This is a discussion on Need Help w/Wife ... within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Same as most of the others here. Wife was against me packing, even was upset I got a handgun ! Until the 'possum incident' ( ...
Same as most of the others here. Wife was against me packing, even was upset I got a handgun ! Until the 'possum incident' ( http://www.combatcarry.com/vbulletin...ad.php?t=14764 ).. then she wanted to learn all about it. There have been several other times when I know she was happy I had my .40 with us, and others when I didn't that she wished I did. She says she still hates handguns, but she's accepted I have one and carry it.
Give her some time, and point it out to her when it might be nice to have a gun : Parking lots at night with a gang of kids around your car, or taking an evening walk and being followed by some thug, breaking down on the side of the road, at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, or confronting someone on your property. Now she doesn't even seem to notice when she brushes up against me and can feel it. Just keep it cool, point out some of the situations as they occur, try not to be accussing, and I am sure she'll come around.
I have to differ with the poster who said to keep the guns out of sight so she doesn't have to deal with them. I did the exact reverse with my wife (who comes from an anti-gun family). I bought guns, had them (safely) around the house, went shooting on a regular basis, and now she tolerates & undestands my carrying and shooting activities. I guess it was because she saw having a handgun and evil black rifle didn't turn me into a homicidal maniac.
+1 Auto fan.
My wife never saw a gun in real life until she met me. Now she is glad that I carry.
It took her a while and we talked about guns a lot but as she says now "Guns are as safe as cars, its the driver that matters."
Does your wife shoot, have you taken her to the ranage?
I do feel for you. I got lucky and found a woman who's dad was a cop, so she has been around guns her whole life. I carried on our first date and everyday, everywhere legal. She used to ask me if I was carrying whenever we left the house, now she just knows it's my version of the Am Express card, never leave home without it. She also loves to go out shooting her Sig P225 .
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DataMax: Being in central KS you and your wife are familiar with the rural life, even if you live in town. I use my farmboy experience to explain something to people who fear guns, which it sounds like is the real problem with your wife.
As follows: Guns ARE inherently dangerous, but NOT inherently evil. Just as are many things we used in country life. A tractor, a mower, a chain-saw, a welding torch AND a gun will all hurt you fast if you are careless with them. A gun is no more so than any of the others (maybe less). A gun is a tool, just like each of the others. Treat it with the respect and care and use it correctly, nobody will be the worse for it (except a BG). While guns were not a major part of farm life they certainly were part of it. Explain to your wife you know how to properly carry and use the gun and how all of you will be safer with the gun than without. I am curious about one thing, does she object to the gun in the home or only to carrying a gun?
I have been married to a Kansas girl for 31 years, she has her own CCW permit (and does) and she is also a nurse. Good luck.
In Oklahoma, even we liberals like guns!
At first my Wife was not to happy about me carrying. I just stayed on the postive path and kept carrying. She has no problems now.
My wife has not made an issue of it yet. I don’t think she realizes that I carry all the time. My daughter (18) just figured it out when I took her to the range to teach her how to shoot and help her overcome her fear of guns. She has been around the all her life but my wife’s reaction is such that they have always been locked up in a steel cabinet. Every time I take one out for cleaning etc. They act like I just released a live snake. I have sent them to a women’s hand gun class that just reinforced her fear of guns for my daughter. Sending her with my wife was probably not the best idea but she could not have gone otherwise. Now she (daughter) is interested in shooting and had a great time at the range. She told me she wants to go back when I go again the next time. I have not been able to convince my wife to go to the range with me yet, but with my daughters reaction there could be hope on the horizon.
"Hell of a thing, killin' a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have."
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With that, I'm still not 100% certain I can do it as I have trained. Humans are naturally repulsed by violence; it can be shocking to be confronted with violence. My recommended reading is "On Killing" by LTC Dave Grossman (the statistics are disputed but the theories are thought provoking).
My opinion: your best path is good communication with your wife. CC is for most a significant lifestyle change (or at least perceived to be). She has reasons (whether or not they make sense to you or me) why she doesn't want you to carry. In order to overcome these objections, you first have to find out what they are. As a career counselor, I have to help soldiers overcome their objections to staying in the Army. The hardest part is finding out the real objection. People are often reluctant to divulge or sometimes unaware of their true motivations. I find it helps to ask a lot of open ended questions.
Since you're a Kansan, I know you took 8 hours out of a day to complete your training. You probably spent in the neighborhood of $300 on the training, application, liscence, passport photo, and ammo (I'm betting some on holsters too... I've bought 4 so far). These things rarely go unnoticed by wives. The time away or the money spent (in my case there was a new pistol and magazines bugeted in) may be a contributing factor.
Since you have your liscense now, I assume you applied in November or earlier. If you've discussed this with her before and she did not object, has something happened since then that changed her mind?
Ask about reasons that others give against CC. You know what these are, they've been in the news lately. Is she worried you'll shoot someone for cutting you off in traffic (just an example, I'm not suggesting she is)
To resolve the issue, first ask, "What can I do that would make you feel more comfortable with me carrying?" Offer suggestions if she has none. You may have better results with things you can do for her rather than the things you can tell her (catch phrases, statistics, etc).
Don't ignore her objections however silly they may seem.
"and suddenly I can not hold back my sword hand's anger"
Same thing when I started carrying my wife leaned to the sheepish side and sees the good in everything not always the truth. She didn't like me carrying but never said I can't. Probably because she knew that wouldn't fly. She has said a few times Are you carrying? Yes. Good!
You just need to get her to understand that you will carry but it will not be in her face. Then don't show her it and don't talk to her about guns. My wife still walks out of the walk in closet when I am putting my holster on. I think she is afraid of an ND or something....
Like it has been said before I don't know if it is worth losing your ife over but then again I have never been given that ultimatum.
George Washington: "A free people ought to be armed."
I had a college prof recently recommend a book to our class as something that we should read since many people are sometimes "over trusting". If you think your wife tends to trust peole too much and think people are inherently good you may want to have her read this. Our teacher who is a psycologist (teaching intro to counsiling) said it opened her eyes to being more alert. I think for many when they become more alert they see the need more.
Any way I say this not knowing your situation in full but the book is "The Gift of Fear. Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence." along with his followup book "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) " by Gavin De Becker. If I rember correctly these are written from a Christian Perspective.
ONe parent commented about the second book that "Like this book points out; what are the odds of a police officer being there at that moment? Not likely. (amazon review)"
Had a female friend who I was out whit that knew i was carrying, when she asked why I carry a gun i told her Because I can't carry a cop. She rolled her eyes but it worked, it seemed as though I was going to need it later that night (http://www.combatcarry.com/vbulletin...ad.php?t=19149) still not sure I trust that the situation was not more than it turned out to be.
"The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose."
-James Earl Jones
She's trying to manipulate you. Be strong. Carry anyways and be the leader in your home - you are responsible for your family's protection.
Right makes might - Abraham Lincoln