Ccw vs wife
I am reaching out to the ccw community for some helpful advice on my situation. I just recently bought a glock 23 i plan on carrying because my wife and I are about to have our first child and naturally I want to be able to provide as much protection for my family as possible. I have grown up around firearms since I was little and spent 4 years in the navy where I did a deployment with the marines. So I am not new to guns, but this is the first I will be carrying concealed in the civilian world. However, the problem arises with the fact that my wife has an incredibly uneducated, inexperienced fear of guns. She says she absolutely hates them, however she has never even held or fired a gun in her life. Her closest experience near a gun is what a police officer has on his hip. She was just raised in a city with a strong liberal family. She will tolerate me having a gun in the house (still very upset though) but only as long as it is locked securely away in a secrete spot no one can get to. She absolutely refuses me to carry it even though I am legally allowed to. She even threatens divorce if I try to go near our new baby with it on me. I try to get her to explain her feelings to me about it but all I get from her is irrational hypothetical situations about the baby grabbing it off me or some kid grabbing it and shooting someone. I am not one that doesn't believe accidents can't happen, but obviously I know how to take every precaution possible. I feel that the benefits way out weigh the bad by a large margin because of this. I have even shown her many, many instances about concealed carriers saving lives. We just recently had a dad with a small child who wouldn't be with us anymore if it weren't for the father having a concealed weapon. Using this situation as a reference and asking her her solution to it without a concealed weapon all I got we're more irrational situations about call the cops or run into the house, all of which are not viable at gunpoint. I feel that her unjustified fears of firearms are leaving my family at an unneeded risk and I don't know what to do. I feel like either way I could lose my family. I carry and she leaves, or I don't carry and wish I had... I have tried any way I could think of ease her feelings a bit but she is standing firm and I have no idea what to do next. I feel like my own wife is revoking the rights I am entitled to as a citizen of this country I have served and would again if asked to. Has anone else had a similar situation or have any suggestions to help me out?
It's a little late to be finding this out, isn't it? :redface:
I don't think there is really anything we can tell you.
How close to me are you? A quick demo of my set-up would dispel fears of baby, kid and grown-up grabs.
Sounds a lot like my ex-wife. She is not an ex- due to CCW...way WAY before that. But, that was the standard threat.
Good luck, dude! :aargh4:
Have her check out Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat. lots of good info there from a women’s perspective.
Being a responsible gun owner is a major part of it. Do not use the "here is how scary the world is so its better this way" tactic. Fear, in my experience does not help the situation. My wife was the same way and having shown her that her fears were unwarranted has helped. I am not saying to do anything without her knowledge or against her wishes, but try educating her. Nothing happened with a gun in the house thus far. Do you have a saw? Those can be dangerous for kids too. A gun is a tool, for defense or recreation. Try and take her shooting. Let her know that even if she doesn't like it, you would like her to be able to use it in case you are not around to be the #1 line of defense.
I started my wife off shooting and showing her that I was a responsible gun owner. We have a 1 and 3 yr old and guns are always on me and or locked up, no in between. Safety is a big thing, and a gun can help promote that. Good luck.
I'm just a dumb Yankee who was smart enough to marry a southern gal. Guns are just no big thing to her.
At least you got it into the house.
That's a step and might indicate not all is lost.
I can only recommend patience.
Time may eventually normalize her feelings.
Not worth a marriage.
I'm a former Marine, and I have been blessed with a wife that is also a Marine. Our date nights often involve trips to the range.
Wish I had some advice to offer, but I can't help you at all. Never had to deal with that.
Do you know if any of her friends are firearms friendly??? Try to go to the range as couples or even pay for the girls to go to the range for an hour of instruction by another female. I think if she was shown how revolvers and pistols work and shot a .22 she might feel a bit empowered. Of course that is logic and you are dealing with emotion.
There are many arguments to be armed both in and out of your home. In the end you may have to be firm in the fact that she needs to at a minimum allow herself to be exposed to learn about and fire a gun before she forbids you from defending the family with firearms.
Don't know if this will help, but I bought my wife a c02 pellet pistol and taught her how to shoot it. She got to be a good shot with that little gun. That helped reduce her fear factor of guns. She's never fired one of my carry guns, but the other day she told me she felt safer because I carry. Take it slow and good luck.
First off, welcome to the forum!
You're in a sticky spot, but one that's sadly not rare. My ex grew up in a city, had no male influence in her life as a kid, and was fine with my long guns (they brought home tasty food) but handguns were murder weapons.
My advice, above all, is to tread lightly. Don't draw lines in the sand - that hardens both positions and it's counter-productive. Providing information without a hard sell may be your best approach.
To that end, one of our moderators - Limatunes - is a young mother with some unfortunate history, but she is adamant about being able to protect herself and her children. She has a channel on YouTube called "limalife". You might just start playing that in the background when your wife is around. Most of her content is not gender-specific, so if your wife picks up a little of it she won't feel like she's being talked down to. Lima also has a worthwhile blog here: Limatunes' Range Diary
Another view from the feminine side is offered by Kathy Jackson, a noted firearms trainer and writer, here: Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat.
Getting your wife acquainted with shooting first-hand is a good idea as well. Do you have any couples as friends who both shoot? Set up a date to shoot with them and keep it low-key... .22 rifles are a great start. Quiet, cheap, loads of fun chasing oranges and soda cans around.
A parallel approach is to educate your wife about the dangers the exist, even in"safe" areas. The Petit affair in a sleepy Connecticut town a few years ago is an unsettling eye-opener. The Sarah McKinley story from just a year ago might also serve to awaken your wife's "mama bear" instincts. (Here: Sarah McKinley: Teen mom shoots dead intruder a week after baby's father died of cancer | Mail Online)
Lastly, be open to the fact that your wife may never get over her irrational fear of guns. 'Don't ask, don't tell" worked for me for a long time, but I can't recommend it as a great policy.
Do look over the resources provided here, and good luck with your situation. Be loving, be patient.
Wow, I am sorry you are in this situation. My wife never wanted guns in the house when we lived in NY. After we moved to Arizona, had a little scare with the alarm and she said maybe you should get a gun. I took her shooting and we picked out one that we both liked. I now have a few and she is not as into guns as I am but she does like to go shooting.
One option and I take no responsibility for this if it doesn't work, but get a small gun like the Ruger LCP that can fit in your pocket and don't tell her.
@ Mike1956 We live in Chillicothe but I go to Columbus everyday. There were a couple ranges I was looking at checking out that are close your way.
Thanks to everyone else for the fast replies, words of support and helpful info. Definitely what I was looking for!
I hate to sound sexist - but right now she has the "mamma-bear" instincts going full tilt (you said she pregnant, or just had a child, right?) Nothing you can say will change her mind. Comfort her, agree with her for now, and let it go.
If she's THAT much against it, I'd start out with squirt guns this summer. Honestly. Just get her used to the idea of laughing and having a good time while holding something that has the stigma of "looking" like a gun.
Let her get used to it, and then build up slowly from there. I wouldn't introduce a handgun until after you have her firing rifles, unless she changes her mind for some reason. I have a MIL that's the same way. She's threatened to not even come to the house if we had guns.
Maybe that's why I bought so many? Hmm. Anyway, it just takes time and education, and if you support your wife first, she'll start trusting you on it sooner or later.
Why and hell didn't you know this before you got married.If your wife is already using the d word sounds like your marriage
has some issues.Why wouldn't you have this settled before you got married. Now she is with child and you can kiss 22% of your gross pay for 18 years if she ever leaves you! I hope for your sake it's just hormones going crazy making her irationable