Oh, man. Nothing but sympathy to you. Marriage is such a strange thing. And there's so much that we (or others) notice only in hindsight.
Personally, I would be way, waaaay more anxious about accidental poisoning, knives, falling down stairs or any of a million other things that can harm a child. Is she like this regarding these other kinds of concerns? But I agree with the comment about not trying to accomplish this through fear. That's probably not the right way to go.
I like the comments about getting her into shooting incrementally. You could even start with an airsoft pistol or something. I'm going check out these other sites mentioned by others 'cause my wife is sort of on board, but I'd like to see her even more comfortable with guns herself.
FWIW, with my kid (not quite 2) I carry her around, play with her, feed her, etc., all the time while I'm armed since I carry at home (yes, my wife knows). I carry my .45 in an IWB holster with a safety on ('cause I carry cocked and locked). Actually, you could even find a gun that you could carry DA first pull with a safety as well. That might help her feel better but if she doesn't know enough to appreciate how absolutely over-the-top cautious this would be it might not help after all.
You're in a pickle, my man. But whatever happens, you need to be there to protect your kid, armed or not. Just think, if you get divorced, who might she marry? And if she convinces some judge you're a 'gun nut' that might not work in your favor regarding custody.
Anyway, enjoy parenthood. It's the craziest, most rewarding, frustrating, humbling and hilarious thing you'll ever do. Well, of all the things I've done, it's my favorite thing anyway.
Best wishes and check in to let us know how it's going.
There are things you find out about a woman before you marry her and/or knock her up.
My exwife had the exact same sentiments. She grew up in big city suburbs in a similar family that taught her that the cops will solve all problems.
Shortly after we were married the shooting at Von Maur (one of her favorite stores) in Omaha happened. The fact that we were talking about going to the mall that morning didn't change her mind.
Multiple bad situations over our time together never budged her opinion at all because from childhood she must have been convinced that a gun just laying on the table could kill you.
I hope that through seeing the weight of the world will change her mind. Show her news articles about tragedy and help her weigh her thoughts on wanting to protect her family. Then show stories about CC situations saving lives. Like the mall shooting, or that old guy in the internet cafe.
Yeah she will say that it wasn't in your area, or that we don't go to those types of places but hopefully the time something happens in your home town will be the pivot point of her way of thinking.
Luckily my new girlfriend is very much a gun enthusiast. Her first pistol she ever shot was a Desert Eagle. She wanted to buy one but I convinced her that it would not be very good for concealed carry.
Understand there are some raging hormones going on right now with her as well as some anticipation of being a new mother. She is worried about ANYTHING that could, not would, hurt her child. Give her some time after the birth of your baby (congrats by the way) and she may come back to more rational thoughts that she had had before. You also need to explain to her that you are concerned for your child and want to protect him from all harm as well. There may come a time that a gun is need to be able to effectively handle the threat. This may help her with her protection mode as momma.......
Interesting replies...especially by the guys who think that the only thing that counts is their view/feelings/fears...bet life is pretty lonely for them. But, hey...you da MAN.
Hint: you gotta be willing to, at the very least, try to understand why she feels the way she does...then figure out the best ways to deal with it. Yeah, it takes a little work, but, (snicker, snicker) aren't you worth it? So, you can live inside your myopic little world of "my way or the highway baby...I'm the king of this friggin' castle" and talking to the dog for company...LMAO.
I've seen this thread sitting around here for almost a week now - only 1 post in 5 pages is from the OP. Hmmm....
The answer to the thread title is: both
It's a tough situation to be sure. I am very blessed to have a wife who not only understands my desire to protect my family, she encourages it. There was a shooting (apparent suicide) behind a Walmart a few days ago not far from where we live. My concern is what if he had decided to take out a few other people before killing himself? We have been in that Walmart many times. I forwarded a news article about the shooting and I said "This is why I carry." She whole-heartedly agreed.
Re: Ccw vs wife
My wife is the same way. She hates that I have guns and hates even more that I teach my 13 year old to shoot. She refuses to learn about them and become more familiar with them. Just like providing food and shelter for your family, it is the man's responsibility to secure his family regardless of how the wife may feel. JMO
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If a person is so willing to toss out the Divorce card, then they're not committed to begin with.
Do you know what the difference between "Involved" and "Committed" is? The Chicken is involved in breakfast...the Pig is committed.
When a person draws such a stark line in the sand, they better be prepared to live with the consequences. In my situation, my wife and I dated/engaged for 8.5 years prior to getting married. She started talking about a hyphenated last name deal. That was a major sticking point with me. I laid down the "If my last name isn't good enough for you, then I'm not either. If that's the deal, I'm out." And I was willing to let the cards fall where they may. That was 25 years ago and everything has been great. You have to give it the proper amount of time and effort to see if it is a line that can be moved. If not, you have to decide how big a deal it is to you and whether you're prepared to draw a line in the sand. She drew hers.
Just tell her, " It's a dangerous world, I did not make it that way, and all I can do is survive within it. I plan to protect myself and my family, so if you want to be married to a victim, go ahead and have at it... but that's not me..." Then carry your gun. If you do it the right way, which is discretely, she will forget all about it. If on the other hand, if you flash your gun, make a show of putting it on or taking it off, pull it out at home and dry fire while sitting in the family room watching TV, she will always be uncomfortable...
You gotta let these women know who wears the pants in the family. If she wants a guy in a dress , go find him somewhere else, your not gonna find him here. Tell her you will make the dcisions in your family and her job is to obey. Then, look for cover.:slap::aaa:
My advice: LIE!
Just carry and don't tell her.
Come on, do you realize how many guys cheat on their wives and get away with it and don't think anything of it? If a guy can hide a 150 pound girlfriend in the next town for 10 years, you can hide a little .32 or .380 in your gear until she grows out of this.
Now that's funny. Not what I would do, but still funny.
Originally Posted by BelaOkmyx
There comes a time when you have to decide if this is the hill you're willing to die on. Only you will know when that time comes.