of my family. Eventually, my mom became ok with the idea.

    I think something you can do to calm your brother's nerves about you carrying is to educate him on firearms and proper handling. Take him shooting, whatever you can think of to get him more used to it.

    As far as your sister's concern about rough-housing with the little ones, make sure that you either have a holster with great retention, or just remove the gun while you're playing with them. I've got two little ones, 2 and 1 years old, and I open carry at my home all the time - whether I'm playing with them or not. Of course, being that they're my kids, they already know better than to touch daddy's gun.
    "Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet."
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    Distinguished Member Array kapnketel's Avatar
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    Not to be flippant, but I made the decision to carry and while I try to be sensitive to their opinions (I carry concealed, not open in some family members presence) I really do not care whether they approve or not. I just stay off the topic.
    ericb327, pir8fan, mano3 and 5 others like this.
    I'd rather be lucky than good any day

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    Senior Member Array 031131's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I would even tell family members that I were cc. Though two know as I used them for a reference. But I don't see the point in saying that I am doing so. But they know my background and that I am a responsible person and would likely not really have an opinion on it. Except for my mom because she is my mom.

    Is there a reason you told him other then reference reasons?

  5. #5
    Member Array Poseidon's Avatar
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    my mom was freaking out as every mom would. my dad who has extensive military carrier (Arkan Tigers Battle of Vukovar) said if it's legal you can carry.
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  6. #6
    VIP Member Array Civil_Response's Avatar
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    I have one person on my wife's side of the family who will see me, and smile. When I smile back she knows I'm carrying and comes over and gives me a hug and goes about her business. It's kind of weird, but nothing else needs to be said... she approves, and keeps quiet about it.

    I don't know of anyone in my family that 'objects', though some don't understand it. I have some acquaintances that are anti gun but don't hate me for it, so to speak. We still get along otherwise, but know not to talk about it, we'll never meet half way. :)

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array GeorgiaDawg's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear about your situation but it's very common.

    Fortunately for me, most of my family is fine with me carrying. I only have one person that has made a stink. My sister-in-law found out that I was carrying at her house a few months ago (a friend of mine has a loud mouth and made a comment about how I always carry, though I was being pretty discreet about it at the time: just another reason to be careful about who you allow to know about you carrying) and she called my wife and expressed her "concern" about having a gun in her house, around her children. To her credit, she didn't flip out. She just (nicely) told my wife that she didn't want me to carry at her house any more.

    I've made the decision to not carry at her house any more. We only go over there a few times a year, so I plan on locking my gun in a safe in my car outside of her house when we visit. We go to the same church, and I have no problem carrying around her, but her house, her rules, so I'm not going to carry there. Family is important to me and I don't want to ruin relationships over something like this, so I choose to use alternate defense methods when over there. I don't want my SIL's irrational fears about firearms to be the cause of an otherwise amicable relationship. I'd rather put her at ease and work on education here and there.

    Only you can decide what you do in your situation. Concealed means concealed, so you can try to just avoid letting others know when you're carrying and (hopefully) avoid the subject altogether, or you can just not carry around the family members with the issues with it. I guess a third option is just giving them the proverbial middle finger and carrying anyway, but I wouldn't recommend that if you value your relationship with your family. Good luck.
    Ogre likes this.
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    Member Array bootslxa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pittypat21 View Post
    I think something you can do to calm your brother's nerves about you carrying is to educate him on firearms and proper handling. Take him shooting, whatever you can think of to get him more used to it.
    Tried to suggest this, he doesn't want anything to do with going to learn how to shoot. What I gathered (and I don't mean this in any rude way at all) is that he wants to remain ignorant. My brother gets very defensive and I get the feeling that he would get rather offended if I kept pressing the subject more than I already have.

    Quote Originally Posted by kapnketel View Post
    Not to be flippant, but I made the decision to carry and while I try to be sensitive to their opinions (I carry concealed, not open in some family members presence) I really do not care whether they approve or not. I just stay off the topic.
    No flippantry detected! I understand and if it came down to it I would still carry as much as I could without downright offending my family members in their presence. I appreciate the reply!

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    My carry status is not a topic for family discussions.
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
    William T. Sherman

  10. #10
    Member Array bootslxa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 031131 View Post
    Is there a reason you told him other then reference reasons?
    Well he's my twin brother, if there's anybody I would tell I should think it'd be him. Honestly I didn't think he'd have a problem with it. My girlfriend knows too, she's been my biggest supporter so far, although I'm still working on getting her to carry too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bootslxa View Post
    Well he's my twin brother, if there's anybody I would tell I should think it'd be him. Honestly I didn't think he'd have a problem with it. My girlfriend knows too, she's been my biggest supporter so far, although I'm still working on getting her to carry too.
    Except for the one you wake up looking at, why tell anybody?
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
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  12. #12
    Senior Member Array 031131's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bootslxa View Post
    Well he's my twin brother, if there's anybody I would tell I should think it'd be him. Honestly I didn't think he'd have a problem with it. My girlfriend knows too, she's been my biggest supporter so far, although I'm still working on getting her to carry too.
    I see, well they will likely come around. Also don't try to hard, it is something she should want, not something she needs to be talked into.

  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array Hoganbeg's Avatar
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    I don't have many kids in my life anymore. My family grew up around guns and my niece and nephews are now college age and talking about getting their own training. They've already had some good martial arts training, and have personally seen the need for it.

    You have to decide which is more important for you and then make your own decision. That's part of being an adult. That's not to say that you can't make concessions, but only you can decide what and how much. The only valid concern I see here is how to keep your sister's kids safe. With a good plan, good holster, and honest and open communication they should be able to make their own assessment of how safe you are. They are going to assess you anyway-that's part of Their job as parents, so it's up to you to set an example. You are leading the way into the, for them, unknown.

    You have an opportunity to help shape their views on firearms ownership. Perhaps a range day with your mom & sisters without the kids, after some basic familiarization with an empty gun. If they resist the notion, table the idea with an open invitation. Not pushing them will help to show them that you are responsible and respectful of them too.

    In the meantime, perhaps you all can agree on a safe storage when you're visiting. Their are others here with more experience than I have in this. I'm sure they'll chime in soon.
    bootslxa likes this.

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    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Sometimes it takes a "slow" education, for folks to realize truly how bad society can be. Perhaps pointing out an article on the news about violence to someone, perhaps leaving the newspaper turned to an article on violence in the community, or maybe an article on how a concealed carrier protected themselves or a loved one. Maybe the thought of a "family" outing (Brother, Mom, Dad, Sisters, etc) to the range. Let them know that you would like them to watch you shoot, and perhaps, if they wanted to, participate as well, and end the session with a picnic for ALL. Sometimes "one on one" talks with Mom, Dad, Sisters, will help break the ice and help them understand YOUR choice to carry and WHY you chose to carry. Let them ask questions. Be as honest as you can be. Explain gun safety, how you practice it daily, and how MOST responsible shooters do so as well. It can be frustrating, but the bottom line is it will take time...JMO
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

  15. #15
    Member Array nazshooter's Avatar
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    Bootslxa: Is there any merit to their concerns? Does your employer have a policy on carrying at work? How good is the retention of your holster?

    Sent from my ADR6425LVW using Tapatalk 2

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