WHEN to tell the GF??
This is a discussion on WHEN to tell the GF?? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; So, I have been dating this gal for the past few weeks....when do I tell her that I carry? Obviously don't want to do it ...
March 24th, 2007 02:15 PM
WHEN to tell the GF??
So, I have been dating this gal for the past few weeks....when do I tell her that I carry? Obviously don't want to do it too soon, as it may freak her out. I have also had the idea to keep in to myself, until she finds out on her own, i.e. she sees it, or heaven forbid I have to use it. The plus with keeping it to myself is that she will have spent a lot of time with me and know I'm no crazy. The negative would be a possible lack of trust perception.....any help from those who have been through this. My GUESS is that neither her, nor her family have done any shooting.
March 24th, 2007 02:15 PM
March 24th, 2007 02:28 PM
You refer to her as your GF and, from that, I assume that the relationship could be going somewhere. My advice is to tell her as early in the relationship as possible. So many of the posts in these forums tell a sad story of a guy that is really hooked on a gal and she finds out that he carries and the trouble begins. Now he is faced with the question of, "the lady or the gun" and IMHO that is not a question that should make or break a long term relationship. But, sad to say, it so often does. Tell her as soon as possible. If she does not react negatively great. If she does react negatively, better early than late. FWIW
ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR VISION AND HEARING
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March 24th, 2007 02:31 PM
Originally Posted by dairycreek
If she is your "girlfriend" then I think you should tell her.
If she is someone that you are dating, then I don't see the need.
March 24th, 2007 02:36 PM
Through your discussions try and find out her opinion regarding firearms and the associated politics. If she already shares your opinion introducing her to your "secret" shouldn't be a big deal, if she doesn't explain your opinion and see what she thinks. Either way you do need to get it out in the open sometime soon.
When it comes to relationships...honesty is the best policy!
March 24th, 2007 02:47 PM
If you do tell her or a thing to consider is how she acts now that she know you do carry. She has to know to NOT spill the beans.
I am sure you have seen the type that....lets say some guy or gal says something rude to her or god forbids piches her a**. If she is the type that won't let something go. The type that gets people into fights, she could let it be known that you carry, right at the time you would not want that info out.
For me, the less people that know the better. If you have to tell her, make sure she knows the rules and why they are there!! Also make sure you know her wel enough to trust her. What if you have a nasty break up. Would she tell everyone and their mother that you carrry?
Things to think of.
March 24th, 2007 03:13 PM
Why not make an excuse to visit the range with her? Or better yet, tell her that you're going shooting . . . "would you like to join me"? Offer to teach her.
These approaches will give you some sort of reaction from which to go on. You can then try education, if she cares enough to listen.
I've had guns and a permit for 31 years and my Wife still doesn't understand why I carry when I do! Getting into the "I carry and here's why!" from the get-go is a ticket to disaster in your relationship IMNSHO. Start slow and let her just know that you own them and shoot them first, then let things roll from there.
March 24th, 2007 03:25 PM
Take her shooting. Don't let on that you carry, just make a range date. Tell her you like to shoot, if she doesn't already know, and you think it'd be a good time. Make it a fun date, maybe with a picnic lunch and all. Don't be too focused on marksmanship and have a good time. I've done that before and it seems like people are more comfortable to see that you are mature with your firearms, and then afterwards find out you carry one.
March 24th, 2007 04:21 PM
I agree with Jared McLaughlin above. I think that taking her to the range first will be a good barometer of her feelings on the subject. I would not bring up the CCW subject at first, but instead try to find out her position on gun ownership and use in general. If she agrees to go to the shooting range and try a gun, you will know that she is open minded on the subject.
If on the other hand she says she belongs to the Million Mom March and believes all guns should be melted down, you will have a good data point.
March 24th, 2007 04:33 PM
DON'T TELL HER! That will just give her one more thing to ***** about!
I would wait until she finds it and says "Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me?"
Then you can reply with..."Oh...yeah...it's a gun."
ONCE AGAIN- JUST KIDDING!
Seriously...if this "relationship" IS that indeed - A RELATIONSHIP - you really should tell her - tonight - over a nice dinner. Keeping secrets from a person you care deeply about is a recipe for disaster!
March 24th, 2007 04:36 PM
Lens and Jared speak wisely
March 24th, 2007 04:40 PM
OK, if you have been dating her for the past few weeks why hasn't she found it yet?
It sounds to me like this is a friendship, not serious dating material. She seems to just be a friend of the female persusion to me. I know that any female of the species that I was dating, back before I got married invoved a lot of skin to skin hands on contact. They all found my gun(s) during those times.
Take her to the range and go shooting. It will be a great way to possibly introduce her to firearms, if she hasn't already been introduced to them.
March 24th, 2007 05:31 PM
I personally could not imagine entering a relationship with someone who did not know that I carry. It may not be something that I mention on a first date, but it's going to have to come up before there's a first kiss.
March 24th, 2007 09:59 PM
+1 LenS and Jared. I've had some good luck with this and turned some girls into avid shooters. Usually, they'll like it once they try it unless they've got a reason (good or not) to hate guns.
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"It is enough to note, as we have observed, that the American people have considered the handgun to be the quintessential self-defense weapon." - Justice Scalia, SCOTUS - DC v Heller - 26 JUN 2008
March 24th, 2007 10:14 PM
Well, I'm not all that wise, I just know from experience. I've actually been told a couple times that some women find a man that is a good marksman to be attractive. Hint: those are the good ones.
March 24th, 2007 11:21 PM
Okay, as a gal myself, here's what I think.. sure, I was raised with guns, but I think the same ideas apply.
First, butter her up a little bit. Take her to a nice dinner, buy her flowers, all that (or maybe skip the flowers), but definitely make a night for HER.
While you are at dinner and talking, start with something like this...
"You know, I really enjoyed the evening and I really enjoy my time with you, I can really see this possibly going somewhere in the future and in light of that I think it's only fair that I am honest with you. I don't know if you realized this yet or not, but I'm a gun person. I enjoy guns, I like to shoot them and so forth, and since guns and weaponry are a part of my life, I wanted to get your opinion on them."
Now, note that you are NOT telling her you are carrying at this point, you are getting her opinions about guns. If she says she HATES them and they scare the crap out of her, well, then you need to first ease her into the benefits of guns and butter her up about them a little bit. Give her some information, try to win her over to guns, period, first.
If she says that she really isn't here or there about it and that she really isn't sure and never really thought about it, well then it's your chance to let her know. Tell her a story (we women love stories)...
"Well, you see, a couple years ago," I'm making this all up, but insert your own story, "I was concerned about the rise of crime in our area. While I had a gun for home defense I didn't feel it was enough and so I went and got my concealed weapons permit. Ever since I have been armed."
She will probably be surprised, and say something to that effect, but whatever conversation you have at that point, finish it up with...
"I just wanted to be honest with you and open because I think that's the right thing to do, especially considering how close I feel to you and I knew that I could share this with you and I just don't want to keep things from you at all."
It may be bull, but you'll get big watery eyes and an, "AWWWW, that is SOOOO sweet. Thank you."
You'll do fine.
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