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Friends Get Bold With You Carrying?

6K views 85 replies 69 participants last post by  snowdoctor 
#1 ·
I don't know if you can call this a dilemma or not. But now that I am carrying friends around me have become more bold while we are out.

Example, in a restaurant and someone at another table is being rude, obnoxious and just plain out right being an :censored:. Friend turns and tells them to knock it off and shut the ****up. They turn back to the table and exclaim "I am not to worried because so and so is carrying right now."


I have tried telling them that I am not carrying for them to be "big men" nor do I answer the question when they ask if I am CCing or not. They know I know the laws of my state and they also know that I know if my handgun can be drawn or not in a situation. But in the instance of the restaurant, if that guy came over and tried to start something, I would just sit there and enjoy the fact that my buddy will probably get his butt kicked for being a smart a$$. (Hey, a few punches never hurt to learn a lesson :buttkick:)

I think it has just come down to "We can be bad a$$es because our number 5 buddy in our group has a gun." I have been friends with these guys for over 8 years now, so finding new friends is not really an answer. I am assuming this is just going to be a phase that they will soon pass through. Otherwise, I might need to step it up and become a **** to them about my carrying.

Did anyone else go through this with friends? I know a good portion of people carrying have a gap between my age and theirs but we all started somewhere.

P.S. Not a new member, just said buddies periodically come on here and trying to have this resolved silently before I bring it to them. Need more ammo for my argument I guess you could say.

Stay Safe
 
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#2 ·
I think you have to have a serious sit down talk with your friends. Explain to them how dangerous both physically and legally it is for them to be doing what they are doing and I'm sure they will stop if they are good friends. It doesn't have to be a long talk, but make sure they know you are very serious. Simply, tell them that what they are doing is not ok with you and it should end right there. But have that talk sooner rather than later...don't wait for it to happen again. Talk with them soon.
 
#3 ·
If it was me, I would tell them that if they are going to act like that and be stupid when we're out in public together, then I just won't go anywhere with them.
You can still have them over to your house, and go to theirs, but if they can't be trusted (after 8 years) to act like grown men in public then they are a liability - more trouble than they're worth. Posturing and acting tough is something monkeys do - we are humans.
 
#4 ·
I have been friends with these guys for over 8 years now, so finding new friends is not really an answer.
I'll try to say what I have to say objectively, and not be harsh.


- Your friends should never have been told that you carry. That's supposed to be YOUR secret. I hope you will use that as a policy in the future. You obviously see what happens when the knowledge is given out indiscriminately and some people are not mature enough to handle it.

- Your "friends" put you in jeopardy -- both physical and legal/financial. You say that finding new friends is not really an answer. Okay, fine, then you must accept the fact that if they continue to do this, your insistence on keeping them as friends could cost you the taking of a life, and possibly a prison sentence. These friends are that worthy?

Me, I would tell them what was wrong with their behavior, and insist that if it is ever repeated again, it will be the last contact we ever have together. That's if I was feeling kind. If I wasn't, I'd just drop them right now. I'd rather be totally without friends than have friends who could cost me like yours could cost you.

What your friend did was actually "assault," I think.
 
#5 ·
Find different friends...or tell them that if they start something, they are the ones who are going to finish it--because you are leaving.

You need to stay away from people who are using you as their backup when your friends are the ones provoking the problem. Find some other way to resolve a problem--picking a fight is NOT the solution.
 
#24 ·
Exactly the correct way to handle it. I have two close friends that know I carry - and they're married to each other. We've been best friends for close to 30 years now and they're more like family to me.
My own brother on the other hand, doesn't have any idea. He's an alcoholic and drug abuser/addict who likes to fight (no, we don't get together much but sometimes it can't be helped: Funerals, weddings, etc.).

Point is, be very selective about whom you tell about your permit and don't let anyone back you into a corner where you're forced to back up their provocations. Any way it ends, you're gonna lose.
Jack

Edit: Years ago before I got my permit, my FIL asked if I had my gun (in public) because we were going to a rough part of town for a graduation. I made it a point NOT to tell him when I got my permit because he simply can't keep his mouth shut.
 
#7 ·
It is unacceptable. I have people I've been friends with for 15 years, and I would quit hanging out with them in a second if they did that. It was cool to act like that when we were 16, it isn't now.

If you insist on hanging out with them you need to understand that sooner or later they're going to run their mouths at the wrong person and they'll pay the price. You have a choice to make, I'd suggest helping that person beat the snot out of them.
 
#8 ·
casually tell them that you decided not to carry when you are with them because of some of the things that have happened.
let them ask you what that is and then simply explain your situation to them without degrading them or talking down to them and see how they react. then they should realize that their behavior could get you a prison sentence or make you broke or worse yet,BOTH!
if they dont seem to care than maybe you would be better off without them anyway.
 
#9 ·
Peaceful Jeffery is right. It should be your secret. Only my husband and my adult daughter know for sure...and because my purse has weight now that is deceptive. But...the cat's out of the bag...now it is time to take your friends to "school". You have to explain to them why you carry concealed and it is not to be a big man or start fights. Let them know the legal responsibility you have. Your CCW is not a permit to allow you to start fights or settle theirs. Let them know that you have a duty to walk away when someone might call you a A hole or the like (please excuse my "french"). If you don't and it grows to a matter of using your firearm...it is a tough one to fight in a court of law. Will they find a lawyer for you and pay any legal and civil fines or settlements?? Set them down at your house....try to make it pleasent and informative for them. If they continue you have two choices....leave your weapon at home OR don't hang with these guys...and let them know THAT and why. Now, don't be quick to give up your secret again. Keep it as dear as you keep your freedom. Good luck...as I hope it works out for you and your friends.
 
#11 ·
None of my friends ever know that I am carrying. I never even tell anyone that I have a permit to carry. Being in California they wouldn't understand anyway. This is my business and noone elses. I do not carry to be cool or billy bad @--. You are carrying because it is your right as an american and nobody needs to be concerned with that but me.
 
#19 · (Edited by Moderator)
Well the secret went down the drain when my parents asked them if they minded me carrying a gun everywhere they went. :scruntiny:

I was also Open Carrying for a few months before I started my CC. So it is rather obvious that if the gun disappears but I have been carrying for a while its just hidden.


Now I did not have any issues until I started CC with my buddies. I guess he figured its hidden and the person wont know I have it instead of it OWB.

I told a few of my buddys that when we hang out, don't ask me if i'm carrying, and don't act like an "jerk" if they think i'm carrying...It caught them by surprise by just how serious I was, i'm usually the funny guy in the group or at work, so they understood, and not once have they asked if i'm carrying during get togethers, and they act like adults.
Thats my next step right there. I have stated it before but not in a demanding voice.



Now, I have made it clear about my intent to them. I actually did it last night, ,made the post today to see what people said. I am no push over, I am actually more of the Chief/Leader in our group. Just some of them think they can be billy bad *** with me around. I have gotten to the point of when billy bad *** makes a comment or says someone should tell that guy to "........." I make a stand and tell him hes on his own because I am not helping.

Granted if it got to the point where he would not stop doing what he is doing I would walk away from him and never call him again. His comments since I have been carrying has started to calm down. I am hoping it will end before this weekend is done. I guess we will see how tonight goes.

Good point on the lawyer fees and what not. Maybe I will hit him with that also. Let him know that if something does happen because of his ignorance and I become involved. He can pay my 10k lawyer fees.


I do know that the rest of the group actually likes the fact that I carry. Especially with some of the areas we have to drive through. We have seen alot of things happen at just those 2 stop lights. Have had to run a red light numerous times because of people circling the car and walking towards us.

Thanks for all the input.

Stay Safe
 
#12 ·
I told a few of my buddys that when we hang out, don't ask me if i'm carrying, and don't act like an :censored: if they think i'm carrying...It caught them by surprise by just how serious I was, i'm usually the funny guy in the group or at work, so they understood, and not once have they asked if i'm carrying during get togethers, and they act like adults.
 
#16 ·
Looks like all your answers are about the same. Most of my friends carry those that don’t, don’t know that I carry. For that matter most of those that do don’t know that I carry. I was doing laundry the other night and through my shirt in the load. It was not until then that my wife of 24 years realized that I was carrying that day. Not something I spread around.
 
#18 ·
My friends know I carry, but its the same as I explained when going to the bar years ago. You start something you're on your own. Someone else starts it, I will back you up.
 
#21 · (Edited)
...friend turns and tells them to knock it off and shut the ****up. They turn back to the table and exclaim "I am not to worried because so and so is carrying right now."...

...I have been friends with these guys for over 8 years now, so finding new friends is not really an answer. I am assuming this is just going to be a phase that they will soon pass through...
Stay Safe
This sounds like a HUGE liability to me. I guess I've been lucky about that. Some of my friends do know I carry, (fellow gun nuts) but I haven't had any situations where their behavior has changed.

I'm no "social butterfly", but finding new friends is always a answer. I would try and make myself as clear as possible, and if they do not respect that, they aren't the kind of friends you want.
 
#22 ·
My friends are mature adults. Nobody asks if I'm carrying, they just KNOW I am and that I won't put up with one iota of such immature crappola. This is exactly what happened in my youth when I carried a badge for a living. I would have "civilian" friends introduce me to their other friends with my name and occupation. This was for twofold reasons: #1 Don't do or indicate you're into anything ILLEGAL here! #2 My friend has power as a LEO. Because he IS my friend...I ALSO have power. I dropped "friends" like that awfully fast. That's pretty much why cops usually only hang out off duty with other cops and THAT is one sick subculture of paranoia and hostility. I know, I did a paper on it once for my Psychology class when I was a student, rather than a Psychology teacher.
 
#23 ·
I'm not bitter but I am a little smarter.

I have learned the hard way NOT to ever trust ANYONE regarding my CCW. :blackeye:

My wife knows but if she didn't have to I don't think I would even tell her! Okay, that may be over the top but seriously...

"I can neither confirm nor deny that I now have or ever have had a concealed firearm nor can I confirm nor deny any knowledge of anyone who ever has had a concealed firearm!" :scruntiny:

I may make THAT my new signature!!!
 
#26 ·
I guess I'm lucky that most of my friends are responsible adults...who also carry. Yet, there are many people in my life that shall not know: my mother is one and my sister-in-law is yet another. Heck, I went to a funeral in Oklahoma just over a week ago...and had to make sure that NOBODY in the party knew. (Yep...they were all family:sheep:.) It was a very good test.:danceban:

My advice is to tell'em to "get a check-up from the neck up"...or...(whatever alternate condition you are willing to impose).

Hmmm...concealment can save a world of trouble.

Good luck.

Michael
 
#28 ·
I have a friend that Commented about it once to someone. This friend had walked in the house beofre I had put a cover shirt on and noticed I carry. After he commented about and having his second hole sewn shut in his large rearend He has never said another thing. Some folks at school know I carry because I talk about it there trying to educate people since I can not carry there due to policy and law.
 
#29 · (Edited)
A lot of my friends "assume" I have ccw just because they know my stance on gun issues, know I own guns, and know I'm a swat team medic.

Most have never out right asked me if "I'm Packing", and those that have, I either say "None of your business!" or "Yes, if you ask me again, or mention it to anyone we won't be hanging out together anymore!" depending on the circumstances and how close of a friend they are.

I find with those two responses, and by the tone of my voice, they know exactly how serious I am about them keeping thier mouth shut.

I think maybe 6 or 7 people actually know I have ccw excluding the LEO's I am associated with.

That gun on your hip is your "Ace in the Hole" last ditch piece of emergency life saving equipment used only to save your life in an immediate, and otherwise unavoidable threat of death or crippling injury.

As law abiding citizens, we are bound to wait and "respond" to the threat in which the BG has already set in motion. If we whip out our "heaters" too soon, we now may be considered to be "brandishing a deadly weapon" and could be guilty of "armed criminal action" depending on your state laws and if someone wants to push it to that extent. So in essence, we are already behind the curve and playing "catch-up" when responding to a deadly threat.

Therefore, it is imparative that your concealed weapon remains hidden. Your element of suprise is part of what will keep you alive when faced with such deadly circumstances.

As few people as possible who know you have that "ace in the hole" the better your chance of survival.

If your traveling companions do not know you are armed and think everyone in your party is unarmed, they are less likely to tip your hand in a violent encounter. That allows you more time to assess the situation, make your decision and employ your "emergency life saving tool" using that element of surprise which may save your life or the life of others.

If you and a group of your friends are confronted in an armed attack, and while you are attempting to assess the situation, weigh your options and pick your moment of counter attack, and one of your friends blurts out "Get your gun" or "shoot him", it could be a fatal blunder for everyone.
 
#30 ·
I just realized -- has anyone mentioned that maybe you should tell these friends to start carrying guns themselves?! (Within the law, with license, I mean.)

Then they can be their own mr. bada**, right? And we'll see if they get themselves into trouble.
 
#31 ·
I tried that, and there have been 3 new handgun purchases in the last month among those friends/coworkers I've told. One of 'em got a S&W Sigma .40, one got an M&P compact 9mm, and one bought a Walther P1 (not for CCW, but for home and plinking - it's his first gun, he was raised Quaker). I don't think that's a bad thing - all of these people know that there is a time and place to talk shop about guns, but it is not when the SHTF. If a situation like that ever erupts at work, I know, and they know, who the other sheepdogs are.
 
#32 ·
I am now 70 years of age and I have been carrying concealed for nearly 40 years. Only my closest family knows that I carry. Other than that I have maintained a strict, personal policy of never telling anyone that I carry. That you carry is your business and yours alone. You made a mistake when you told your friends! My advice is to never make it again. As to your current friends, explain to them both your position and your desire and respectfully request that they never raise the issue again. Those that respect your wishes remain your friends. Those that do not stop being your friends immediately. It's as hard and simple as that.
 
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