Two Imaginary Newspaper Articles

Two Imaginary Newspaper Articles

This is a discussion on Two Imaginary Newspaper Articles within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Submitted for your approval: two imaginary newspaper articles about two characters named Euclidean (based on yours truly) and another fellow named Goblin D. Goblin. Local ...

Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Two Imaginary Newspaper Articles

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    3,213

    Two Imaginary Newspaper Articles

    Submitted for your approval: two imaginary newspaper articles about two characters named Euclidean (based on yours truly) and another fellow named Goblin D. Goblin.

    Local Educator Survives Vicious Street Attack

    Late last night Euclidean a local math teacher was assaulted by a convicted felon who’d been released on parole.

    “I was afraid I was going to die…” Euclidean told police on the scene. Police reports indicate Euclidean was very upset by the incident and even vomited.

    The attacker, Goblin D. Goblin, has a history of drug abuse and robbery and one count of assault with a deadly weapon. He reportedly came at Euclidean with a sharpened screwdriver stolen from a local homeowner.

    Police say that the attacker was allowed to get too close to his prey as Euclidean pointed his .38 +P caliber revolver at the aggressor’s COM and tried to make him surrender. Goblin was shot twice in the torso and once in the neck.

    “What we have here is a private citizen who has gone to uncommon means by which to protect himself”, stated policeman John Lawdog, “and part of me wonders if Goblin ever really had a chance” he added jokingly. Police searched Euclidean’s bachelor apartment after the incident and found extensive reference texts, technical manuals, and safety equipment. The would-be victim was the owner of a small collection of sporting arms, collectible historical rifles, and quality handguns.

    “What we have here is an example of a guy willing to take his life in his own hands”, Lawdog said. Euclidean does possess a valid Texas concealed handgun license.

    Prosecutors still haven’t decided if charges will be filed against Euclidean or not.

    “My baby was going to go back to school and become a doctor so he could help people” wailed a hysterical Mrs. Goblin, who is currently residing in the state hospital for the mentally insane following her arrest for stabbing her ex husband with a pair of scissors five years ago in a domestic dispute.
    Okay now the second article:

    Low Income Minority is Victim of Shooting

    Late last night Goblin D. Goblin was just trying to get a few dollars to purchase baby food for his children when he was viciously shot multiple times by a crazed gun owner.

    The attacker, Euclidean, was reported to be emotionally and physically disturbed when police arrived at the scene.

    Goblin had nothing to defend himself with except for a screwdriver he used at his job building safe animal carriers for homeless puppies. He reportedly made a desperate attempt to lunge at his attacker.

    Police say that Goblin simply asked Euclidean to hand over some money from his wallet when Euclidean snapped and fired 3 clips into Goblin’s vital organs with deadly precision. Euclidean’s weapon was specifically constructed to shoot extra powerful bullets.

    “What we have here is a private citizen who has gone to uncommon means by which to protect himself”, stated policeman John Lawdog, “and part of me wonders if Goblin ever really had a chance.” Police searched Euclidean’s isolated hovel where he lives alone after the incident and found extensive texts on assault weapons, manuals for building M16 rifles, and military gun accessories. The gun obsessed loner owned an arsenal including an automatic rifle that fires subsonic rounds, a deadly long distance shotgun configured for sniper type attacks, a Russian military rifle, two automatic AK47 type rifles, and an assortment of deadly hand cannons and assault pistols.

    “What we have here is an example of a guy willing to take his life in his own hands”, Lawdog said. Euclidean possesses a special permit to carry concealed weapons in public.

    Prosecutors still haven’t decided if charges will be filed against Euclidean or not.

    “My baby was going to go back to school and become a doctor so he could help people” lamented Mrs. Goblin, who is currently in protective custody as a result of spousal abuse from her ex-husband.
    My point is that I don't trust anything I read about shootings or other such incidents. The first article isn't quite as bad as the second one but it's still slightly biased. I especially don't trust it when I see phrases that are in there to intimidate, confuse, and scare the reader.

    Learn to recognize when people are trying to pull the wool over your eyes with carefully constructed syntax, statements which seem intuitive but don't hold up to logic, and progaganda tactics. Sometimes this is really hard to do because a professional writer makes his living at being able to hoodwink, warp perceptions, and persuade you to see something in your mind's eye.

    If I can put this much of a spin on it imagine what a skilled journalist could do.

    I don't believe anything I read on incidents of self defense or possible violence any more, not 100% anyway. There's two sides to every story, and I don't have time to deconstruct every little anecdote and evaluate it critically. I simply take all such accounts with a grain of salt.


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Away - Health Problems
    Posts
    17,353
    You sure you dont work for the Media ??

    Looks pretty much like what you see and read everyday The ones out of detroit are basically like #2 of your articles

  3. #3
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    South West PA
    Posts
    25,484
    Euc - your creativity never fails to astound me!! Good job and yeah - sure you don't write for NYT or some such!?

    You are correct of course - ''spin'' is everything - particularly when it includes evocative and emotional terms. Usually what anti's like to propound.

    It is exactly these factors that make me too, leary of full judgement in such cases - I will and do however usually comment but stating something like ''on the facts given'' - and ''subject to further info'' etc.

    I doubt even with the most impartial reporting, an incident gets a full and balanced reportage - and yes, we have to be cognissant of such.

    Great post - journalism awaits (heck we need some RKBA guys!!).
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  4. #4
    Administrator
    Array QKShooter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Off Of The X
    Posts
    35,577

    Good Eulidean

    Really Well Done.
    So...where DO we get the other side of the story from?
    A different newspaper article?
    Honestly...just wondering.
    Do we request a copy of the police report for every story of a shooting that we read about on the web?
    How do we ever know what side of the doggone story is the right side of the story.

  5. #5
    Member Array SSKC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    357
    "Goblin was shot twice in the torso and once in the neck."

    Nice imaginary shooting.

    SSKC

  6. #6
    VIP Member
    Array Scott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    The Old Dominion
    Posts
    5,050
    I have been a witness to the "news" on more than a few occassions. I have often wondered who did the stories about the events I saw, because it seemed like the writer wasn't there. What you read in the media is entertainment, plain and simple. "Reporters" are there to sell you entertainment in the form of news so that they can get more money in advertising revenue.

    Call me cynical, but I spent a number of years inside the beast that is Washington D.C. and I know a former editor of the Washington Times. Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you read. It's a start.

    -Scott-

  7. #7
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Way back then when the Eddie Eagle equals Joe Camel controversy was the rage, there was a column from one of the editors of the Miami Herald condemning the Eddie Eagle program. That on itself is not unusual. What left me absolutely amazed is that the editor confesses right in the column that he had previously reviwed and saw the program in action and gave it high marks and his support but did not know it was an NRA program so he had to change his tune.
    Now, this guy went on with the typical B.S. saying that the program enticed kids to use guns and all that crap. I couldn't believe what I was reading! Either this idiot did not do a good research the first time around or he just decided to lie for the second column, which it would not surprise me one bit.

    Last week, Arthur Teele, a former Miami Commissioner convicted of threatening MDPD officers and on his way to a federal trial for corruption decided to end it all by shooting himself in the mouth at the Miami Herald's lobby. Before doing that, he contacted via phone columnist Jim DeFede (a doppleganger for Michael Moore both physically and morally). Mr DeFede decided to record the phone conversation without his consent which is against the law in Florida and also unethical as hell.
    Mr DeFede got fired by the Herald Editorial Board and brother, you should see the indignation of his fellow writers. They want him back! They say that yes, he did wrong, but he should just recieve a slap in the wrist and let him back to work an blah, blah, blah. Basically, screw ethics, who cares?

    If anything, this stuff gives you a lot of pause and makes you think three or four times about what you read in the papers or see in the news. Euclidean's work is not a figment of his very convoluted imagination , it is just business as usual


    Jim "Michael Moore II" DeFede
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. One of the best pro-2A articles in a while!
    By JohnK87 in forum The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: March 3rd, 2010, 03:11 AM
  2. Bah... its articles like this
    By Pro2A in forum General Firearm Discussion
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: December 8th, 2007, 09:07 AM
  3. Truck beats imaginary pistols
    By buckeye .45 in forum In the News: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: May 12th, 2007, 02:15 PM
  4. The NEW Articles of the Constitution
    By Bumper in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: July 16th, 2004, 02:32 AM

Search tags for this page

how to write an imaginary news story
,
imaginary articles
,
imaginary names for newspapers
,
imaginary news article
,

imaginary news articles

,
imaginary news paper
,

imaginary newspaper

,

imaginary newspaper article

,
imaginary newspaper articles
,

imaginary newspaper names

,
imaginary stories about news paper
,
names of imaginary newspapers
Click on a term to search for related topics.