Convincing/Explaining CC to the wife

This is a discussion on Convincing/Explaining CC to the wife within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Long time reader and first time post. I have recently gotten my CCH permit an have started to exercise it, however I am really having ...

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Thread: Convincing/Explaining CC to the wife

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    Member Array harlee79's Avatar
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    Convincing/Explaining CC to the wife

    Long time reader and first time post. I have recently gotten my CCH permit an have started to exercise it, however I am really having issues helping the wife to understand all the reasons I want to carry. I have small children and she is excessively worried about the whole idea. I was hoping someone on here might have some ideas to put her at ease or even some additional information to direct her to. Its important to me to carry and be ready, but I havn't gotten her on board yet. She isn't anti-gun by any means but she doesn't see the need in our regular suburban life(even when i point out violent crimes in the news). Just curious if anyone had some ideas... thanks.

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    Distinguished Member Array C9H13NO3's Avatar
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    Crimes always happen to other people until it happens to you. You aren't going to get the luxury of choosing the time or location either. You care about your wife, your children, and yourself, and want to take measures to ensure you can protect your family and way of life. A gun is no more extreme than learning a martial art or installing a burglar alarm. It's just a tool.

    There are 2 ways to get someone to do something. Force, and reason. A criminal can't use reason to convince you to give them your stuff, or let them harm you. So they have to use force. When that happens, you have to get them to stop. You can try reasoning with them all you want, but I doubt they will listen. Force is much more effective, and if you're unarmed, you're just gonna have to rely on reason.

    Ensure her you are also taking measures to keep the children away from it. If it is on your person, they don't have access. If you keep it locked when it's not, they still won't have access. When they are old enough to understand it, teach them gun safety. They will learn to make responsible decisions around firearms, and you should have no problems.

    Welcome to the forum :)
    -Ryan

    All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

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    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    Harlee,

    Some of us have had similar experiences.
    My wife did not get it. Thought I was nuts (of course, she thought that before I started carrying a gun).

    I pointed out articles in the paper where violence occurred in our area, or in good areas where that kind of thing "doesn't happen here." Google "Chelsea, CT." I also sat down with her and talked with her about my reasons for doing this. It included for me, some death threats a few years back, then Va Tech.

    Stay persistent, non-threatening and unwavering, while you love her into a new mindset about the potentially dangerous world she lives in. Assure her that a major part of your reasoning is to keep her (and your kids) safe.

    Be patient. She will likely come around.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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    Senior Member Array preachertim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by harlee79 View Post
    Long time reader and first time post. I have recently gotten my CCH permit an have started to exercise it, however I am really having issues helping the wife to understand all the reasons I want to carry. I have small children and she is excessively worried about the whole idea. I was hoping someone on here might have some ideas to put her at ease or even some additional information to direct her to. Its important to me to carry and be ready, but I havn't gotten her on board yet. She isn't anti-gun by any means but she doesn't see the need in our regular suburban life(even when i point out violent crimes in the news). Just curious if anyone had some ideas... thanks.
    Take your time. Talk to her and not at her. When it comes to guns and other such things men tend to make them feel inferior . Just Me I m not sure .
    Why Would A Preacher ever need a Gun? Its Not for the Sheep , its for the Wolves!

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    Member Array ncffp163's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by miklcolt45 View Post
    Harlee,

    Some of us have had similar experiences.
    My wife did not get it. Thought I was nuts (of course, she thought that before I started carrying a gun).

    I pointed out articles in the paper where violence occurred in our area, or in good areas where that kind of thing "doesn't happen here." Google "Chelsea, CT." I also sat down with her and talked with her about my reasons for doing this. It included for me, some death threats a few years back, then Va Tech.

    Stay persistent, non-threatening and unwavering, while you love her into a new mindset about the potentially dangerous world she lives in. Assure her that a major part of your reasoning is to keep her (and your kids) safe.

    Be patient. She will likely come around.
    #1 My wife thought the same thing when I started CC. I told her that there were 35+ gangs in our county alone and the home invasions were on the increase, etc.. She's anti-gun (she grew up with guns...go figure). Then she found out her one of her sisters CC's.
    She hasn't brought it up since. Good luck!!
    NC CCH Instructor, NRA Instructor
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    Member Array Scouse's Avatar
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    Explain?

    Not much discussion really.

    Only have one weapon unlocked from storage at a time, secure storage, a Safe.

    Carry your CCW choice, end of discussion.

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    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum.
    Cornered Cat is a good resource, it's written for women. I have found it helpful when talking to the wife. The link is for one article, look around on the site, good info. Good Luck!

    Cornered Cat - Why I Carry a Gun
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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    VIP Member Array tns0038's Avatar
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    Many of us have similar experience, and over time our wifeís came around. Our first date was over 22 years ago, and while she did not know it I was carrying a Walther PPKs.

    Today she will tell you, that if I have my pants on, and Iím outside the house, Iím armed. And she takes great comfort in that fact.


    However, even today she sometimes gets all wearied out, if I carry a Glock on my hip instead of a smaller 380 pocket pistol.

    As to what to tell her.; Just let her know, that times are not what they once were, and you feel more conferrable being able to have options should she and you be attacked.

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    VIP Member Array MNBurl's Avatar
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    First of all welcome to the forum!

    Good question. My wife was a little unsure 4 years ago when I first started carrying.

    Here is what I said and did over those last 4 years.
    1. I explained that it is my job to protect the family as a man and my carry of a handgun gives me an option to do that in the most effective way.
    2. Don't try to frighten her. Point out situations on the news where the story would have been different if the "victim" would have been armed.
    3. Ask her to the range to shoot 22LR rifle and pistol. Forget the 12 gauge with slugs and 40S&W ultra light handguns. Very bad idea.
    4. Go slow and show her by everything you do that you are safe and responsible with the handguns around the kids. Most people who start carrying, experience an awaking where you are very aware of your surounding and become more careful than before. Because your eyes are open and you are no longer a
    5. With this you will be surprised one day when your wife says, "I want my permit now!"

    My lovely bride has gone from don't care for guns into carrying daily and it was all her idea and all I did was provide the experiences to help show her the way.

    Hope this helps because it worked for me. Getting her more comfortable is the first step and lead by example.
    MNBurl

    "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" - George S. Patton.

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    Ron
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    Quote Originally Posted by miklcolt45 View Post
    Harlee,

    Some of us have had similar experiences.
    My wife did not get it. Thought I was nuts (of course, she thought that before I started carrying a gun).

    I pointed out articles in the paper where violence occurred in our area, or in good areas where that kind of thing "doesn't happen here." Google "Chelsea, CT." I also sat down with her and talked with her about my reasons for doing this. It included for me, some death threats a few years back, then Va Tech.

    Stay persistent, non-threatening and unwavering, while you love her into a new mindset about the potentially dangerous world she lives in. Assure her that a major part of your reasoning is to keep her (and your kids) safe.

    Be patient. She will likely come around.
    +1. Mike has given the best advice. Most importantly, as Mike wrote, be patient, and under no circumstances get angry with her, no matter how unreasonable you think she is.

    She will come around, it may take awhile, but it will happen.

    A brief story about my experience. My wife was horrified when I got my CCW and told her I was going to start to carry a gun. But, I kept doing what mike suggested and then one night, my mother-in-law, who was at the time in a nursing home in West Palm Beach, fell and the nursing home called us and told us they were taking her to the hospital. So, at about 2am that night we started to get in our car for the drive to the hospital, which was in a bad part of West Palm Beach, and my wife turned to me and asked "do you have your gun with you." And, of course, that was the turning point.

    Stay with it. She will ultimately get it.

    Good luck.
    "It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."

    J. R. R. Tolkien

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    Distinguished Member Array bandit383's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ron View Post
    A brief story about my experience. My wife was horrified when I got my CCW and told her I was going to start to carry a gun.... and my wife turned to me and asked "do you have your gun with you." And, of course, that was the turning point.

    Stay with it. She will ultimately get it.

    Good luck.
    Similar situation/scenario...not real keen on the idea at the beginning, but as timed passed, she came to realize that it is to protect us...she also saw that it was concealed and not Wyatt Earp mentality (watching TV too much). She doesn't ask anymore...she just knows...and there is an element of calmness in her.

    Rick

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    Member Array Krockett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by harlee79 View Post
    Long time reader and first time post. I have recently gotten my CCH permit an have started to exercise it, however I am really having issues helping the wife to understand all the reasons I want to carry. I have small children and she is excessively worried about the whole idea. I was hoping someone on here might have some ideas to put her at ease or even some additional information to direct her to. Its important to me to carry and be ready, but I havn't gotten her on board yet. She isn't anti-gun by any means but she doesn't see the need in our regular suburban life(even when i point out violent crimes in the news). Just curious if anyone had some ideas... thanks.

    First I think that a lot of the guys on this site, you included, need to change your attitudes about your wife's a little bit. Its not about convincing them, it is more about gaining enough understanding of each other that you can respect each others choices without agreeing or forcing the other person into the same choice.

    She is (hopefully) your partner, your friend, your equal and part of making the decisions for your family. I am sure that she desires to keep your family safe and to protect them as much as you do, she just has different ideas of how to do this.

    When you talk about concealed carry, have a discussion, don't lecture. Let her express her opinions, without being told they are wrong. As opinions they are right as are everyone's, that is why they are called opinions not facts. Try not to force her into what you believe but respectfully request that even if she doesn't agree with you, that she respect that you need to carry to protect your family to the best of your ability.

    And don't expect change over night, you didn't decide to carry over night (most likely) and she probably won't decide to like it over night either. Respect and conversation are key to solving most disagreements. Good luck~!

    Also remember the more you push the more she will stand her ground no one, NO ONE likes to be told what to believe!

    FWIW ~Krockett

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    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Echo, Ditto, +1, etc......Patience Patience Patience with your wife. Take things slowly. I am doing the same thing with my wife. She's gone from "snickering" and "shaking her head" to listening, asking the occasional question, having her best friend ask her to take CCW class with her down the road, and so forth. It's still a "work in progress", but the biggest thing is I have been patient and have not let her "attitude" in the beginning of my carry, affect my choice to carry.
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

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    Member Array GettingOld2's Avatar
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    I have my CCW, but have not yet carried. I plan to the next time we go into the parks hiking, since an event there a year ago brought me around (my wife was with me). I expect that my wife will not be happy. She finally stopped glaring at me for buying a gun in the first place.

    I'm still trying to get across things like, "Lock the doors when you drive!". She keeps telling me it's only a short trip. I'm also trying to get her to make sure that her cell phone is "ON" when she's out, that it takes too long for it to power up and acquire a lock. It needs to be on!

    It's strange, a few weeks ago we were doing our walk late at night, and she spotted two guys sitting in a dark pickup in an unlighted section near a school. She immediately wanted to cross the street. We did, and I took the opportunity to ask her if her cell phone was on.

    "No!"

    Why not?

    "Because I didn't bring it. It's just the neighborhood!"

    I'm working on it, but it needs to be done slowly.

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    Senior Member Array gilraen's Avatar
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    Good luck, GettingOld. You've got your work cut out for you.

    Those of you working on your spouses -- do you ask "What if" questions?

    What would you do if someone broke in and tried to rape you?
    What would you do if someone grabbed our child and dragged him toward a car?

    Sometimes *gently* leading questions help get them where you want them to go.

    And make sure they have plenty of time between your questions to think. Don't bombard them.
    "I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."

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