Explaining CCW to the Wife
This is a discussion on Explaining CCW to the Wife within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by P95Carry
IMO the logic is inescapable but yet - there are anti's who can't or won't get it!
It's can be former, ...
November 8th, 2005 08:43 PM
It's can be former, or the latter; the former can't because they make their decisions based on emotion, and logic is neither understood nor available to them. The latter may have the capacity for logic, but they "won't" get it because it is not in their interest, which is usually financial, to do so.
Originally Posted by P95Carry
"You may not know it, but there's things that gnaw at a man worse than dyin'."
Charles Travis Postlewaite, 1882
November 8th, 2005 08:43 PM
November 12th, 2005 09:12 AM
With my wife, this has been the best tool that I have used. The concept of a sheepdog seems to connect on an emotional level. I prefaced it with a letter to her on my reasons for wanting to carry. I gave her a few days to let it digest and then we had a good long talk.
This has worked with friends that ask why I do all of the training that I do.
OF SHEEP, WOLVES, AND SHEEPDOGS By Lt.Col. Dave Grossman
Extracted from On Combat, By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, with Loren Christensen...
One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me: "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident."
Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million total Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million.
Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.
I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin's egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.
"Then there are the wolves," the old war veteran said, "and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy." Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.
"Then there are sheepdogs," he went on, "and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf." Or, as a sign in one California law enforcement agency put it, "We intimidate those who intimidate others."
THE GIFT OF AGGRESSION
Everyone has been given a gift in life. Some people have a gift for science and some have a flair for art. And warriors have been given the gift of aggression. They would no more misuse this gift than a doctor would misuse his healing arts, but they yearn for the opportunity to use their gift to help others. These people, the ones who have been blessed with the gift of aggression and a love for others, are our sheepdogs. These are our warriors.
Let me expand on this old soldier's excellent model of the sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids' schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial.
The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog that intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.
Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, "Baa." Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.
The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door. Look at what happened after September 11, 2001, when the wolf pounded hard on the door.
Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Remember how many times you heard the word "hero"?
Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed right along with the young ones.
Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." When you are truly transformed into a warrior and have truly invested yourself into warriorhood, you want to be there. You want to be able to make a difference.
While there is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, he does have one real advantage -- only one. He is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population.
There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory acts of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself.
However, when there were cues given by potential victims that indicated they would not go easily, the cons said that they would walk away. If the cons sensed that the target was a "counter-predator," that is, a sheepdog, they would leave him alone unless there was no other choice but to engage.
One police officer told me that he rode a commuter train to work each day. One day, as was his usual, he was standing in the crowded car, dressed in blue jeans, T-shirt and jacket, holding onto a pole and reading a paperback. At one of the stops, two street toughs boarded, shouting and cursing and doing every obnoxious thing possible to intimidate the other riders. The officer continued to read his book, though he kept a watchful eye on the two punks as they strolled along the aisle making comments to female passengers, and banging shoulders with men as they passed.
As they approached the officer, he lowered his novel and made eye contact with them.
"You got a problem, man?" one of the IQ-challenged punks asked. "You think you're tough, or somethin'?" the other asked, obviously offended that this one was not shirking away from them.
"As a matter of fact, I am tough," the officer said, calmly and with a steady gaze.
The two looked at him for a long moment, and then without saying a word, turned and moved back down the aisle to continue their taunting of the other passengers, the sheep.
Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.
Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When he learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd dropped his phone and uttered the words, "Let's roll," which authorities believe was a signal to the other passengers to confront the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers--athletes, business people and parents--from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF AFTER THAT?
There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men...Edmund Burke Reflections on the Revolution in France
Here is the point I'd like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn't have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision.
If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.
For example, many officers carry their weapons in church. They are well concealed in ankle holsters, shoulder holsters or inside-the-belt holsters tucked into the small of their backs. Anytime you go to some form of religious service, there is a very good chance that a police officer in your congregation is carrying. You will never know if there is such an individual in your place of worship, until the wolf appears to slaughter you and your loved ones.
I was training a group of police officers in Texas, and during the break, one officer asked his friend if he carried his weapon in church. The other cop replied, "I will never be caught without my gun in church." I asked why he felt so strongly about this, and he told me about a police officer he knew who was at a church massacre in Ft. Worth, Texas, in 1999. In that incident, a mentally deranged individual came into the church and opened fire, gunning down 14 people. He said that officer believed he could have saved every life that day if he had been carrying his gun. His own son was shot, and all he could do was throw himself on the boy's body and wait to die. That cop looked me in the eye and said, "Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself after that?"
Some individuals would be horrified if they knew this police officer was carrying a weapon in church. They might call him paranoid and would probably scorn him. Yet these same individuals would be enraged and would call for "heads to roll" if they found out that the airbags in their cars were defective, or that the fire extinguisher and fire sprinklers in their kids' school did not work.
They can accept the fact that fires and traffic accidents can happen and that there must be safeguards against them. Their only response to the wolf, though, is denial, and all too often their response to the sheepdog is scorn and disdain. But the sheepdog quietly asks himself, "Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself if your loved ones were attacked and killed, and you had to stand there helplessly because you were unprepared for that day?"
The warrior must cleanse denial from his thinking. Coach Bob Lindsey, a renowned law enforcement trainer, says that warriors must practice "when/then" thinking, not "if/when." Instead of saying, "If it happens then I will take action," the warrior says, "When it happens then I will be ready."
It is denial that turns people into sheep. Sheep are psychologically destroyed by combat because their only defense is denial, which is counterproductive and destructive, resulting in fear, helplessness and horror when the wolf shows up.
Denial kills you twice. It kills you once, at your moment of truth when you are not physically prepared: You didn't bring your gun; you didn't train. Your only defense was wishful thinking. Hope is not a strategy. Denial kills you a second time because even if you do physically survive, you are psychologically shattered by fear, helplessness, horror and shame at your moment of truth.
If you are a warrior who is legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that the bad man will not come today. No one can be "on" 24/7 for a lifetime. Everyone needs down time. But if you are authorized to carry a weapon, and you walk outside without it, just take a deep breath, and say this to yourself... "Baa."
This business of being a sheep or a sheepdog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-grass sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between. Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started taking their job more seriously. The degree to which you move up that continuum, away from sheephood and denial, is the degree to which you and your loved ones will survive, physically and psychologically at your moment of truth.
Are we at last brought to such humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our defense? - Patrick Henry
November 15th, 2005 04:06 AM
"...she thinks I'm paranoid."
Just because your paranoid doesn't men there is no one out to get you.
A Rough translation of Col. Jeff.
My mom was a nut bag concerning self defense until a guy tried to shoot her in the head during a robbery-she packs a heavy barrel M-10 now.
I HOPE your wife doesn't have to go through something like that to "get it."
One of the things that attracted me to my wife was her stated & proven willingness to defend herself and her loved ones with whatever means neccessary. She had backed up and defended her father from some local gang punks with her dad's H&R 999. Yeah, she carries something bigger now.
Get Trained Go Armed.
“Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.”
November 15th, 2005 08:07 AM
My wife knew I was a gun enthusiast (kindest description I could think of) since early in our relationship.
She thought I was perhaps a bit over the top in always carrying and nagging her to do the same.
Since then she's been through an attempted kidnapping, and I had an aborted car jacking attempt.
Non-issue any more, but the bottom line is I have a responsibility to protect my family. Period.
Therefore I have the responsibility to have a tool to facilitate this, and a handgun is an easy tool to carry on my person thanks to guys like Alessi, Brommeland, Sparks, et. al.
November 15th, 2005 05:44 PM
Thanks for the piece Glocker36. I am new to carry but have managed to carry everyday since getting licensed, even to church. Now I understand better why....
Bob McDuffee, co-host DogWatch Social Club Podcast
Thoughtful Conversation, Considered Opinion and a Touch of Insanity
"He who goes about unarmed in paradise, had better be sure that is where he is!" James Thurber
November 15th, 2005 06:29 PM
I am truly a blessed man...my wife is a black belt and carries. She has the ability to protect herself well in most situations; no problem with carrying in our family. However, she is an RN and sees the aftermath of unprotected folks from time to time. Betty's reply is most informative...
noli nothis permittere te terere...
November 15th, 2005 11:35 PM
Thanks Glocker36, great post! I copied that post to my harddrive for later use. And thanks to all for your advice and opinions, I really appreciate them all. I purchased the DVD "Innocents Betrayed" from JPFO.org and we watched it together last night. I believe it moved her.
She left this afternoon with her best girlfriend to drive 185 miles to Atlanta airport. They are going on a "Girls Only" vacation to celebrate her friends 50th birthday in St. Croix. As she was about to leave I asked her if she wanted to take the .38. She hesitated at least 5 seconds before saying "I can't take it on the flight and I don't want to leave it in the truck for 5 days, so I better not". Well at least she gave it serious thought! Maybe soon she'll start to consider becoming CCW.
November 17th, 2005 03:37 AM
November 17th, 2005 07:12 PM
My wife is not nuts about me carrying either!
She is also a nurse and is also not fond of my carrying concealed. I have been carrying for 40 years so it has not been a marriage breaker. I have always told her that I take seriously my responsibility to protect those I love. Now that we have grandkids around she understands. As a grandma she is really protective and now welcomes my carrying. FWIW. :chairshot
ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR VISION AND HEARING
De gustibus non est disputandem
January 13th, 2006 12:18 AM
My wife is not what i would call anti-gun, but she IS a liberal (opposites do attract, I guess). She does, however, see the logic that I will be around more and can protect her and the kids better than a local police force that might take too long to respond
January 13th, 2006 02:26 PM
You might find the book "The Best Defense: True Stories of Victims who defended Themselves with a Firearm by Robert A. Waters useful.
January 14th, 2006 01:33 AM
I understand your plight. My wife was the same way. She knew I use to be a LEO and was legal to carry but made a stink constantly. Then about 4 years ago while I was working in Florida she went with me and found that I do run in with some former subjects that got some free room and board from the state. Long story short I ended up pulling and putting into the pavement till the local LE showed up to arrest him and when he was searched a stolen Glock 27 was found in his pocket. That is when my wife heard that when I had busted him many years ago and he had no doubt that I will take him down if he moved.Since that incident she has asked me to teach her to shoot and now has her own LTC and stole my snub nose 38 from me, for her carry gun.
January 14th, 2006 11:21 AM
My wife is also thinking im paranoid. One because our lugnuts on our car were lose the other week. The front left and rear right lugs were only on about 3 threads. I think someone might have loosend them. But it is also possible they people that put on our snow rims and tires this year diddnt torque them down enough. I am going to be getting my CCW soon and my wife isnt big on the idea that I carry because we have a 4 year old daughter. Well we have discused the increase in crime here in our city and she thinks she might want to carry as well but the only gun she would consider is a .22lr semi-auto. and that would be a purse carry. I still trying to figure out how to go about getting the wife on my side.. its slow going but i think ill get her on my side eventually.
I carry because I care.
"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject."
"Cling to the Father and His Holy name, and don't go riding on the Long Black Train" - Josh Turner
January 15th, 2006 06:04 PM
This would be a great site to have your wife read through. There's a lot of useful information there...
"You've never lived until you've almost died. For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know" - T.R.
<----My LT was unhappy that I did not have my PASS-Tag at that fire. But I found the body so he said he would overlook it. :)
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