Need Help w/Wife ...
This is a discussion on Need Help w/Wife ... within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; When I told my wife that I was getting a CCW she asked why. I told her because I love you and the kids and ...
February 1st, 2007 10:39 PM
When I told my wife that I was getting a CCW she asked why. I told her because I love you and the kids and I have the responsibilty of protecting the people I love. Though she was not thrilled about it, she didn't say anything else. A few times when she saw me put it on after I got my permit she just rolled her eyes.
Now days, a few months later, she asks if I am carrying and when I tell her I am she says, "Good". I'm hoping she gets intrested in shooting someday but I won't push the issue.
Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his.
George S. Patton
February 1st, 2007 11:02 PM
Decide which is more important for you, the gun or the wife. If it's the gun, fine. If it's the wife, don't let the issue of the gun make you lose what you bought the gun to protect in the first place.
My wife hated it but is becoming used to it. Be a perfect husband. Carry. On those occassions where it's particularly important to her that you don't, don't. For my wife, this means going to her parents house of the occassional date night unless the date night is to one of my must carry places. If you want her to respect your feelings on the subject you must also respect hers. It's not about the intellectual superiority of your argument, it's about mutual respect between two partners.
One other thing. Shut up about guns. The less guns are in her life by conversasion, the easier it will be to swallow that you have one hidden under your coat.
As carrying becomes more ordinary and mundane, hopefully the objections will subside.
It has taken a couple years for my wife. She hated it every time in the beginning. She still doesn't care for it, but it's becoming more of a non-item. Now, it's simply a matter of me "getting ready" when we leave the house. I keep my mouth shut about guns and I focus on her having a good time.
Every woman is different. Every relationship is different. Best of luck in your situation.
February 1st, 2007 11:16 PM
If she dose not come around just keep it concealed. If you are lucky you may never have the occasion to use it. Its better to carry and know you are ready if the time comes. It did for me and now my wife ask if I have it every time we go out. Lets caa it insurance.
February 1st, 2007 11:37 PM
You must live in central Florida! At least we just had an Ihop robbery that sounded a lot like what you describe. I don't know that in our Central Florida robbery that being armed would have helped, since there were something like 3+ armed bad guys and they had a taser in addition to firearms.
Originally Posted by Tom G
I've had a little bit of luck with your approach (I gently point stuff out like this when it's in the news). Luckily also one of the receptionists at my wife's work carries, and I think that helped her think of it as something a little less extreme. It's tough when you're wife just doesn't "get it" though.
February 1st, 2007 11:37 PM
Sleeping On The Couch...
Yep, most of us have been there...
My marriage is going on 36 years now, and I've learned, over the years, that the marriage did not revolve around 'me'. I've have also grown to understand the power in the words, "I hear what you are trying to say!" "I understand!", and "Could we please talk about it?" (This is an especially effective statement/approach.)
I have learned to give in/up on some things...It is important to learn the value of losing a battle (here and there) in order to win the war.
However, there have been a few issues, upon which I have, with great politeness and sincerIty, STOOD MY GROUND...
Some or these issues would probably include:
*My employment and being careful about public appearance (I was a school superintendent).
*Where I worked...we did have to move around a little for me to move up the ladder, so to speak.
*Final decisions on the discipline of our children (a superintendent's kid must learn to 'tow the line' if he seeks to 'continue breathing upon this earth'...at least in my home).
*And to shorten the list...protection of the home front. My wife and I have had 180' differences of opinion on self-defense and weapons in the home. I have always had weapons and they were always safely stored in the home...period!
Now, after 36 years, my wife has her CCW permit, her own gun...and...don't try to force your way into our home when I'm not there...SHE WILL SHOOT YOU first and then call 911.
Hang in there, politely stand your ground, she'll come around.
Marriage is not 50/50...
If it were, most decisions could not be made...at a minimum...marriage is 49/51...sometimes I'm the 51, sometimes she's the 51, and it depends upon the issue(s).
Remember, it's OMO...your opinion may vary!
Stay armed...stay safe!
Last edited by RETSUPT99; February 3rd, 2007 at 11:27 AM.
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February 2nd, 2007 12:52 AM
I wouldn't say the wife is wearing the pants ... I would say that she is simply of a different opinion than mine. My wife is an RN, her whole adult life has been about caring for the sick and injured. Add to that, we have six children, the youngest four we adopted, the youngest three from outside the U.S. I tell you this so that you will understand that she is both a caring and loving woman.
Originally Posted by AKsrule
It took me this long to obtain a CCL simply because until 1/1 of this year Kansas did not issue CCLs.
I think her biggest fear is that when push came to shove I would freeze. I know that wont happen. I bought my first handgun on my 21st birthday. I have been shooting, handgun hunting, and reloading ever since. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind as to wether or not I would be mentaly ready if and when the time comes. Nothing in life is more important to me than my family and to do what ever was necessary to protect them would be automatic.
For that reason I will carry. I will pray the day never comes that I have to use my CCW ... but if that day should come, there will be NO Hesitation on my part and I will hope that she understand that I only did what had to be done.
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CCWs Glock 29, 27, Bersa 380
February 2nd, 2007 12:57 AM
the only thing i can suggest is comfortably familiarize her with you or anyone being a "gun user". i don't know your whole relationship, and i don't know her, but fear and rejection comes with the unknown. you might stand a better chance with it if she could understand hands on. if others or mutual friends of you both could together shed light on the subject for her it could help the whole thing adapt. hell, she might even get to like it. true story, when i was young, i had a girlfriend who was totally against any kind of violence (especially guns) until i got her to try a BB gun and she shot at some bottles. she loved it after that. we're still occasional friends and to this day she's still a "tree hugger" but doesn't mind at all when i carry around her.
February 2nd, 2007 01:51 AM
I'm sorry that you have the problem. I'm quite fortunate to have a wife who supports (or at least tolerates) my CCW. In fact, for my last 2 birthdays, she's gone half on a weapon. First, my Beretta 92FS (my first handgun in 25 years), and last year on an AR 15. Aside from the references already offered, you might want to ask her how she would feel if you (or one of the kids) is killed because a gun would have saved your life, but you didn't have it because of her wishes. Texas laws were changed in a large part due to a woman who left her gun in the car while eating in a restaurant due to the CCW laws, when a gunman entered, and shot several people, including her parents. Her father died in her arms, yet if she had her gun, she could have ended things early.
February 2nd, 2007 02:28 AM
I had the safe before I had the wife. She accepted this when we got married. She never said much about whether or not I carried until a about 3 years ago. The neighborhood where we went to watch fireworks went downhill real fast. When we went out I got the eyeroll when I got dressed. The last; and unfortunately final time, we went to that park, she looked around at the crowd of locals,patted my hip and said "Just making sure." She came to realize that what happened when I was at work happened all the time.Even now that I'm a civilian again, when we go out she will ask if I have 'everything' before we leave. When I go to work I tell her what I left her for her and the kids. Now we are looking for what fits her hand best. I'm just afraid of what I might "lose",like my second truck that is now 'hers'.
Give it some time.Don't force the issue or start an arguement,it will only make it worse. Casual conversation while watching the local news reports is a good way to start the discussion regarding what is happening in your area. It can be difficult w/inner circle in this arena but the choice to be sheep or sheepdog is up to the individual,not the collective.YMMV.Hope this helps.
February 2nd, 2007 07:39 AM
Show her this video:
Susanna Hupp, of Luby's Cafe fame. It's real. It happens. It can be effectively prevented by only one tool: a firearm.
Last edited by ccw9mm; February 2nd, 2007 at 07:45 AM.
Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
self defense (A.O.J.).
How does disarming
the number of victims?
Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos)
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February 2nd, 2007 08:18 AM
WOW... last night when me and da wife went out to dinner, she asked me are you carrying? I said, yeah why? She said... GOOD CAUSE I AM TOO! lol I just love it when a plan comes together!
S&W M&P .45
Virginia Beach, Va.
Senior Chief Petty Officer, RETIRED, USN
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February 2nd, 2007 08:29 AM
Just a thought, and I have to say this is ripe with unintended consequences: Get an acquantance to "accost" you while the 2 of you are out on the town.
Originally Posted by ccw9mm
I'm a Paramedic and my wife was a nurse. We are both aware of the evil in this world, and are prepared to defend ourselves and our children.
Originally Posted by DataMax
If you are a Christian:
"Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18
Guns Save Lives. Paramedics Save Lives. But...
Paramedics With Guns Scare People!
February 2nd, 2007 09:02 AM
when me and my now wife went on our first date iwas carrying when we were leaving the theater i went to unlock her door and dropped my keys. in the process of picking them up my jacket came up over the grip of my xd and she says "is that a gun?" and i reach back and flipped my jacket back over it and said " yeah its not a macho thing i just like to keep me and mine safe." and she was quite for about 5 secounds then said "thats cool, i carry a gun too." and me with a dumb look on my face said" really" (she was wearing very form hugging cloths) and then she did the hulk hogan thing where she tried to flex real big then she said. " two of them!!"
February 2nd, 2007 10:20 AM
Yeah, my wife does that too! She "takes me to the gun show" every once in a while. She doesn't like guns (hates them in fact), and it has been the subject of MANY a frustrating conversation (to the point where we were deciding who gets the cat).
Originally Posted by Indy
We realized we couldn't do that, though, and it appears (through her joking around with the above-mentioned antics) that she's at least tolerable of the idea.
Besides, when discussing our honeymoon to a "rustic" cabin in the Shenandoah Valley, she openly tells anyone that she would have liked me to have had my gun then, as this place was right out of a Friday the 13th movie.
All it'll take is that feeling to get closer to home. As of a few weeks ago, the 7-11 right down the street (literally walk there occasionally) was robbed with by a guy wielding a shotgun, and there must have been some kind of domestic disturbance or something at the restaurant NEXT DOOR to my apartment complex the week before that, as two-to-three cop cars blew past us at the intersection in front of our place and rolled up to their parking lot, lights flashing.
Would make me much more comfortable to have a brick on my hip - hoping to get my permit tonight, in fact.
February 2nd, 2007 10:22 AM
Welcome to the "club". My wife had the exact same reaction when I first got my license back in August. It took time for her to get comfortable with me carrying. But after a few short months she is okay iwth the idea. She even asked to go to the range with me last week! I would suggest that you continue to carry for the reasons you stated. I think eventually she will just get used to it.
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