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Sooo my wife doesnt really agree on me carrying any ideas??

6K views 80 replies 52 participants last post by  Bark'n 
#1 ·
Well I took the class on sat. and am now patiently waiting for my permit but got to talking with my wifeabout it last night and she is under the impression that its more dangerous to carry becasue se thinks my son will be able to get to my gun or it will go off for no reason. I tried to tell her that the only way an accident will happen is if I do somthing wrong or stupid.

I also tried to reason with her that we dont want to be in the next trolly square shooting and not be armed so I was going to at least carry when we went to anywhere from ogden south (we live in northern utah). She still wasnt real happy with it and didnt really even want to talk about it.

Any ideas on how to get her to realize how safe it is to carry and that nobody will be getting my gun without me knowing if I carry as opposed to getting it at my home and me not knowing?:confused:
 
#3 ·
I suggest you sit down with her (perhaps after you put the kids to bed) and show her your UNLOADED gun, NO ammo in the same room. Let her handle it and explain to her how it works. Go through the basic safety rules with her: a. Always check that the gun is unloaded. b. Never point at anything you do not want to shoot. c. Do not put your finger inside the trigger guard until you are ready to shoot. You get the idea...then take her to the shooting range and let her shoot with you. If you have a .22, let her shoot it first so she won't be surprised by the recoil, then move up to a larger caliber. You are going to have to let her gain a basic level of comfort being around guns and sometimes this is a gradual process.
 
#4 ·
I guess I should have told a little more about my wife. She has been around guns quite a bit hr dad is a gun nut and she is probably a better shot than I am. She doesnt have problem with guns just with me carrying one all the time. She has even shot my 357 mag that I just bought just for some reason doesnt "think its a good idea" for me to carry.
 
#10 ·
She already has a good knowledge of guns, so showing her the basics are a waste of time.

Just tell her that BG's don't call ahead and make an appointment. When you have the need to defend yourself or protect your family, seconds matter.

Calling 911 won't help you (or her).

Tell her that you are doing this for her and for your children, that you refuse to be a victim.

You might also show her this website and have her read the articles about innocent people being attacked.

Maybe that will change her mind?

I don't think I would use the "man-up" approach. That usually turns women off.

I suggest gentle persuasion.

Good luck.:wave:
 
#5 ·
Tell her it's not always what she wants. Man-up and lay it on the line by saying something like; I'm the man of this house and I'm going to do what is best for this family. Then take all the nessecary steps to demonstrate that you are unwavering in your choice to carry on a daily basis. Buy a sturdy gun safe and exercise sound handling practices and you will eventually overcome her apprehensions. I know that sounds a tad dangerous but she'll respect you for it in the morning. :yup:

I was faced with the same resistance a number of years ago and nowadays we can't even leave the house without her asking me if I have my gun on. (as if I would ever go anywhere without it :rolleyes: )

Recently she even wanted her own because of the uptick in crime in our area so I got her CCW application submitted and bought her a S&W 642 for Christmas and she liked it almost as much as the diamond earrings. :santaclaus:
 
#9 ·
Your not kiddin it sounds dangerous you dont know my wife:argue::twak: I think in a way your right though, I'll just start out telling her that only when we go to the bigger cities since its pretty safe around where we go usually, then I'll slowly work towards daily carry. She said I always get my way anyways so it was pointless to fight about in anyways, so I guess I already won a little.
 
#6 ·
I agree with OrangeVol. That helped my wife a great deal. Once I convinced her that my gun would absolutely not fire unless I pulled the trigger it helped. We sat down and talked about the rules and I let her handle the (unloaded) gun too. She now asks me if I'm carrying or "packin'" as she calls it. She feels safer now with me carrying and has even said it was sexy. We are going to start shooting some together (.22) when the weather turns warmer.

Good luck.
 
#7 ·
Ask her if the people in the churches that were attacked and killed thought they needed a gun that day or find other stories of car jackings ,armed robberies etc. and ask her the same question.Tell her unless she can predict the future there is no way to tell what will happen and having a gun and not needing it is a better feeling than needing a gun and not having one.The Luby's shooting in Killeen Tx was eye opening ,google Suzanna Gratia Hupp,both her parents were killed in Lubys
 
#8 ·
The first thing you need to do is to get a safe or lockbox to keep your gun in while not carrying. This will help alleviate some of her fear about your son getting a hold of it. This will help address her concerns.

Now address the safety issue about carrying. Get a good holster that covers the trigger. And a good gun belt. Have her try to get to the gun without you stopping her. Unloaded gun of course. Show her it's not just going to fly loose and go off by itself.

After all this, if you have been successful you have been very lucky. If not, it's time to tell your wife it's your decision and it's not open for debate. You feel that you have to do all you can to protect your family and that is what this is all about. Hopefully you won't be sleeping on the sofa for too long.

Best of luck!
 
#15 ·
I think since she's not afraid of guns in themselves, having a good gun cabinet, and a good holster with retention will go a long way towards helping her. The suggestion that she try to draw your (unloaded) gun from your holster is a good idea, too.

Anything you can do in real life to counteract her fears should help. Anything to show her, respectfully, that her fears may be less than realistic.

It doesn't help having all those "sorry I killed her, my gun went off" catastrophes showing up in the media. But you could remind her of the 4 rules, and show her which one(s) of those rules were broken when the innocent was shot.

And prove to her that you obey those 4 rules every minute of the day.

One more - the carrying while in the city, and gradually carrying more and more while outside the city - good idea!

Also remind her how much you love her and your child.

Good luck.
 
#17 ·
My wife knows I've shot and handled guns for many years and safety is always # 1. At first she was a little aprenhensive about me getting my carry permit, but the more I have carried around her and the more crime she see's reported on the news has helped to relieve her anxieties.
 
#19 ·
"let her buy herself a gun;" "Try to explain it to her;" "take her to the range;" and the other comments of the same type miss the psychological point.

Women are 'universal victims.' We have "thriller movies" and news articles showing women as being raped, beaten, kidnapped, and suffering other dastardly crimes. Then we show these things prime time to women and young girls. And then, somehow, we expect them to understand that we (you know, the GUYS in the movies and news who do the bad things to the female victims) just "want to protect them."

IOW, we have indoctrinated women into believing that men are dangerous and that guns in the hands of men are even more dangerous. Guns in the hands of young men who are willing or eager to fight are even worse than that. And I can't blame them for thinking that way. After all, isn't that what we've taught them?

The OP's problem is that he needs to unbrainwash his spouse. How to do that isn't going to be solved by trying "instant success" methods from an internet gun forum.

Best bet: Go to the range by yourself for awhile. Then, in the not-so-near future, ask the missus to go with you to watch a steel challenge or IDPA competition. Don't go to shoot, just watch. She may not go but she will be aware that you want to include her in your playtime. Eventually she will come to accept that you possess and carry a firearm. She may not like it but she has a choice at that point - accept you and the firearms, or leave. Either choice is a win even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.
 
#23 ·
Women are 'universal victims.' We have "thriller movies" and news articles showing women as being raped, beaten, kidnapped, and suffering other dastardly crimes. Then we show these things prime time to women and young girls. And then, somehow, we expect them to understand that we (you know, the GUYS in the movies and news who do the bad things to the female victims) just "want to protect them."

IOW, we have indoctrinated women into believing that men are dangerous and that guns in the hands of men are even more dangerous. Guns in the hands of young men who are willing or eager to fight are even worse than that. And I can't blame them for thinking that way. After all, isn't that what we've taught them?
Verrrrry Interrrresting.... I can see this....

Certainly I have a hard time trusting most men - especially ones I don't know. And it's not fair to all the good men who are out there.

I'm curious as to opinions on this from other men on the board.
 
#20 ·
Show her this video from Taurus. Heard about it on Tom Greshams show yesterday. I'm sure she has been in similar situations without the threat, but with the dread of "what if".

Taurus International Manufacturing Inc - Taurus Judge 3" Video

This is not to suggest that this pistol is what is needed, just that you never know when trouble will strike nor from what source it will come.
 
#21 ·
Educate her on gun safety. Teach her about the gun you carry. Once she realizes you know what you are doing, she will relax a little. Then you may find that she wants to learn about it as well. Show her the cornered cat website .corneredcat.com/

Try to explain to her that you want her to be safe, that you want to be able to protect her and your child. The criminals have guns, why wouldn't you have the same tool to fight back with. There are people out there who don't want to just steal your money. They want to hurt people. That is what they enjoy. They want to rape women and even children. They want to kill when there is no reason for it. If you come up against one of those people, no amount of hiding, pleading or praying will help you retain your life. Only an effectively employed weapon will save you, her and your child.

It may take time, but keep explaining it to her. She will come around eventually. Be patient but do not give in. Do not let her bully you into not carrying. And don't carry just when you are going to be someplace where you think you might need it. You might need it anywhere and everywhere you go or are. Criminals go to the "nice" parts of town too. That is where the best targets are and the most money.

Stay strong. Be patient. Explain the reasoning. Don't back down.
 
#25 ·
Good job Hoover! You just hit most (if not all) the carry justification cliches in one post!

Seriously though, sometimes it's just hard to convince someone else of the need, especially if they feel safe or like it "couldn't happen here"... My wife was that way... She was fine with me owning guns... heck at the range I can't keep the AK out of her hands... but when it came to carrying she thought I was paranoid or crazy (especially when I tried using said cliches). What changed her mind was when there was a shooting in our church parking lot while we were loading our child into the car... Before that she had told me that she had veto right over when I could carry the gun (since it worked so well with the kilt, she figured this would work the same). Since then, if she hasn't seen me put it on in the morning she makes sure I have it on me when we leave (not that I forget...)

Anyway, I hope you can find some good advice here on how to educate her on the importance so it doesn't take something tragic to convince her - especially since you might not be so lucky as to merely have it happen near you and not to you.
 
#27 ·
My wife had never fired a gun up until recently. I got her to go with me to the hunting cabin with another couple just to get away for a night. Seeing my buddy's wife shoot her Bersa Thunder got her interested. I pulled out a single action 22 revolver for her to try and she loved it. By the end of the day she had shot everything we had brought with us (shotguns, pistols, and rifles). She had the most fun and the best groups with the Bersa and now thinks she might want one for herself. :image035:

Was fun watching her go from almost scared to touch a gun in the morning to almost upset that we had run out of 380 rounds that afternoon.
 
#29 ·
Well, to me it seems that she is just not comfortable with YOU carrying. Please don't take this as in insult, but would she feel the same way about someone else that she is confident knows how to handle guns? It sounds like you need to instill confidence. This will take time and her knowledge of you handing a gun without incident.

Have you been around guns your whole life? Have you had guns before now? Or is your carry gun sort of the first exposure she has had to it?

Let her see that you are comfortable with guns, and know how to handle them. It may take (at first) dragging her out to the range.. soon she will want to go.
 
#31 ·
I see where your coming from but its not just me she wouldnt like anyone in her vacinity carrying. I grew up on a farm and got my first real gun at about 12 so its not that I dont have experience. I think she is just leary about carrying like i said before its not that she is affraid of guns or doesnt like me having guns just carrying them all the time.
 
#30 ·
Here's something I thought I would drop in this thread.

One of the reasons Mrs Mac and I just applied for our CHPs in NC, and bought some weapons involves an incident where a nice couple in their early 60's were enjoying some TV when a guy knocks on their door. He assaults the husband and nearly kills him, then chases the wife out in the back yard and sexually assaults her. A couple neighbors withness the sexual assuault complete with screaming, begging, wailing, and agony, and have to sit impotently in their homes dialing 911 hoping the cops get there quick. The dude escapes (but only for a day). The local rag said it was just some yoot on his way home from a "party".

This happened in the next neighborhood over from ours - homes run $600K to $1.5M. Our town is always rated one of the safest to live in the in the US.

If you're thinking you only need to carry if you're going to the big, bad city, think again. My wife and I are more concerned for our safety in our big, secluded home in the 'burbs than we are staying at our urban condo in DC. Seriously.
 
#32 ·
If you're thinking you only need to carry if you're going to the big, bad city, think again. My wife and I are more concerned for our safety in our big, secluded home in the 'burbs than we are staying at our urban condo in DC. Seriously.
I understand that the only reason I'm thinking about only carrying in the "more dangerous places" is to get my wife a little used to the idea and wrk up to daily carry. I completly understand that it could happen anywhere at anytime and to anybody but in order to keep te peace with the boss lady I have to compromise a little and work towards what I want.

She doesnt even want me to carry at all but is more likely to warm up to it if I start small and if we both compromise.
 
#33 ·
Dude,

I understand - I was just testifyin'.

When our CHP trainer (a DOJ employee) asked the missus if she would be willing to pull trigger on a BG like that, she replied, "Like it was my job." She then proceeded to fill a little 3" cicle with 9mm holes.

He said, "You'll do fine."
 
#34 ·
I have some advice that may apply.
This may sound strange…but you are the Warrior of the family and she is not – your wife has a different roll like my wife does. Took me years to understand that idea.
She knows you are going to CC…so now only talk about guns with other warriors – do not invite her to even go shooting a BB gun. Train, practice your shooting skills. Keep your ammo/gun out of site. Right now she does not need to know every detail right now.
Once or twice a year: Offer some of the points from the other posts that you think would help. Don’t react to how she responds and go back to stealth mode on guns if she does not want to. Give it some time and she may put her toe into the water so to speak.
 
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