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Carrying to a friend's house

6K views 74 replies 54 participants last post by  PatP 
#1 ·
I am in the process of getting my CCL. I know when we go to the neighbor's house, as we often do for our kids to play or for the adults to play cards or visit, my wife is going to say not to carry over there. That's a hurdle I'm just going to have to deal with. (advice here would be helpful)

But I was wondering...has anyone ever been outed someone's house that you've known for a long time, what was their reaction and how was the situation handled? I could see some people throwing a fit saying "how could you bring that into my house" etc. and the relationship going downhill from there. I'm not sure how my neighbors or friends would feel about it, and I don't plan on being outed(concealed means concealed and all), but if the situation did arise I'm not sure how it would go down.

Anyone have this experience? Has anyone lost friends because of it, or realize you have another gun toting buddy to talk guns with?

Edit: Title should read Carrying to a friend's house
 
#2 ·
I have a couple of neighbors who are anti. If I am invited to their homes, I leave the pistol in the car. In this state, they can "ban" the carrying of guns on their property, but though we "agree to disagree" on the overall issue, to me courtesy and respect for the persons trumps assertiveness.

I do feel nekked though.
 
#4 ·
hard call, i woundn't want you to say or do something youmight regeat
later. me personally,haven't had any issuses from the wife about where
i carry(legally)or friends,neiabors, but like you said and we all know,
concealed is concealed. i wish you luck in your desicions.
 
#5 ·
In SC, one is NOT allowed to carry a weapon(concealed or not) without the express approval of the homeowner. That eliminates a lot of the guesswork for us. So, in the car it goes(or at home).....
 
#6 ·
There, fixed the title for you! :biggrin2:

I have not run into this problem yet as most of the time my good friends (the ones in whose home I would be welcome) are introduced to my carry status long before I ever go to their home.

Case in point. I met two very nice gals down here shortly after moving. We went out to eat together and seeing as how we were all new to the area we chose a restaurant none of us was familiar with. When we got there we discovered they served alcohol there. Via Virginia law I was not to carry concealed into the restaurant. I had two choices: let them in on my little secret, or somehow try to cleverly hide my gun in the car while they both watched.

I chose the former.

Turns out they were both completely fine with it. Since then I have been to both of their homes and they know that I am armed. They have been completely fine with it and one of my new-found friends has even expressed interest in learning carry herself.

I think that if I were to discover that someone I DIDN'T know was carrying in my home I might be a little leery, but if they were a friend and someone I had good experiences with I would be perfectly fine with them carrying in my residence.

But then again, I'm biased.

For an anti I'd just leave it outside or invite them over to my home. For someone who doesn't have a lot of experience with guns and might not feel the same way, I might actually try to bring up the question in a round about way and, in essence, ask permission. It seems like the polite thing to do.
 
#7 ·
I guess it’s different in the south. :urla9ub:

Because all my neighbors I hang with are gun friendly, and we all go armed when we go Harley riding together, and we go to the range together.

However, I really don’t make it a point of carrying when I walk over to see them, but then again, I don’t go out of my way to take it out of my pocket, or off my hip if it was already there.
 
#8 ·
I would ask first, that would take a lot of the guessing out of the way, and you would be on firm ground then it would be up to you if you carried or not. I carry to my neighbord house, but that is because they like to look at my weapon and one of them is bed riden and can't come over to my olace to see it. He gets a kick out of the fact that It is concealed and always asked me if I have it on me, I suprise him every time I pull it out, he never sees it on me. :rofl:

TDPalmer
 
#9 ·
Unfortunately, it's a moot point here in Arkansas. We are required by law to inform the homeowner that we are carrying before we enter their domicile and can be told to disarm before entering. The only time I've ever been forced to disarm when entering a private residence is at my mom's house.
 
#10 ·
I had an experience with this very early in my "carrying career" if you will.

I went hiking with my girlfriend, where I was carrying openly (legal in AZ). We stopped by a friend of hers on the way home and I threw on a shirt to conceal the gun. I was helping to move some stuff around in the house and, wabam my piece gets shown when my shirt gets caught on a bannister. The lady of the house was a bit taken aback and the man of the house pulled me aside as we were leaving and suggested that I was not welcome in their house when carrying, mostly due to his 2 small children, and not because he was particularly anti. To a certain degree this "accidental outing" was my fault for not being particularly skilled in concealment at the time, and being overly confident that I was in the right and not being concerned about the potential bad things that could happen. I have since grown up a bit.

Then later in life, I went to a dinner at my aunt's house, she is as anti as they come, my aunt told me, without knowing that I was armed, that I was never ever welcome in her home or around her in any location with a firearm in my posession.

In the first case, it was not a major issue as I really never had any intent to return to the family's house again.

In the second case, both my wife and I are close to my aunt. They live 20 minutes away. When I go to their house, I leave it in the car or don't carry at all. When we go out in public together, I carry in a deep cover manner, and when at my house with them I do not carry openly or concealed. For me it is more important to maintain the relationship than to offend for the sake of making a point. My aunt likely knows that when in public that I am armed and either chooses to ignore it or doesn't care as much as she lead on.

As has been previously stated, concealed should be concealed. And choose your battles.

CPTD
 
#11 ·
As far as friends go, carrying is a non-issue. (I don't think I have any friends that don't own any guns, although one just has a shotgun for hd as there is no carry in MD). That said, all of my friends prefer that I carry, as most of them do as well. My sister on the other hand is a different story, she insists there be no guns anywhere around her kids, doesn't mind me carrying around her. Which to me makes no sense when she has watched her car get broken into in her own driveway!! So, although I may not agree with her, I do disarm so I can go see my niece and nephew.
 
#12 ·
I probably would not bring it at first. You should try bringing up the topic of guns and concealed carry to your friend in a casual conversation, and if he or she have negative views about guns then you know not to bring it to their home.
 
#13 ·
First, NOBODY I come in personal contact with except a member of this forum and my wife knows I carry.

I have a number of reasons for his. One of the main reasons is because of this very subject.

I carry everywhere I can do so legally 24/7/365, including people's homes.

My personal feeling on it is - "What they don't know, won't bother them". If the SHTF they may be glad I was carrying, if it doesn't - no harm/no foul.

As always... just my opinion,
Bobo

BTW, there are a few other personal things I don't talk about to anybody besides whether I carry or not. Some things are just no one else's business.
 
#14 ·
My wife knows that I will carry everywhere that I am legally allowed to do so. Not an issue there. She wasn't exactly gun friendly at first, but now she knows that she has around the clock protection with me there. In fact, she's asked me a few times - "you're carrying right?" Now she doesn't have to ask, she already knows the answer. :smile:

I have never been outed by anybody because I believe in proper concealment. Get a good holster, gun belt, cover garment & learn how to do it properly. Lots of good advice from people on this site. Take notes. :smile:
 
#54 ·
I believe Bluelineman has put it the best of any! Can't improve on this!
 
#15 ·
Sorry to tell this story, my sweetheart and I were on a cruise and met a couple from Ca.

The reason they were on the cruise was heartwrenching, about a year earlier a bunch of friends and family were together playing games etc. another friends garage/house and some BG's(gang bangers) showed up w/guns drawn demanding $$$$ and a car because the other car they had jacked ran out of gas or broke down!

Everybody cooperated and they still started to shoot them!!!

I can't remember how many lost thier lives but I do know that it really p' ed me off.

They all have thier ccw's now.

It was about the one yr mark of the tragedy and they just had to leave town and do something fun.

These were really good people, and I hope they are doing well.

If I can legally carry........I DO!!!!

Only my closest friends and family know that I allways carry, other than that I'm going to have to be "made".

Nobody should ever have to experience a tragedy like this.
 
#17 ·
Just talked to my 12 and 7 year old girls about it tonight. I carry just about everywhere and everytime I legally can. But I don't share with anyone, period. My family knows because they see me come home and take off a suit coat and there it is. My wife doesn't like it but I'd told her (as kindly as possible) that it's my right and that I intend to do it and would like for it to not be an issue between us. She accepted that. I pastor a small country church and carry there. I'm extra cautious about concealment there as I believe it could cause some folks concern. If my carrying caused a stumbling block for one of God's people I'd have to consider no longer carrying at church. When I'm in a "sensitive" spot, I go with a Keltec P3AT in pocket carry and it would be almost impossible to be discovered.

I don't even tell my close friends although I've had two close friends ask me if I've ever had CCW training. they know I like guns in general and must have figured that I would be the type to do so. I answered them truthfully but never volunteered beyond that point. If they ever ask me directly if I carry I intend to answer (with a big smile) with a question "would you ask someone what color underwear they're wearing?" I figure that'll make the point unless you have the type of friend who would ask!

There's an old saying, if you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the questions. I wouldn't tell or volunteer so I wouldn't have to find out their reaction UNLESS it's the law, then it all boils down to your own judgement on how the relationship is. I would have to be VERY close and even them I wouldn't like it so I'd probably leave the gun in the car (something else I hate to do!)
 
#18 ·
Provided it is legal, I have one rule which I always follow. If I know, or have reason to believe, that the person objects to bringing a gun to their house, I either leave my gun in my car or decline the invitation to visit. It is their house and they have the right to establish rules of conduct for visitors. IMO, it would be inappropriate for me to disregard their wishes. On the other hand, if I have no reason to believe they would object, then I will carry and not make a big issue out of it.

Ron
 
#19 ·
This is an intresting and educational thread.
Generally I carry concealed (and I live in an open carry state) because it's my business and nobody elses......that's it. Having said that, I make no big secret I carry with those closest to me, ie. family and close friends.

The wife of a real good friend of mine has made it clear that NO loaded guns will be in her house around her kids. It's a safty/fear of unknown for her more than anything. I honor her wishes. This past summer though her, her kids and me and my family went on a vacation while her husband (my buddy) was deployed with his unit. Now her and my wife are very good friends but I made a point of politely 'pulling her aside' (just us two) and informing her that while we were traveling and 'camping out' at the hotel I will be carrying and that I would positive control of my sidearm at ALL times. I told her I remember her expressing her "discomfort" of guns in general and that I was informing of my intentions out of respect of her and our friendship. Then she hit me with it......"I know you carry guns around and I'm OK with you having one, you know what your doing and I know the kids wont see or be able to get to it. Besides, I feel better with you here while (my husband) is gone." I almost fell over. She said that her and my wife already discussed it and my wife told her that ".....he'll almost never go anywhere without his 'buddy' tagging along....."

Well how about that! I guess my next step is to get her husband to go get his CCL when he gets back......?
 
#20 ·
If you know these friends do not want guns in their home, I wouldnt disrespect their wishes in their own home.
Look at it from their view... pick something out that you dont like, and dot want in your home... wouldnt you be miffed if a friend brought it in anyway? I would.
I think the issue you have would be educating them to make sure they are comfortable with your gun, or finding a way around going to their home... or just enjoy your friends company and take the evening off.
 
#24 ·
I carry everywhere i can. THe area I live in is pretty safe(if there is such a place) but bad things and people happen everywhere. If they are friends of mine gun discussion is a topic.
Like someone said earlier this is the deep south so everyone has a gun, and alot carry. I want my neighbors to know im armed and I want to know their armed or not. With the 2 on each side of me now (2 acre lots) I feel better for my wife when i'm not home. I have 5 friends that carry now because of me, well not because of me 2 of them were involved in a shooting this past year, and the others have come around to the idea "it is stupid to be a willing victim", in both cases bg's had guns, gg got lucky they don't know how to shoot. I would talk to them about their stance on firearms and carrying on the first card game.If their scared of a holstered weapon,respect ,try to explain why,leave it at your own( and theres and your wife's) risk!
 
#26 ·
I think I would go with the "don't ask - don't tell" approach unless you already know that they would not approve of you bringing a weapon in to their home. If that is the case or later, it becomes the case, I would respect their wishes. :yup:
 
#27 ·
. . . unless you already know that they would not approve of you bringing a weapon in to their home. If that is the case or later, it becomes the case, I would respect their wishes. :yup:
Sadly, if one followed this philosophy in the Northeast . . . you wouldn't carry anywhere (or hardly anywhere)!!

In liberal lands, most are ignorant about guns and fear them "going off" (that's what the media here report all the time) in an uncontrolled manner . . . unless being in possession of LEOs.

I might have an advantage around here as I got into guns (and CCW) in 1976 and became a PT LEO in 1979. So a lot of acquaintances and friends have either seen me in uniform (local) or know/suspect that I own guns due to this fact and they may not make a big deal about it. Nobody around me has ever made an issue of it with me or asked.
 
#30 ·
Concealed is concealed. I don't announce, and anyone who told me that it wasn't welcome, well I just won't go there anymore. That's just how I feel about it, of course, but that's how I feel. Most of my friends are LEO / Military or something along those lines so its never been an issue.
 
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