How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

This is a discussion on How to get the wife to get on board with CCW? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; So I have made mention to my wife a few times I'm going to take my class and start carring. She wasn't happy about it ...

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Thread: How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

  1. #1
    Member Array Brantlyj's Avatar
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    Unhappy How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

    So I have made mention to my wife a few times I'm going to take my class and start carring. She wasn't happy about it but it went no farther.
    Last week I signed up for my class, I had made mention of it and she had a mini fit and stated she didn't want me to carry around her. And again last night we were discussing our plans for the week and I reminded her of my class Tuesday night. Well she went balistic. Even to the point of calling me crazy because I have discussed some mild prepping. Which I totally don't understand cause her uncle lives on the East coast and got caught up in the hurricane last summer and we discussed have about a months worth of supplies for situations like that and she was totally on board with that.

    Anyways she is totally freaking out. I mentioned that her childhood friend has carried ever since he was legal to do so, so why isn't she worried about being around him. Her answer is that he is a cop.

    I don't really get her fear. The entire time we have been together there has been a fully loaded shotgun under the bed. I have never once shown myself to be unsafe. In fact I practice safe handiling almost to a fault. She has never had a gun related incident in her life. And in fact she had someone break into her town home when we were dating. Luckily I was spending the night and was able to difuse the situation. Was a military guy on leave. She had participates in a penpal program and had sent him letters and cookies and stuff when he was in Iraq. Thought he was going to get a special cookie I guess. Anyways you would think she would be all about my protecting our family and even taking her own measures.

    Some guidance or help on how to proceed would be appreciated. :)


  2. #2
    Member Array Spovik's Avatar
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    You need to figure out what and why she is so riled up and why there is no option for compromise on the issue.

    Is it a safety issue? You need to demonstrate you are safe and capable of sound judgement. Are you historicly hot-headed? You need to check that. (Meant as examples only)

    There's a reason, no matter how little sense it makes to us, that she needs to articulate, and you need to receptively listen and find some middle ground. If you don't come to terms with it now, it'll forever be a pain point, and you'll never have a chance to interest her in the sport.

    There is hope, my wife was adamantly against and she now has two of her own, just need to give her time.

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    Member Array 84160's Avatar
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    Having nothing other than your note, has she ever gone shooting with you ... is the fear guns or something that happened in her past...

    I agree, that you need to figure this out now or it will be a pain point forever
    "The Constitution of most of our states (and of the United States) assert that all power is inherent in the people; that they may exercise it by themselves; that it is their right and duty to be at all times armed."
    - Thomas Jefferson
    Gerry
    Ft Collins

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    Member Array Brantlyj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spovik View Post
    You need to figure out what and why she is so riled up and why there is no option for compromise on the issue.

    Is it a safety issue? You need to demonstrate you are safe and capable of sound judgement. Are you historicly hot-headed? You need to check that. (Meant as examples only)

    There's a reason, no matter how little sense it makes to us, that she needs to articulate, and you need to receptively listen and find some middle ground. If you don't come to terms with it now, it'll forever be a pain point, and you'll never have a chance to interest her in the sport.

    There is hope, my wife was adamantly against and she now has two of her own, just need to give her time.
    She is currently 7 months pregnant. So I guess that helps explain her being irrational a bit. Haha

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    Member Array novaX522's Avatar
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    My wife tolerates my CCW, but isn't overjoyed about it. She says that guns make her nervous. She has never shot anything other than a bb gun when she was young. My plan is to take her shooting, with a 22 at first. I want to teach her the basics, and then let her shoot some reactionary targets (steel plates, etc.). I think that will be fun for her and will make her more comfortable with guns. If she gets more comfortable and has some fun shooting, then she will know why I enjoy it. That's my plan anyway.

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    Member Array Brantlyj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 84160 View Post
    Having nothing other than your note, has she ever gone shooting with you ... is the fear guns or something that happened in her past...

    I agree, that you need to figure this out now or it will be a pain point forever
    Unfortunately I have not gotten her out shooting yet.

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    Since she allows a loaded shotgun under the bed it seems clear she is OK with guns and OK with you and
    OK with shooting BGs who get into the home.

    My hunch is that what she fears is a male-ego hormone-fueled episode outside the home that could lead
    you to the big house. Now, she doesn't need any rational reason for that fear. It is just there. In her
    mind it is one thing to fight a home invader and something else to defend yourself on the street, and she
    probably thinks the need for that is close to zero.

    She may also be fearing an unfortunate interaction with an LEO. They happen. So from her perspective
    she feels what you have in mind isn't really very safe.

    Given the pregnancy, I'd give it a rest for now and not even raise the issue again for about a year.
    Unless you have good reason to think you need to be armed outside of the home, you'll probably
    be OK and she'll remain happy; and both of you will be better off for it.

    Meanwhile you should read: "Little Black Book of Violence, what every young man needs to know about
    fighting" (Its different from what the title implies), and both of you should read "Gift of Fear."

    You can't win this at this point in time. Take care of your marriage and take care of your newborn when that
    time comes. Don't sweat the small stuff, and with exceptions the choice of carrying or not is the small stuff.
    sanfordreed likes this.
    If the Union is once severed, the line of separation will grow wider and wider, and the controversies which are now debated and settled in the halls of legislation will then be tried in fields of battle and determined by the sword.
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    You probably won't. At best, she might accept "out of sight, out of mind."
    Brad426 and pittypat21 like this.
    Retired USAF E-8. Lighten up and enjoy life because:
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth

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    Member Array Dsbjax's Avatar
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    How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

    I guess I'm lucky. When I told my wife I was thinking of getting my CCW she started bugging my to take the class. I've since brought her out shooting which resulted in her wanting her own gun. Now she has her class booked for next month.

    My advice for you, don't force it on her and be discrete when carrying around her. A while after the baby bring her out and teach her to shoot.

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    My wife was like yours, just not as out spoken. We had an incident last year while visiting some family gravesites when we were approached by wild dogs. I drew my weapon and she and I made a very slow retreat to the car. It was the longest walk of my life. Fortunately, I didn't have to shoot. A few days later she looked at me and said she was glad I was cc and that it made her feel safer. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

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    Member Array Hunter310's Avatar
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    My wife is understanding of me getting my CCW. The only stipulation was not around the house, or while I am around her and the kids.
    I took the class, and am now waiting for the card to come in. She shoots with me, and enjoys going to the range, so I am thinking I can get her to warm up to the carry all the time thing.

    One way I thought of trying it is to wear it around the house and see how long it takes for her to see it. :-)

    On a side note, she has mentioned some of her co-workers getting their CCW, so who knows, maybe she will warm up to it for herself.

    Good luck though....As I learned from my father...."If Mom isn't happy...nobody's happy!!"
    GSDSchutzhund likes this.

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    Senior Member Array Alex_C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hunter310 View Post
    My wife is understanding of me getting my CCW. The only stipulation was not around the house, or while I am around her and the kids
    That's where I'd want to be carrying more than any other time...
    Superhouse 15 and NH_Esau like this.

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    Member Array Hunter310's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex_C View Post
    That's where I'd want to be carrying more than any other time...
    My thoughts exactly. It will be one of my points for when I have to have the conversation with her.
    For her, she agrees with me carrying in my car and when I am at work (I work in a VERY public building, where the entire range of humanity visit), but I don't know if she thinks we are safe at home. I make sure to bring up examples of home invasions when they occur to illustrate my point.

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    Re: How to get the wife to get on board with CCW?

    I have had my HCP for over a decade. my wife never had an inclination to take personal responsibility for her own protection until watching the evening news for several weeks - home invasions, robberies and shootings.

    one day she asked if I minded if she got a HCP ... I was ecstatic ... overjoyed.

    two years later, she carries, and we shoot weekly.

    sent from ...

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    Member Array Gary T's Avatar
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    Brantlyj,
    Given the pregnancy, I'd give it a rest for now and not even raise the issue again for about a year.

    You can't win this at this point in time. Take care of your marriage and take care of your newborn when that
    time comes.
    It's good that you've been willing to take on this additional step to assure the safety of your family. Unfortuanately, I don't know that you'll EVER be able to convice your wife that what you're doing is right. She needs TIME to become comfortable. And, yes, her pregnancy may be playing a role at this time, as well. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, but also very stressful for the lady, especially in later stages. There will come a time when she's glad you're carrying. For example, I don't think my wife is particularly excited by me carrying, but she doesn't say anything. Last summer we were travelling out of town and found ourselves in an unfamiliar area at night. She patted me on my strong side waist as she asked, "Are you carrying?" Remain supportive of your wife and give her time to warm up to the idea. In the meantime, keep your ears and eyes open to discern if there's some unspoken problem on her end that's causing her uneasiness.

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