Starting to carry: did family or friend treat you differently?
This is a discussion on Starting to carry: did family or friend treat you differently? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I would advise you to chose carfully who is in "In the Know". If they don't NEED to know don't tell them. I had a ...
December 7th, 2006 10:22 PM
I would advise you to chose carfully who is in "In the Know". If they don't NEED to know don't tell them. I had a co-worker try to get me terminated (not just because I carry) but thought that that would be a good enough reason in managements eyes. I had been working with him on getting his permit, and we went to the range together several times. I thought he was trust worthy. I had headed him off at the pass, even though I didn't know it was comming, by having gone to the managment quite some time earlier to discuss their "gun" policy. I have a very good job and didn't want to lose it or go about unarmed, so I took my delema to our safety person. I presented it to him from the angle of how vulnerable we were to an incident from possably an estranger spouse or disgrunteled x-employee. Since then they have changed the company policy to "No unauthorized guns on company properity", mine and others are authorized.
As to family, they are also on a need to know basis. My three adult daughters all know, but if they were younger I'd think twice. Not that they are not trustworthy, but you never know what they may say to their friends. This is the same reason that untill recently they had NO idea of how many weapons I own.(their already fighting over who gets what)
December 7th, 2006 10:36 PM
My wife is fine with it. My grown daughters think it's insane. So I never discuss it with the girls any more. Made a mistake ever letting them know in the first place. Best not to tell anyone but your wife, who obviously would know. If she doesn't like it, try to convince her. If she still doesn't like it,,, well,,,she'll come around someday.
December 7th, 2006 11:13 PM
I had both family and friends of many years getting hostile and disrespectful, pretty much from the time I bought my first gun.
While my ex-wife at first acted ambivilent, when we split up she used "all the guns" (two) as part of her justification for divorce.
I've had "friends" of 10, 20+ years who ended our friendships because of their feelings. And this was before I even started carrying.
I may well have my uncle's wife bring things to that same point if they should ask me directly if I'm carrying in their house, and they decide to take exception. They know I carry regularly, and know I have a CCW, so it is a short trip for them to assume that I carry around them. The first time they make it an issue will be the last.
At this point I won't waste my time on potential friends or lovers if they can't reciprocate civility and respect.
I may have to behave like a secret agent to avoid being "made" in public, or at work, but I refuse to behave like I have a "dirty little secret" in my private life with friends or family.
December 7th, 2006 11:22 PM
My family does not care. I grew up down south where my family all carried handguns in their vehicles and had shotguns proped up by their bed ready for a home invasion.
My next door neighbor, a 93 year old granny, was raped by four men, cut up over a hundred times and drown in a bathtub with bleachwater.
I moved a little further north (but still south of the Mason Dixon) where the people were mainly white. Immediatly I noticed a change in opinions that people had that I just assumed people had when I was living deep down south.
Now I have a yankee girlfriend who was a farmgirl but up in Vermont. I lucked out in that regard because vermont is very Libertarian and accepts everyone's CCW licenses and doesn't even require a license for people to own guns or get a CCW. BUT Vermont being the third whitest state in the union and 5th lowest in crime they really don't get me at all on most things. I'm glad my girl lives with me in south right now because she can see where I come from and "walk a mile in my moccasins"
My girl and my family understand but a lot of criminal forgiving and embracing liberals just don't get it and I think that they need to start getting jobs as Cops in the Deep South since they pontificate on how criminals should be treated.
December 7th, 2006 11:59 PM
Yes....they stopped treating me like another
Wife was a bit anxious at first--didn't see the "need"--after a while, just assumes I have it with me. We read the paper and read about some of activity happening around us--just had a body dumped around the corner from us last spring (gang activity)...robberys, assaults, home invasions....Hopefully, she will come around to get a CHP
In-laws: nary a word. Dad is a former Navy MACS, retired LDO and San Diego Sheriff Deputy...good man to have in your corner. Not only is he my FIL, but he's also my Pastor--and encourages my carry at Church (after MD-area church robberies, he justified my carry as a "good and sufficient reason")
Mom: grew up in NY, lived in CT and IL--doesn't see the "need"...yeah, she's a . On her last visit to see us, wanted me to stop carrying--"it might scare the children" (you can read my other threads about my kids). I explained my position (2A, and bad things happening in our world and in our neighborhood)--still didn't get it.
Dad--too much time spent in IL--gets freaked when coming to visit me in VA and I toss him a P226, mag, mag carrier and a holster...and tell him "let's go to lunch" (open carry in VA)
Last edited by SIGguy229; December 8th, 2006 at 01:51 AM.
December 8th, 2006 07:03 AM
Can't actually carry yet, nor do I have a gun- waiting on my cpl right now. I can give my experiences so far though. Had one friend of 12 years(im only 21 btw) I told I was thinking of taking the cpl class, and he looked at me like I was insane. My dad has no opinion either way, he hunts and shoots himself, but no pistol experience. Mom has been around guns most her life, haven't told her yet so dont expect a problem. My sister who had two cops living with her says I don't need one, but didn't really try to dissuade me, and was all ears when I told her all about the class. Now, another friend of mine, I was going to take the class with(he's taking it saturday now actually), soon as he heard the idea he started talking to other people about it. Incidentally he works at the same place as me, so he talks to everyone I work with, so now most poeple I work with know I'm going to carry. Now, the couple who teach the ccw class, actually told someone else that works with me(who carries). We were kind of unfriends before, but he told me he knew I had taken the class now and we've sorta become friends pretty quik.
I dont plan on telling anyone outside my immediate family from here on out, its not their business.
December 10th, 2006 09:33 AM
Thanks, everyone! Interesting responses. It's nice to see that so many have handled it well, or been able to convince families that it's a good thing and not some wayward, gunslinger's bad dream.
Now ... to help my family members to see the wisdom that a moral defense of loved ones is a good thing.
December 10th, 2006 09:50 AM
90% of the males in my family (my dad, brothers, uncles and cousins) carry regularly or at the least have their carry permit. We all know who the others are.
None of my friends know I carry.
"There is no such thing as too much ammo. Unless you're swimming!"
December 10th, 2006 10:11 AM
My dad and grandfather simply took the stance that "he's a man and knows what he's doing with guns, so it's his choice." My grandfather grew up hunting through the Depression and took my dad rabbit hunting as a child, and my dad was the one who taught me how to be safe, while my grandfather taught me how to be patient and hit what I was shooting at.
My grandmother (Mom's side) still doesn't understand, but accepts, even when she goes to hug me and feels the Taurus strapped to my waist. As far as I know she doesn't give it a second thought anymore.
My mother was the hardest to convince, and the least accepting. One of her comments was, "Why do you carry that thing? Does it make you feel big?"
She's never taken to guns like I'd like her to, but after lots (several years' worth) of talks, she's come to accept and understand why I carry, though she says that "it must be terrible to live like that." In a sense it is: If we had no crime and could all live in condition white with no fear of harm, it would be fabulous. Unfortunately that's not the case and we live in a fairly violent society.
Mom has shot my .22 and, on the rare occasions that she does shoot it, hits what she's aiming at. She tries to be disgusted by the rifle but is proud of her accomplishment. She recently shot my Taurus 92 and hit what she was aiming at 25 yards away. After she fired she began turning the muzzle toward me to indicate she was done. I caught it, and, checking myself from yelling, I reminded her of the safety rules then told her that she made a good shot, one which I may have had trouble with. I learned though that beginners have momentary lapses in muzzle control with handguns that they don't have with long guns, and I've used that to good advantage of late when teaching.
My paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather were both deceased by the time I began carrying.
My maternal grandfather was an intelligence officer stationed out of England in WWII and had PTSD for the rest of his life. I know he was on the mainland quite a bit but he was classified top-secret and never talked about the war to anyone, so I don't know exactly what he did. I have been, however, able to find out that he was issued a 1911. Of what I remember of him, he would have had the same stance as both my living grandfather and my dad.
My deceased grandmother... I just don't know. She always voted for the conservative Democrate they had when she was younger. They were not yet anti-gun right wingers. However, she kept up her party line through the years. She grew up with a father who hunted and fought in WWI (IIRC) and likely would not have had a problem with it. She may have been curious, but Grandpa keeps a loaded .25 auto too, and she "allowed" that.
My sister shot a few times, didn't really get into it, and after some experiences in California, including being shot at, she doesn't like the guns, but she understands it's my decision. When she was shot at she knew what to do and was greatful that I had taught her what I had in the past. She was also more logical toward them than her friends in Americor (dump a farmgirl into the middle of LA... real bright). From what she says, they were scared to death of guns, while she educated them on firearms. She acknowledges that her revulsion is not logical but rather emotional, and she knows how to make safe any gun she comes across.
My brother enjoys shooting. He, like I, was very good in all sports involving hand-eye coordination, and he was better in a few of them, especially baseball. He would rather golf however. He knows how to shoot and make it effective, but it's just not his "thing." We spend our time fishing instead, when he's here from VA. As an engineer, he does appreciate firearms design and the modifications I've made to make mine more functional for me.
My friends don't really care one way or the other, except for one who has always coveted the customized Taurus. He ended up shooting that thing more than his Glock :D
The only hard time I was given by any of my friends was in jest when my holster was new and squeaking.
December 11th, 2006 02:45 PM
My immediate family knows I carry, I work with my parents in family business and they feel better knowing I am carrying when we close up at nite and also the fact that I have taken additional classes to know how and when to use my weapon, if the need should ever arise. I have had other family say to me though why do you carry, and this is from family that owns gun/guns. I am the only one who has taken the additional step of CCW. I deal with cash all day long and work long hours, and I feel better knowing I can protect my family if it should ever hit the probverbial fan. I feel it is a personal decision and intend to keep doing it, even if some family does not approve.
December 21st, 2006 09:24 AM
Only my wife knows for sure so family doesn't know. Some would not like it but that's there problem. Steve48
December 21st, 2006 12:40 PM
I've not had any particular problems with it. My father, brother and best friend all have their CCW licenses. Most of my other family don't know that I carry, though they may assume I guess.
My wife doesn't really like guns but she doesn't make an issue of it. I was laying on the bed earlier today and my son jumped on my back. My wife told him to "be careful" because I was carrying. So, she doesn't necessarily understand. Of course I explained that the gun was holstered and had the trigger fully covered. No real problem with a discharge, though it may have poked my son in the ribs! Both of the kids don't think it strange because that's the way I've raised them.
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December 21st, 2006 02:43 PM
Was I supposed to tell my family and friends when I started? Didn't see that one on the checklist...
"If you so much as bunny hop I'll cut your heart out!" Billy Bob Thornton in The Last Real Cowboys
"I carry a gun for the same reason that I carry health insurance and a cell phone - be prepared."
December 22nd, 2006 08:12 PM
no they did not. had to carry because of the job. they think something is wrong when they can not see the gun.
An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
Red State State of Mind
December 23rd, 2006 12:15 AM
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