How to explain to the parents

This is a discussion on How to explain to the parents within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Background: Im 21. Attending college 500 miles from home but am kinda home for the summer. technically living with the parents. realistically living with the ...

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Thread: How to explain to the parents

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array friesepferd's Avatar
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    How to explain to the parents

    Background:
    Im 21. Attending college 500 miles from home but am kinda home for the summer. technically living with the parents. realistically living with the bf. Applied for my CPL and am waiting for the letter. Was hoping I could avoid the confrontation with the parents. Dad is fairly conservative. Mom is very much not so.

    So I get a call from my dad today...
    Dad: So You got some mail today. Your cell phone bill and a letter from the county clerk saying you have applied for your concealed pistol permit and you have your hearing before the gun board on Tues the 21st at 11:20 AM....
    Me (thinking @$@$ you just had to read and open my mail didnt ya): Yea...
    Dad: Do you really think this is nessisary...
    Me: Look Ill talk to you guys about this when Im back from my camping trip this weekend ok. Until then just dont be letting mom tell everyone about this
    Dad: Yea shes passed out on the floor right now. im fanning her. OK well keep this concealed (he has a very funny dry sense of humor)

    So I have no problem explaining why Im getting my CPL to anyone else in the world. But my parents? this is going to be more difficult.
    The first time my mom heard that I shot pistols for fun at the range she just about started crying. Since then I bought her out shooting once and shes much better about that now but still.. shes a lefty. She doesnt use reason. She uses emotions.
    My Dad is a very reasonable clear headed business man. If it were just him it wouldnt be that hard of a talk. But then again. I am his little girl and he is having a hard time letting me go. Im pretty sure he still thinks im 5.

    Any suggestions how to go about doing this? Its different explaining it to mom and dad.

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  3. #2
    Member Array Serenity's Avatar
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    Simple:

    You care enough about his daughter to make sure, to the best of your ability, that she's safe every minute of the day.

    You have no other motive, by carrying a firearm, than to do all in your power to make sure that she is never touched by the scum and weirdos that stalk our streets.

    If your motives are any less than this....I'll shoot you myself on general principles. I would put a nice "smiley" at this point. But, as I think of my own daughter...I'm dead serious.
    "Friend, I would not harm thee for all the world, but thou art standing where I am about to shoot."--Unknown Quaker

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    Member Array Cosmo's Avatar
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    Two words should do it....Virginia Tech.
    NRA Member

    "I like a man who grins when he fights."
    ~Winston Churchill

  5. #4
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    Tell people who have seen how bad scum can be hope his kids will carry when old enough and ready too. They need to understand , you are carrying to defend yourself, not assault someone.
    PD cannot be everywhere. My GF carries and I am proud of her.
    "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson


    Nemo Me Impune Lacesset

  6. #5
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    Why carry

    First divide then conquer, you dad will be the easiest , get him on board then the 2 of you can work on mom. You are old enough that you should know what buttons to push. Betting you will figure it out. Good Luck



    SleepingZ

  7. #6
    Member Array citizen510's Avatar
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    If you were my daughter, I would....

    Give you a big hug and buy you a brick of your favorite ammo!

    How to tell the parents? Hmmmm. Tell them you are very concerned about your personal safety and self defense. Gently, oh so very gently, let them know that you are old enough to keep and bear a weapon under state law. And that, since they have raised you to be a good girl who stays out of trouble and is a responsible adult (also their fault), you will continue to be responsible as a law abiding citizen who is exercising her constitutional rights not only to keep but to bear arms.

    You may want to have a list of training classes you want to take to help them see that you are serious about doing this the best possible way. Let them know what type of training you have already had, how much you practice shooting, comments from instructors or people at the range, etc. They would have to be pretty dense to miss this point, even your libby mom.

    Does anyone in your family have a military background? Uncle, father, brother, grandfather, great uncle? If so, you are honoring their willingness to fight for your right to keep and bear arms. To do otherwise would be disgraceful to that family member.

    By the way, why are you getting your permit? I am sure you have good, valid, articulable reasons. I await your answer.
    Last edited by citizen510; August 9th, 2007 at 11:01 PM. Reason: had another idea...
    It is not the Bill of Privileges. It is not the Bill of Permits. It is the Bill of Rights.

    People should not be afraid of the government; the government should be afraid of the people.

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array SilenceDoGood's Avatar
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    im a lefty, and a critical thinking major at ASU!!! (although, im ambedextorous)
    I also have to "sell" my parents on ideas, and this was one of them.
    It boils down to your personal saftey. Also, i don't know if you have all the partying out of your system yet or not, but i'd make a point not to have the gun on me while i was drinking.
    "A government is like fire, a handy servant, but a dangerous master." -- George Washington

  9. #8
    Member Array TexasGeezer's Avatar
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    Just three names from a long list of women I wish had learned to safely use and had a handgun close when they needed one:

    Jennifer Hawke-Petit and daughters Hayley, 17, and Michaela, 11.
    Chuck
    ___________________________________
    There are no answers --- only choices.

  10. #9
    Member Array wizardofgore's Avatar
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    Massad Ayoob is your friend in this scenario. I am sure you could find a great article or two he has written that will help you out. You know better than anyone here what will get through to your parents. But with his credentials he should be a great stepping stone. Show them you are not jumping into it blindly, which by being here you obviously not. I have an uncle that is very much pro 2a, but I dreaded the talk with him. So I just made sure I could prove I try my best to be prepared to carry, but also don't try and bs what you don't know. They hit you with something you are drawing a blank, ask their take on it and go from there.

  11. #10
    New Member Array Oddball's Avatar
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    If I were you I'd work on dad first (like the other posters mentioned), he will be the easiest "target"... Sorry couldn't resist. You probably don't need much help getting him on your side. When he asked "Do you really think this is nessisary?" he might be wondering if you have a specific threat to you in mind (stockers, weirdos, whatever) that he wants to know about. Or just because you want to have a "defensive tool" with you in case something bad were to happen. Since your dads conservative he might also pay attention to some cold hard facts such as its extreemly rare that anyone with a CCW, CPL, CWL permit commits a crime.

    When it comes to your mom, does she pay attention to what's in the news? Facts probably won't work if shes a lefty, but sensationalized media coverage might. All the major media were going nuts with all of the college age women being abducted and murdered recently. Bringing that up might be a good start. Mention VA Tech for sure. You did get her to go to a gun range so that is a good sign. She may be concearned about the safty of your gun. She might think it will just go off randomly or that it gets up and kills people when you are asleep. Try to find out whatever her major hang ups are about you owning a gun and shoot them down... ****** I did it again. I hope this helps.

  12. #11
    Member Array ethereal's Avatar
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    From a Dad's perspective:

    I learned to shoot while quite young in the Boy Scouts, became an expert marksman in the Military, and enjoy hunting pheasant with my father-in-law each fall. My wife and I taught our kids to safely handle arms when they were young. My son is in college, my daughter finishes HS next year.

    We shoot together often as a family during the warm months here in Colorado. My Wife and daughter are crack shots - particularly good at quick reaction shooting, and decent at targets at a distance. My son has little use for guns - he can clear, dismantle, and clean them, but "they are not really his thing".

    My two brothers know I carry and don't have a problem with it.
    My sister is uneasy with anyone being armed in her home - so I'm not, it stays in the lockbox in the truck when we visit.

    We're a pretty close family, can be outspoken in our differing beliefs, and my siblings can't help but blabber during family visits. So now my mom knows I carry. She says she worries about me. I figure that's her job, and she's good at it.

    What with the motorcycles (my wife and I both ride Harleys), the guns (my wife and I both carry), the cigars (you get the idea...), she'll always have a reason to pray for her middle son.

    So, the bottom line: this is your decision.

    - You have a right to protect yourself. That right is God-given.
    - You are responsible for your own safety. Carrying is a natural response to the threat. So is not visiting the bad parts of town. You've got a right to go where you please, but...
    - You are responsible for every round that leaves your weapon - legally and morally. If you can avoid taking a life, and protect your own, by walking away, taking the high road, or staying home, then maybe that's the way to go. But if you're faced with mortal danger, better to be armed and trained, than have to rely on the whims of animals.
    - Some people will never understand or accept your decision, regardless of what it is.

    Oh, and good luck. Your Mom will come around.
    Protect your family. Reload. Call 911.

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array SilenceDoGood's Avatar
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    somthing else you should be prepared for

    Dad: "What if i just get you a tazer?"
    You: "..........."
    "A government is like fire, a handy servant, but a dangerous master." -- George Washington

  14. #13
    Member Array ethereal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilenceDoGood View Post
    somthing else you should be prepared for

    Dad: "What if i just get you a tazer?"
    You: "..........."
    Absolutely - my mom and sister (see post above) had the same arguments - get a cell phone, pepper spray, a tazer, a pair of running shoes.

    My responses, in order:
    - The buttons are too small to dial in a panic.
    - It's not really pepper spray if I can buy it.
    - They're considered lethal, too, and you've got to get too close.
    - Run? From a Colorado criminal with a weapon? (they tend to be fitter than your standard US variety criminal - it's the altitude )
    Protect your family. Reload. Call 911.

  15. #14
    Distinguished Member Array P7fanatic's Avatar
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    Cool

    You might also consider letting him/them sit down and reading some of the threads on this site. There are a lot of pretty convincing perspectives by a lot of knowledgable people here. Plus, just about all of them are Pro-Gun.
    I'm sure you want to be a responsible person that understands there may be times in this day and age where you might have the need to protect yourself and those you care about. Anybody that doesn't understand that or that thinks that the police will be there to protect you whenever and wherever you are just are not in touch with reality. Now, if you happen to have a couple bodyguards that follow you around 24/7, it might be a little harder to convince them.

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    fries...,

    Write them a letter. Put down your best reasons for why you intend to carry. Make it articulate, logical AND emotionally moving.

    Show them your maturity as well as your thinking skills.
    Let them know that you are aware of the world in which we live, and the potential situations that anyone can face. Use Lima's experience. Or, as has been suggested, the Hawke-Petit tragedy of a couple of weeks ago.

    Leave it for them so they can read it, think about it, mull on it for awhile, then ask for some good time to talk with them about it. Make it clear they do not have to agree with you, but you hope they will at least understand your reasoning.

    I am willing to bet that with some time, and this approach, they will at least see your line of reasoning. And see how mature and responsible their once-little girl has become.

    As a parent, it is hard to see your little girl grow up, especially in a world like ours. But, I bet you'll handle it just fine.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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