etiquette for carrying into someone's home

This is a discussion on etiquette for carrying into someone's home within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Would you also tell if you were carrying a knife? Would blade length matter (i.e. only mention it if blade length was 3" or longer)? ...

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Thread: etiquette for carrying into someone's home

  1. #46
    Senior Member Array JohnKelly's Avatar
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    Would you also tell if you were carrying a knife? Would blade length matter (i.e. only mention it if blade length was 3" or longer)?

    How about if you were carrying OC spray?

    I don't mention it, if they find out (unlikely) I'll gauge they're reaction and decide if I want to visit again (also unlikely).

    I'd hate to have to stop for gas on the way back home and get carjacked/robbed/beaten/killed due to being unarmed cause they weren't comfortable with the method in which I provide for my family's safety.

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  3. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by PAExplorer View Post
    ... He said that he wouldn't want me playing with his son with a gun on my belt. I understand where he's coming from, ...
    I can't figure out where he's coming from, and I'm not certain where you stand on the issue either. It sounds as though you agree with his position that you not play with his son while you are carrying? He doesn't trust you or your gun - do you (trust yourself)?
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  4. #48
    VIP Member Array peacefuljeffrey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike from Texas View Post
    As much as I wouldn't want to be without my gun, I certainly wouldn't sacrifice visiting my family because they didn't want me carrying in their home. That's just a little over the top IMO. Family is everything.
    If family is everything, why don't they understand that a family member who is licensed to CCW should be trusted, not shunned? I think that's everyone's point here. It's disrespectful to act as though they have reason to fear the one who carries.

    If he's given them reason, over time, to think he's reckless or irresponsible, that's a different story. But I think we're just talking about hoplophobe here.

  5. #49
    Member Array stoneypete's Avatar
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    If one of my siblings told me no guns, I'd leave and take my wife and kids with me. My Dad would leave and take Mom with him and that sibbling would be persona non grata till they saw the light. We were all raised with guns so that would never happen.

    As for anyone that's not family, their house, their rules. I just would not visit and they would know why.

    Conceal it and shutup about it. Problem solved.
    'The assailant chooses the time, location and method of attack.

    Since they are unlikely to let you know ahead of time when, where and how violent they're going to be, you should always be prepared.' - matiki

  6. #50
    Member Array FLSquirrelHunter's Avatar
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    You asked for advice, so here's both barrels:
    1. Your brother is concerned for the safety of his son. Respect that. Lock your weapon in the vehicle while visiting him. If you don't feel safe in your brother's home, that's a different issue.
    2. Help your brother (and his wife?) get the paperwork, training, and a good choice of weapon for his own carry. He'll need secure storage so the boy doesn't get to it, and the most secure is on his hip. Once he realizes that carrying always implies "safely" he'll be happy to have you armed with him anywhere, especially in his home.

    I feel very secure when my brother is next to me with his weapon, and pity the BG dumb enough to get in our crossfire.

  7. #51
    Member Array FLSquirrelHunter's Avatar
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    BTW, some guns and methods of carry are better than others around youngsters. Up in Jax, a licensed carrier got a noisy surprise and flashburns when his grandaughter's run/jump/hug set off his protection. Excited little hands go everywhere. Plenty of embarrassed excitement but no blood and no charges filed. Condition 1 and a backstrap would have been safer than Glock that day. Heck, even a holster covering the trigger would have prevented it
    Last edited by FLSquirrelHunter; July 4th, 2007 at 08:06 AM. Reason: not trying to bash Glocks

  8. #52
    Distinguished Member Array JerryM's Avatar
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    If my brother, sister, or friend objected to my carrying in his/her home, I would not carry there. It is certainly not worth having problems and maybe severing a friendship or harming a family relationship over. Each person has a right to make the rules for his house.

    I abide by those if I know them. I have nephew who got his CHL, but does not carry. He has said he is just not comfortable carrying on his person, although he does have one in his car. He has to go through some rough areas, but does not want to carry. I consider that to be his own call.

    He has never made any comment about my carrying, but I do not carry in his house. I respect the fact that he might not want anyone to carry in his house. I have not asked, but I find it not a problem to leave my gun in the car when at his house.

    Best,
    Jerry

  9. #53
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    wow, as usual a lot of varying opinions here, lots of good advice/info

    as for me....ALL of my family are pro-gun so me personally I don't have any problems in this regard;
    as for carrying elsewhere/friend's/stranger's house.......I carry everywhere I legally am able to .....period, they won't know I'm carrying unless the SHTF
    I would always take the opportunity to discuss firearms/CCW in a MATURE manner and hopefully educate anyone I could.
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  10. #54
    Member Array SemperGumby's Avatar
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    My brother and I had a three hour discussion (read argument) about concealed carry one night at a bar while I was home visiting in VA. He's known for years that I have a permit, something that my parents didn't know, and for some reason he liked to drop that little tidbit during dinners out during my visits home. The conversation would just tend to skip over him for some reason at that point, probably because my mother hates guns and my dad doesn't want to upset her and I don't want to get into it with all of them at once.

    Anywho, he let it be known towards the end of the conversation and many beers later that he didn't want to me to carry if I were around him. The basis of his argument being that we shouldn't just react to the problems in society on an individual basis (such as each person carrying a gun for protection) but that we should work as a whole for a better world by setting the example. I guess he meant not "living in fear" and going around unarmed set a good example and that's how the world should be. A viewpoint I cannot understand but I was too drunk and my bro is far too stubborn and good an arguer for me to waste my time. Oh, and of course he touched on how unlikely it would be that I would ever need a weapon. He's one of those people who is always right and has an answer for everything. Freaking infuriating. Needless to say he's applying to law schools to study environmental law. I wish I could remember more of the conversation but it's been too long and I had had too many beers.

    To get back to the thread: he stated that he trusted me with a firearm but didn't trust the rest of society and so none of us should have guns. At which point he stated that he didn't want to be around me if I was carrying. I've thus far honored his wish as we always seem to be drinking when we're hanging out and I don't carry while boozing. I've since then gotten my PA LTCF which now allows me to CC in VA but I'd have to OC in bars and that's something I'm not comfortable with. Would be interesting to see his reaction if I walked in with my Glock on my hip. Maybe someday. And his gf takes my side all the other times it's come up since, and she's from CA.

    When I go into other people's houses I don't carry unless I'm certain that they're cool with it.

    Sorry for the long post but his reaction bothered me just as much as the OP's bro's reaction bothered him, nice to see I'm not alone.
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  11. #55
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    I don't have any friends that are anti-gun. Some of my friends wives are that way, but the rule of law is already established before I enter. If they forbid, I don't visit their home but may meet them for dinner or something out. They know I'll be armed in such a case.
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  12. #56
    Member Array gotammo's Avatar
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    Its there house if they don't want it don't carry it. Its their house and their rules and you should follow them just as they follow the rules on your property. If you don't like it leave and don't go back.

  13. #57
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SemperGumby View Post
    My brother ... stated that he trusted me with a firearm but didn't trust the rest of society and so none of us should have guns. At which point he stated that he didn't want to be around me if I was carrying.
    He trusts you, and he trusts you with a firearm around him. He distrusts the rest of society and deems that's a solid foundation for believing we shouldn't have the ability to protect ourselves? Is he on prescription valium? No misplaced "higher" sense of duty to society at large changes that fact that society won't give a damn if you're attacked.

    That's no reason at all. It's tantamount to saying: others expect us to be sheep and take it in the shorts, if attacked, so that's what we should do, because that shows we're setting some sort of "good example" and all. You don't owe anyone anything, if it puts you and your family at risk.

    I'm in a similar situation, so I can appreciate the problem. But keep in mind that it's your brother's problem, not yours. My mother's a social prude. She likes it how she likes it, rationality be damned. She believes I've got sheep's clothing on, simply based on the fact that I carry. She's that wary, given that "gun" is the topic, despite knowing and respecting me otherwise. Yet, she understands she gets only one choice: whether to see me or not. I'll carry.

    She gets to see me, on that basis. She gets to decide to not see me, on that basis. But she does not get to decide that I change my ability to protect myself or my family because she's uncomfortable with guns in general. I've seen too many things happen and value my (and her) life too highly to leave it to chance. Nicely, she has yet to hold that above my head as some sort of threat (my carrying). Gatherings are a bit cool, sure. We've had a few talks and, though she appreciates the logic, she can't see the result. Still, I'd like to think she respects my conviction and having thought it through, despite disliking the tool.

    Either way, this remains her problem.

    Friends and family can be strange, at times. Go figure.
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  14. #58
    Senior Member Array mocarryguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike from Texas View Post
    As much as I wouldn't want to be without my gun, I certainly wouldn't sacrifice visiting my family because they didn't want me carrying in their home. That's just a little over the top IMO. Family is everything.
    +1 on family. Growing up, all I had was family. I would do nothing to jeopardize that today.
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  15. #59
    Member Array briar's Avatar
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    well if it was my brother, he knows me he can take it or leave it. i have carried in others homes and didn't tell them.

  16. #60
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    The point is that the brother wants you to not carry for HIS peace of mind, but now YOU have none because you knuckled under. So would you volunteer to feel bad so your brother can feel good?

    Caring about the extended family can be good, but it shouldn't be unconditional, because there is always the person who perceives that as weakness and takes advantage of it. When I moved out of my parent's house and got married, I created a new family, and my parents and siblings became my extended family. Part of my life became private and apart from that extended family, and it became none of their business. I no longer needed anyone's approval exept my wife's. And I made this plain to everyone. We all get along, and I criticize nobody, and get none in return.
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