Need Help: Trying to convince the GF to Carry

This is a discussion on Need Help: Trying to convince the GF to Carry within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Ok, well I have been dating this girl for a LONG time and do plan on marrying her some day. For now, she lives 4 ...

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Thread: Need Help: Trying to convince the GF to Carry

  1. #1
    Member Array DopdBrd's Avatar
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    Need Help: Trying to convince the GF to Carry

    Ok, well I have been dating this girl for a LONG time and do plan on marrying her some day. For now, she lives 4 hours away (school and a job). I do plan on moving up there with here within the next few months, but we will not live together. This is due mostly to the parents who believe we should not live together until married, which is totally understandable.

    She just moved into an apartment by herself after having a conflict with her old roomate. It's not a bad place but I was there last weekend and there are some shady looking people living in the complex.

    Now she is NOT into guns whatsoever. Which is the total opposite to me. I DO NOT plan on just giving her a gun and just letting her go. I want to slowly introduce her to guns and gun safety like I was when I was a kid. My dad raised me right and I handled and "dry fired" a gun for probably a year before he gave me live rounds.

    I have my CCL and would LIKE her to have one too but I would like to get her started on guns first. I want to start her off with basics, loading and unloading, clearing the chamber, safety's, basic handling, and etc. All without live rounds of course. Then I would like to start her off with my .22 just so she can get the hang of it then move up slowly to larger calibers. Probably nothing larger than a 9mm though.

    I just ordered a Ruger LCP that should be here on Tuesday or Wednesday and it will be mine for now but after she does get comfortable with guns and HOPEFULLY gets her CCL I would like to give that to her.

    I just feel that I would rather be an armed citizen than an unarmed victim, and I would like to loved ones to be the same way. It's just that the world today is too crazy and anyone would kidnap, rape, and kill you just because of a thought passing through there mind. ESPECIALLY since she is an attractive girl living by herself in a college town without me living a short distance away.

    Do any of you have any tips or hints as far as training and getting her used to guns goes???

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Anubis's Avatar
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    Your plan sounds good. If you haven't already, you'll find out soon enough whether she will cooperate.

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    Member Array buzzgum's Avatar
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    You can lead a horse to water but...you know the rest.

    I can't convince my wife to go to the range and I've got no chance in hell of convincing her to carry. She had a big fit when I purchased my pistol and applied for my CCW. She just doesn't see the need. "I could understand if we lived out in the country where there are wild animals, but we live in the city," is one of her replies. She just doesn't get it.

    Now in your case, you should do as you said and slowly introduce her to the whole aspect of it all. Maybe she'll be more receptive to it than my wife is. But if she is not at all receptive to it, you can accept her decision or move on because it will become a point of contention in your future marriage.

    I chewed out my wife yesterday for going to investigate a noise she heard in the middle of the night without waking me up or grabbing the pistol. We have 3 little boys and she didn't think beyond investigating the noise. What if it was an intruder? What then?

    Just make sure you can convince you GF to accept the truth and carry. It will be much easier on you both in the future.

  5. #4
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    Your plan sounds good to me also. You might check out a website that is geared towards females, the site is: Cornered Cat

    Maybe the two of you can review it together. Best wishes on your endeavor.....
    Jim - Danville, IN

  6. #5
    Member Array calmp9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DopdBrd View Post
    Ok, well I have been dating this girl for a LONG time and do plan on marrying her some day. For now, she lives 4 hours away (school and a job). I do plan on moving up there with here within the next few months, but we will not live together. This is due mostly to the parents who believe we should not live together until married, which is totally understandable.

    She just moved into an apartment by herself after having a conflict with her old roomate. It's not a bad place but I was there last weekend and there are some shady looking people living in the complex.

    Now she is NOT into guns whatsoever. Which is the total opposite to me. I DO NOT plan on just giving her a gun and just letting her go. I want to slowly introduce her to guns and gun safety like I was when I was a kid. My dad raised me right and I handled and "dry fired" a gun for probably a year before he gave me live rounds.

    I have my CCL and would LIKE her to have one too but I would like to get her started on guns first. I want to start her off with basics, loading and unloading, clearing the chamber, safety's, basic handling, and etc. All without live rounds of course. Then I would like to start her off with my .22 just so she can get the hang of it then move up slowly to larger calibers. Probably nothing larger than a 9mm though.

    I just ordered a Ruger LCP that should be here on Tuesday or Wednesday and it will be mine for now but after she does get comfortable with guns and HOPEFULLY gets her CCL I would like to give that to her.

    I just feel that I would rather be an armed citizen than an unarmed victim, and I would like to loved ones to be the same way. It's just that the world today is too crazy and anyone would kidnap, rape, and kill you just because of a thought passing through there mind. ESPECIALLY since she is an attractive girl living by herself in a college town without me living a short distance away.

    Do any of you have any tips or hints as far as training and getting her used to guns goes???
    First of all, she has to be interested in learning how to handle and shoot a firearm. If she isn't, it's a done deal. You can't force people to do things they don't want to do.

    If she is interested, the first thing to do is to get her enrolled in a firearm/handgun safety class. If there is one for women only, all the better. It's best to have a certified NRA instructor teach her the right way. Significant others are not always the best teachers and can even make things worse. Let her learn on her own. It's going to be hard to back off. I have friends who wanted to teach their wives, but they smartly let them take the class on their own. In their cases, it worked out. All their wives have CCW now.

    After the class, you can shoot together. It would be great if the range has handguns for rent. I think she should be the one to decide what handgun she wants. You can steer her in the right direction as to type, caliber and size, but let her make the final decision. She is going to be the one who is going to shoot it.

    If you do this, I think you'll be okay. It worked for my friends and I am sure that it will work for you. The idea is to keep her interested and let her make the decision as to what she wants to own.

    Good luck!
    "[A]rms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. . . Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them."

    - Thomas Paine, Thoughts On Defensive War, 1775

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    Senior Member Array luvmyglock's Avatar
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    Cornered cat is a great site. You didn't mention if your GF was anti-gun, or just not educated on the matter. Is she open to the idea. As was stated above, you can lead a horse to water.....
    EVIL PREVAILS WHEN GOOD MEN FAIL TO ACT.

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    Distinguished Member Array Black Knight's Avatar
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    calmp9 has some good ideas. Let her become interested in guns first. No instructor, teacher, or professor can force a person to learn. The person must want to learn first. Then the instructor can give them the information and tools they need. If she does decide to get a gun take somewhere and let her choose it for herself. Take her to a range that rents out many different types, models and calibers so she can try as many as she wants that way it will be her gun not yours that she just happens to have.

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    Member Array artemis28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Knight View Post
    calmp9 has some good ideas. Let her become interested in guns first. No instructor, teacher, or professor can force a person to learn. The person must want to learn first. Then the instructor can give them the information and tools they need. If she does decide to get a gun take somewhere and let her choose it for herself. Take her to a range that rents out many different types, models and calibers so she can try as many as she wants that way it will be her gun not yours that she just happens to have.
    +1 from a woman.

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    Distinguished Member Array tinkerinWstuff's Avatar
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    Get yourself a little 10/22 and go plinkin for fun. Quit talking to her about handguns and carrying. The more you push, the more she'll push back. You can shoot a little ruger 10/22 all day long without getting sore or gun shy.

    Let her interest come around slowly. When she sees how fun it is to target shoot a .22, she'll start asking to go to the range for dates and trying other guns.
    "Run for your life from the man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. So long as men live together on earth and need means to deal with one another-their only substitute, if they abandon money, is the muzzle of a gun."

    Who is John Galt?

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    Distinguished Member Array Siafu's Avatar
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    Cool Boom Boom

    The .22 idea sounds good but I am not so sure about the LCP. I have a similar situation on my hands and while she understands gun safety she just isn't "into it" like those of us who live it are. I would get her up to speed and then get her a revolver. 5-for-sure is better than 10 maybes. I just imagine the LCP in a purse with all those purse crumbs and all the other nonsense in there and how that might (will) affect reliability in a situation where you just need things to go bang when you pull the trigger. Get her a nice Double Action .38 like a hammerless S&W Airweight and some mild personal defense loads and she'll be good to go.

    ~Siafu

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    Tips or hints? Never let her shoot the LCP. Yes, its tiny and only shoots a .380, but it is a HORRIBLE beginner gun, and a horrible gun for most women.(Yes, I have an LCP, and I would probably sell it if I thought I could come close to recouping what my wife paid for it.) The recoil is very, very snappy.

    Make sure she has very good ear protection, and ask if she'll go to the range with you. If she expresses any interest, let her shoot the .22. A .22 rifle on a 25 yard range is a great place to start beginners, because there is no recoil, and she'll probably actually hit what she is aiming at. Semi-auto's can be scary for new shooters(and for those teaching). A bolt-action .22 is a great way to begin. From there, a .22 revolver or .22 semi-auto is a great step.

    After that, it just depends on her interest. You cannot convince somebody to carry a gun, and you shouldn't try. It should be a choice that she makes on her own, or else, even if you are successful, it will just be something her boyfriend makes her carry.

    My experience has been that after a trip to the range, most new shooters fall in love with the sport of it. Just make sure you don't start her out with anything that is going to be tough to shoot, and don't expect her to be perfect right off the bat. Generally, boyfriends are horrible as teachers. Consider paying an instructor and stay out of the way. Start her with something easy where she will get holes in the target. Actually hitting the target adds a tremendous amount of positive reinforcement which is why I started my wife on a bolt action .22 rifle. Hard to miss with that tack-driver. Now she is about to take her CHL course, and is looking forward to the gun show this coming weekend.

    She has actually bought 2 pistols so far. A Beretta Neos which she loves, and the LCP which she gave to me when she found out she hated shooting it(I hate shooting it, too)

    Good luck on bringing her over to the gun world and the mentality of protecting herself, but don't try to force it onto her. I wouldn't even mention concealed carry, but just start it out as a range trip to punch some holes in some paper. With people who have never been exposed to guns, bringing up the fact that guns can shoot people and she may need one to actually hurt/kill somebody is NOT the right way to make her more comfortable with a gun.

    Good luck!
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

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    Member Array DopdBrd's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the replies guys!!!!

    First off, she is not anti-gun at all. I carry almost 24/7. The only time when you won't see me carrying is when I am drinking or in a government building or school. Other than that I am armed, and that does not bother her at all.

    More than anything she is just naive. She has the mentallity that, "nothing like that will happen where I live," or "things like that don't happen around here". I always remind her of last summer when a girl was kidnapped in KC from a Target in broad daylight and murdered. No plan, no intentions, no rape, nothing, she was just stalked, kidnapped, and then murdered.

    It scares me more than anything that she always thinks like that because if something were to happen to her I don't know what I would do. My sister used to be the same way, she lives in KC and the murder last summer took place within a 2 mile radius of her house. One night, years ago, she was living alone and a guy came pounding on the door and almost broke it down trying to "find" someone. Luckily, she called the cops and they were there before the guy got through the door. Needless to say, my dad and I bought her a .38 snubnose for Xmas that year and she is deadly with that thing. But that whole incident really changed the way she looked at things and right now her Husband and her both have their CCL and they carry all the time.

    I think I could at least get the GF to go to the range with me and shoot with me. She has agreed to do that on multiple occasions, we have just yet to follow through with the plans. I have a wide variety of guns and could start her out on my Lever Action .22 LR just to see if she likes it, like you guys suggested.

    I'm heading up there tomorrow after work so I may do some checking on women's only classes for gun safety and the such.

    One thing that I have working on my side is that a girl she works with LOVES shooting with her husband. The GF told her I wanted her to get into it and her co worker said we could go shooting with them anytime I was up there. I think that would help her having another woman there who is VERY familiar around guns and who enjoys the sport!

  14. #13
    Distinguished Member Array tinkerinWstuff's Avatar
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    I took my GF to the range twice and she loved it. Then, I also realized that boyfriends are horible teachers. It isn't even that you (or I) might be a bad teacher, it's that we are the boyfriend. They will listen and learn more from a structured class. My GF agreed to go to an all womens pistol safety class. Mostly on the idea that I have guns in the house so she needs to be more educated and safer around them. Tonight is her second night there and 7 women are shooting different models of range guns. I can't wait to hear all about it.

    She is warming up to the idea now of getter her CCW just so she can carry while we are hiking or riding horse so there is some progress. But without LOTS more training and a continued shift in her attitude, I wouldn't even want her to carry yet.

    ALSO, be carefull not to point out every single murder/rape/bad situation going on and why she should think about carrying. You don't want to become a constant downer around her. (hey, that rhymes). She'll also see right thru that as you not so subtle pushes to make her carry. Baby steps! Good luck

    I bet you could convince her to at least keep mace / pepper spray on her. There are some really good models available now days that shoot a concentrated stream a long distance.
    "Run for your life from the man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. So long as men live together on earth and need means to deal with one another-their only substitute, if they abandon money, is the muzzle of a gun."

    Who is John Galt?

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    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DopdBrd View Post
    Thanks for all the replies guys!!!!
    ....
    I think I could at least get the GF to go to the range with me and shoot with me. She has agreed to do that on multiple occasions, we have just yet to follow through with the plans. I have a wide variety of guns and could start her out on my Lever Action .22 LR just to see if she likes it, like you guys suggested.
    ...
    A lever action 22 sounds like a perfect way to introduce her to the sport...

    Get Thee To A Range! And as suggested above, pepper spray in the mean time is a very good compromise.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

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    Distinguished Member Array sniper58's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by buzzgum View Post
    "I could understand if we lived out in the country where there are wild animals, but we live in the city,"
    She would be safer in the woods! The animals in the city are worse! My wife grew up firearms-ambivolent. She didn't dislike them, but didn't understand the need for one. Her wake up call came when a store next to her employer's store was robbed at gunpoint and the next morning (0500), three males were lurking in the shadows of our parking area. The nightly news showed more random and more violent attacks - all getting closer to our Florida apartment. I just started the conversation about our own safety and precautions we needed to take. She's the one who brought up the fact that she didn't know the first thing about guns or shooting. She then stated she wanted to learn!

    I'm former LEO and am acutely aware of what's happening in the world and my backyard. I let her come to her own conclusion and then took that opportunity THAT DAY to take her to the range. She's not only my best friend, but since that eventful day she's my range buddy and my hunting partner. She now shoots a .357 magnum and takes the 12 gauge when we hunt! Good luck and have patience!
    Last edited by sniper58; July 24th, 2008 at 09:10 PM. Reason: sp
    Tim
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