Wife wont allow CC. Any advice?

This is a discussion on Wife wont allow CC. Any advice? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I have been a member of this forum for over a year now. When I joined it was for the purpose of educating myself in ...

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Thread: Wife wont allow CC. Any advice?

  1. #1
    Member Array Shotgun Willie's Avatar
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    Wife is strongly opposed to CC. Any advice?

    I have been a member of this forum for over a year now. When I joined it was for the purpose of educating myself in all matters of CC possible before making a purchase and life changing decision. At this point I have yet to obtain a CCW or permit. My wife belives that there is no need for it and is a matter of testosterone and is further fueled by my love of guns and outdoor types of activities and equipment. She is not real fond of guns despite several visits to the range. She doesn't even like me having my shotgun.

    Since we dont spend large amounts of money unless agreed upon by both of us, I am feeling a little stuck. I feel strongly concerning the need for defense for my family and for myself. She sees it as a mans quest for toys and and title of King of the Mountain.

    Do any of you have some suggestions, advice, similar experience?
    Last edited by Shotgun Willie; December 10th, 2006 at 03:14 PM. Reason: more accurate title
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  3. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    The ONLY thing you can do that I can think of is "being passive aggressive" to the point it doesn't appear that you are being passive aggressive.

    Just watch the nightly news with her, start volunteering for various organizations where there are victims.

    NOW I must admit I'm not hitched, but until she realizes that her family is vulnerable she won't see the need. And by trying to overt by bring up reasons why it's a good idea to have protection on you is only going backfire because see will see an arguement coming and she will argue back. There has never been a man that can win an arguement with a woman, especially if he is right.

    Like I said I'm not hitched, but I have had plenty of discussions with women. This is just my plug nickle and you can take a whole salt mine with this rambling, I'm just saying it might work.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  4. #3
    Senior Member Array Joshua M. Smith's Avatar
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    You've opened a can of worms here methinks.

    With no disrespect toward your wife intended, I would point out that you're an individual and she knew you when you two were married. I would further point out that you are a grown man who makes his own choices and lives with the consequences.

    If she chooses not to accept you soley on the basis of your wanting a permit, that is her loss, not yours.

    Personally, I think you should start saving your pennies - YOUR money you don't spend. Drop your change into a jar or, if you can get one, a water cooler bottle.

    If and when I get married I will have my personal account, she will have her personal account if she wants one, and then there will be the joint account from which bills are paid and vacations are taken.

    Josh <><

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    Hi Willie...I'm Mike, I'm married......and I have guns. My wife wasn't too keen on the idea of my carrying. However, she knew way back when we were dating that I was a "gun guy"--even told her that if we were to have a future, she would have to accept me as I am--a gun guy.

    Back to carrying--I told her what I was going to do--after all, it's not illegal--but that I am doing this for our family. As stated in another's signature line: Gun on, Pride off.

    After I received my permit, my wife noticed there was a lot of crime happening in places we frequented (not while we were there, however). We read the paper together and every week I highlight the crimes that have occurred in/around the store, shopping centers, county/state parks where we live--This includes rape (incl attempts), robbery, assault, shots fired, dog attacks, etc. I also highlight the time of day, especially during daylight hours. She no longer questions why I carry.

    As to the Finance Committee--I recommend Josh's course of action. One thing that I've had to do is sacrifice one hobby for another. I'm in the process of selling my SCUBA gear to fund my gun habit (oh, did I mention I have a gun rescue? ) Unfortunately, it may take time to raise the necessary funds.

    If you can't wait that long--you are the head of your household. That said, I say, do what your marriage can handle. Yeah, my wife was a little mad when I got an MK9 I didn't "need", but now that's either my Sunday gun or her "I would feel better if there was a gun around" gun--she's also qual'd on my Benelli M3 12ga.

    As to your spouse's perception of you being King of the Hill (sic)...not knowing a thing about you, but knowing people--could there be something you do that would cause her to come to that conclusion? Or is there something she's experienced in her past that leads her to believe gun owners are like that? Either way, it's something you're going to have to discuss and work through.

    Wrapping up--talking and discussing (i.e. picking your battles combined with picking the timing) may cause her to realize there might possibly be some merit in what you say. (I won't say she'll agree with you).

    When you took her to the range, what did you start her on? .22, .45ACP, or 12ga?....therein may lay your problem....

    My 2 cents

  6. #5
    Member Array joker581's Avatar
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    My wife has never had a problem with it, but she knew from the start that I did it and that I wasn't going to stop. I told her very early in our relationship that I hadn't felt comfortable going unarmed since I came back from Iraq and that I intend to take every step available to ensure my safety. All the faith and good intentions in the world aren't enough to undo a rape or a murder.

    Your wife thinks that you want to carry so you can feel better about yourself, of for some other silly reason. You need to show her otherwise. Cite events where being armed saved people and events were unarmed people were killed or injured because they couldn't defend themselves.

    If that doesn't work, save your money and do it anyway if you feel it is something you should do.

    Carrying a gun is like wearing a seatbelt. If you are lucky, you won't ever have to rely on it to save your life. But you still put it on every day just in case. Take the steps needed to defend your family. It is your responsibility.

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member Array RSSZ's Avatar
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    Both of you ..........well.....will not be the winners.

    This is a moral judgement. To carry and even to own firearms is a dicission we all have to make. I she decides to the negative and you go along with her decission,that is your right.

    Maybe she needs to be better informed as to what a firearm will do and not do. Also the simple mechanics of "just another tool". This is your assignment, if she will ever come around.


    With respect,I say,this is sad. --------

  8. #7
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    My Wife...

    wanted no part of guns...today she has her CCW and goes shooting with me.
    That's the good part...

    We've been married for 35+ years, and it only took 32 of those years to change her mind...sorry, but "That's my story, and I'm sticking to it."

    Actually, I've always had guns around the house and that was OK. The next step came when we moved from Michigan to Florida in 2000. I enrolled in a CCW class and applied for my permit; she was OK with that too, but didn't understand why I had to carry anything around. I carried anyway!

    Now let's roll into 2002, and after 22, 000 bad TV news programs, coupled with my concern that if I should leave a weapon in the car...it could mean her arrest, conviction, etc...
    She agreed to enroll in the course and really enjoyed it.

    Now the 'kicker'...in 2004 she had a bad experience in a parking garage in Gainesvisse, Florida. It really bothered her, as it rightly should have. Combine 34 years of marriage and being around guns, the 22,000 TV 'bad' news programs about crime (and I made sure she heard about every one...would even share stories I had read...), and ONE (liberal conversion to conservative) scary BG, personal experience...and Presto...now she carries, but not all the time as I do.

    She came home that evening really shaken up. The next day we were discussing the incident and she said that she thought she would like to have her own gun...WHAT?...WOW!...I was at the local gun shop and got her a .38 snubbie and a box of 'light loads'...2 HOURS LATER. The next day we were at the range...different woman.

    Now I carry except when at school...bummer...(but that's for a short time), and she doesn't mind at all. She won't take her snubbie with her (too big for her...in her mind) except on long trips. But lately, with more crime reports (and I still make sure she hears EVERY ONE), she does take a NAA .22LLR with her...it's a start towards constant carry on her part...I'm happy with that!

    It can be a long road, my friend, but not an impossible journey!

    When it came to guns though and/or CCW, I did stand my ground...those were 'bottom line' issues for me.

    Good luck...

    ret
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  9. #8
    Member Array Ranger's Avatar
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    I have "toys" that were mine before we met. If I choose to trade in, sell, swap, etc. one of my toys for a different toy, it doesn't affect the household budget. I also keep a coin jug. I only spend paper and all coins go into the jug. What I do with the "jug money" is at my discretion.

  10. #9
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    Hey...

    I just looked at the time...and I thought I was up early in the EST time zone...
    Man, you guys are REALLY up early, or is it up late?

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  11. #10
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    Ranger...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger View Post
    I have "toys" that were mine before we met. If I choose to trade in, sell, swap, etc. one of my toys for a different toy, it doesn't affect the household budget. I also keep a coin jug. I only spend paper and all coins go into the jug. What I do with the "jug money" is at my discretion.
    So are you saying that you buy A LOT of 'penny' candy?

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  12. #11
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    I just looked at the time...and I thought I was up early in the EST time zone...
    Man, you guys are REALLY up early, or is it up late?

    ret
    I don't know I don't get off work for another thirty minutes. So since bed time is at 0730 that would be late.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  13. #12
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger View Post
    I have "toys" that were mine before we met. If I choose to trade in, sell, swap, etc. one of my toys for a different toy, it doesn't affect the household budget. I also keep a coin jug. I only spend paper and all coins go into the jug. What I do with the "jug money" is at my discretion.
    You know I have family that would take jug money to mean something totally different.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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  15. #14
    Member Array Linda's Avatar
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    Willie, please print off this article that I wrote, "And They Ask Me Why I Carry?", and have your wife read it. It may help.

    http://www.buckeyefirearms.org/article3273

    Although I wrote it as being a female real estate agent, I think there is much in it that should pertain to women in general or at least get her thinking.

    And then see if you can get her to go to Kathy Johnson's website and read some select articles, or maybe you can print off a couple and leave them laying around the house for her to "discover".

    http://corneredcat.com

    You can explain to her, that as a man it is your job to protect her and the children. Now of course, I feel as a mother, it is my job to protect the children, and myself, so that I can be around for them.
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  16. #15
    Member Array ms.k's Avatar
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    Let me try to play devils advocate while adding a womans perspective. You say she thinks you want a gun, just so you can have toys and fulfill your hobbies. When you talk about guns with her, are you usually talking about the sport aspect, or the protection aspect? If you are talking about the 'funness'(I know that's not a word) more than the protection part, she may feel that you are just using the protection argument as a scape-goat. Also is she afraid that having a gun at home may mean more practice...more time away from her?

    It's odd that she shoots but doesn't want one in the home.

    Do you know of any females that own a gun? Usually women will heed other women on this issue better than they will their SO. You're the one that has to live with her. I suggest you not take the gung-ho, "I am man of this castle" approach just yet. This may just cause a ripple effect of problems. She probably will eventually give in, it will just take patience on your part. Get to the root of WHY she doesn't want a gun in the house. Do you guys have children? If so her concern is valid,if not I'm stumped as to why she's not for it.

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