Sleeping on the couch tonight and don't understand why

This is a discussion on Sleeping on the couch tonight and don't understand why within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; My wife's grandmother passed this last weekend and the visitation was this evening. At one point in the evening I noticed my wife begin to ...

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    Member Array dougroch's Avatar
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    Sleeping on the couch tonight and don't understand why

    My wife's grandmother passed this last weekend and the visitation was this evening. At one point in the evening I noticed my wife begin to break down and cry so I did what every good husband should do and put my arm around her and tried to console her. She put her arm around my waist as well and I felt her hand resting on my concealed handgun, her eyes immediately lit up and she asked "why are you carrying at a funeral home". My wife knows that I carry 100% of the time outside of work and everywhere it is legal to do so and she is very supportive of it and has had no issues at all with it until tonight. When we got home she laid into me about how it is not right to carry in a funeral home etc etc etc.... So now I am sleeping on the couch.

    Did I miss something on CC etiquette about not carrying in a funeral home?

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    No. But grief has no predetermined path. Perhaps your wife's emotions were not dissimilar to a pressure cooker and she was subconsciously looking for any excuse to vent.

    In any event, condolences, and best of luck.
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    Senior Member Array cn262's Avatar
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    I would personally give your wife a pass on this. There's probably much more emotion than clear thinking. A night or two on the couch won't kill you, and I personally wouldn't make an issue out of something now that could leave a lasting negative impression on her. And FWIW, I would still carry anywhere and everywhere it is legal, regardless of what others think. Condolences.

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    Is your couch comfortable? Get a good nights sleep. Things will be better in the morning.
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    Senior Member Array BamaT's Avatar
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    I think WMac19 nailed it. Women in general are more emotional than men, and if she was exceptionally close to her grandmother and was already upset over her passing, she was on edge and that just struck her the wrong way at the moment. Hopefully after she has recovered from her loss she will view this in a more rational manner. My suggestion is to give her some space on this issue at this time. Not that I'm an expert in grief counseling or anything. Just my .02.
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    Senior Member Array CWOUSCG's Avatar
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    Call the FTD florist in your area, tell them you need the "She's PO'ed and I don't know why" bouquet.

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    VIP Member Array maxwell97's Avatar
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    I don't know of any reason not to carry in a funeral home. Likely your wife has some reason for thinking it's inappropriate, but better to let it cool before asking her about it. It's probably something individual and idiosyncratic, like "it's wrong to have weapons at church, because you're supposed to have peaceful thoughts at church, and a funeral home kind of feels like a church, so it kind of feels wrong there too." The sort of thing that she may recognize as illogical if examined calmly, but will defend if angry.
    "Yet this government never of itself furthered any enterprise, but by the alacrity with which it got out of the way... The character inherent in the American people has done all that has been accomplished; and it would have done somewhat more, if the government had not sometimes got in its way."

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    Its one of the stages of grief...anger. She just needs to direct somewhere and that "somewhere" is you. It has nothing to do with you or the gun. I was a funeral director until I let my license lapse and I carried everyday while at work. Its a little tricky with all the hugging.

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    Condolences.
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    Distinguished Member Array shadowwalker's Avatar
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    IMO I think you should not bring it up she will when the shock and grief give way to now and there is nothing wrong in giving her space and do not forget this is about her not you so show her how broad your shoulders are.
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    I wouldn't over think it... sounds like she was just venting. People handle grief in different ways. Give her space and support. She'll come around.
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    Distinguished Member Array Brady's Avatar
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    Apparently you two had not previously discussed this particular location/situation and she has different ideas. A funeral is a highly emotionally charged time and place, she may have simply been caught off guard by it. It should blow over soon enough but, the two of you need to discuss the many different scenarios you may find yourselves in and know what to expect from each other and what is acceptable to both. Good luck.
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    Distinguished Member Array deadguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SgtRick View Post
    Its a little tricky with all the hugging.
    Yes it is.

    OP, take this one for the team.
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    There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

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    Tough day. Easy to understand why the emotions are raw and at the surface.


    Quote Originally Posted by dougroch View Post
    ... I felt her hand resting on my concealed handgun, her eyes immediately lit up and she asked "why are you carrying at a funeral home". My wife knows that I carry 100% of the time ...
    At your home. Outside your home. To and from the car. While driving in the car. While going through this or that neighborhood throughout the service and subsequent activities. While changing plans and going elsewhere afterwards. Point being, of course, there are all sorts of aspects to carrying that have zero to do with the one specific venue that's the highlight of the day. It's not about carrying at a funeral home. It's about retaining the means of surviving violent crime, at all times.

    Fact is, too, at places such as this, where crowds of people are distracted, dressed "to the nines" and otherwise not thinking anything's going to happen, to many predators this equates to a target-rich environment. Think about it, and whether you'd prefer to be capable of withstanding such things. It isn't about the venue, as such. It's about remaining capable of surviving. Given that predators don't put a scheduled item on your calendar, the only way to remain capable is to remain armed and vigilant. Can't have one without the other.


    Quote Originally Posted by dougroch View Post
    So now I am sleeping on the couch. Did I miss something on CC etiquette about not carrying in a funeral home?
    No, I don't think so. There's no "memo" on such things, really. It's all about personal understanding of reality, and one's personal preferences with respect to deference to so-called authority or "higher" causes. It's very personal. Everyone's different.

    She's not on the same page with respect to retaining the means of survival ... and what that really means. You believe strongly in retaining your responsibility and means, no matter what. She's apparently willing to drop all such responsibility and means under certain circumstances. You two will need to square with those differences, at some point. But, IMO, punishing you for your responsibility and love as expressed by vigilantly remaining capable of surviving isn't justifiable.

    Good luck with the discussions. Hopefully you two can come to an understanding of what's true, versus what's "vaporware" (anti-gunner propaganda) in this regard.
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    She is deflecting her emotion over the loss of her Grandma let her off the hook , your love ones at times will need to be given space. Be supportive and do something nice for her .
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