You can lead a horse to water...but they will not understand why.
This is a discussion on You can lead a horse to water...but they will not understand why. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I had fought that battle for many years with my wife...I found I was not the right person to 'educate' her...once she heard it from ...
December 12th, 2007 12:31 PM
I had fought that battle for many years with my wife...I found I was not the right person to 'educate' her...once she heard it from others, even strangers it started to make sense to her...
And after 15 years, she just finished her CCW class...
Janq...I can totally relate to your situation...I guess the best we can do, is make sure when we are with our spouses or other loved ones, we try to shift the odds in our favor.
Thanks for the great post and the start of another good discussion here.
--people ask why I carry, and I show them this picture. I think it says it all.--
NRA Certified Instructor--many disciplines
December 12th, 2007 12:31 PM
December 12th, 2007 12:46 PM
Snowdoc/ those are wise words.
So often our wives have us to protect them they think, why do I need to add another level of security.
December 12th, 2007 01:28 PM
I think some people think that nothing can happen to them because they believe that because they are good people, only good can happen to them. They've lived their lives that way, being good and receiving good in return, never even having so much as a person flipping them off on the road.
If something happened to them, they would beat themselves up believing that they somehow visited the trauma onto themselves, unable to comprehend how something bad could happen to them when they never "deserved" it - because in their minds, good receives good and bad receives bad. They could never categorize themselves in the "bad" section, therefore they content themselves with the belief that nothing will ever happen to them.
"Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa
December 12th, 2007 02:07 PM
Betty, I believe there is more to this than you might think.
This may be another reason they want to avoid the risk/liability as spoken about earlier. So often they asume they are wrong in their choices.
December 12th, 2007 08:17 PM
Jang, I feel your pain, frustration, and bewilderment as to how someone can ignore the obvious. My wife lives in condition white, and thinks I'm an idiot for carrying. However, sometimes when in a rare mood, she will feel for my weapon and smile when she finds it on me.
My co-worker has a wife who doesn't see the need either. He talked her into getting her CCW license and bought her a gun. She carries her gun zipped up in a day-planner on the floorboard of her vehicle, unchambered with safety on. It will be of no value if she is confronted in her car, parking lot, or office. It was in the day-planner on the floorboard one night when she and he were confronted by some guy. The threat ended abruptly when the other guy found himself looking down the barrel of my co-worker's gun, which he always carries chambered, immediately accessible, and ready to fire. Even that situation did not change her mind. He tells me she can forget about instances like that, and immediately return to her condition white status. Same for instances where other people are saved by someone carrying a gun--she compartmentalizes it, forgets it, and goes back to her "safe" life where guns are not needed. When she gets in a bad mood, she goes off on him for his "obsession" with guns. He's not obsessed with guns, but he does desire to keep himself and his family alive.
Whenever my wife starts to roll her eyes at me for always carrying, I tell her she's going to owe me a thousand apologies when I save her arse some day. I carried for two months around the house before she found out. When she started to object, I exploded and told her I didn't need her permission to protect her and our daughter, and that I'll be carrying from now on. I made it absolutely clear that it's my job to protect my family, and I'll do it as I see fit. I realize that is not the point of your post: you are carrying, and your wife just doesn't get it. That's why she needs you. All we can do is hope we are around if a bad situation ever comes up, and then hope we are successful.
I'm educating our daughter every chance I get with my analysis of the evils in this world. I require her to handle my gun fairly often as we load up to leave for the day (I drive her to school). She is already getting accustomed to firearms. But my wife is a different story. I don't say much, as she would just turn off if I start making obvious points. If she is the victim of a crime when I am not around, she is responsible for not being prepared, not me. I do all I can for her, but I can't do it all. I've told my daughter if, when she grows up, she refuses to carry a gun and something bad happens to her as a result, it's all on her.
We can only do so much, and then they (and we) have to suffer the consequences of their decisions.
Walvord and snowdoctor, congratulations on your wives' CCW status!
IowaWalker, I like your way of thinking, about moving on and finding someone less anti. She's telling you she doesn't trust you to decide how best to take care of your family. She's telling you she doesn't trust your judgment that guns can be a good thing. Never compromise on family safety for the sake of peace. Safety comes first. You don't need your (future) wife's permission to take care of her. If she cannot truly analyze the threat and the need for precautions, how can her input on security issues be valued? I handle 100% of the security issues in my family because my wife sees no threat. This is one area I disregard all her input because, by refusing to acknowledge the threat, she forfeits having a say in how I prepare for the evil around us.
I am amazed how people can watch the news, yet still not believe that random, violent crime can happen to ordinary, innocent people who aren't looking for trouble. But I'll take my wife's condescending silence and the rolling of her eyes, throw it back in her face occasionally when I've had enough, and go on about the job of protecting my family. I don't need her permission to take care of her, nor will I ever seek it.
And you guys who won't buy a gun because your wife doesn't like guns... I don't get that. Does she ask you permission to buy bras and panties? I'm not trying to offend anyone, I just don't get that. I apologize if I have offended anyone with that remark... but
I made the decision to take care of my family the way I see fit. And that includes firearms. If my wife doesn't like it, she is free to leave. I'll start over with someone else, or I'll happily live alone. Either way, I'll be armed. Although she often has her moments of thinking I'm an idiot, overall her respect for me has increased. Not that it matters, because I'm going to do what needs done regardless.
Okay, rant over.
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