"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you hap....wait... that IS a gun in your pocket!"
This is a discussion on Getting 'friendly' within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you hap....wait... that IS a gun in your pocket!"...
"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you hap....wait... that IS a gun in your pocket!"
As already stated, my husband and I are pretty affectionate with one another.
When my husband first started carrying he was very... stiff (for lack of a better word). He would not let me hug him, he never wanted me to touch him when he was carrying, he was paranoid, not letting me even put my arm around him...
Needless to say it made for a little tension in the marriage.
BUT... over time, the more he got used to things, the more he relaxed and the better things got.
As posted before, often I hug him and reach under his shirt and actually hang on to the grip of his gun, sometimes I'll fidget with the hammer even. He puts his arms around me and he rests his hand on my gun.
Sometimes, if I'm exhausted after a long day he'll carry me to bed and take my gun off of me and tuck me in.
I trust him and his guns as much as I trust him. He can put his arm around me and touch my gun all he wants to, that doesn't bother me.
Before I had my permit to carry John would carry a second gun for me to draw off of him if need be. Also, if anything happened where John couldn't draw it was my responsibility to get behind him, draw his gun in a way that made it look like I was just clinging to him for security and then use him as cover as I open fire.
If I were hugging him and something went down, he wouldn't hesitate to pull my gun if it were closest and I wouldn't hesitate to pull his.
I've said this before, but I'll say it again: my husband and I are more than just a marital team, we are a tactical team. If I can't trust him with his arms around me, with his hand on my gun, then I need to reconsider a few things. Likewise, if he can't trust me and my knowledge and ability than we need to do some work.
One, I think some relaxation would be a good thing. As long as you trust her, there's no reason why you should be worried about her hand brushing your gun. As it's holstered and secured nothing she can do to it (short of pulling it OUT of the holster and pulling the trigger) would hurt you.
Two, she does need to learn that nothing short of the above mentioned actions is going to make the gun go off if she hugs you and she touches it. She may be uncomfortable but she doesn't need to be.
What I would recommend doing is finding a diagram of your gun on the internet or somewhere else. Show her the parts and how it works and let her see what is required to happen for a gun to fire. You can tell someone over and over again that nothing short of trigger manipulation will make a gun fire, but unless they see why that's necessary, they won't get it.
I remember the first time I saw the internal workings of the 1911. I was SO impressed and my respect and comfort went up about 200% after that because now I KNEW how my gun worked and it made a world of difference.
If you know what you're doing, take the gun down and explain to her the working parts and how it operates. Let her handle the pieces and try to put it back together. Let her see how intricate it all is and how it is designed to be safe and secure.
My wife has gone from deep distrust to tolerance. Coming home late one night from a party she locked the card doors instinctively. I reminded her I was carrying and I saw a faint smile in the almost dark interior. Progress!
Oh, I carry an MA1 9mm Steyr that I love. My only regret was not getting a 40. Light, ergonmic, and deadly accurate in spite of me. Not sure why it has not gotten better press. Very inexpensive on CDNN.
I don't understand the fear/mistrust/hatred that some women have for guns. When I DH and I started dating, his guns were never an issue in or out of uniform. Some people have a gun bias because of what they hear from others or what they assume to be the truth. I get a lot of "aren't you afraid that you could accidentally shoot yourself?" like the gun is going to magically jump out of my holster and shoot me
I think if you are calm and up front about the issue, show her the unloaded gun and how to work it, you may be surprised about how accepting she may be. Or don't push it and just readjust her arms when she hugs you, then smile and say something nice. (This is how DH first programmed me when I hugged him around his waist.)
You can't go wrong with a smile and a compliment!
Protect or I seeing as we are waiting for our CCWs <throws a rock at OKC> only carry around the house right now. The first time I came home from work, gave him a hug and brushed his gun it really startled me pretty bad. But now it's almost like a worry stone if he is carrying when hug him.
If she is openminded to it she will get used to it and will wonder where it is when she doesn't feel it.
My wife usually lays her hand on it if she brushes it. She knows that unless I'm in uniform(USAF) that I am almost 100% of the time carrying. She is understanding of it and she's told me that it makes her feel more safe. She's actually my approving authority on wether or not I'm printing.
“They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security” Benjamin Franklin
I'm not pro gun, I'm pro rights. What are you?
yeah, my wife carries too so no problems there... Most people are talking about their spousal units in this thread...
I think you asked about other people touching you as well...
If you have family and some friends who are the "huggy" type... When a hug gets initiated, just make sure you go for their waist first, forcing them to hug you high around your neck or shoulders and they usually won't feel a thing.
I have had two people who know I carry, playing around, try to come up and grab me around my waist to try see if I was carrying or not. If anyone does that, I execute a "pin and spin" gun retention technique that ends up putting them in a quick #1 wrist lock. And I always apply a little "pain" compliance with that, and inform them that it is neither appropriate to do that or will it be tolerated again (ie, quite possibly a broken wrist). They've never done it since... and were rather quite surprised at my response as well.
If a stranger grabs me where my gun is, they will get a broken wrist and then drilled face first into the ground and when they look up will be staring at the business end of my gun.
Last edited by Bark'n; July 11th, 2007 at 03:36 AM.
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
Get a Smartcarry, oh wait, nevermind.
My wife is very comfortable with me carrying and has often checked to make sure I am. That's why I started carrying in the front pocket.
My gf is doing an internship this summer so we don't get to see each other that often. She hasn't seen me since I got my permit, but I really don't think she would notice seeing as how I now pocket carry.
My wife went from intolerant and uncomfortable when she touched a gun; to tolerant; to patting around to find it if she DIDN'T feel it when she hugged me; to buying one of her own.
Now we just have to get her to apply for a CHL and my nefarious plan will be complete! Bwaahahaha! <-- Evil villain laugh.
I think the turning point was when we found a lost dog and were returning it to the address on his tag. It was meth-lab central. Wife looked out the window of my truck and asked: "Do you have your gun?" I smiled and said "Does the Pope crap in the woods?"
"I am a Soldier. I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight." GEN George S. Patton, Jr.
Ah well... my wife hates the idea that I carry. In 35 years, this was the only time I couldn't find it in my heart to compromise and I told her I was sorry that she felt that way but I was going to continue to carry.
Well, when she come to hug me and she forgets and lets her hand reach around my right side (0430), it ends the hug real darn fast!
ALWAYS carry! - NEVER tell!
"A superior Operator is best defined as someone who uses his superior
judgement to keep himself out of situations that would require a display of his
To the OP,
Show her how the holster covers the trigger and take the time to explain how the weapon works and how it will not fire unless the trigger is pulled. Take the time to put her at ease. Both of you with be much more comfortable.
I bring up the fact I carry pretty early in the relationship process. One, so they want freak out if they feel or see my Glocks and two, to weed out the antis. Which BTW, I haven't found yet. I've even incorporated range time as a "dating" activity and it's been a blast in more ways than one. I can't believe how many women comment on how good and/or sexy burnt gunpowder smells.
My current GF live 190 miles away and her ex-husband was a Deputy Sheriff and knowing I had a CHP put her mind at ease about my character. She has no concerns about me carrying around her or her two young boys, although the boys don't and won't know for some time. She prefers that I take the weapon off when we start to get uhhmmm... frisky. I have absolutely no problem complying and my Glock goes into my traveling safe. In the morning when I get dressed she brings me the safe, helps me dress, and checks to see if I'm printing, not that it matters too much since O.C. is legal here.
Edit. I forgot the mention the first time we met we went to a park/recreation area and were involved in some serious PDA when she asked what I had on my waist. She smiled and pointed to my left side. She outed my phone. It was only when I took her hand and slid it down my right side did her eyes get wide and she blurted out "You're packing!" I told her yes I was and that I do 24/7. She commented how safe small town Nebraska is and I although tend to agree, I pointed out there are always strangers moving through or stopping in town and her and her boys safety as well as my own is a priority to me. I couldn't live with myself is anything happened to them that I could have prevented but couldn't because I wasn't carrying. She dropped the subject and hasn't mentioned it since.
Last edited by fireman69; July 21st, 2007 at 07:23 PM. Reason: Forgot to add something
Carrying either a Glock 23 or 30 each w/ TruGlo TFO in Comp Tac C-TAC holsters since obtaining Nebraska CHP in Feb. 2007
<---------------------The reason I carry.