Real situation what would you do

This is a discussion on Real situation what would you do within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by David in FL Please forgive me for straying a bit from your original question, but my wife is a nationally recognized expert ...

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Thread: Real situation what would you do

  1. #16
    Senior Member Array InspectorGadget's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David in FL View Post
    Please forgive me for straying a bit from your original question, but my wife is a nationally recognized expert on Domestic Violence. I'm not much of an expert on anything that doesn't involve beer and pizza, but some of her knowlege has rubbed off.

    Your daughter (and grandaughter) are in an extremely dangerous situation. The fact that the BF is removing the batteries from telephones and actively trying to keep her from contact with the outside world demonstrates that he's domineering and controlling and is a sign that warns of the likelihood of an escalating situation that could put the two of them in very real jeopardy of physical harm.

    Please, ask her to get in contact with her local Domestic Violence program. They can provide information, counseling, guidance, advocacy and legal assistance, and emergency shelter should it become necessary.

    Please don't delay. If you have any questions, PM me and I'm sure my wife would be willing to respond and expand on my comments.

    David
    Agree 100% that sounds like an early sign of taking control of her and then becoming physically abusive if not already.
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  3. #17
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    Since you were not carrying you were o.k. in not informing. If you were carrying , you must inform as the LEO was engaged in an active investigation and was officially asking your part.
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  4. #18
    Member Array zackattack78's Avatar
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    Out of this whole incident, I still think the situation between your daughter and her BF is far more important than whether or not you need to declare to an LEO.
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  5. #19
    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    Right up there with David In FL:

    Isolation is one of the first steps, but it's a VERY CLEAR indicator, and it WILL escalate. Make no mistake. If your daughter can call the national DV hotline and speak with someone there, she can remain anonymous, but they will help her create a SAFETY PLAN in case she needs to get out. There are shelters all over every state that can help in an emergency or crisis situation so your daughter and grandchild will be SAFE. There is no cost, and they will be able to help her receive counseling if she wants, job placement assistance, transportation (free bus passes), food, medical, etc.

    Most DV state programs (at least the one in FL) will have an ADVOCATE PROGRAM in place where she can get an advocate assigned to her. I was an advocate in FL, but I did mainly shelter work/crisis calls. There are also advocates specifically designated to guide women like your daughter through the court system. They will meet her at the courthouse, take her to the specific floor or office where she will want to fill out a Temporary Order of Protection, and (literally sometimes) hold her hand through the entire process, from filling out the form to going before the judge that day to get the TRO. They will also be able to help her navigate through the ins and outs of the legal syatem as it pertains to her, orders or eviction, etc.

    Please PLEASE urge her to seek help right away. I have seen this so many times and not to scare you, but it usually doesn't get better or go away on its own, it usually gets worse. Much worse.

    PM me anytime if you want more info or to talk more about this.

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  6. #20
    Member Array Kmank's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InspectorGadget View Post
    Agree 100% that sounds like an early sign of taking control of her and then becoming physically abusive if not already.
    I also totally agree - to the point where I would say do whatever you can to get your daughter away from him.

    Being we're talking in a CC forum, I would also state that, knowing the boyfriends tendencies, I personally would not be in his presence without carrying. Consistently violent people are only a short snap away from losing it entirely. And to be blunt about it - I'd rather explain to the lawyer what went wrong then hear the explanation from the coroner.

    Just my opinion.
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  7. #21
    Senior Member Array TucAzRider's Avatar
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    I would tell just to so there isn't any surprises,. But then again if your not carrying,. I'm never in the situation so????? Glad it all worked out,. What was the outcome for the whole thing?

  8. #22
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    +1 more on what they said

    Speaking has someone who has "been there, done that" what you're being told about your daughter's situation is dead on. What the BF is doing will escalate and the longer she stays the harder it's going to be to get out. If he hasn't already, he will start creating distance/problems between your daughter and her family and friends, he will tell her how worthless and stupid she is, how lucky she is that he's willing to put up with her, and then the degradation and humiliation will really start.

    Like I said, I've lived through it personally and I've seen it frequently as an EMT, and while no one wants to scare you...frankly, you probably should be. Your daughter (and grandchild) is in a dangerous situation and she is likely in denial. Please, if you haven't already, contact David and Bunny, get educated. See if you can get her talking to someone who's been through it and can give her the roadmap for where her life is going. Best wishes on a swift and safe resolution.

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  9. #23
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    When in doubt, absolutely! The last thing you need is some overzealous young LEO jerking you around, over a “Mother May I” or “Simon Says” issue. However, as a rule or unless there is a requirement, I follow the "Don't ask - Don't tell" policy.
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  10. #24
    Member Array CGColorado's Avatar
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    Please heed the advice of those who've already responded. Your daughter is in a bad situation. We just had a double homicide-suicide this week that was the culmination of decades of abuse and threats that mostly never went reported and when reported, weren't acted upon. The writing on the wall had been there for years and years...

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  11. #25
    Senior Member Array usmc3169's Avatar
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    + 1 to dangerous domestic situation that WILL NOT GET BETTER. CC issues come second to daughter and grandkids safety.
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  12. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by TedBeau View Post
    Now the question; In Michigan we are required to declare we are a concealed weapons permit holder when we have contact with LEO in performance of his duties.
    I was not carrying at the time since I didn't want to bring a weapon into the situation. Since the officer did not ask for my ID I did not bring up the subject of concealed permit. Would the officer asking my relationship to my daughter be considered "official duty"?
    I would say he was talking to you in an official capacity. However since you were not carrying you were not required to notify him.

    From handgunlaws.us

    Once issued, a concealed pistol permit allows a person to carry anywhere in the state except where legally prohibited or in the so called "gun free zones" specified in section 5(o) of the act. The holder must also declare to a peace officer who stops the person that he or she is carrying a concealed pistol. The law also imposes an implied consent to submit to alcohol or chemical testing if a police officer suspects a person is carrying a concealed pistol under the influence.

  13. #27
    Distinguished Member Array Rugergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TedBeau View Post
    OK this happened last week. My daughter and her boyfriend (have 2 year old son together) are having problems getting along. She called the police on him because he had removed the batteries from the house phones so she couldn't talk to her friends. This is not the first time he has done this, or taken her cell phone from her. She was able to get her cell phone and call police, plus she called her mother and myself. We are divorced and both remarried.
    So my wife and I drive to her trailer. When we get there sheriff and my Ex and her husband are already there. Sheriff is inside talking to my daughter and her BF. Ex and her husband are outside. They say the sheriff told them to wait outside.
    While we are there a second sheriff deputy arrives. He goes in and talks to first for a few minutes then comes out with BF, talks to him on porch.
    Anyways after a little while one of the deputies comes over to us and explains the situation. Long story short, since my daughter added the BF to the trailer tittle when he moved in, even though she bought the trailer on a loan she secured and paid they can't remove him without eviction paperwork.
    During the course of the discussion the deputy ask who the daughters parents were since there were 4 of us standing there.
    Now the question; In Michigan we are required to declare we are a concealed weapons permit holder when we have contact with LEO in performance of his duties.
    I was not carrying at the time since I didn't want to bring a weapon into the situation. Since the officer did not ask for my ID I did not bring up the subject of concealed permit. Would the officer asking my relationship to my daughter be considered "official duty"?
    Kinda, sorta, and yes. Due to the nature of the call the LEO was responding to, he was probably in a high alert state. Here in MI we are required to disclose, and in this situation I would have told him I am a CPL holder,and that I was not carrying at the time.
    Just a couple days ago I called my local PD after finding what looked like the partial contents of someone's purse or wallet, scattered around the neighborhood. Our interaction occured entirely on my private property, and I was the one that called them. When the officers arrived I asked them if I was required to diclose in an instance like this. The first officer was a bit of a funny guy and joking said he would have to cuff me, I responded by turning my back to him and placing my hands behind my back. After a few laughs, they both said, in this situation, "by law" it wasn't necessary, but they both appreciated knowing, and the respect shown by letting them know.
    I look at it this way, show a LEO respect and you'll likely get the same in return.
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  14. #28
    Member Array 1boredguy's Avatar
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    You weren't carrying your side arm.

    You have a permit to carry one, but who cares?
    I highly doubt any government officials will get their panties in a wrinkle because you didn't declare a piece of paper.

    Now move on, and find something constructive to do.

  15. #29
    Senior Member Array dnowell's Avatar
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    That sounds like classic abusive behavior. You should offer to let her live with you while she runs eviction paperwork on the creep. She could get seriously hurt if he realizes that his options are running out. Abusive boyfriends/spouses are serious business.

  16. #30
    Member Array Stealie's Avatar
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    In Ohio we have to declare even if we are not armed. I would have told the second Deputy when he arrived. They can really mess with if you don't around here.
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