Carrying to a friend's house

This is a discussion on Carrying to a friend's house within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by pgrass101 I think Ron is right. If you know your friend is against alcoholic beverages you don't walk into his house carrying ...

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Thread: Carrying to a friend's house

  1. #61
    Senior Member Array youngda9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgrass101 View Post
    I think Ron is right.

    If you know your friend is against alcoholic beverages you don't walk into his house carrying a six pack of Bud.

    If my friends come over to my house I expect them to no smoke in my house.

    If I knew a friend of mine didn't want guns in thier house I wouldn't carry there.

    That is what I think the Captain and everyone else is calling common courtesy
    Agree completely.

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  3. #62
    Distinguished Member Array LenS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgrass101 View Post
    I think Ron is right.

    If you know your friend is against alcoholic beverages you don't walk into his house carrying a six pack of Bud.

    If my friends come over to my house I expect them to not smoke in my house.

    If I knew a friend of mine didn't want guns in their house I wouldn't carry there.

    That is what I think the Captain and everyone else is calling common courtesy

    I respectfully contend that there are major differences here:

    - They see the beer, so it is "in their face" and rude. No question about that one.

    - Smoking smells badly, it adversely impacts those with allergies, asthma, emphysema (can result in an "ambulance run") and leaves the oder long after the smoker has left the residence. Again, rude and perhaps a health hazard to some (maybe the homeowner).

    - What you have CONCEALED, doesn't stink, is not "in their face", and they don't know about . . . I contend, is none of their business . . . just like the color of your underwear (if any ) or non-visible tattoos/piercings. Thus, not subject to "disclosure" to get assent or cause consternation by discussion.

  4. #63
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    I still will contend that if a person wants to ban "tattoos or peircings" from their home, its well within their rights too. I can respect that, or not go. Those are the choices we have. I think it is just as disrespectful to ignore a friends wishes in regards to guns or anything else in their home as it is to smoke, drink or whatever.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  5. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by LenS View Post
    I respectfully contend that there are major differences here:

    - They see the beer, so it is "in their face" and rude. No question about that one.

    - Smoking smells badly, it adversely impacts those with allergies, asthma, emphysema (can result in an "ambulance run") and leaves the oder long after the smoker has left the residence. Again, rude and perhaps a health hazard to some (maybe the homeowner).

    - What you have CONCEALED, doesn't stink, is not "in their face", and they don't know about . . . I contend, is none of their business . . . just like the color of your underwear (if any ) or non-visible tattoos/piercings. Thus, not subject to "disclosure" to get assent or cause consternation by discussion.

    I respect my friends even if I disagree with them on some issues, because I respect them I treat them with respect as I hope they treat me.

    It is out of respect that I do not carry to in thier home, wether they know I am carrying or not.

    It is the same question as
    Would you cheat on your wife if nobody would find out.
    I would know that I treated someone who I respected badly.
    “You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”

    ― Robert A. Heinlein,

  6. #65
    Distinguished Member Array JerryM's Avatar
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    Common Courtesy requires one to respect the wishes of the host. If the rules of the host are not acceptable, then do not go there.

    I understand and respect one's desire for safety, but there are factors that override CCW considering the consequences of losing friends and offending family members.
    Don't let carrying a handgun be the idol in your life, and take precedence over everything else.

    No, I do not think there is a BG behind every bush and door ready to attack me or my family. In my home or the home of my family or friends I believe the odds of being attacked are 1 in many thousands or maybe a million. The fact that it happened once somewhere in the country or a dozen times does not prove the argument that CCW must be the deciding factor wherever one goes.

    If my friends or host objects, and I know it I will leave my gun in the car or at home.

    Regards,
    Jerry

  7. #66
    Distinguished Member Array LenS's Avatar
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    Many/most respondents here are in Middle-America or from Down South, where guns may be "accepted" due to culture. Here in the Northeast, the vast majority don't understand hunting (other than in stores/malls) or any use for firearms except for crimes (they believe what they see/read in the local media every evening) or by law enforcement.

    Thus, most have "uninformed opinions" and honestly believe that "guns go off" by themselves (a favorite phrase used here by the media), thus the mere existence causes undue risks of "accidents", etc. in their minds. Therefore, if one were to take a poll of their non-shooting friends (and even many of those with guns that only shoot bullseye or skeet/trap), you would find that most would object to being in the knowing presence of someone (non-LE) that is armed.

    Therefore, it is not usually a subject of conversation. Personally I never bring it up at all so I have no "official objections" to work with. Some know I own guns and most don't.

    Thus, my philosophy of "don't ask, don't tell" for this corner of the world. If someone <unsolicited> told me that they don't ever want me to bring a gun to their house, I would tell them "fine, I'll never go to your house" . . . it really is that simple. Thus, I'd abide by their wishes. However, if I merely suspect (even due to comments made about news stories) that they would disapprove, I'm neither going to ask further or abide by what "I think are their wishes". I just don't believe in being the one to raise the issue and ask permission. YMMV

  8. #67
    Ron
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    Quote Originally Posted by LenS View Post
    I respectfully contend that there are major differences here:

    - They see the beer, so it is "in their face" and rude. No question about that one.

    - Smoking smells badly, it adversely impacts those with allergies, asthma, emphysema (can result in an "ambulance run") and leaves the oder long after the smoker has left the residence. Again, rude and perhaps a health hazard to some (maybe the homeowner).

    - What you have CONCEALED, doesn't stink, is not "in their face", and they don't know about . . . I contend, is none of their business . . . just like the color of your underwear (if any ) or non-visible tattoos/piercings. Thus, not subject to "disclosure" to get assent or cause consternation by discussion.
    I agree that there are differences, but the point still remains that you are deliberately entering their house knowing that you are disrespecting their wishes, and I believe that that represents an act of discourtesy. If by chance, they saw your gun, they would IMO clearly have a right to be very upset, and I think that most people in that situation should be appropriately embarrrassed.

    My house, and I have the right to set the rules for people who accept an invitation to visit. If you don't like my rules, then by all means you are free to decline my invitation.

    Ron
    "It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."

    J. R. R. Tolkien

  9. #68
    Distinguished Member Array LenS's Avatar
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    Ron,

    Do you tell the folks your rules when you invite them over?

    Nobody has ever "told me their rules" and I've never asked.

    We don't discuss guns with our friends (who aren't gunnies). It would be pure conjecture on my part to imply that they would say "don't bring it" . . . although if I asked specifically I would expect that kind of response. Also I live in a state where if a gun was stored in a vehicle, it must (by law) be unloaded and locked in a case/trunk . . . if said vehicle or gun was stolen from the car, it is almost guaranteed that I would lose my permit for life (discretionary and revocations are a normal occurrence). No permit means NO possession of guns/ammo ever (and would end my current career as well)! So the personal stakes are really high, even if what you do is legal.

    Nobody is ever going to spot the gun if I'm carrying it, as it is well concealed.

    As I stated, if someone raised it as an issue with me, I would be upfront and abide by their request and tell them I'll never step foot in their house again. It's just never happened . . . yet. My SIL and one friend has seen me in their house in uniform and armed (many years ago) and never said a word about it then or since. The friend once told me that she doesn't particularly like guns, but that was the extent of it . . . she knows and trusts me, and thus I assume it's a non-issue for her. She lives in FL most of the year now so we're lucky if we see her once a year when she's on Cape Cod. A number of years ago her Son asked me something about getting a gun (he lives in CO), but he was only here a short time and we haven't seen/talked with him in years now.

  10. #69
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    I just gave the same advice to the person asking about whether or not he should carry to a Dentist's office....Nobody knows you're carrying but you....It is not visible if it is well concealed. Go about your everyday life as if you had nothing in your pocket or wherever you conceal....I have been carrying concealed for years and it is just part of my clothing. I carry everywhere except where it is illegal here in Florida and never pay any attention to it.. I carry into the bank and talk with the manager and the tellers, I carry into the mall, the stores etc....It took me a long time to realize that the trepidation I was feeling about being outed was an internal feeling only.....HONEST>>>NOBODY SEES IT...so just keep carrying and don't feel like your weapon is like a neon sign....it isn't

  11. #70
    Ron
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    Quote Originally Posted by LenS View Post
    Ron,

    Do you tell the folks your rules when you invite them over?

    Nobody has ever "told me their rules" and I've never asked.
    be pure conjecture on my part to imply that they would say "don't bring it" . . . although if I asked specifically I would expect that kind of response. Also I live in a state where if a gun was stored in a vehicle, it must (by law) be unloaded and locked in a case/trunk . . . if said vehicle or gun was stolen from the car, it is almost guaranteed that I would lose my permit for life (discretionary and revocations are a normal occurrence). No permit means NO possession of guns/ammo ever (and would end my current career as well)! So the personal stakes are really high, even if what you do is legal.

    Nobody is ever going to spot the gun if I'm carrying it, as it is well concealed.

    As I stated, if someone raised it as an issue with me, I would be upfront and abide by their request and tell them I'll never step foot in their house again. It's just never happened . . . yet. My SIL and one friend has seen me in their house in uniform and armed (many years ago) and never said a word about it then or since. The friend once told me that she doesn't particularly like guns, but that was the extent of it . . . she knows and trusts me, and thus I assume it's a non-issue for her. She lives in FL most of the year now so we're lucky if we see her once a year when she's on Cape Cod. A number of years ago her Son asked me something about getting a gun (he lives in CO), but he was only here a short time and we haven't seen/talked with him in years now.
    Len,

    I have no problem with what you wrote. I didn't suggest that we need to make an issue of the fact that we carry and ask permission from everyone who invites us to visit their home. My only point was that if we know or have good reason to believe the person would not welcome us with our gun into their home, then good manners and couresy dictate that we leave our gun at home or decline the invitation.

    Ron
    "It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."

    J. R. R. Tolkien

  12. #71
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    It is out of respect that I do not carry to in thier [sic] home, wether [sic] they know I am carrying or not.

    It is the same question as
    Would you cheat on your wife if nobody would find out.
    Cheating on one's spouse can objectively be seen as a betrayal. In this culture, it's hard to see it another way.

    But there doesn't seem to be solid logic for holding that product selection or the carrying a beneficial tool on one's person can be held in the same regard as cheating or betrayal. I would argue that choosing to strap on one's Nikes over Reebok, Haynes over Jockey, Surefire over MagLite or SIG over Kahr are in the same class of action, none of which constitute a betrayal, lie or threat. Certainly, the mere withholding of information about one's choice in tools doesn't.

    Hm. Perhaps I need to adjust my understanding of the threat posed by product selection and decision to wear/carry a given item.

    • A friend ends up being a Lutheran. Gee, and to think that all this time I didn't know!
    • My good neighbor drives a Volvo instead of a Ford. Oops, am going to have to amend the invite list, for the weekend's dinner party, 'cause obviously this person is not a patriot.
    • A loved is found to keep fire extinguishers at home. Big ones. Foreign-made ones. Dang foreigners ....
    • Another chooses to carry a cell phone, in the belief that the tool of communication can be useful in times of trouble. Lunatic, obviously. Doesn't trust others, apparently. Betrayer of trust, no doubt.
    • And my best friend turns out to carry a self defense weapon, in the belief that his life holds value and that holding the ability to defend against criminal attack is an objective good. Lock 'im in irons, as he has betrayed all trust in doing so. Wouldn't surprise me he's cheating on his wife, perhaps mine as well. Packs a weapon into public? Grrrr. You know what such people can be like, if given half a chance ...


    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  13. #72
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    ccw9mm,

    You are right cheating on one's spouse is not the same as carrying a weapon into a known anti's house, but it is still a betrayal if that anti is your friend.

    In the end it all comes down to our own personal choice and how we choose to conduct ourselves.

    I have only one anti friend the rest all carry or are pro-gun.

    The anti is a true pacifist and would try to reason with you while you are killing him, forgive you while you are torturing him and offer you food while you are robbing his house. He is a stronger person than I am.
    “You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”

    ― Robert A. Heinlein,

  14. #73
    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    I just don't bring it up much around friends. I do have a sister-in-law that says she will only let the brother-in-law, who is an LEO, have a gun in her house. I've carried unknown to her in her house for years and didn't even know she took this stance and her husband is a hunter - go figure. I wonder where he keeps his hunting rifles. And to think she had even talked about getting her CCW a year or so ago.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
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  15. #74
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    I don't ask and don't tell. Luckily, I have no friends or relatives who live in states where one must get explicit consent from a home-owner prior to carrying in his house. My concealing methods are effective, and I carry everywhere it's legal. I have a relative who, if asked, would probably say "no carry"; however, we haven't had that conversation.

    I feel the same way about visitors to my house--I don't care whether they carry and would encourage them to do so if asked. I have very few visitors, all of whom I have known and trusted for many years. Anyone I didn't trust would not be admitted, no matter whether armed or not.

  16. #75
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    I'm friends with a couple where the wife doesn't allow guns in the house. No problem for me, I just lock it in the truck in the lock box. When I go over there, I usaully have a few drinks and stay the night, so I wouldn't be carrying while imbibing anyway. Since he's my brewing apprentice, there is definately some tasting and critiquing of the baverages whenever I go there.

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