Girlfriend NOT happy about me carrying - Page 2

Girlfriend NOT happy about me carrying

This is a discussion on Girlfriend NOT happy about me carrying within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I found a couple of 9-1-1 audio files at another forum, that my wife and I listened to, and it was very distressing to hear ...

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Thread: Girlfriend NOT happy about me carrying

  1. #16
    Member Array steve63's Avatar
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    I found a couple of 9-1-1 audio files at another forum, that my wife and I listened to, and it was very distressing to hear that kind of anguish from those ladies when they realized that help would not be coming. Both murders would have been preventable, if a gun was in play. My wife will now be taking over my Kel-tec until she finds one of her own. Just a warning, that audio is very graphic, and will raise the hair on the back of your neck.


  2. #17
    Member Array blue1023's Avatar
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    I am a LEO and carry ...my wife also despises the idea ...we have over 20 years of marriage but none the less she says it is foolish and she see no need for anyone to carry anywhere off duty...........

  3. #18
    Senior Member Array Herknav's Avatar
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    I don't mean to be harsh, but you have 2 choices and 3 possible outcomes as I see it:

    1) This is really important to you and either a) she comes around or b) you guys agree to "just be friends"

    2) This really isn't that important to you, in which case you do whatever she tells you.

    Again, the above was not meant to sound harsh, but "til death do us part" is a really long time if you're not happy. That's what the dating process if for--finding out if you're compatible. I'd try the method mentioned above before writing her off totally. It might work. At some point, you have to decide for yourself if she's worth it. Then you have to live with that decision for the rest of your life.

    Good luck.
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  4. #19
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    Don't listen to these guys...I married my wife years ago when she had no interest in guns. I must admit though, that is one area that she had NO say...
    It only took 32 years to change her mind about weapons and the real need to have them around. In the next four years, she decided to CCW...
    See it's not all that bad...



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  5. #20
    New Member Array DrinaLynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue1023 View Post
    I am a LEO and carry ...my wife also despises the idea ...we have over 20 years of marriage but none the less she says it is foolish and she see no need for anyone to carry anywhere off duty...........
    Wow I'm surprised by that. Does she know about the 2 unarmed, off-duty cops who were shot execution-style after the BGs got their wallets and found out they were cops? They were shot because they were cops.

    To the OP:
    I can't say I've ever been "anti" gun but I grew up in a country were handguns are virtually banned and was slightly uncomfortable with them. When my husband first started carrying, it did take a little getting used to but I came around quickly. There are a few factors that contributed to my increased comfort level.

    First of all, it really helped that my husband is a Marine and I was confident with his experience and knowledge of them. When he first got his Glock, he took it apart in front of me (to clean it like the good Marine he is) and ran through all the nomenclature with me. Before I even stepped foot on a firing range, he went through the technical workings of the gun and detailed all of the basics (finger straight and off the trigger, never point at anything you don't intend to shoot, always treat a gun as though it's loaded). I got comfortable with an unloaded gun in my hand and then he taught me how to fire it. Again, it helped that I was confident in my husband's experience and that he was a very patient teacher.

    Once I got comfortable with a gun and had all the nasty myths deflated (they go off by themselves etc.) I started drawing my own conclusions about how empowering it is to be in control of your own safety. Without my husband's prompting, I started to think back to stories I'd heard involving violent crime. I pictured myself at home with an intruder in the house... did I want to be curled up in a closet on hold with 9-1-1? I imagined that we were being attacked... did I want to be defenseless?

    She may come around with some patience and if you subtly plant seeds to cultivate a pro-gun mindset in her. Like others have suggested, mention stories you hear on the news or local police reports (available online usually) about unarmed victims.. It's a matter of justifying the need while making her comfortable with the pistol as a tool.

    As others have said, this may be a deal breaker for her but it doesn't sound like it is if she's willing to shoot with you...
    Be safe, sleep with a Marine

  6. #21
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    ... but "til death do us part" is a really long time if you're not happy.
    It can also be a surprisingly short time, if you're caught unprepared to defend against a violent attack.

    Quote Originally Posted by hcrum87hc View Post
    ... when I usually bring it up, she gets defensive and doesn't want to talk about it.

    I'm just so afraid that something will happen to her b/c of her naivety.
    A closed mind and naivete. She is abdicating her responsibility to think. Nobody would care, if it only affected her. Trouble is, it's affecting others (you).

    ... she thinks that it can't happen to her.
    She is misinformed, at best. It can and does happen to people for the first time, every day of our lives, many of whom had blind faith of one sort or the other. BG's don't care about that. Let me say that again. BG's do NOT CARE about whether you're deluded, blindly faithful that all's right in the world, living in a cloud or otherwise unthinking about the risks, except insofar as it impacts how soft and tasty it makes you as a target.

    What could I possibly tell her to help her see the truth?
    If she were to be victimized personally, that might well do it. But, even that doesn't work for some people.

    Questions:
    • Does she disbelieve the news reports in your local area that show people being caught in the crosshairs of bad people's intentions? Does she think these things are fabrications?
    • Does she believe crime to simply be a matter of percentages, of likelihood, and that the chance of being attacked is so low as to be irrelevant for any given person?
    • Does she believe that criminals will stop doing what they do simply because she wants them to?
    • Does she think that complying with a criminal's wishes is a ticket to survival? What does she think about the instances of people being shot/killed after having complied with every demand?
    • Has she seen the video of Suzanna Gratia Hupp's testimony in front of the legislature berating them for legally disarming her to the point it resulted in her being able to do zilch when a deadly threat came knocking? Does she believe this never happened, or cannot happen to others?
    • Does she appreciate the fact that not all attacks are mass murders, that single-person assaults happen every day? (Probably at a neighborhood block near you, as it turns out, if you live in a city.)
    • Does she see the usefulness of having a fire extinguisher in a fire, car insurance in a crash, alarm in a burglary, backup power in a power outage, umbrella in a rain storm, or cell phone when traveling?
    • Does she fear firearms and/or weapons in general?
    • Does she believe that a firearm will jump out of a holster all by itself and kill someone?
    • Does she believe that you, personally, are evil and would use your own firearm in a criminal manner to harm her?
    • Does she see that, on the instant of an attack, waiting multiple minutes for police response doesn't help you at that moment? And that this assumes the attacker will even allow you to make that telephone call?
    • Does she appreciate the limited usefulness of (a) a 911 call that gets placed on "hold", (b) a police reponse that doesn't come for minutes after you truly need it, (c) hoping and praying that the BG won't actually harm you ... despite all facts to the contrary?
    • Does she see that, when presented with a BG armed with weapons and a singular goal of doing physical damage to you, precious little will be useful for stopping that attack except sufficiently powerful weapons to thwart those of the BG?

    If she can rationally follow these statements and see the answers simply, then it only follows that a defensive weapon has its place.

    A defensive mindset, weaponry and training is like insurance. Most folks agree on the usefulness of a fire extinguisher, a spare tire in your car, a cell phone while traveling, having your umbrella/jacket with you on a spring day. Why should having an alarm on your house or having a means of self-defense be any different? It's both rational and useful to have such things BEFORE something happens. It's also both irrational and naieve to believe it'll do you one lick of good acquiring it AFTER you need it. It's that simple.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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  7. #22
    Member Array Linda's Avatar
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    Whenever we're going out, I'll ask her if she minds if I carry. If she says no I agreed to not carry, but that I might, depending on where we're going. And of course, I have the power of veto. I made her promise she would say yes occasionally to make sure she would actually try to ease into it.
    You've got to be kidding.....right?????

    Do you ask permission to carry your cell phone as well?

    What areas is it that qualifies as "depending on where we're going"? The so called bad sections of town? Honey, bad things happen in the good parts of town as well. You do not get to pick the day that you (or she) become a victim. The criminal does!

    I'm generally not hard on someone when this type of post comes up in the forums, but I'm sorry, that is the most ridiculous statement ever. Stop asking for permission to protect yourself. It's non-negiotable!!! If she can't get used to it, well then, you've got some soul searching to do. I'm assuming that if you are old enough to carry, then you are old enough not to have to ask your parents permission to do something, so why are you asking your girlfriend if it's OK to protect the both of you? Food for thought!
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  8. #23
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hcrum87hc View Post
    Whenever we're going out, I'll ask her if she minds if I carry.
    Never do this again. Just strap on, in private if you want to avoid an argument, but do what you feel is right in regards to your personal security without giving her veto power.

    My wife doesn't get a vote when it comes to me carrying because 1) it's my obligation to protect my family whether others agree or not, and 2) she doesn't see the need, therefore her reasoning on this issue is faulty. I'm not going to follow faulty reasoning and put my family in danger just for the sake of temporary peace.

    The way I see it, you providing security for yourself and someone with you (wife, g/f, kids) is non-negotiable. If your g/f can't handle it, it's time to move on to someone else, unless you want her to run your life for a lifetime, or argue about this continually. When my wife initially objected to me carrying all the time, I chose to make it absolutely clear that it was my decision to protect my family, and I didn't need her permission to do so. I probably saved a lot of future arguments by letting her know up front I wasn't budging one bit. She actually began to show me more respect after that. A couple of times early on she would start to object, and I would launch into my intense speech about protecting her, not needing her permission, etc. Because I took a stand and didn't flinch, we don't have those arguments anymore.

    There may not be anything you can say to her to help change her mind. Some will never see the light, and some may take years to change their mind. She may choose to hang on to her way of thinking regardless of all the facts you put in front of her. Make a decision if she is worth the effort, or a lifetime of disagreement, but I recommend you never give her permission to decide whether you carry or not, no matter what the fallout is. Settle this matter up front, or deal with it for possibly a lifetime.

  9. #24
    Member Array Linda's Avatar
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    hcrum87hc, PLEASE read this article written by a brilliant man, Lt. Col. Dave Grossman on "sheep, wolves and sheepdogs". I sense that you are still stuck between sheep and sheepdog. The g/f needs to read this as well.

    On Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs
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  10. #25
    Senior Member Array Sky Pilot's Avatar
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    My wife, too, has occasionally taken issue with my carrying.
    My reasoning, which I explained to her:
    My dear bride is the youngest of three children.
    Her father is a fine man, a man I admire and respect.
    No matter how old a youngest daughter becomes, she is always "Daddy's little girl." This never, ever changes, nor should it.
    When I married Daddy's little girl, she was a woman grown and had been on her own for many years: still, I as much as looked that fine man in the eye and told him I would provide for HIS LITTLE GIRL, and I would keep HIS LITTLE GIRL safe.
    The argument did not immediately convince her.
    I continued to carry, in spite of her occasional misgivings.
    She took the concealed class with me; she shoots with me; she enjoys shooting; she regards the hardware as investment material -- I explained that I can always get, at the very least, original purchase price out of everything I have, and would probably turn a profit if I did sell (which I won't!) -- and by virtue of quietly carrying whenever and wherever legally possible, she no longer objects.
    Other correspondents on this thread have mentioned that "Til Death Do Us Part"is a very long time. It's made even longer with a source of friction. You are in the right -- you know you are in the right -- and this will be a gall in your relationship.
    Forgive my candor, amigo pistolero, but unless she comes around, make another choice for your life's partner.
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  11. #26
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    Listening to the news and reading the newspaper just does'nt get it with someone that feels that strong about it. We're so desensitized because we here it so much. I feel her problem ( and most other antis) is " It won't happen to me. I've never needed a gun, so I won't need one in the future".
    Stand your ground and hopefuly she doesn't have to learn the hard way.

  12. #27
    VIP Member Array Rob72's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hcrum87hc View Post
    I have taken her shooting, and here's the kicker...she loved it! She even started considering getting a pistol. Then all of a sudden, she was back to her old gun hating ways.
    Mindset. It became a game and was fun. You carried in public and it becomes real.

    Whenever we're going out, I'll ask her if she minds if I carry. If she says no I agreed to not carry, but that I might, depending on where we're going. And of course, I have the power of veto. I made her promise she would say yes occasionally to make sure she would actually try to ease into it.
    Statistics and probability. In general, she's right, you aren't likely to need your HG. Armament is not simply carrying a tool, it is a warrior mindset. A common adage: you may have a weapon and not be armed. Very true. If you are not willing to develop observational skills; basic physical fitness; and having your tools, whatever they may, be simply a part of your life, it becomes "paddle-carry." It's there but not really.

    You've made a losing bargain. Number-wise, she will always be able to argue that you don't need to carry since nothing happened yesterday, last week, last year, etc.. An argument is won, a compromise means status-quo. Without knowing either of you, and based on the bare description, it sounds as though you have agreed to a protracted argument. She will likely see it as such.

  13. #28
    Member Array Ranger's Avatar
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    Wives get a vote. Girlfriends are transients, auditioning for the position of wife. Sounds like she's blowing the audition.
    When in doubt, just ask yourself, "What would Theodore Roosevelt do?"

    Every society is 3 missed meals away from anarchy.

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by hcrum87hc View Post
    I haven't mentioned it to her b/c when I usually bring it up, she gets defensive and doesn't want to talk about it.
    I'm no psyciatrist, I can't even spell the word, but this statement above is a symptom of some bad things to come.

    If, when conftonted by a difficult topic, she bottles up and won't communicate with you, things won't go well in the long run. You guys need to figure out how to communicate and talk through things.
    Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

  15. #30
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    I'd do it anyway. If she wants to leave, so be it. Sorry if that's not the answer you want to hear, but some people just don't believe it can happen to them.
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