Help with the fiance

This is a discussion on Help with the fiance within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Hi all, let me share a conversation the soon-to-be-wifey and I had last night. She's a gun supporting liberal (before you say it, yes...it is ...

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Thread: Help with the fiance

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    Distinguished Member Array pcon's Avatar
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    Help with the fiance

    Hi all, let me share a conversation the soon-to-be-wifey and I had last night. She's a gun supporting liberal (before you say it, yes...it is possible). She has no problem with me owning guns, carrying guns, shooting them or hunting. We got into the conversation of handgun defense courses. She feels if someone is going to be carrying, either CC or OC, they should know how to use it if need be. Great point hun. So then I suggessted that if I keep a gun in the house for defense, she ought to take a defensive class too. This is where the situation gets interesting:

    She says, "but I don't want to". So I respond back with "how would you defend yourself if someone breaks in and I'm not there to shoot them?". What if eventually boils down to is that she wouldn't use a gun to defend herself because she didn't think it would be right to do so. She would rather be attacked than take a life. While I respect her view points on that (and think it's very noble to not want to kill someone), I told her that if that situation happened and she didn't defend herself...IF she lived, I'd feel terrible that something happened to her that she could have stopped. I brought up legal arguments that it's ok to take a life in self defense, we're both devout Christians, so I brought up bibilical passages that say it's ok to take a life in defense of your own...none of it seemed to stick.

    I wasn't trying to persuade her to carry, or even be ok with shooting someone...I was simply trying to say "it's ok to defend yourself." Any ideas on what I can do/say to at least get her thinking about changing her mind?
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    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Ask her if she would defend her child if some intruder intended to rape and kill the child, or keep the child as a sex slave.

    Or something along those lines.

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    I don't know if there are any kids involved (or planned), but you might ask her who's going to take care of them if she's not around anymore.
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

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    Have children. That'll change her mind. Nobody messes with Momma Bear!

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    JD
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    My Mother-in-law is in the same boat, nothing wrong with that, if one doesn't have the mindset to possibly take a life, a gun is not the right answer.

    At least get her a taser or other form of less than lethal defense, at least that's a start...

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    Completely agree with the fact that if they don't have the mindset to take someone's life, they are not ready to wield a deadly weapon.

    That is the reason why I didn't bother with my wife taking classes after she said no the first time. She is an RN and I figured that she would shoot the intruder and then perform first aid after shooting anyway.

    Just make sure she understands how all firearms you own works and how to make it safe. Go over the basics on HOW to shoot and maybe basic drills to familiarize, but don't push it any further as if she isn't willing, she isn't going to bother.
    It is not "might OF", it is "might HAVE". It is not "could OF", it is "could HAVE". Go spread the word.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JD View Post
    My Mother-in-law is in the same boat, nothing wrong with that, if one doesn't have the mindset to possibly take a life, a gun is not the right answer.

    At least get her a taser or other form of less than lethal defense, at least that's a start...
    Yep.

    My Father has had the EXACT same conversation with my mother.

    My mother has absolutely no problem with guns and is fine with guns being in the home and is even fine with the fact that her daughter and son-in-law are instructors and carry guns. She also knows that, were it legal in WI, her own husband would probably get his CC permit.

    However, she has admitted that she will not use a gun in self defense. She says she knows herself well enough to know that she will most-likely hesitate and therefore the gun will probably be taken from her and possibly used on her.

    I say "BRAVO!!" to anyone who knows themselves well enough to know their own limits. If someone tells me that they don't believe they could use a gun in self defense, then the pressure stops there and we need to start talking about other means of defense.

    There are numerous other defensive tools out there besides guns. It may be time to start looking into them.

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    I have a similar problem with my wife. She's liberal (unfortunately, not gun-toting:( ) She said she couldn't take a life, even if someone came into the house and took her away. I looked at her in disbelief. I told her, rest assured, if I'm home, I'll take care of the would-be intruder with Mr. .45
    I bought her a canister of pepperspray which I essentially had to force her to put in her purse.
    We don't have kids yet, but I'll use that comment suggested above. The thought of our future kids without a mom.....she'll break down.

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    Distinguished Member Array pcon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solidgun View Post
    Completely agree with the fact that if they don't have the mindset to take someone's life, they are not ready to wield a deadly weapon.

    That is the reason why I didn't bother with my wife taking classes after she said no the first time. She is an RN and I figured that she would shoot the intruder and then perform first aid after shooting anyway.

    Just make sure she understands how all firearms you own works and how to make it safe. Go over the basics on HOW to shoot and maybe basic drills to familiarize, but don't push it any further as if she isn't willing, she isn't going to bother.


    I'm glad I asked you guys...in the heat of the "conversation", that idea never even came up. She's shot my guns before, she knows how to operate them. She's ok with that part.
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    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    Unless you're of the same firearm persuasion as she is, and it sounds like you're not, then I would classify this as being "unequally yoked" and not enter into marriage. Somewhere down the line you may have kids and if she is not prepared to defend their lives when you're not home, that has the potential to become a problem - at least it would for me.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
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    Distinguished Member Array pcon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by walvord View Post
    Unless you're of the same firearm persuasion as she is, and it sounds like you're not, then I would classify this as being "unequally yoked" and not enter into marriage. Somewhere down the line you may have kids and if she is not prepared to defend their lives when you're not home, that has the potential to become a problem - at least it would for me.
    this seems a little harsh. just because she's not ready to shoot someone, doesn't mean she wouldn't defend herself in other ways - baseball bat, pepper spray, taser...
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    If she doesnt want to take the class, you take it and teach her how to use the HD weapon at the range. Then have it available to her in the house, just in case. You'll be surprised of what a cornered fearful person is capable of.
    Now getting her to the range, be creative. Once shes their and is comfortable then "share"( female word) what you learned in class, safety,loading etc. She may even try shooting. Good luck!! The trick in marriage-- bait and switch.
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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    Member Array bigiceman's Avatar
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    It sounds as though she knows herself well enough to not try to change her mind. You say she shoots, so she sounds as though she can be safe around weapons. Those are both good. People who live in a home with weapons should know how to be safe with them and should have the integrity of self to know what they can and cannot do with them.

    That still leaves your overall question about how to feel that you are doing all that you can to ensure that the person you love will be safe when you are away. Have that conversation without giving her the answer to the question and see what you can do to help her find what is comfortable for her. It may mean investing the cost of a firearm and practice ammo in an alarm system, or getting a good dog, or some self-defense classes. There are options for those who cannot see themselves using a firearm to stop someone. People who hold a gun on someone and are not able to use it are just donating it to the criminals and likely getting them more angry and irrational.
    But if you are authorized to carry a weapon, and you walk outside without it, just take a deep breath, and say this to yourself...
    "Baa."
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    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    Didn't mean to seem harsh, but if some BG enters your home with a firearm with the intent to do maximum harm, the baseball bat, pepper spray, taser route more than likely won't do. If she is not prepared to use a firearm, certainly don't force her - that would not be the way to go. I'm just saying it could be a bone of contention somewhere down the road. It sounds as if you are truely in love. I wish you good luck in your future marriage.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
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    Senior Member Array gilraen's Avatar
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    Use the "what if you had a child" tack. If she doesn't really get it, use a favorite pet, or her mom, or some other loved one, and then say "Now take that grief and multiply it by 10. Or 100. That's what you'll be facing."

    If she still doesn't get it, either reevaluate your future, or as others have said, see if she can use something less lethal.
    "I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."

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