Help me convince MY WIFE!!!!

Help me convince MY WIFE!!!!

This is a discussion on Help me convince MY WIFE!!!! within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I live in a fairly rural area in Florida off of US 1. Our home lies right between a large tourist attraction and a large ...

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Thread: Help me convince MY WIFE!!!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array LeCalsey's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    2A Friendly State

    Help me convince MY WIFE!!!!

    I live in a fairly rural area in Florida off of US 1. Our home lies right between a large tourist attraction and a large metro city. We have been in our home for about 4 years now and it is in a low crime area which is why we moved with our three kids from the city to the north.

    Now to my point. The tourist attraction is a natural magnet for vagrants, hobos, homeless, bums, and other generally dead enders. US 1 is a major thoroughfare for these transients to go from a panhandling mecca to other locations beyond and it takes them right past our community. We have had these folks camping in the woods, bathing in our entrance fountain, using the community pool (GROSS)after hours, etc. Nothing criminal other than a few car break-ins up till now thankfully.

    I am increasingly uneasy about this and think it is somewhat inevitable that something is going to occur of a criminal nature. My wife is a walker and a jogger but she REFUSES to get her CCW or to carry. I see the potential hazards for her even more than for me but she is a stone wall. I worry about her safety and she finally relented to carry OC (pepper spray) but I am doubtful she will actually do that (As a routine anyway) I have been hammering away but the granite in her brain is tough

    Suggestions? Please?
    2A is not negotiable

  2. #2
    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    My wife and I get get along great. She goes her way, and I go hers.

    I can tell you from personal experience as a guy approaching his 29th anniversary that "trying to convince my wife" has never, ever worked in all that time. If she doesn't want to do something, my repeated intercessions or pleading normally has the opposite effect.

    Sadly, this is usually one of those issues that she will have to come around to on her own. Set a sensible and responsible example. Hopefully, she won't have to live through an incident herself, but if she learns of a nearby attack against a femal runner, she may change her mind. That's usually how this works.

  3. #3
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    Array sigmanluke's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    My wife is pretty much the same. We have been married for 12 years, and I have never convinced her of anything yet. I am still trying, mostly by example, and I think I got some help a couple days ago when our car was broken into while we were home, (at 4am). I bought her some OC to carry, and hopefully she will, she was very bothered by the car break-in.

    All I can say is stay vigilant, (even if it's only through example) and good luck.
    "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
    Thomas Jefferson

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  5. #4
    pax is offline
    Senior Member Array pax's Avatar
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    May 2006
    WA state
    Don't know your situation exactly, but here's my pretty-much-standard advice.

    1) Stop lobbying. She's an adult & can make her own choices. Just because they aren't the choices you or I would make doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to make those choices for herself. It's frustrating, it's scary, it might even be heartbreaking ... but it is what it is. She's a grownup and she gets to choose how, when and whether she wants to protect herself. (Just as you do...)

    2) Quit preaching about self defense. Ask questions instead. (Again, don't lobby! Questions get asked only when the subject comes up naturally, such as when talking about the news as you watch TV together.) Ask stuff like, "... what would you do?" and "... what do you think?" and "... how would you respond if?" And then shut up. Don't ever, ever, ever answer those questions yourself unless and until she asks you; if she does ask you, keep your answer brief and then immediately change the subject. Ask the questions, listen to her answers, move on. Don't provide the answers, because the goal here isn't about answers. The goal is simply to get the questions into her mind. If you answer those questions for her, her thoughts will struggle against your answers instead of struggling with the questions. Ask the questions, listen to her answers, and move on. Don't preach, don't give her the answers, and don't argue.

    3) If and when you invite her to the range, and she agrees to go, make it fun. Don't talk about self defense while you're at the range. Talk about how much fun it is. Shoot bull's eye targets. Or (depending on your wife's sense of humor) invading zombie targets. Or reactives like Necco wafers or Saltine crackers or jugs of water. Whatever seems most fun to you and to her. Don't let it be grim or negative. The goal is to get her as much practice as you possibly can. Better to let her learn in a fun playing-a-game atmosphere rather than preventing her from learning because she doesn't want to deal with self-defense topics.

    Also, in terms of making it fun, if you can find another couple who are willing to visit the range with you, that's your best bet for an enthusiastic happy response from her. There really is something magic about getting other women to shoot alongside you, when you're new and otherwise reluctant. (Nobody ever outgrows peer pressure. ;) )

    4) Continue to do what you do. Carry! Don't let her choices affect yours. Don't hide it, either. There will probably come a time when she is grateful you are there & prepared (not necessarily because something happened, but because something could have happened, or just because she realizes she feels "safe" with you). But it's quite likely that she won't be able to admit it aloud even if she feels like that. So don't get discouraged and don't hide what you do from her. Just matter-of-factly do it.

    Oh, and if she ever does express gratitude that you are armed ("I feel safe with you"), thank her for it and say something to the effect of, "I feel safer when I am armed, too."

    5) If she ever, even once, expresses concern about how safe you are with a firearm, ask her if she'd be willing to take a handgun safety class with you, and follow through if the answer is lukewarm or better. Emphasize that you enjoy her company and it would be something fun you could do together. Meeting other couples and other women at the range really does help. If you play your cards right here, she'll think the class was her own idea, and be charmed that you took her concerns so seriously -- a win all the way around...

    Hope some of that helps.

    Kathy Jackson
    My website: Cornered Cat

  6. #5
    tag is offline
    Member Array tag's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    If she won't carry then go jogging with her.
    YOU are the weapon, your firearm is just a tool!

  7. #6
    Member Array Krockett's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    From a womens point of view EASE UP!!! If I was trying to convince someone of something I would casually mention it, then back off!!! Let her come to it on her own terms. You will never get your way by demanding it. Realize you are both adults with opinions, and rights to those opinions.

    Respect, and slowly is the way to go!

    Goodluck, Krockett

  8. #7
    Member Array wolfshead's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Renton WA
    Ask her if she will carry less lethal weapons like a taser.
    TASER C2

    Neuro Muscular Incapacitation is better than nothing at all!..

    See if she wants to sign up for self defense training. I suggest Krav Maga over Karate or Tae Kwan Do...
    Vince K
    Aerospace Designer, Freemason, NRA member

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array lance22's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    Do what you need to do quietly and confidently. Don't argue if provoked but do what must be done.

    As the opportunity arises, debunk "gun myths" as there is so much mis-information spread by anti's. Don't make her read "horror stories" but help her feel confident that the gun won't leap out of it's holster to kill the family.

    IMHO a woman wants to feel safe and protected. So the trick is to help them understand that the gun is not going to come to life, and that it is always handled in a safe and responsible manner.

  10. #9
    Senior Member Array jhh3rd's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Try to walk and jog with her and drive her nuts. Then tell her it's either the gun or you from here on out. jh

  11. #10
    Senior Member
    Array matdicdad's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    SE Virginia
    Pax I see much wisdom in your advice. My GF is not quite ready to carry, but she is happy I do.

  12. #11
    Member Array cdjspider's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Lynden, WA
    It can take a little time but it can work, trust me. I've managed to get my wife to go from anti-gun and terrified of guns to wanting this nice little pink 38 special revolver at the local gun shop and wanting her CPL.

    First thing is to get her use to having a gun around and letting her see that they just dont randomly go off and shoot people. Once she gets use to the idea of having a loaded gun around, which from what I can tell your wife is, becomes where I feel I won the battle and started to make progress.

    Not sure how it would work for you but I pretty much forced her to take 1 trip to the range with the excuse that "You need to know how to use the gun and be sure you can actually shoot it should something was to happen". It was rough starting out, she was actually shaking she was so scared of the gun, but I got her to shoot 2 mags and said that was enough and that she didn't have to shoot it again.

    After that I just left the subject alone. To my surprise, after a month or so of constantly having the gun on me and a few trips to the range it happened. I was just getting ready to head out to the range and I got this question "can I come too?" Naturally, I agreed and we went off.

    Turns out while we were shooting we where having fun and after a couple more trips she asked me if she could get one. Now we just need to save up and she will have her own gun.

    I know its probably how it works out for most people, but I will just say be patient and just invite her to go to the range with you when you go. She might actually discover she likes shooting.

    Well, thats how I did it. Good luck winning your battle

  13. #12
    Member Array JSlack's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    I am in the process of getting educated (taking classes) obtaining my CPL, and then purchasing my first CCW. I have been talking about it with my GF for MONTHS now...and she is VERY apprehensive about a loaded gun in the home. We have had several great conversations about gun saftey and SD situations since CC has become a priority for me, and each time she gets a little warmer about the idea. this past weekend was my birthday, and much to my delight, she signed us BOTH up for the CC class at the local gun range. She is showing interest each and every time the subject comes up. Just like others have said, don't bear down on her the idea, let it be her idea, and have patience.

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array sass20485's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Central FL
    Well, my wife was the same way, and remains so with most other things. If I tell her something, she challenges it, but if Joe Blow tells her the same thing, then she tends to listen. She thought I was paranoid about safety and things I told her, until she had a confrontation in an area parking lot. Fortunately it worked out okay, but it could have been ugly. That upon seeing the news daily with muggings, rapes, car jacking, shootings, home invasions and a very close to home driveway robbery in our community all got her attention that maybe was not off base. She has since changed her tune, got her permit and now carries and is much more aware of her surroundings. She took a defensive shooting course with me a couple of months ago and we are scheduled for an open hand course next month. Hopefully the light will go on before your wife finds herself in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array semperfi.45's Avatar
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    Aug 2006
    Over here now!
    Have her read On Wolves and then ask her what she is.
    Training means learning the rules. Experience means learning the exceptions.

  16. #15
    Member Array tbmccord's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    Round Rock, Texas
    Anyone that tries to force their mate to do anything is jousting with windmills. I have been married for 26 years. It is much easier to "pull" by example than to push.

    My wife will be 48 years old in June. She has been a nurse for 27 years. She has been all about healing people than hurting them. Three years ago, she started going to the range with me. A little over two years ago, she started going to gun shows with me and bought her first pistol. The next month, she applied for her CHL. Over the next two years, she has enjoyed our outings so much, she now has 5 hand guns of her own. Two of them even have lasers. Two of her birthday presents are crimson trace LG-105p and LF-185p laser grips. The p means that they are PINK! They will fit her Taurus .38 that now has pink plastic grips and her main carry firearm, a S&W 360 .38. She bought the Taurus because of the pink plastic grips. She also bought a Charter Arms Pink Lady. Her reason for liking the "Pink" theme is: "If I shoot the perp and he lives, he will be some inmates girlfriend the first day when they find out he was shot by a female with a pink gun!"

    I said all this to say that I never pushed her. It took a looooong time for her to warm up to the idea. Once she did, it took a matter of a couple of years for her to follow my lead and carry daily.
    NRA Instructor

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    Be a mentor to the youth of our communities.
    Show them the way to shoot for the moon.
    If they miss, push them to reach out for a star.
    If any gang banger punks try to divert their attention...
    show them the light as well.

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