An Interesting Conversation With A Scared Friend

An Interesting Conversation With A Scared Friend

This is a discussion on An Interesting Conversation With A Scared Friend within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I had an enlightening conversation with one of my "older" friends. She is 50ish, well to do as her late husband had some great patents, ...

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Thread: An Interesting Conversation With A Scared Friend

  1. #1
    Member Array FknRa's Avatar
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    An Interesting Conversation With A Scared Friend

    I had an enlightening conversation with one of my "older" friends. She is 50ish, well to do as her late husband had some great patents, and her daughter reciently moved out.

    So she now lives alone and was apparently threatened reciently. She knows that I'm the gun nut so she came and talked to me. I'm only 24 so it feels odd having to talk about the very basics of the concept of owning a firearm for defence with someone twice my age. We talked a little about what it takes to purchase a firearm in california, The handgun safety certificate, The waiting period, background checks, the usual beginner stuff.

    What really caught my attention though, is how little of the "common sense" stuff she knew that we all take for granted.

    I tried to talk with her about differant calibers, trying out differant types of pistols and revolvers. But she was addimant that she wanted a .38 snubby, because she shot one of those when she was younger and was ok with the recoil. Me being me, I asked her about larger calibers and if she had tried them. Her response was she wanted just enough stopping power to stop in 1 or 2 shots and that (she hasn't fired a gun in over 15 years)

    I asked her if she just wanted a home defence gun or if she was going to carry it on her all the time. She indicated home defence. I attempted to suggest a shotgun, or a longer barrelled revolver as the shotgun takes less skill in a stressful situation to opperate and the longer barreled revolver would be a little more accurate and the weight would reduce felt recoil a little.

    Nope. No go. It's ok really though, her preferance is up to her. As long as she practices thats fine with me.

    I then talked with her a little about combat mindset and situational awareness. Her response to the combat mindset was, "Well I'm just going to shoot to kill", I tried to let her know that while I understood the way she felt, and that her acknowladgement that she might have to kill, that the law says shoot to stop the threat. She actually argued with me over that one.

    I am completely at peace with the fact that self defence may end in the death of another person. But the death of another person should not be the goal of self defence (in my opinion).

    I guess over all I was just supprised at the level of ignorance (not the bad kind, just the uneducated kind, she is willing to learn) that she had. It was an Eye opener to what the general public might think. And then to take her level of knowladge and think about applying an antigun bias to it, I almost understand why they want to ban guns. They just don't know anything about them.

    anyway enough rambling, time to get back to work.
    *************************************************
    As with all statements I've made and All that I will make, please check your local laws to verify accuracy. (and if i'm wrong let me know as I like to be right in the future) After all I'm just some goofball posting on an internet forum.
    To those that paid for my freedom,
    I WILL NEVER FORGET.

    As with all statements I've made and All that I will make, please check your local laws to verify accuracy. (and if i'm wrong let me know as I like to be right in the future) After all I'm just some goofball posting on an internet forum.


  2. #2
    Member Array Raider39a's Avatar
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    Education and enlightenment comes with hard work and in time. Why not take her to the range and show her different techniques and pistols? she might change her mind once she gets more experience and more exposure to such things. The NRA basic pistol class would be a good start too. just a few thoughts.
    "embrace the suck" - our warriors in the sandbox... it implies that do the best you can in impossible conditions.
    "no plan survives intact upon contact with the enemy" - wisdom of the Grunts.

  3. #3
    Member Array Xenia's Avatar
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    I am pleased she went out and got some advice and didn't just try to go and buy a gun.

    The shoot to kill idea is common. When i mentioned getting a gun to a friend their remark was "oh, so you can kill someone who breaks into your house?" I think that in discussing it they really meant "stop" someone but to many the idea of getting a gun is to get a gun to kill someone.

    I think that stops many from wanting a gun for self defense.

    Clearly, that is not the case for the friend of yours. But, I suspect that she might think "stop" means get them to stand still instead of make sure someone doesn't hurt her.

  4. #4
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    I am completely at peace with the fact that self defence may end in the death of another person. But the death of another person should not be the goal of self defence (in my opinion).
    That is the proper attitude.

    Actually, I'm surprised at your lady friend's "shoot to kill" mind-set. So many people that are not gun-savvy have the notion that they only want a gun to "scare" the robber, or rapist, or burglar, away, or that they would only shoot to wound. They could never actually kill anyone, after all. The concept of stopping the threat is a hard one to explain to such people.

    Good luck with educating your friend.


    When youíre wounded and left on Afghanistanís plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

  5. #5
    Member Array Harold Fastwaker's Avatar
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    I had a guy in my Concealed Carry class during the Q&A section ask the instructor: "So, when we have to draw and shoot somebody. We just keep shooting them until they are dead correct?"

    The instructor froze up for second, not only in confusion of where he got that idea from but the fact that nowhere in his 2 hour class did he every say Kill or keep shooting until dead.

    Shoot to stop the threat, not shoot to kill. If they die from loss of blood or possible Triangle Head shot then so be it. But I shoot to stop the threat.

  6. #6
    Member Array nextlevelcell's Avatar
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    WOW........

    that was my first thought for the first few minutes of reading your post about your friend. I am also very surprised as everyone else is about the "mind set" of your friend. Just keep working at it, and if she is a good enough friend maybe you can talk some good sense into her, and get her to the range and maybe even soem IDPA matches or something


  7. #7
    Distinguished Member Array AKsrule's Avatar
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    Sounds like a fairly normal situation.

    In addition to your advice , she NEEDS to take a SAFETY COURSE
    with a certified Instructor.

    The NRA has many courses available.

    http://www.nra.org/nralocal.aspx

    Find one in her area.
    -------
    -SIG , it's What's for Dinner-

    know your rights!
    http://www.handgunlaw.us

    "If I walk in the woods, I feel much more comfortable carrying a gun. What if you meet a bear in the woods that's going to attack you? You shoot it."
    {Bernhard Goetz}

  8. #8
    Member Array FknRa's Avatar
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    I've got a retired sherrif's deputy friend that I belive will be taking care of the initial training. She did seem slightly interested in CCW so there is some more class time that I think will help. (there are a couple of decent classes in el dorado county)

    I think one of the reasons she has the "Kill" mentality is she has been assaulted 2wice in the past and has stated before that "It WON'T happen again"
    To those that paid for my freedom,
    I WILL NEVER FORGET.

    As with all statements I've made and All that I will make, please check your local laws to verify accuracy. (and if i'm wrong let me know as I like to be right in the future) After all I'm just some goofball posting on an internet forum.

  9. #9
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    Array Bark'n's Avatar
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    your friend sounds like a practical woman in need of some sound guidance and someone willing to take the time to develop her knowledge base. Also, be sure to be a good listener and try not to monopolize the discussion.

    Listen to her concerns and answer her questions with good advice that is not based solely on your bias towards weapons and calibers.

    Make the effort to follow up with her and let her know you are seriously interested in her safety and becoming empowered to become responsible for her own safety and not living in fear.

    Take her shooting, and at that point introduce a variety of gun types and calibers to try out.

    I wouldn't necessarily push the shotgun on her. That is a pretty intimidating weapon and I have found a large number of women find it just too unwielding to use with a great deal of confidence in the confines of the home. I know a lot of men who have a hard time with defensive use of a shotgun. Wielding a shotgun as a defensive tool is a far cry from hunting or shooting clays with one.

    I think the shotgun is a goal to work up to once she has some shooting time under her belt, and has aquired a good dependable handgun she feels comfortable with.

    Good luck... Sounds like she doesn't have any problem confiding in someone 1/2 her age that she feels has some knowledge of the subject matter she is interested in.

    Feel free to run other ideas by us here in the forum or even steer her to our friendly place on the web.

    Peace Out! Sounds like you are doing a fine job coaching your friend.
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  10. #10
    Member Array armoredman's Avatar
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    Mu comeback to that was "I shoot to stop thier felonious assault. Dying is COMPLETELY up to them."
    If total government control equals safety, why are prisons so dangerous?

  11. #11
    Distinguished Member Array Colin's Avatar
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    Likely the shoot to kill mindset will be easier to adjust, than the "I only want to scare/wound them" concept. The fact she asked for advice means she is willing to be educated, likely though she will need to hear the same thing from someone older than yourself, just the way it is, older folks generally take advice better from even older folks!!

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    I say take her to the range and teach her. Let her learn at her own pace and she will be better off for it.

    She is looking to you for info and help, so share your mind set and see if you can help her.
    ,=====o00o _
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    (o)_)-o- (o)_)--o-)_)

  13. #13
    Senior Member Array Sergeant Mac's Avatar
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    You don't shoot to kill.

    You shoot to LIVE.

  14. #14
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    I can't control whether a person I shoot lives or dies....

    ....I can ONLY control whether the threat is STOPPED.
    It's not about the caliber you carry, it's about how you USE it.

    Acts 4:12
    (Mohammad Who?)

    1988 DIE HARD 2008
    NRA Member

  15. #15
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    Array Bark'n's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sergeant Mac View Post
    You don't shoot to kill.

    You shoot to LIVE.

    Way to go Mac Man... +1
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

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