Wife conversation not going well.

This is a discussion on Wife conversation not going well. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Well, I got a bit irritated and said what I thought. I am irritated that you think my carrying a concealed weapon is MORE dangerous ...

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Thread: Wife conversation not going well.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array tbrenke's Avatar
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    Wife conversation not going well.

    Well, I got a bit irritated and said what I thought.

    I am irritated that you think my carrying a concealed weapon is MORE dangerous than walking around without one.
    That will never make sense to me.
    AND contrary to your belief a gun is not evil. it is a tool only.

    Your bad experience with them was based on the people you chose to be with. That had nothing to do with the gun and everything to do with your choice in friends, companions, places to hang around.
    She started sleeping on the couch after that.
    That was on Nov 17th.

    all that is under the bridge. I still feel that way but I am thinking I should have kept my mouth shut. I do not think this is going to end well.
    "I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution, which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." -1792, James Madison
    There are always too many Democratic, Republican and never enough U.S. congressmen.

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  3. #2
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    Good luck, sir.

    Remain steadfast in your belief that carrying a firearm for your own (and her) protection is the correct course of action.
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by tbrenke View Post
    Well, I got a bit irritated and said what I thought.

    I am irritated that you think my carrying a concealed weapon is MORE dangerous than walking around without one.
    That will never make sense to me.
    AND contrary to your belief a gun is not evil. it is a tool only.

    Your bad experience with them was based on the people you chose to be with. That had nothing to do with the gun and everything to do with your choice in friends, companions, places to hang around.
    She started sleeping on the couch after that.
    That was on Nov 17th.

    all that is under the bridge. I still feel that way but I am thinking I should have kept my mouth shut. I do not think this is going to end well.
    This is the first sign of an 'experienced' married man.
    Time heals all...usually...hang in there, and begin taking your own advice. Choose your battles wisely, young Grasshopper.

    Note: Never attempt to argue with an 'anti'...it doesn't get you anywhere. Just be comfortable knowing that you have the opportunity/ability to defend yourself and your family.

    Married...37 years!
    Wife has CCW permit!
    Last edited by RETSUPT99; November 28th, 2008 at 11:22 AM.
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  5. #4
    jfl
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    Distinguished Member Array jfl's Avatar
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    From a guy happily married for 36 years - with the same woman:
    I use the same principles on touchy subjects that I use in SD:
    - avoidance
    - de-escalation
    - deterrence
    (stolen from Andy Stanford of OPS)

    As a previous poster said: arguing with an anti is futile.
    Or: "You cannot change by reasoning a belief not acquired by logic".

    I am a lucky guy, my wife carries also and she is a great shooting buddy (except when she outshoots me )

    Good luck; a few nice words and a little box nicely wrapped works wonders ...
    The first rule of a gunfight: "Don't be there !"
    The second rule: "Bring enough gun"

    jfl
    (NRA Life Member/Instructor - GOA - IDPA - GSSF - ex-IHMSA)

  6. #5
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    de-escalation

    Quote Originally Posted by jfl View Post
    From a guy happily married for 36 years - with the same woman:
    I use the same principles on touchy subjects that I use in SD:
    - avoidance
    - de-escalation
    - deterrence
    (stolen from Andy Stanford of OPS)

    ...
    De-escalation can include giving in a little on the fringes; just enough to make her think she won some points without really changing your position too much.

    Both of you have to live in the same house, and hopefully for many more years together, so the word "compromise" needs to be in your vocabulary. Her's too. But you will have to go first if you want her off the living room couch.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array mi2az's Avatar
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    When me and my wife argue, It is always me on the coach. So you are pretty fortunate to have the comfy bed at least.

    I am glad that my wife is OK with the fact of CC. It helps that my kids are older and that she is slightly concern about our safety.

    Hang in there, you may want to get documented evidence that gun ownership in the correct hands is an asset to your security. If you can, the shooting ranges may have a gun safety class where you both can attend where they will show her the correct responsibility of gun ownership
    "When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."

    --Thomas Jefferson --

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfl View Post
    "You cannot change by reasoning a belief not acquired by logic".
    Great quote.

    I married a rather 'open minded' anti. My wife can't stand armed BG's, and having spent her High School years in the Homestead/Miami area of south Flordia, she grew to hate the guns, and 'assualt weapons', the criminal population favors there.

    Fast forward a couple of decades, and having experienced the positive results of my being armed, she has come to a realization that guns in general are not the problem. It still bugs her sometimes that I carry everywhere, but knowing that me having my gun has pervented some rather bad situations from getting worse, she has accepted that being armed may actually be a good thing. Having never fired a shot showed that the safty between my ears is always engaged and disarms any arguement she has. When help was needed, I was there, armed.

    I do hope that a 'bad experience' never befalls you and yours. Her mind may be made up, but showing her, from time to time, situations in the news where a gun in the 'GG's' hand would've, and even better, did, changed an outcome, maybe she'll see the common sense there. Tread there when you can, but do not 'force it on her' at every opprotunity either. Your wife will have to move at 'her speed' when it comes to reevaluating a personal belief.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

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    Distinguished Member Array bandit383's Avatar
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    Curious tb how long you have been married?? I just get impression it hasn't been that long.

    Rick

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    Senior Member Array tbrenke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bandit383 View Post
    Curious tb how long you have been married?? I just get impression it hasn't been that long.

    Rick
    LOL, yes it has been a short 9 years.
    Feb will be 10 years
    "I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution, which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." -1792, James Madison
    There are always too many Democratic, Republican and never enough U.S. congressmen.

  11. #10
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    As long as she is the one sleeping on the couch...
    "Just blame Sixto"

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array mi2az's Avatar
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    You may want to show your wife this clip off of YouTube, this was an actual survivor from the Kileen Texas Massacre at a Luby's Cafe


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1u0Byq5Qis
    "When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."

    --Thomas Jefferson --

  13. #12
    Distinguished Member Array bandit383's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tbrenke View Post
    LOL, yes it has been a short 9 years.
    Feb will be 10 years

    LOL...I figured you would have had her trained by now :)) Sounds like it goes deeper than just CCW.

    Good luck
    Rick

  14. #13
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    I was looking through the house for my wife (a ACHP holder herself) the other day to let her know I running into town. I found her....sitting in the bath tub reading American Handgunner!! Can anyone say dream woman!?!?
    Evil triumphs when good men do nothing! Edmond Burke
    Where the people fear the government, there is tyranny. Where the government fears the people, there is liberty! Benjamin Franklin

    THIS IS THE PRIMARY REASON WE HAVE THE 2ND AMENDMENT!!!

  15. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    As long as she is the one sleeping on the couch...
    Wife not looking over your shoulder Sixto?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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    Friend, you will never convince her and trying will put a wedge between you two. The fight was probably not even about guns (thought it started that way WOMEN fight over their feelings of insecurity in the relationship, not logical issues like men).

    Here are some points that may help:
    1. Don't fight for CONTROL. The only control you have in life is over yourself.
    2. Remind her daily that YOU LOVE HER ! That means that you respect her thoughts and decisions, and carry through by letting her be her.
    3. Slip it in once a month or so that you carry for the same reason that you worry when she is late, that you are glad she has a cell phone, that you service her car, that you installed an alarm system at the home ect...Because you LOVE her and want her to be SAFE.
    4. Just quietly go on doing what you do except for one thing: invite her to go with you to the range whenever you go. If she is afraid of guns, seeing you safely handle them around the house, will help over time.
    5. People can disagree and still love each other and be happy together. Reassure her that that is possible.
    6. Apologize! "You are sorry ! You do NOT want to lose her ! " REPEAT OFTEN.

    As an ex-pastor I rarely have advice on relationships. If this offering is worthy, take it. If not, ignore. Good luck and best wishes with your wife. Tom

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