This is a discussion on Carrying to a friend's house within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by Bob O First, NOBODY I come in personal contact with except a member of this forum and my wife knows I carry. ...
Just talked to my 12 and 7 year old girls about it tonight. I carry just about everywhere and everytime I legally can. But I don't share with anyone, period. My family knows because they see me come home and take off a suit coat and there it is. My wife doesn't like it but I'd told her (as kindly as possible) that it's my right and that I intend to do it and would like for it to not be an issue between us. She accepted that. I pastor a small country church and carry there. I'm extra cautious about concealment there as I believe it could cause some folks concern. If my carrying caused a stumbling block for one of God's people I'd have to consider no longer carrying at church. When I'm in a "sensitive" spot, I go with a Keltec P3AT in pocket carry and it would be almost impossible to be discovered.
I don't even tell my close friends although I've had two close friends ask me if I've ever had CCW training. they know I like guns in general and must have figured that I would be the type to do so. I answered them truthfully but never volunteered beyond that point. If they ever ask me directly if I carry I intend to answer (with a big smile) with a question "would you ask someone what color underwear they're wearing?" I figure that'll make the point unless you have the type of friend who would ask!
There's an old saying, if you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the questions. I wouldn't tell or volunteer so I wouldn't have to find out their reaction UNLESS it's the law, then it all boils down to your own judgement on how the relationship is. I would have to be VERY close and even them I wouldn't like it so I'd probably leave the gun in the car (something else I hate to do!)
Provided it is legal, I have one rule which I always follow. If I know, or have reason to believe, that the person objects to bringing a gun to their house, I either leave my gun in my car or decline the invitation to visit. It is their house and they have the right to establish rules of conduct for visitors. IMO, it would be inappropriate for me to disregard their wishes. On the other hand, if I have no reason to believe they would object, then I will carry and not make a big issue out of it.
"It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."
J. R. R. Tolkien
This is an intresting and educational thread.
Generally I carry concealed (and I live in an open carry state) because it's my business and nobody elses......that's it. Having said that, I make no big secret I carry with those closest to me, ie. family and close friends.
The wife of a real good friend of mine has made it clear that NO loaded guns will be in her house around her kids. It's a safty/fear of unknown for her more than anything. I honor her wishes. This past summer though her, her kids and me and my family went on a vacation while her husband (my buddy) was deployed with his unit. Now her and my wife are very good friends but I made a point of politely 'pulling her aside' (just us two) and informing her that while we were traveling and 'camping out' at the hotel I will be carrying and that I would positive control of my sidearm at ALL times. I told her I remember her expressing her "discomfort" of guns in general and that I was informing of my intentions out of respect of her and our friendship. Then she hit me with it......"I know you carry guns around and I'm OK with you having one, you know what your doing and I know the kids wont see or be able to get to it. Besides, I feel better with you here while (my husband) is gone." I almost fell over. She said that her and my wife already discussed it and my wife told her that ".....he'll almost never go anywhere without his 'buddy' tagging along....."
Well how about that! I guess my next step is to get her husband to go get his CCL when he gets back......?
"Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008
(Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay
If you know these friends do not want guns in their home, I wouldnt disrespect their wishes in their own home.
Look at it from their view... pick something out that you dont like, and dot want in your home... wouldnt you be miffed if a friend brought it in anyway? I would.
I think the issue you have would be educating them to make sure they are comfortable with your gun, or finding a way around going to their home... or just enjoy your friends company and take the evening off.
"Just blame Sixto"
I agree with your position 1000%!
"Don't ask, don't tell!" is my motto. It is not a topic for discussion or debate (and luckily my state doesn't require "Mother May I" or "announcements"). Nobody except me knows when/if I am carrying and that is the way it will stay unless G_d forbid I ever have to use it.
My Wife's friends are 100% liberals and would be unglued if they suspected that I carried. There are very few people who I would share that info with if asked . . . one friend I did tell recently and it didn't appear to be a problem even though she doesn't like guns.
If you don't have friends, you don't have to worry about this stuff..
I know, I know, you are smarter than me..just ask you..
I carry everywhere i can. THe area I live in is pretty safe(if there is such a place) but bad things and people happen everywhere. If they are friends of mine gun discussion is a topic.
Like someone said earlier this is the deep south so everyone has a gun, and alot carry. I want my neighbors to know im armed and I want to know their armed or not. With the 2 on each side of me now (2 acre lots) I feel better for my wife when i'm not home. I have 5 friends that carry now because of me, well not because of me 2 of them were involved in a shooting this past year, and the others have come around to the idea "it is stupid to be a willing victim", in both cases bg's had guns, gg got lucky they don't know how to shoot. I would talk to them about their stance on firearms and carrying on the first card game.If their scared of a holstered weapon,respect ,try to explain why,leave it at your own( and theres and your wife's) risk!
GUN CONTROL= I WANT TO BE THE ONE IN CONTROL OF THE GUN
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
most of my friends know i carry.
if i have any that dont that i dont think would be ok with it, i dont tell them.
they wont find out anyways
Georg BüchnerWo die Notwehr aufhört, fängt der Mord an
(Murder begins where self-defense ends)
I think I would go with the "don't ask - don't tell" approach unless you already know that they would not approve of you bringing a weapon in to their home. If that is the case or later, it becomes the case, I would respect their wishes.
ALWAYS carry! - NEVER tell!
"A superior Operator is best defined as someone who uses his superior
judgement to keep himself out of situations that would require a display of his
In liberal lands, most are ignorant about guns and fear them "going off" (that's what the media here report all the time) in an uncontrolled manner . . . unless being in possession of LEOs.
I might have an advantage around here as I got into guns (and CCW) in 1976 and became a PT LEO in 1979. So a lot of acquaintances and friends have either seen me in uniform (local) or know/suspect that I own guns due to this fact and they may not make a big deal about it. Nobody around me has ever made an issue of it with me or asked.
The thing is, though, it is about more than just respecting a friend's opionion. Oh, sure, if your only reason to carry to Bob's house is because you can and you are basically making a deliberate choice to spite Bob's wishes, then that's wrong. If Bob hates the color red I am not going to wear my red sweater over to his house just to torque him off.
But the red sweater will never be the thing that stops the BGs who choose to bust in while I am visiting, and the whole reason for carrying the gun is to be ready for the situation that we all know will be unpredictable.
So, while I can't fault the person who consciously decides to disarm out of respect for the host, I also can't really find fault in the "don't ask, don't tell" approach, either.
If a MD carry permit were to magically appear in my wallet (and there being no specific law requiring me, that I know of, to announce to a provate property owner), there's nobody I would visit who I believe would absolutely insist that I not carry, and so I would probably just rely on concealed is concealed...
“What is a moderate interpretation of [the Constitution]? Halfway between what it says and [...] what you want it to say?” —Justice Antonin Scalia
SIG: P220R SS Elite SAO, P220R SAO, P220R Carry, P226R Navy, P226, P239/.40S&W, P2022/.40S&W; GSR 5", P6.
Concealed is concealed. I don't announce, and anyone who told me that it wasn't welcome, well I just won't go there anymore. That's just how I feel about it, of course, but that's how I feel. Most of my friends are LEO / Military or something along those lines so its never been an issue.