Hopeless situation? - Page 2

Hopeless situation?

This is a discussion on Hopeless situation? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Her fear is a long-term problem that will probably require a long-term solution (many years of counseling). Use any other methods you can for defense ...

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  1. #16
    Distinguished Member Array phreddy's Avatar
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    Her fear is a long-term problem that will probably require a long-term solution (many years of counseling). Use any other methods you can for defense until she is ready (if ever). martial arts, knives, oc spray.......


  2. #17
    Senior Member Array Andy W.'s Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies, I'll pass this on to him.
    America: Your government is not ignoring you, it's insulting you.

    The Bill of Rights: Void where prohibited by law.

  3. #18
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike1956 View Post
    This sounds like a case for Dear Abby.
    Except for the fact that many (most?) of us deal with this on some level, with the anti's in our lives. Spouse or not. "Abby" can't help with defensive mindset, I'm pretty sure.

    Of course, correcting misconceptions ain't easy, no matter the topic. But it can be particularly tough with deadly weaponry given that many are so utterly close-minded about the potential utility since all they know and understand is the fear factor, much reinforced by media hype and misrepresentation, and in some cases by personal history (as in the case of the prior assault against this person).
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  4. #19
    Senior Member Array Phillep Harding's Avatar
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    Good luck finding a therapist who does not have an irrational fear of fire arms.

  5. #20
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    I can understand her fear of handguns. I had the same fear when I was young. Having someone shooting at you and taking hits can take some time to get your head around.

    I was shot in the stomach at age 11. For a long time I would go into sweets when I saw a handgun. Even armored car drivers scared the crap out of me. When I was about 14 my Dad started taking me to the range. I spent a year watching him shoot before I was even remotely comfortable around a gun. My Dad let me go at my own pace and comfort level and I did get over the fear. My Dad explained the gun was not the problem it was the person on the other end.

    A few years older now and have been carrying a handgun for over 30 years. I got over the fear. I feel much better about guns today. Knowing, should someone point a gun at me today, I can equalize the situation, leaves me with a very good feeling.

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    Except for the fact that many (most?) of us deal with this on some level, with the anti's in our lives. Spouse or not. "Abby" can't help with defensive mindset, I'm pretty sure.

    Of course, correcting misconceptions ain't easy, no matter the topic. But it can be particularly tough with deadly weaponry given that many are so utterly close-minded about the potential utility since all they know and understand is the fear factor, much reinforced by media hype and misrepresentation, and in some cases by personal history (as in the case of the prior assault against this person).
    sarcasm off Catching three rounds can hardly be construed as a misconception. The woman is traumatized, probably irreparably, and her husband knew it going in. If anybody needs their misconceptions corrected, it is him, not her.
    Hopyard likes this.
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
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  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike1956 View Post
    This sounds like a case for Dear Abby.
    Oh, I can just guess what Abby's response will be.
    Retired USAF E-8. Lighten up and enjoy life because:
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... "For What It's Worth" Buffalo Springfield

  8. #23
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike1956 View Post
    If anybody needs their misconceptions corrected, it is him, not her.
    How so, specifically?

    Both have relationship elements to reconsider, possibly. Both have aspects of the earlier traumatizing to be better understood, surely. But regarding the utility of defensive weaponry (which is the only element I was addressing), it seems clear where the great misconceptions lay.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    How so, specifically?

    Both have relationship elements to reconsider, possibly. Both have aspects of the earlier traumatizing to be better understood, surely. But regarding the utility of defensive weaponry (which is the only element I was addressing), it seems clear where the great misconceptions lay.
    He made a deal as a condition of marriage. Now, he wants to change it. No misconceptions, just a change of heart.
    Hopyard and MrsHB like this.
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
    William T. Sherman

  10. #25
    VIP Member Array Richard58's Avatar
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    Abby is laying somewhere watching roots grow in front of her face.
    The police are not there to protect you from crime, they are there to arrest the guy after the crime has been committed, assuming they find him. It is your responsibility to protect yourself and your family.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard58 View Post
    Abby is laying somewhere watching roots grow in front of her face.
    Jeanne Phillips is alive and well, and cranking out columns.
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
    William T. Sherman

  12. #27
    Ex Member Array detective's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy W. View Post
    I saw the post below on another forum and I honestly don't know what (if any) advice to offer this guy.



    Any thoughts?
    IF IT WERE ME, (it's not), I'd honor her feelings and have a long gun for home defense and invest in some very good non-lethal weapons to have on me. She is not abnormal, especially given her past - (and some people without such a past have a real fear of handguns). A relative small number in the country CCW - it's a choice, most do fine without it.

    But I think this is more an issue of marriage than a gun issue, at least the part that is the need to to bring someone else into one's decision-making, which goes along with marriage - for many things besides guns. There is no formula. Most anyone could say is what they'd do - not what he "should" do. It's not our marriage, especially not with the traumatic past of one partner.

    Anyway, the older I get the less I know what other people "should" do...
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    There is a perhaps a practical solution: your friend could see how his wife reacted to one of those semi-auto rifle-pistols (I'm forgetting the right term) like one of those Carbon 15 Pistols:



    They look very much like a long gun but technically are pistols (if legal in your area). I admit CCWing this would take some ingenuity; one person I know occasionally Carries it under a trench coat (gun has a sling you can get). Sort of outlandish idea, but thought I'd mention it. (By the way, this is just an example, there are a variety of similar)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    PS: (Going the wife's way on this may actually result in the long run with her trust and appreciation of your friend's generosity - which might cause some of her fear from the past being replaced by present faith in his judgement - and seeing how she would feel if he did have a handgun, meaning she'd be willing to try. Sometimes by not pushing for the result we want, we end up getting it at the end of the day anyway. Life is strange...)

  13. #28
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    Ironically, what she needs to understand is that the best way to protect yourself from what happened to her is with a gun.

    Her foolishness of running over to help her friend in a domestic situation not withstanding, would she prefer to go through the ordeal of being shot again? Or would it be better to possibly turn the tables and have the tool it takes to defend herself?
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  14. #29
    Distinguished Member Array Hoganbeg's Avatar
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    I would endorse a long gun for home defense in the near term. Having covered that need, I recommend pepper spray for everyday carry. Then, I would get both yourself and wife enrolled in a good defensive martial art program, one of the true combat arts. This over a period of time will do wonders for her confidence in handling aggression. It will also lead her in a natural way to see the gaps in her defensive ability that a handgun could fill. As a by-product of the training you and she will likely grow closer as a result of shared purpose.

    Best wishes for both of you!

  15. #30
    Senior Member Array Andy W.'s Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies.
    America: Your government is not ignoring you, it's insulting you.

    The Bill of Rights: Void where prohibited by law.

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