Family does not know

This is a discussion on Family does not know within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I am a single guy, and its just my son and myself that lives in my house. Anyways, we usually spend more time at my ...

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Thread: Family does not know

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array justherenow's Avatar
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    Family does not know

    I am a single guy, and its just my son and myself that lives in my house. Anyways, we usually spend more time at my fathers house than our own, sometimes we go shopping and out to eat with him. I have in the past mentioned I wanted to get a ccw and he always says he does not know why and it is a waste of money. Most people I would argue with on the fact, but with my father I let it go out of respect of his opinions. He is by no means anti, just thinks there are better things I can do with my money and thinks that its not so hot having guns around kids.

    As said in another post, today I got my chl and plan on getting my gun tomorrow. While at Sams club tonight we were looking at safes and I said I wanted one with a keypad so that I can keep a hand gun in it and away from the kids and such. Not sure if he was paying attention or not but did not say anything on the subject. On the way home, his girlfriend said something about guns and I, not respecting her near as much had to debate my position. As we were debating, my father casually said he hopes I'm not using some of my tax money to buy a gun, which I am. I did not respond and we changed subjects.

    I know it will come out sometime that I carry (once I get my gun and holster) so how do I approach this? My son knows, and he knows we don't tell anyone. For me, this is hard to keep quiet, I tell my father pretty much everything.
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    I thought this was going to be a coming out thread; glad it was about CCW

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    VIP Member Array AllAmerican's Avatar
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    Dont tell your dad anythng. My Dad and Mom arent anti but I dont talk guns with them. They dont need to know if I carry or not.

    Keep your trap shut IMO

    Unless Dad brings it up and the opportunity works towards your advantage.
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    Senior Member Array justherenow's Avatar
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    Nope not a coming out thread, LOL


    As for not telling, that is the plan. The problem is I know one day or another I will be carrying and we will either go somewhere I must disarm or one way or another print and him are I am carrying. It was almost a year before he knew I had a tatoo and I was married with 2 kids at the time, just one day was not thinking and was not wearing a shirt when they came over. Although I am an adult, he still likes to have his words. I am the youngest of 3 but he was working 16 to 20 hour days when my siblings were kids, when my mother died when I was 10 he had to change his routine and he basically raised me his self, while my brother was an adult and sister was late teens. So you can see how this will be hard to keep quiet.
    --------------------------
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    Those who trade liberty for security have neither. ~John Adams

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    Senior Member Array mulle46's Avatar
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    I think I would just tell my dad that having a CCW is invaluable if you do ever have to use it, and that I will not compromise on protecting my family and myself. OMO
    You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt

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    Distinguished Member Array nutz4utwo's Avatar
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    I mean this in the most positive supportive way:

    I applaud your strong ties with your family. It might be time for you to live your own life. I am not sure what your family/career/life situation is, but it is your own life to live. The decision to carry is yours and yours alone to make. Make smart, wise decisions for yourself and you should have nothing to fear from those who love you.

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    We each have a responsibility to defend our 2nd A rights intellectually, as they are under attack and very easy to demagouge (sp?) to the uninformed. The anti gun position is irrational, and can be demonstrated as such. Remember to remain calm, stay on the facts, and do your best to persuade. I don't go looking for opportunities to discuss our issue, but I never back away. There is too much at stake.
    "Some men, you just can't reach"

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    Just some thoughts from someone with kids your age and probably older. When the subject comes up politely tell him that it is a decision you made, to protect yourself and your son. Explain to him that you have had training in firearm safety and that you make sure your gun is secure when you are not actually wearing it. Don't be confrontational with him, but politely let him know, that although you love and respect him, you are an adult and as such have to make the decisions that are best for you and your son.

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    Distinguished Member Array tinkerinWstuff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nn View Post
    I thought this was going to be a coming out thread; glad it was about CCW
    "Run for your life from the man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. So long as men live together on earth and need means to deal with one another-their only substitute, if they abandon money, is the muzzle of a gun."

    Who is John Galt?

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    Member Array todhog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by archer51 View Post
    Explain to him that you have had training in firearm safety and that you make sure your gun is secure when you are not actually wearing it. Don't be confrontational with him, but politely let him know, that although you love and respect him, you are an adult and as such have to make the decisions that are best for you and your son.
    Archer has some great points. Make sure you do get some training in hand gun use and safety. Make sure you keep you weapon locked in a safe when not on your person. Educate your son on gun safety and take him shooting if he's old enough. Show him your gun (unloaded) to take the mystery out of it and that he should never touch it without you being present. It sounds like you and he already have the right attitude toward concealed carry, do it and don't talk about to others. Good luck,

    Todd

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    Member Array derekc23's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by archer51 View Post
    Just some thoughts from someone with kids your age and probably older. When the subject comes up politely tell him that it is a decision you made, to protect yourself and your son. Explain to him that you have had training in firearm safety and that you make sure your gun is secure when you are not actually wearing it. Don't be confrontational with him, but politely let him know, that although you love and respect him, you are an adult and as such have to make the decisions that are best for you and your son.
    Ditto. You're your own man now and you do not have to explain yourself to your dad - ever. Teach your son proper gun safety, let him go to the range with you if he's old enough, and let him know that under no circumstances is he ever to touch any of your weapons - guns, knives, whatever - without your permission.

  13. #12
    Member Array mfcmb's Avatar
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    My reading is that your father is uncomfortable with your choice to bear arms and is from time to time mildly expressing his disapproval. My guess is that from time to time he expresses disapproval about other choices you make: perhaps to have a tattoo, your choice of profession, the car you drive, how you discipline your son, etc. This would not be unusual.

    The key to handling this is to gently but firmly maintain (both in your own mind and in your interaction with him) that at this point in your life all your choices are your sole right and responsibility to make. As one of my mentors put it, to "stand your holy ground".

    You have no obligation to justify yourself to him any more, and he has no right to expect or demand you to. If you find yourself feeling that you have to justify yourself and convince him with rational arguments and proofs then: you are not standing your holy ground, are not really convincing him of anything, and are at risk of degenerating into whining.

    If he asks why you've made certain choices, or asks what you'd do if certain events occurred, or how you'll keep your son safe with a gun in the house, etc. then the challenge for you is to sense whether he truly wants to know you better, or if this is just another form of expressing disapproval. If the former, then answer honestly and simply without any investment in whether it "convinces" him or not. If the latter then don't get sucked into the losing battle of trying to defend what he considers an indefensible position. If you do, then you are (emotionally) choosing to be a victim.

    Apply your self-defense tactics verbally: maintain your center, move off the line of attack, change the tableau into one that's non-adversarial, shift to a subject that's not in dispute, etc.

    Hope you find something in these comments helpful,
    Bill

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    If you are financialy independant of your father then make your own choices. If you are relying on him for continuing support or owe him a significant amount then he has an interest in your decision and deserves some consideration in your decision making process. IMHO
    "Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." - Thomas Jefferson

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    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    Your dad may be glad you have that ccw one of these days. With the way the economy is going I consider this to be a good investment.With the cut backs in some of our police departments you need to shoulder some of the responsibility for the safetyof your son and the rest of your family.
    Last edited by Tom G; January 29th, 2009 at 11:26 PM. Reason: add

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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Buying a gun and spending money on classes and license fees,plus training ammo etc. is a total waste of money until the one time you need it and don't have it,at that point you would give anything for a gun but alas it will probably be too late and you may not survive the encounter to be able to change and start carrying.There are cops that carried their entire careers and never fired a shot off the gun range but todays world is starting to make those kinds of statements obsolete
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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