Should I shove my wife? (training for family)

Should I shove my wife? (training for family)

This is a discussion on Should I shove my wife? (training for family) within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Ghost-1 made a comment some time ago that got me thinking (I respect his planning, and see a need to do similarly). He wrote: ...I ...

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Thread: Should I shove my wife? (training for family)

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Should I shove my wife? (training for family)

    Ghost-1 made a comment some time ago that got me thinking (I respect his planning, and see a need to do similarly). He wrote:

    ...I tell my wife to always walk or sit on my left side since I carry on the right and I always tell her that if I shove her hard that means to get down and out of the way.

    In the car I tell her to duck down in the seat and not to get up until I say so or if I was to get hit and could not keep firing and throw her the gun she will get up and keep firing until I can get back into the fight or I can drive away to someplace safer.

    My wife and I both carry: she has an snubbie in a fannypack, and may get a G19 for Christmas. Though the soul of grace and gentleness, she's quite willing to take someone out if they are threatening family. However, she's not very well trained or practiced (we're working on that). Daughter, at 18, is quick on the uptake but can't carry concealed yet... and open carry seems, well, inappropriate, and she's always with us. We are suckers for the late-night bookstore in town, so parking lot scenarios are the most likely for us.

    Question is, what instructions, drills, training, or "standard procedures" would you suggest we develop? The idea is, if I see a threat, and am ready to draw or have done so... what should I have already trained them to do as I prepare to take action?

    How 'bout answering it either or both ways: what advice for the guy whose wife is armed, and what advice if she's not?


  2. #2
    Member Array Curtis27's Avatar
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    My wife and I have gone through various scenarios, as we both carry, but my wife tends to "forget" to carry as I am always carrying. We use code words to indicate degrees of threats and practice them. You can develop them as well for your family. For example, "Owl" indicates that attention is needed. The "watchful eyes" situation in that there is a potential or percieved threat. "Fox" is our word to split apart. This is done to see if multiple attackers split, or follow a certain person. I will have my hand on my weapon in a concealed but ready environment. "Rabbit" is my code word to to her to just run. This would only be used when I am pulling my weapon, and am threatened that my life or my wife's life is in severe danger. By creating easy to use code words, and practicing regularly, you and your wife can be prepared for varying sitautions with small, quick, precise code words that will direct you actions, as well as hers.
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    Member Array jonesy_26's Avatar
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    The thing that worries me are those situations where you have to act so fast you can either warn and cover your loved ones or deal with the threat (with the possibility of them being open). My wife(unarmed) knows that if something happens its her responsibility to get the kids low and out of the way. The only problem is, there may not be enough time. Generally, we discuss being more aware of our surroundings. With my kids being young (oldest is 5), you really can't lay out a scenario and expect them to react in a trained manner, so its hard to say, "if this happens, we do this", even with the wife helping. At home its a bit easier....if there's trouble, everyone goes to the bedroom and gets behind the bed or dresser.

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    what instructions, drills, training, or "standard procedures" would you suggest we develop?
    Try and teach both of them to recognize the closest cover and as a " knee jerk " reaction head for it . Once there one or both may back you up from cover . I do speak of cover ( bullets dont shoot thro ) not concealment ( bad guy cannot see you but can shoot you thro the barrier ) . My wife is former le and this is our plan she and the kids/grandkids will go to cover while i provide if not cover fire at least a distraction . once there she takes a solid barricade position and fires as needed . In any event if i go down she does not disarm unless and untill LE arrives and secures at least her portion of the scene .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  6. #6
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    A couple needs to approach this kind of training from a team-like mindset.

    One part of ANOTHER team may be perfectly fine with being shoved out of the way and if my husband felt it was necessary and pushed me out of the way I wouldn't hold it against him. But as a general rule to get me down and out of the way I would say no.

    What if he pushes me out of the way and causes me to stumble or fall when a simple word could have done the same effect? He's wasting precious time getting me out of the way when he could have been drawing and I could have been moving on my own. Bad tactics in my opinion.

    What if he pushes me out of the way when I could have contributed to that situation? What if instead of shoving me out of the way he had said, "Watch my six!"

    I would have instantly turned back-to-back with him and taken up a defensive position and mindset to HELP the situation, not just get out of it.

    If you are confident enough in your spouses abilities and she wants to be an assistance, then work out something like Curtis suggests. Code words, hand motions, facial expressions, anything can be useful.

    When I worked up at the gun shop in PA, my manager had a hand signal that I picked up on REALLY quickly. When he'd make an L-shape with his hand and hold it down near his belt it meant two things: 1) Are you carrying? 2) Look for the threat that I see.

    Whenever he'd make that symbol to me it put me in "Red" instantly. I scanned, I assessed the area and usually I could pick out the exact individuals who were causing him alarm. We would watch them and each other closely, trying not to get into each other's way and become an instant tactical team.

    He never had to touch me, he never had to say a single word.

    It's the same with my husband. A simple word, gesture, look on his face, and I'll pick up on it and get ready for whatever I need. No touching necessary.

    Talk to your wife and ask her what she would be comfortable with and how she feels about helping you in such situations, even if it is just to get out of the way, get down and call the police.

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Again good post lima . I will say however that for US its about the kids/grandkids , more the grandkids now that my youngest carrys too . The wifes or daughters job is simply to insure the kids get out .. no more no less . My job is to insure they have the opportunity by whatever means . If the kids are not with us , well the wife and i are a fair mini team by our selves since we worked together and trained together many times . She is truly hell on wheels in a building search and many times takes point since she is more limber than i .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Repairs View Post
    Again good post lima . I will say however that for US its about the kids/grandkids , more the grandkids now that my youngest carrys too . The wifes or daughters job is simply to insure the kids get out .. no more no less . My job is to insure they have the opportunity by whatever means . If the kids are not with us , well the wife and i are a fair mini team by our selves since we worked together and trained together many times . She is truly hell on wheels in a building search and many times takes point since she is more limber than i .
    It would be the same with JD and I if we had kids. My job would be to get the kids out of the way, but again, I don't think shoving would be necessary. A simple word and I'd collect the kids and get the heck out of there.

    That also takes training of the children. Sometimes when kids are scared they cling to their favorite parent and freeze up. They would have to be extensively taught that when they are scared, despite who they want to stay with, they INSTANTLY follow Mom.

    Also, if JD got hurt and I saw it, it would break my heart and it would take every ounce of my being not to run to him, but as my mother used to say when she was teaching me about being a lifeguard, if you both start drowning, "Let go and save yourself. It's always better, though tragic, to loose one life than two."

    Besides, if I run to him I'm wasting time I could be calling for backup and getting them to respond and get him help.

    If the situation changes or I can return fire safely I'll do it, but I'm not going to run to him if it means running into gunfire. It may seem cold hearted of me, but it's just plain practical, no matter how much it hurts.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    That also takes training of the children. Sometimes when kids are scared they cling to their favorite parent and freeze up. They would have to be extensively taught that when they are scared, despite who they want to stay with, they INSTANTLY follow Mom.
    Not a problem here , like the board members my kids and grandkids know i am an A****le lol .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  10. #10
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    I was thinking up my own post, and Lima said almost all of it.
    If you had to shove your wife to get her out of the path of a speeding truck, wouldnt you do it? I would... and I dont think she would mind so much.
    Sometimes there isnt time enough for a code word or signal, its do or die time. Plus, if your wife is anything like mine, I'll yell out get down, and she will ask why, and maybe even start arguing with me. By then, its to late.

    If you guys are going to carry together, you need to train together. I see untrained people carrying with me as a liability, no where near an asset.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  11. #11
    Ex Member Array Creature's Avatar
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    Interesting thread.

    Although my wife doesnt/wont carry...yet...she and I are pretty well synched up when it comes to non-verbal comms.

    On the other hand, whenever I tell her to "check six", (or 2, 3, or 4 o'clock...what ever direction the threat may be), and although she may be mid-conversation, without missing a beat she is zoned right in...still carrying on the conversation like nothing is happening. But she will nonchalantly move to clear the line of fire and will begin looking for an exit, cover or concealment that will put us at the advantage and will begin to bring us in that direction. This way I can allocate more of my attention to monitoring the threat's hands...and looking for others.

    Since she doesnt/wont carry...yet...she is the duty cell phone as well.
    Last edited by Creature; December 10th, 2007 at 05:20 PM.

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Since she doesnt/wont carry...yet...she is the duty cell phone as well.
    Good post sig , you dont have to carry and shoot to be " handy " when things go south .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Repairs View Post
    Good post sig , you dont have to carry and shoot to be " handy " when things go south .
    But one needs to know enough to get out of the way and stay out of the way.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  14. #14
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    But one needs to know enough to get out of the way and stay out of the way.
    IMHO that is kind of a " given " with our forum members bud lol .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Repairs View Post
    IMHO that is kind of a " given " with our forum members bud lol .
    Yes, with the members maybe. But how about their families?
    "Just blame Sixto"

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