This is a discussion on Interesting within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Right now my family is going through some hard times. My grandfather has failing health, and my grandmother's alzthheimers (sp) is getting much, much worse. ...

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  1. #1
    Member Array oobray's Avatar
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    Right now my family is going through some hard times. My grandfather has failing health, and my grandmother's alzthheimers (sp) is getting much, much worse. Today a cousin walked in the my grandfathers hospital room and found my grandmother being very violent with my grandfather (he is bed confined) and then when my cousin confronted her she shoved my cousin (4'10" and 95lbs) in to the wall and had to be restrained by several nurses.
    My interesting question is, with the increasing violence that my grandmother is showing, and her lack of mental capacity it's not hard to fathom that if she were at home and we (the family) are trying to forcibly put her in a home (which we are deciding on) that she may become violent with us. If she happens to obtain a weapon such as a knife etc. and start waving it around and threatning people in the family I think this will be a very difficult situation. She has already chased me around the house with garden tools (sharp ones) before. I'm just very concerned. Obviously deadly force isn't an option. What does everyone think?

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  3. #2
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    Array rocky's Avatar
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    Talk with the home you are considering putting her in. they may have advice or orderlys to help transport her. Not sure what else you are looking for. While not fun, you need to have her in a safe environment for her safety as well as others.
    "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson

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  4. #3
    Member Array katmandoo122's Avatar
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    Get her in a home now. Don't wait. The instinct is that it is mean to put a loved one in a nursing home but when the cicumstances are more than a family can safely handle, it's time to do what is right for everyone involved.

    If she needed regular IVs and blood tests, it would be a no brainer to get her help right away, but unforunately people feel that doing the same thing for Alzheimer's or dementia is somehow wrong.

    Stop thinking about what you would do if she got a knife and start getting her in.

    Just my $.02.

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    1. I have had to face the same tough coice due to alsheimers with my grandmother . It is not an easy choice to make and there will be guilt no matter what the family decides here .

    2. As to the volence , Possibly you can talk to your local LE and get a brief course for you and other partys that are caretakers on some of the less harmfull restraint techniques . A hospital or nursing home may well have some resources along this line you can exploit also .
    Dont forget to make time for activitys to lower the stress of the situation for all who care for her and your grandfather . It is easy to get stressed out and not do the best possible job as a caregiver ( short tempered , bad attitude that you try to hide ect.. )
    Best wishes in this tough time when someone you love so deeply becomes some other person at times.
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
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  6. #5
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    Array pgrass101's Avatar
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    I agree with the above posts. While volience asscoiated with alezhimers and dementia are not common they are not uncommon either.

    You grandmother needs to be out in a facility that can better handle her.

  7. #6
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    Array Ben Hennessy's Avatar
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    Seek professional advice!!!! This is your family. This is not the place to ask this kind of advice. Not to upset anyone but you do not ask how to take care of the life of a family member over the internet. Even if we are trying to give good advice you do not know us and most likely this is not our field of expertise!!!!!!! I'm sure at one time in her life she was a loving member of this family. Do something loving back (and I'm sure you always have) by getting the help she deserve. I know what I am talking about, my health is failing also.

  8. #7
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    Array Chorizo's Avatar
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    A common symtom of AL is violence. AL wings in most nursing homes have patients segregated from the general population and further segregated within the wing to violent to non-violent. Contact a geriatric doctor that understands AL immediately.

    Here is a link the the AL org that talks about violence as a symptom:
    Last edited by Chorizo; January 19th, 2007 at 10:54 PM.
    21 years and 21 days, United States Marine Corps & NRA Life Member since 1972

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  9. #8
    New Member Array racklefratz's Avatar
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    I have experience with Alzheimer's, both parents gone now, but violence was not a factor. That being said, it's obvious to me that your Grandmother must absolutely be placed in a care situation capable of dealing with her demonstrated violent tendencies, the sooner, the better. Delaying this action will potentially lead to avoidable but serious consequences for everyone involved.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    I think you have my sympathy and I am sorry to say, I have no idea what to tell you.

    I wish you luck in your situation. I hope it turns out the best for everyone involved. Small words I know but all I have to offer I am afraid.
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  11. #10
    Senior Member Array sisco's Avatar
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    When my Dad started getting bad, before we admitted him to a care facility, I was concerned about him. Not that he would intentionally hurt anyone but he had bouts of paranoia and confusion. He always kept a loaded 1911 in the headboard and I was afraid something would happen. I 'borrowed' it one day under the pretext of taking it home for a good cleaning. Kept it for about a year then one day he realized it was missing and demanded I bring it back. By this time his condition had worsened. Knowing that getting his gun back would make him happy, I returned it. Before I did I loaded up a batch of ammo with inert primers and no powder.
    I'm a child of the 60's, but I got over it.

  12. #11
    Array QKShooter's Avatar
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    Alzheimer's terrible & sad thing.
    Folks can be dangerous to themselves as well as others if they have violent episodes w/ Alzheimer's/dementia.
    Either that or your home can get accidentally burnt down.

    The sad reality is that pretty much even the best "home" away from home is basically a death sentence for the elderly especially during FLU season but, that's just the way it is.

    I feel for you my friend as I went through it all with my Dad who was an absolutely brilliant guy who I had to watch turn into the mental equivalent of a sea slug & he had top medical care.

    It's an insidious thing to have happen to a loved one but, you have other family members to be concerned about.

    Put her in an elderly care facility & visit her often.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  13. #12
    Member Array oobray's Avatar
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    I'm sorry

    I'm sorry, I didn't illustrate my question very well. I think I gave too much background information. My question wasn't what should I do WITH my grandmother. Rather, I wanted for discussion the touchy subject of force, and deadly force when/if protecting everyone else from a family member that may unintentionaly (sp) be causing harm.
    Sorry, I didn't mean to ask about what should be done with her. Obviously, she is now in a home that can properly care for her.


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