This is a discussion on 'Anti-gun' spouses? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I'm certain this has probably been covered in some fashion on this forum, but it's a problem that I'm sure is prevalent and, IMO, worth ...
November 28th, 2008 12:47 PM
I'm certain this has probably been covered in some fashion on this forum, but it's a problem that I'm sure is prevalent and, IMO, worth bringing to the top.
I'm relatively new to firearms and also very recently married (only been 5 weeks). I moved from NY to Arizona a few months ago and due to the relative ease of purchasing and owning a gun in my new home state, my firearms obsession has grown exponentially. Now with a family to protect, I've also become more more situationally aware, more wolf-than-sheeple. So, I took a CCW class and would like to carry as often as possible (unfortunately, no weapons permitted at work).
Problem is my lovely new bride is deathly afraid of guns and literally started to cry when I first told her I would have a handgun in the house. Title of my thread is a bit misleading because since then, she's accepted my 'hobby' and has even expressed interest in going to range with me to shoot some guns (gotta love her). Since her owning (much less carrying) a gun is extremely unlikely, I bought her a canister of pepperspray as the next best thing.
My two remaining problems/questions are:
1) my CCW is only days away (may even be in the mail today). How do I convince her that carrying is a safe and a smart thing to do?
2) when I take her to the range for the first time, what would you recommend as a good 'starter' gun? She's a bit easily startled (loud bangs will scare the bejezus outta her) and petit (5'6, 110ish). Something with very little recoil, easy to handle. No way I'd let her use my .45. That would surely turn her off right away.
Thoughts, comments, suggestions, advice? Thanks all.
November 28th, 2008 12:57 PM
My son had exactly the same problem. My wife explained to her that when my son was young the Tyson gang had escaped from jail and were seen in our area Ajo, an isolated city. I was gone and my wife got a Colt SAA loaded it and kept it with her all of the time. She realized that these folks would have killed the kids and worse for her.
So I bought a small handgun safe for them where the gun is kept.
Then we got a Walther P22 and taught her basic safety and shooting skills.
She realized that there really are bad people in this world and they don't care how sensitive and nice you were raised.
November 28th, 2008 12:57 PM
"Getting" Your Significant Other to Carry/Into Shooting...
The above link is to a blog entry of mine, I would like to help out more, but i am typing one handed and it's hard to make a long post.
i'll come back and add more later...
November 28th, 2008 12:57 PM
Have her read some stuff at Cornered Cat
While my wife isn't afraid of me carrying, or of me having them in the house with two boys...she still doesn't carry and more often than not, is in condition white--despite my pleas, forwarding of articles, etc.
It takes time...patience...and ultimately experience to get people to change from going with emotion to logical thought on carrying and self-defense.
I assume your new wife (congrats) is also from NY? It is not unusual for the years of conditioning of "guns are evil and bad and kill people" to come into play here. That said, don't expect her to change overnight...or anytime soon.
You may want to talk to her about taking an NRA basic firearms training class. This may be better than you training her..because she needs to hear the same information from someone else. Remember, you are now married, and therefore are wrong
- know the differencemartyr
is a fancy name for crappy fighterYou have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know
November 28th, 2008 12:58 PM
Originally Posted by bonehead
Ear Plugs + Muffs at first.
A gun with a clean trigger break regardless of caliber.
My wife is 5'2" and she enjoys our .45's more than any other caliber. I make more use of the .22LR and 9mm's
When she starts to get frazzled, anticipate and/or flinch we revert to dry fire... she'll dry fire a bit, then do her best to act like she's dry firing as she shoots. Works well.
"Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington
November 28th, 2008 01:11 PM
Took my wife 'decades' to begin to appreciate weapons.
Don't focus on your CCW around her...but always be armed. She sounds like she's come a ways already...that's good.
Report the local news events of 'crimes against individuals'...constantly...that was an eye-opener for my wife.
Start with a .22, and let her decide how fast to work up to a level she feels comfortable with...find a couple whose wife is a shooter and go shooting with them.
When the time is right, take a beginner course together...
Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member
November 28th, 2008 01:20 PM
November 28th, 2008 01:21 PM
You'll have to move her forward at 'her speed', not yours. If she's thinking of going to the range with you.....Great!
Start slow and safe, rent a .22 and teach her the four rules, 'show'her that the gun won't just 'go off'....it'd be a deliberate action on her part. Show Love, Compassion, and make it enjoyable. I f she becomes even further intrested, then get her into a creditable, NRA approved training class and take a backseat.
Always support, never 'push'.
Your wife (Congrats, by the way!) is much like mine......not so much 'anti', just scared of the almost unknown......I say almost because she most likely only been exposed to the 'bad side' of guns in the news, school, other NY anti's, etc.
"Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008
"Sometimes, when you're making gumbo, people just show up.", Leah Chase
November 28th, 2008 01:31 PM
YouTube - Suzanna Gratia Hupp explains meaning of 2nd Amendment!
I just posted this on another post with wife problems about guns, show here the above link from youtube
"When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."
--Thomas Jefferson --
November 28th, 2008 01:49 PM
My wife is aware of the fact I prefer to exercise my Second Ammendment rights and I am aware of the fact her and my daughter make excursions to the mall that they do not tell me about.
November 28th, 2008 02:30 PM
Lots o good advice here has already been posted but I'll add my 2 cents.
Don't ever push! Think of how you react when pushed into doing something you don't want to do. Most people dig in and resist when pushed.
My wife had no idea how a gun worked. She thought guns could just "go off", and had no idea about the safety's and how a gun worked. I got her to learn how to take a gun apart, clean, and reassemble it. If you learn how something works it can remove a lot of the fear you have for the object. She finally came to realize that it is almost impossible for a gun to just go off and the biggest safety problem with a gun is the idiot holding it. She may never come to embrace guns but she may relax a little about you carrying.
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals
." - Sir Winston Churchill
November 28th, 2008 02:42 PM
I am a wife who was a pretty "scared" ex NY state resident. We moved to NC in 2000. The first gun my hubby bought was a .45 and I shot it once and it scared the heck out of me. Turned me off for quite a while. He didn't bug me though or pressure. He did sell it and got a 9mm Ruger he thought I would shoot a little easier, as well as being less expensive to practice with. For years I was only comfortale having it at home for HD. Only in the last year or so was I insterested in carry, although he had put the idea out there for a while, and it's not too terribly hard in NC to get the permit.
I picked out my own gun (Glock 19 9mm) after shooting various rentals at the range, and go every week to practice now, by myself, and I clean it too. Now I am more into it than the husband is to tell the truth.
If you don't push and follow the advice of PP you may be very pleasantly surprised at how far she will come. Being brought up in NY state is no joke,. there is a powerful anti-gun message indoctrinated into kids/adults there. It may take some time.
NRA, GOA, GRNC member
"Both the oligarch and tyrant mistrust the people, and therefore deprive them of arms."
November 28th, 2008 02:52 PM
my wife was almost the same way about 2 years ago and now has her permit and a kimber 45acp Like others said dont push just invite her to learn
November 28th, 2008 08:42 PM
My wife is one of those "doesn't like guns" type of women. However, she has no
problems with me having and enjoying them, as well as carrying them. She grew up with no real exposure to them so, like a lot of other women, she is "afraid" of what she does not understand, or use.
"Never advance cheerfully on your late opponent without reloading. You may have used your last round, and he may not be properly dead and still spiteful."
Major Hugh Pollard
NRA Endowment Member
November 28th, 2008 09:11 PM
Now is it that she is truly "anti" or simply uneducated and therefore freaked out?
Read Cornered cat, JD and Lima's stuff (including Lima's Range Diary) and have her check out DC.com.
I personally have learned a lot from the above resources, and I was already pretty good at defending myself, guns and SA. I have also been able to open the eyes of my naive Wife, she fully admitted her naivety and has come quite a bit in the short 13 years we have been married.
Good luck and check back with an update.
"Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt
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