Help Me Convince My Wife To Shoot/Carry

[robinsonre]

Hello There Folks,

Some of you might recognize my name from the "waiting on my CCW" thread...and now I have a new dilemma. I'm recently married (this past June) and I love my wife dearly. Part of the reason I sold my first handgun and spent a good chunk of my small paycheck on a more reliable handgun was because I would be APPALLED if anything were to happen to her, and I wanted to make sure that I took all necessary precautions to avoid such a situation. Recently my wife came into a bit of money from her grandfather and I told her that I was of the opinion that she should spend some of it on her own gun and come shooting with me. Understand please that my wife is not anti-gun, her grandfather has been always been a spectacular marksman and she was raised around them. Currently, unfortunately, she does not share my love of shooting. I chalk this up to the fact that she just hasn't found the "right" gun for her yet. I've tried to get her interested, I've even spent the time and effort to bring her to the range a few times to try and make sure that she is proficient with the firearms we have in the house. I also told her that, because of my concern for her well being IF she took the concealed carry class that I would GLADLY pay her way through it and sit through the class to make sure she didn't have to go alone. She had a few arguments against buying "her own" gun and taking the CCW class, which I tried to combat to the best of my ability.
Her arguments and my answers :


Q :"But where do I ever go without you that you couldn't protect me?"
A : "You enjoy going to the mall right? Sometimes I can't be there with you..You go to church without me (we share different religious views) and you readily admit that there are alot of people who are dissatisfied and angry with your religion. Also, what if I was incapacitated or unable to defend you? What about when we decide to have children? I can't always be with you to take them to their activities."

Q : "What if I'm not a very good shot?"
A : "We can take lessons together, it will be fun, you will get better"

Q : "But you have guns, why couldn't I just use one of those?"
A : "You could, but you've already told me you don't like how large and bulky they are, besides I feel to truly become PROFICIENT with a firearm you have to develop a connection with it..it has to be "YOUR" gun not mine"

Q : "What if I decide I don't want to carry it?"
A : "That's your choice to make. It wouldn't be MY choice but you have to make that decision yourself. Regardless I would prefer that you had something around the house that YOU feel comfortable using in an emergency situation"

She's starting to warm up to the idea, but is still a little reluctant. I would LOVE to have her as a shooting partner. I would LOVE to have her enthused about the sport and able to defend herself. Can anyone that has been in a similar situation offer any support?

-Ryan

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[pax]

Actually sounds as if you are well on the right track: you started by convincing her that you loved her, that you were worried about her, and that you trust her to make her own decisions.

One argument for CCW class it doesn't sound as though you've tried yet is just the simple "it's practical" argument. If she has a CCW as well as you, then she could legally take your gun and carry it for you if for any reason you weren't able to (for instance, if you get sick unexpectedly and need to enter an emergency room ... or if she wants to stay in the car with your firearm while you run into someplace off-limits for carry).

Good luck to you both.

pax

[tj1231]

Ryan,

Sounds like you're doing fine to me. I just have a couple of points.

1. If you're still waiting for your ccw, don't push the subject too much yet. Let her get comfortable with YOU carrying, then she may realize how much she wishes SHE had a gun when, for instance, some pervert is giving her the creeps at a store when you aren't around.

2. Don't expect her to have the same enthusiasm that you do. If she does, then thats great, but just worry about getting her armed and proficient for now.

3. Try taking her to look at guns that fit her. When she finds one, give her the cash on the spot. (That's pretty much how it worked for me.)

Good luck,
Taylor

[TravisABQ]

It seems women are VERY reluctant to try new things if they anticipate looking foolish or being belittled. Hey, who likes that?

Some guys think it's a big yuk to drag a woman to a shooting range and put a .44 mag in her hands (HAW HAW!) Congratulations, you just made a gun hater FOR LIFE.
I've met some of those women. Whoever you guys are, you need a good swift kick in the cajones.

I've heard a hundred stories of experienced male shooters who take a wife or girlfriend to the range and it takes no more than one box of cartridges before she out shoots him.

As soon as women get over their BS socialization of "what if I'm no good?", they're fantastic shooters. Better eye-hand coordination, I understand.

After you start carrying, yourself, try this tack:
you are willing to go to the limit to protect her, is she willing to back you up... if not why not?

If you have children, is she willing to go to the limit to protect them, IF NOT WHY NOT?

I'll never even date a woman again who isn't willing to
get on the same page of self defense. I don't need the warm and snuggly from someone who is basically just dead weight.

This isn't just philosophical, a woman I'm dating or married to can go to a judge, and get a Restraining Order, or get me charged for DV, and get my rights revoked for LIFE. This happens A LOT. I won't get near a woman who doesn't have as much to risk as I do.

--Travis--

[tegemu]

Direct her to Pax' website, www.corneredcat.com , Pax is one savvy lady that speaks about guns and women, by a woman for women. She makes more sense than most other "Experts in the field," especially those with external plumbing. She is a good fun read and loaded with good info for us men too. I would consider it an honor to meet this lady one day, buy her a cup of coffee and extend a big warm THANK YOU.

[AKsrule]

Hmm , Newlyweds?

IMHO maybe you don't need to push something like this too hard
while you're still figuring out how to live as a married couple.

Give it some time , start off by just getting her out for a FUN
shoot.

[razorblade]

My girlfriend and I have gone through a simular instance. Although she has said she isn't ready to carry yet, she can see herself carrying in the future. It was on our third or fourth date when I gave her an ASP keychain pepperspray/kuboton. She initially thought it was "cute" that I'd do something like that, but then commented to me several weeks later how she felt more confident with it, especially when returning to her car on the unlit section of the campus. I also told her the same thing robinsonre did, that I'd pay for her CCW class when she was ready to take it and that I'll be with her throughout so she won't have to sit there alone.
I plan on directing her to Pax's website. I took a gander of it, and am very pleased with what I see.

[robinsonre]

After you start carrying, yourself, try this tack:
you are willing to go to the limit to protect her, is she willing to back you up... if not why not?

If you have children, is she willing to go to the limit to protect them, IF NOT WHY NOT?

Oooh! I like those. I will have to pose those questions to her.

Thank you Travis.

Thanks to everyone else as well!

[havegunjoe]

Don't press it too much, she is more likely to back off. Be prepared for her to outshoot you. I find that happens quite often as women tend to be excellent shots. See if she will take a NRA First Steps class, it goes through all the safety rules and is geared to beginners. See if you can find women's only classes. Having you or other men around can be intimidating at first. Don't expect her to be as enthusiastic about guns, CC, and shooting as you.

[Andrew S]

Q :"But where do I ever go without you that you couldn't protect me?"
A : The Gynecologist

Q : "What if I'm not a very good shot?"
A : Women often outshoot their husbands. (She ought to get a kick out of that.)

Q : "But you have guns, why couldn't I just use one of those?"
A : You need your own gun that fits you just in case you do decide to carry.

Q : "What if I decide I don't want to carry it?"
A : Thats ok. Lets go through the motion just in case. Take the class and start shooting then decide.



Make sure you take her to a good instructor. They will have heard it all and will be able to answer any question. Don't be afraid to spend extra.

[razorblade]

Q :"But where do I ever go without you that you couldn't protect me?"
A : The Gynecologist

I was not expecting that, too funny!!!


Q : "But you have guns, why couldn't I just use one of those?"
A : Guns are a lot like shoes. What fits you, may not fit me. You must shop for yourself, what fits you, and what you know you can handle.

Q : "What if I decide I don't want to carry it?"
A : That is your decision if you want to carry or not. Whatever you choose to do, I will go along with. No pressure.

[retsupt99]

Actually sounds as if you are well on the right track: you started by convincing her that you loved her, that you were worried about her, and that you trust her to make her own decisions.

One argument for CCW class it doesn't sound as though you've tried yet is just the simple "it's practical" argument. If she has a CCW as well as you, then she could legally take your gun and carry it for you if for any reason you weren't able to (for instance, if you get sick unexpectedly and need to enter an emergency room ... or if she wants to stay in the car with your firearm while you run into someplace off-limits for carry).

Good luck to you both.

pax

And, thinking back a few years, this was a point that helped convince my wife of a reason to get her CCW...she's had it now for 3 yrs...

ret

[MNBurl]

Have her watch Glenn Beck tonight and that should do it!

[Gunstogo]

Don't press it too much, she is more likely to back off.

Reading the progression of her questions, it seems like she is warming up to the idea. I think it is just a matter of time. Stay on the track you are on. My guess is she is a smart woman and will figure it out on her own. Good luck. My wife doesn't like the noise. She is a musician and has sensitive ears. She is ok with my carrying though. As a matter of fact, she supports most everything I do. I'm very lucky.