Explaining CCW to the Wife

This is a discussion on Explaining CCW to the Wife within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I remember when my fiance and I had the big carry spat. We were getting ready to enter a theater (think play, not movie) and ...

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Thread: Explaining CCW to the Wife

  1. #16
    Member Array HiWayMan's Avatar
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    I remember when my fiance and I had the big carry spat. We were getting ready to enter a theater (think play, not movie) and she saw me tucking it in my pocket. She got pissed and demanded I leave it in the car. I told her that she only gets to ask me to leave it behind once in her lifetime, after that I'd kick her to the curb if she ever asked again. She used up her one time that night, and has stayed true to the agreement and never said a word since.

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  3. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrontSight
    She is a rational person (nurse by trade) and I think that if I could quote stats the next time this came up in conversation she would understand.
    Well, let's see. You guys are in Georgia, she works in the Healthcare business:

    Number of medical malpractice deaths in Georgia: Between 1,276 and 2,842
    (Source: Citizens.org)

    Number of murders in Georgia (2003): 619
    (Source: Georgia Bureau of Investigations)

    Tell her you carry because of her profession!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  4. #18
    Member Array realtor's Avatar
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    Yes, as far at the odds go, fortunately most of us will not have to test our carrying mindset. So the worst that will happen is that we will have carried around a couple of pounds of metal for years for no apparent reason. As a nurse, I would have thought she would have seen the consequences for the unarmed innocents...rape, beatings and murders to name a few. As far as being "paranoid" like the old saying goes, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people arn't out to get you".

    I'm a CCW instructor. It is not unusual to have one or two medical professionals in every class. Two weeks ago I had an MD who had been stabbed on his way home from a night shift and a nurse who narrowly avoided being raped and who knows what else because she able to break free for a moment and ran just a tad faster than the vermin who attacked her. To both of them, statistics and odds have taken on a whole new meaning.

    Funny how a wedding ring sometimes leads one partner wanting to change the other. It just doesn't work out that way. I hope your wife never has occasion to wish she had been as "paranoid".
    Last edited by realtor; November 1st, 2005 at 08:52 AM.

  5. #19
    Senior Member Array GoodSamaritan's Avatar
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    Women marry men thinking they can change them, and find out to their chagrin that they can't.

    Men marry women thinking they won't change then, find out to their chagrin that they always do.

  6. #20
    VIP Member Array maclean3's Avatar
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    When she checks the lock on your front door tonight, ask her why she's being paranoid. How many times has anyone EVER tried to enter your home uninvited, much less tried to break in?

    Trust me, it only takes ONCE for your whole outlook to change.
    Jack

  7. #21
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    FrontSight,

    I went through a similar experience with my fiancé, who had a problem with me carrying on vacation and not wanting to go to non-CCW states. He's a member of CombatCarry, now has his carry permit, and we worked through the issue. That can be read here.

    I think that some non-carry people believe that carrying a gun while on a fine dinner or leisurely excursion somehow "ruins the experience" because they believe that the permitholder is unable to relax and enjoy the outing because at any minute, a dozen ninjas are about to jump out of the bushes. I also think that when non-permit people know their companion is armed, they go into "there must be some immediate danger" mode and are unable to enjoy the outing themselves, because they are unaccustomed to having a loaded gun around them.

    Non-carry people don't understand that carrying a gun is as natural to us as wearing a seatbelt and we're not paranoid about ninjas jumping out from behind bushes, and we are relaxed and enjoy the same things that they do - only we're armed and always aware of our surroundings, and that awareness has been ingrained into us for such a long time that it doesn't take much more effort to utilize it than tying a shoelace.

    Go through this page and print out stories of real women just like her who have been attacked and raped while out shopping or just walking up to their own doors. Have her read about the ones who have armed themselves afterwards, and the ones who have used their guns to protect themselves. Have her read this story in particular.

    And then carefully explain to her that these stories are not designed to make her paranoid and afraid of the dark, but reveal to her that bad things can happen anytime and anywhere to good people, and so carrying a gun is that extra precaution. And then tell her you love her and that you're carrying not only for your safety, but hers as well.
    Last edited by Betty; November 1st, 2005 at 12:59 PM. Reason: fixing link
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  8. #22
    Member Array FrontSight's Avatar
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    Thanks Betty, You certainly nailed it with the links!
    Pershing SIR!!

  9. #23
    VIP Member Array Rob72's Avatar
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    Another link, that might bring things "closer to home":
    http://www.familywatchdog.us/

  10. #24
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    One of the things I would do with my wife, who was not anti gun, just never around anyone that carried, was to point out any news stories that might have been different if the victim carried a gun for protection. I didn't make a big point about it, just some subtle comments. After a while she started to get the point. She won't carry, but she has no problem with me carrying. She has even asked, "do you have it?", when we have ended up in some not so desirable places from time to time.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

    Certified Instructor for Minnesota Carry Permit
    NRA Pistol and Personal Protection Insrtuctor
    Utah Permit Certified Instructor

  11. #25
    Member Array MeanStreaker's Avatar
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    Base Every Persuasive Conversation on Emotion

    Before I begin what I fear to be a lengthy post, It might be relevant to note that I'm a Software Engineer with an extensive math/logic type personality and my lovely wife graduated with a degree in English Literature and enjoys partaking in the creative arts in her spare time. I have only been married for 10 months now, but have been dealing with the fairer sex for a lot longer than that. I used to get very confused and/or frustrated when I would enter into a conversation/argument/decision with a perfectly logical approach only to have it fail to make any impact. For years I'd wonder, why can't she seem to get my point? (Not that I'm always right, but everyone here has had a conversation with someone that just doesn't want to listen to reason.)

    After becoming engaged to my beautiful wife, I decided to take a completely different approach in trying to get my point across: Base Every Persuasive Conversation on Emotion.

    My wife knew that I grew up around firearms and that I'd want to have them in my house (when we had a house of our own, as I never had firearms in apartments due to a terrible fear of drawing on a maintenance guy or landlord). Anyway, the time came for our first house and the re-introduction of my intentions. Of course, she was dead set against it.

    I logically laid out my argument including: prior firearm training, plans to get more training, buying a safe before the gun ever comes into the house that she/children won't have access to, pamphlet after pamphlet laying around with gun/crime statistics, clippings from recent crime reports in our area, the sex offender database that shows how many criminals live in our area, offers to take her to the range to get her comfortable (when she's ready), and even pulling out old marksmanship trophies from back in the day. Did this do one ounce of good for my cause? Nope, still dead set against it.

    I let it drop for a couple of weeks and then *somehow* there was one night that I kept tossing and turning. She asked me why I was so restless and I *confessed* to being plagued with bad dreams about not being able to protect her. It should be noted that I never lied, but I might've worded things in favor of my argument. "I love you with all my heart... Don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you... I don't know how I'd protect you if someone bad tried to harm you... What can I do? I haven't slept in days.... Wait, I know!... I suppose I could get some defensive training... that would help me sleep......."

    and then the kicker-

    "Do you trust me enough as a man to be able to defend my family? If I don't do it, no one else will, and I can't stand the thought of losing you."

    <Sorry, had to take a break from typing for a second to re-position the XD9 on my hip>

    I hope this doesn't come off as chauvinistic, but this approach has saved me a lot of grief in the past few months - money, family visits, even grocery shopping. I never lie, I just swallow my pride a little, leave my flawless pie charts, graphs, and logic equations out of it, and reform my argument based on emotion and passion.

    P.S. - Pick your battles! I shared this golden nugget of wisdom with a friend of mine and he tried to use it for evil instead of good, "Honey, I love you so much... I've been worried about people chasing us down and taking you from me..... What can I do?.... What are my options?.... You want to go look at a Corvette with more horsepower than our Honda? It's all for your safety.." That didn't fly and now she's on to the tactic. Good thing she doesn't know my wife!

    Now go and share what you have learned over bratwursts, football, and beer with any miserable man you can find.

  12. #26
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    Mean - this is perhaps where emotional approaches can help - as against the blind gut emotion put into play by the anti's.

    True enough tho - the bottom line is about survival and if friends or a spouse can realize that it is purely for just that I reckon in many cases the point can get thru. Within that tho too is so often, initially, that hurdle to cross which is the stigma surrounding handguns. Those metal objects that are so dangerous etc!!

    My recent time spent coaching a friend with a first and new gun and my wife with her replacement carry piece - has led to their blossoming of enjoyment in just the shooting - with that now comes greater confidence and ability. The other aspects of carry and SD now follow on much by default.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  13. #27
    New Member Array skidmark's Avatar
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    She is a rational person (nurse by trade)
    Why does she follow universal precautions when dealing with patients? Doesn't she know their health histories, and know which ones she needs to be cafeful about getting contaminated from? [/sarcasm]

    Or does she follow universal precautions "just in case" something happens? Just like you carry "just in case" something happens.

    It may sound like a male chauvenistic pig to say so, but women seem to respond better to the "I'm doing it because I care about you and what may happen if I did not have a way to protect you/us" than "Because it's my right to."

    stay afe.

    skidmark

  14. #28
    Member Array Rickstir's Avatar
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    I got married 10 years ago. She had never been around guns. She has her own Taurus 94 .22 for around the farm. Never questioned me about carrying. She only occasionally asks if I am "packing" especially when we drive into STL. When I practice on our home range, she will join me. Love that girl.

  15. #29
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    May I offer an analogy that has worked well for me in the past when I have had to explain why I carry?

    Take your wife into the kitchen, and show her the fire extinguisher. Ask her these questions:

    Have we ever had a fire here? (Of course, ask her this only if the answer is "no"! )

    Do you plan on lighting the house on fire any time soon?

    Then why did we buy a fire extinguisher?

    Why do we keep the fire extinguisher right here in the kitchen instead of locked up in a closet somewhere?

    How big is the potential cost of having a fire and not having a fire extinguisher?

    Then sum up: "The chances that we will have a fire are very slim, but the cost if we have one and are not prepared to quickly douse it will be staggeringly high - unacceptably high. That's why we bought a fire extinguisher and why we keep it in the kitchen: so that in the extremely unlikely event that we need it, we will have it at hand to stop the threat before it has a chance to take everything."

    Best,
    Jon
    "You may not know it, but there's things that gnaw at a man worse than dyin'."

    Charles Travis Postlewaite, 1882

  16. #30
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    Jon - well put and indeed that is perhaps my fave analogy - second to that is seatbelts. This is why my carry since its inception has been all but 16/7 - only exceptions are when legally I am restricted, and I make sure that ain't too often. I carry in house and office - where threat is all but miniscule but the important thing for me is - the piece is there, period. No way would I have to reach for it anytime anywhere and think ''oh **** - forgot to put it on''!!

    IMO the logic is inescapable but yet - there are anti's who can't or won't get it!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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