Ccw vs wife

This is a discussion on Ccw vs wife within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Find all of the thing in the house that are hers and could be dangerous. Kitchen knives, needles, chemicals, makeup stuff ect, anything that could ...

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Thread: Ccw vs wife

  1. #31
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    Find all of the thing in the house that are hers and could be dangerous. Kitchen knives, needles, chemicals, makeup stuff ect, anything that could hurt someone, and lock them up in a safe.

    When she need to use those things, she can go to the safe and get them to use, then immediately put them back in the safe.

    I am half way kidding, but if you told her you were going to do that, I bet she would say that is just stupid, then you can tell her that her reaction to you carrying is just as stupid. I would have zero tolerance for that type of threat from anyone I know.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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  3. #32
    Member Array hwarang54's Avatar
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    I have the SAME problem as the OP, except without threat of divorce and no child. Liberal wife raised in a liberal family by liberal parents in the ONLY LIBERAL COUNTY IN FLORIDA (Alachua, or the county Gainesville/University of Florida is in)

    This is how I went about convincing the wife that I, and she (though she doesn't) should.

    She is very mathmatically inclined, so I used statistics. I showed her statistic of per captia "forcible felonies" (IE: Rape, murder, manslaughter, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, etc). She says "Look! Only (numbers are not accurate as I cannot remember them) 700 per 100,000 people are raped/murdered/whatever every year! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING TO ME!! (Ends with key statement)"

    The chances of that happening to you are 700 in 100,000. Now, that doesn't sound very high, but I have never been one to play the odds, I'm not that lucky.

    The next day, I asked her to remember the stats from the previous day. As we walked around town and did our errands, you can be sure we walked by well OVER 700 people. We live in a small town (140,000 if I remember correctly). That means that at least 7 of those people are STATISTICALLY shown to be vulnerable to violent crime. She wants to move to a big city (this is where my asking her to train, practice, carry came into play). If you UP the total population of the city, you know that population density (amount of people in a given area) INCREASES. This means you are statistically MORE likely to be victimized. Walk by over 1000 or 10,000 people a day. The stats start getting real, and numbers (unless they are mine, like ^^^ those ones) don't lie, you just have to know how to read them.

    Make it real (obviously not REALLY real). If you don't, she will live in the fantasy land of "it can never happen to me." It can and it does. Maybe not to you, or her, this time. I SINCERELY hope it never does.

    In this way, I have gained acceptance of me purchasing, owning, carrying, and practicing. She says she will not. If, or when, the need arises, I want to be able to meet force with force and not be a victim. I hope this need NEVER arises and my SD firearms are regularly relegated to target shooters.

  4. #33
    VIP Member Array Stevew's Avatar
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    Read the news to her.
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    Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato

  5. #34
    New Member Array TonyP3rd's Avatar
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    There is hope. My 23rd wedding anniversary is this month and my wife is just starting to accept the need for firearms. She has always been afraid. I've owned several guns during our marriage but none for the last 6 years. She would almost have panic attack whenever they were in sight. So, they were locked away most of the time. Recently, I purchased a couple of pistols and told her that I was going to get a permit to carry concealed. Now, I don't think this would have worked earlier in our marriage but I was able to talk her into taking the class with me. How? I explained that by coming to class she would be in a better position to tell me when I am BSing or wrong about gun safety or when and where it is legal to carry. After the classes and some trips to the firing range, she is getting a little more comfortable around the guns. We are both waiting for our permits to arrive. Like some of the others in this thread have suggested, you have to explain your needs in a way that she will accept. I did it by offering my wife the opportunity to tell me when I am wrong (like that could ever happen).

    Oh, and about fear...
    Ask any father with a 14 year old daughter, fear is a powerful and illogical foe. Thankfully, my children have since grown up and moved out - safe and happy. But, I remember when she was 14; she went crazy and I got paranoid. I learned firsthand that fear can make you irrational. Why mention this? I learned to deal with my fears and be a more reasonable dad through family counseling. The way I see it, counseling might help her not to fear firearms or it might help you deal with the reality of your family's situation.

    BTW – THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF COUNSELING THAT WILL MAKE A 14 YO GIRL SANE AGAIN. You just have to wait it out. ;-)

  6. #35
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gasmitty View Post
    First off, welcome to the forum!

    You're in a sticky spot, but one that's sadly not rare. My ex grew up in a city, had no male influence in her life as a kid, and was fine with my long guns (they brought home tasty food) but handguns were murder weapons.

    My advice, above all, is to tread lightly. Don't draw lines in the sand - that hardens both positions and it's counter-productive. Providing information without a hard sell may be your best approach.

    To that end, one of our moderators - Limatunes - is a young mother with some unfortunate history, but she is adamant about being able to protect herself and her children. She has a channel on YouTube called "limalife". You might just start playing that in the background when your wife is around. Most of her content is not gender-specific, so if your wife picks up a little of it she won't feel like she's being talked down to. Lima also has a worthwhile blog here: Limatunes' Range Diary

    Another view from the feminine side is offered by Kathy Jackson, a noted firearms trainer and writer, here: Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat.

    Getting your wife acquainted with shooting first-hand is a good idea as well. Do you have any couples as friends who both shoot? Set up a date to shoot with them and keep it low-key... .22 rifles are a great start. Quiet, cheap, loads of fun chasing oranges and soda cans around.

    A parallel approach is to educate your wife about the dangers the exist, even in"safe" areas. The Petit affair in a sleepy Connecticut town a few years ago is an unsettling eye-opener. The Sarah McKinley story from just a year ago might also serve to awaken your wife's "mama bear" instincts. (Here: Sarah McKinley: Teen mom shoots dead intruder a week after baby's father died of cancer | Mail Online)

    Lastly, be open to the fact that your wife may never get over her irrational fear of guns. 'Don't ask, don't tell" worked for me for a long time, but I can't recommend it as a great policy.

    Do look over the resources provided here, and good luck with your situation. Be loving, be patient.
    ^^^ Here is the answer ^^^ The only thing that can possibly reach a mother on the visceral level with regards to defending her children is another mother who has been there.
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    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  7. #36
    VIP Member Array smolck's Avatar
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    My wife told me when I bought my first gun that she was 100% against it and was not happy. I just went about my business as normal. Soon, she began to talk about it with me. Then, she got her CCW. Now when I go out of town or leave she always asks "where is your gun in case I need it". Just go slow, she'll come around. And if she doesn't, I am of the opinion what she doesn't know what hurt her. Concealed means concealed, even from the wife.
    As Benjamin Franklin left the hall in Philadelphia, he was asked, “What kind of government have you given us, Dr. Franklin?” He replied: “A republic, if you can keep it.”

  8. #37
    Member Array CrystalPistol's Avatar
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    Maybe y'all should have talked more before marriage?

    Mybe with some range time she'll come to realize how safe guns actually are. I'm sure that woman with her two kids in Ga is happy she learned?

    My wife met me and I was already a Trooper so she knew guns were gonna be around, I won her over easy on that. We talked about other stuff as well, I made my decision, I asked her to marry me. After marriage a few years later we started going to a range at VMI every Wednesday night for social shooting with a small group which involved a fellow trooper and his wife whom she knew well and some other friends, couples some .... and then after the range we all went to a Makados resturant for light supper / refreshment / social like. She went from "noobie never handled" to getting all her NRA patches. She can shoot!
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  9. #38
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    Ccw vs wife

    I had to remind my wife that I had my guns before her. 😉
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  10. #39
    Ex Member Array gregnsc's Avatar
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    A friend of mine showed me a nice Sig,he was selling.He said they had a baby,and,his wife didn't want a gun in the house.I stopped by,a couple of months later,and it was on his dresser.He told me,he came home from work one day,and a man was in his backyard.The man ran,and nothing was missing.He said he told his wife,the gun stays.He didn't go into details,and i didn't ask.That said,you gotta do,what you gotta do.
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  11. #40
    Senior Member Array Chief1297's Avatar
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    I not have any advise to give as I am sure you knew about her fear before you got married but I never took kindly to getting a threat of divorce about anything. My spouse did not like guns either but she is used to it now even though she is still not a gun fanatic. One needs to be careful threatening a divorce as it leads to getting your wish once the other party gets tired of being manipulated and threatened.
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  12. #41
    Senior Member Array bandrich's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    Have her check out Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat. lots of good info there from a women’s perspective.
    Excellent site thanks much for the link.
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  13. #42
    Senior Member Array bandrich's Avatar
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    At first my wife of 30 years did not like guns. Her dad had and liked guns but she did not. I always had a hand gun or two and she did not say "get rid" of them or anything close. Now after news of all the shootings of inocent men and women she is now working on her CCL and working on a decision of what she will carry, wheel gun or semi. Times are a changin' Just sayin'.
    BA
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  14. #43
    Member Array 68blackbird's Avatar
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    Maybe lay low until after the baby comes, her hormones are all over the place right now. Ease into the subject after the baby comes, after talking to her, maybe show her this story and any others you can find to show a firearm can actually save her child, it happens.

    Georgia mother who shot intruder inspires opponents of gun control | Fox News
    The wise man looks for ways to minimize mistakes, a fool boasts it will never happened to him.

    "The problem is not the availability of guns, it is the availability of morons."
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  15. #44
    Senior Member Array zamboni's Avatar
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    This may not really help with your firearms issue with your lovely wife. But the advice my Dad gave me does somehow relate to where lines can be drawn in a marriage, and how....well....complicated simple differences can become a major problem.

    The day of my marriage, just as he and my Mom were about to escort me unto the alter. My Dad turned to me and told me: "Son...now that your about to enter into Holy Matrimony. Remember this! Get yourself a Mason Jar and put it in a safe place. And for the first year of your marriage. Every-time you have sex with your wife. Put a quarter in that Mason Jar. And then, after your First Year Anniversary. Every-time you have sex with your wife, take a quarter out of that Mason Jar. And even if you are married for 69-yrs. Your Mason Jar will never run out of quarters!"

    So remember....A Happy Wife is A Happy Life! or as I say: "A Happy Queen is a Quiet Happy Kingdom!"

    Good-Luck keeping your Queen Happy!

  16. #45
    Member Array CigarStix's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=nontechguy;2550602]It's a little late to be finding this out, isn't it?

    QUOTE]

    First baby, "New" marriage . . . you'll learn!

    There are certain things in this world that you MUST discuss with your wife PRIOR to making decisions about. OOPS! I mis-spoke. You MUST discuss EVERYTHING with your wife, and get her APPROVAL PRIOR to making anymore worthwhile decisions on your own. Your mind and testicles belong to YOUR WIFE now. The sooner you learn that, the happier SHE will be. A Happy Wife = A Happy Life!
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