Bringing Up Your CHL with Someone New

This is a discussion on Bringing Up Your CHL with Someone New within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I know that quite a few on this site are probably married or in serious relationships with someone for the past few years, so this ...

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Thread: Bringing Up Your CHL with Someone New

  1. #1
    Member Array nova83tx's Avatar
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    Bringing Up Your CHL with Someone New

    I know that quite a few on this site are probably married or in serious relationships with someone for the past few years, so this might be more for those who are single out there.

    My opinions when it comes to CHL are that I carry with me everywhere legally possible and I tell as few as people that need to know.

    When you have started dating someone new, I am curious to how you choose to bring up your carry status. With someone who is going to be hugging or getting close to you that much, not any way to really avoid it.

    So do most of you choose to bring up your status fairly early, wait until they may find it mid-hug, wait awhile? When you do bring it up, how do you bring it up, and do you offer up a big explanation without them asking much so they don't get the wrong idea that she may be involved with a Mall Ninja?

    My biggest fear is that she finds it mid-date one night just putting her arm around me, and freaking out when she does. And if she doesn't freak out, I don't want her feeling uncomfortable about it, or feeling that I omitted telling her up front. I don't expect many are super anti in my neck of the woods, but it may surprise her and her reaction may not be supportive right away without me talking about it first.

    I know that the last first date I went on a few weeks ago, I did something a little different than usual, and just told her up front in the car on the way to the restaurant. She was super flirty, and I knew she would find it in about 2 secs, so I just brought it up, gave her 2 minutes of spiel, and that was that. Later that night as we were walking along the street to our car, her arm hit it as she wrapped around me, and she said "you know, I actually feel a little safer that you have it"

    I have another first date this Saturday, and I still don't have any guidelines of how to handle it, I just keep playing a little different each time, so hopefully I get some good food for thought here . . .
    Glock 26 w/ CTAC IWB

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" - Theodore Roosevelt

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  3. #2
    Member Array dropped_71chevy's Avatar
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    It's natural to talk about hobbies and obviously one of yours is shooting. Feel her out with this. Maybe offer to take her shooting if she seems interested and go from there.

    Personally, I just stay out of positions that would jeopardize my concealment by turning my body using an arm to block the weapon, etc. until I feel that someone deserves to know.

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    Member Array Southtexas's Avatar
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    hit me in pm if you want some advice we are both online. but basically you will have to play it by ear.

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    Honey, how would you feel about me squeezing one off tonight...

    Oh, I'm gonna get one of those nasty emails...

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    New Member Array mloy2's Avatar
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    you could try a smaller gun in a pocket holster looks just like a wallet and less chance of her finding out by giving you a hug or when getting close

    definitely not something i would tell her on a first date unless i absolutely had too

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    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Ask her how she feels about the Second Amendment.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

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    kpw
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    VIP Member Array kpw's Avatar
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    I've been single for the last year and a half and that has come up a lot. It usually comes up in the 2nd or 3rd date when talking about things I like to do or politics (not a real good topic early on). It doesn't seem to scare too many away. Usually, it's the things I hear that scare me away.

    Forgot to mention, small pistol in the pocket. Some ladies like hugging as soon as you meet them. And then there is.... never mind!
    Last edited by kpw; February 7th, 2008 at 02:48 AM. Reason: added more

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    Member Array nova83tx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mloy2 View Post
    you could try a smaller gun in a pocket holster looks just like a wallet and less chance of her finding out by giving you a hug or when getting close

    definitely not something i would tell her on a first date unless i absolutely had too
    I do have a P3AT, that I use for certain business dress situations when I am forced too pocket carry. I will be wearing my Glock 26 IWB though, because we will be walking a bit downtown, and I see no reason why I need to sacrifice and drop down a caliber.

    I am not really looking for ideas on how too keep it from her, just ideas on when everyone thinks the timing is appropriate to bring it up, and how to do it.

    I agree that most times the first date is poor timing, and that it is best not to bring it up unless I have to, but it can be difficult to "Stay out of positions that would jeopardize my concealment by turning my body using an arm to block the weapon"

    I would be really curious on what some of the ladies thought . . . I understand most of you are currently very Pro Gun, but maybe you can think back to earlier times when you weren't carrying. Also, I don't want to come off as a guy who brings it up purely too seem Macho, I wonder ladies if any of you think it could be construed that way . . .
    Glock 26 w/ CTAC IWB

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" - Theodore Roosevelt

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    Member Array dropped_71chevy's Avatar
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    You're right, it can be difficult but life, more importantly carrying, is about tradeoffs. You have every right to stick with the G26 but in order to do so you'll need to find a way to cover it up and I'm not talking about a jacket.

    As far as when to bring it up, you're going to need to get on a topic like politics, hobbies, etc. in order to be able to smoothly transition into it. I know that you don't want to screw up a good thing but if she's not of the same mindset or not willing to atleast respect yours than you may want to get that out as soon as possible so that you're not wasting your time.

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    Member Array nova83tx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dropped_71chevy View Post
    I know that you don't want to screw up a good thing but if she's not of the same mindset or not willing to atleast respect yours than you may want to get that out as soon as possible so that you're not wasting your time.
    Exactly my thoughts . . . very well put! It is something that I don't want someday new too get the wrong idea or have it be any source of tension . . . but since it is something they would have to accept, I don't won't to put it off so long that if it is a dealbreaker, it doesn't take a few weeks to find out.
    Glock 26 w/ CTAC IWB

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" - Theodore Roosevelt

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    Member Array Southtexas's Avatar
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    Find a recent current event in your neck of the woods and bring it up to feel her out, "Wow did you hear about that mom and pop store? thats crazy, I drive by there all the time, can you believe that lady carries a gun?" leave it open, dont put your thoughts out there for her to adjust to, see what her opinion is, and dont even try to convert her, if she is neutral then she is neutral, if she is not then she is not, but either way you know right off, why bother going out with a sheep? here is a good reason,,,, my wife was once a sheep, she is now a sheepdog, anti gun people are simply that, for what ever reason they feel or have been taught that guns are bad, but 70% of anti gun people will want someone to own a gun to protect them, IE they wont but hope someone else will. go figure,

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    Member Array JeffLrrp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GBS View Post
    Honey, how would you feel about me squeezing one off tonight...

    Oh, I'm gonna get one of those nasty emails...
    Classic. I laughed so hard I almost had to go to the bathroom. Thank you. You've made my day.
    “Laws that forbid the carrying of arms . . . disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes . . .
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    Member Array barracudamagoo's Avatar
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    This has been something I have thought about as well. I have not gotten my CCW yet, but there a certain situations where I will see people that I will give a hug, but don't want them to know I'm carrying (ie: aunts, mother-in-law, etc.) How do you guys make that one happen? I know a hug is a little higher on the back, but it's possible.

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    VIP Member Array tns0038's Avatar
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    First of all I am married for almost twenty years. But, at the age of 18, I was sworn in as a deputy, and was dating until I was 30. And to make my situation a little more difficult, I had to keep being a deputy a secret because I worked with the NARC’s, while I went to college. So the girls I dated also could not know I was a deputy, or that I was required to carry 24/7.

    Dating is fun, but, carrying a weapon does bring a certain amount of apprehension into the scenario.

    So my advice is:

    There are different places you can take your date that are safer than others, and I would take them to those places, the first couple of dates. And I would keep the 45 Combat Commanders in the car and carry a mouse gun in my pocket.

    As far as when I would tell them; I would not tell the girl, I carried a gun until I had got to know them better, or had developed a relationship.

    If they where anti gun or 2A, they weren’t the girl for me, so they never knew. And even when I got around to telling them I carried, I only could tell them it for safety. The LEO part had to stay a secret or every student on campus would know.

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    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    The only people that know are close friends. My wife, parents and boss. Other then that I generally don't tell anyone. A few co-workers of mine have their CCL's and all are pretty conservative and enjoy guns, hunting and carrying. We all know we each carry and keep it all to ourselves in our group of people.

    As for bringing it up as a topic, unless the topic warrants it. I.e. they flat out tell you they have a CCL then I might reciprocate with the same fact, but don't really get into details from that point on.

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