Wife is PISSED!!!!!! - Page 11

Wife is PISSED!!!!!!

This is a discussion on Wife is PISSED!!!!!! within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter ...

View Poll Results: Wife says no to carry when with child!

546. You may not vote on this poll
  • Do I Honor Her Wishes?

    27 4.95%
  • No, Protect Your Family And Carry

    519 95.05%
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Thread: Wife is PISSED!!!!!!

  1. #151
    Senior Member Array gilraen's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter at all to others. It depends on how we see life, and how we do risk assessment.

    Some are comfortable judging when they will carry and when they will not. Others refuse to make this judgment and carry all the time, knowing that no one knows for certain when criminals will strike. We all live with (and/or die with) our choices.

    On the other hand, I, for one, would not live with a man who ignored my fears about something, whether it be guns, snakes, boats, flying, or anything else. A man who says "I wear the pants in the family" to me is a man who will shortly be back on the dating market.

    Respect has to go both ways.

    Then again, I *do* carry a gun, and do my best to stay in condition yellow. My ex-husband does neither.
    "I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."

  2. #152
    Member Array jrdoranz's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    Poll confused me, too! Thought it mean if the weapons carrier were preggers.

    2nd Amendment Democrat
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  3. #153
    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    St. Charles County Missouri
    I would not honor her wishes. It is your responsibility as the head of the house to protect your family. If it continues to be a big deal on her part, then that would be a show stopper in my opinion - time to go.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
    - Winston Churchill
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  4. #154
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    What does she think is going to happen? The safest place and most practical place for a gun when there are children around is to have it holstered on my hip. Anywhere else it is out of my direct control or unattainable if needed in an emergency. That would make it dangerous or useless.

    Certified Instructor for Minnesota Carry Permit
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  5. #155
    Member Array BaserRonin's Avatar
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    May 2009
    the wording of your poll sounds like you had already made up your mind on this issue. I know what I would do.

  6. #156
    Ex Member Array Karter's Avatar
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    North Carolina
    Quote Originally Posted by gilraen View Post
    Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter at all to others. It depends on how we see life, and how we do risk assessment.
    Yes, I call the first group "rational" and the second group biased or ignorant. I never stop trying to reach the ignorant; because fundamentally I believe that people do make rational choices in most aspect of their lives but are blinded by certain biases that appear in other places.

    Overcoming those biases is a struggle we must all deal with; a rationalist is really just someone who has committed to understanding their own biases and unwinding them - progress not perfection.

  7. #157
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gilraen View Post
    I, for one, would not live with [someone] who ignored my fears about something, whether it be guns, snakes, boats, flying, or anything else.
    Absolutism has no place in a relationship, you're right. It does go both ways, both in the area of irrational fear and overpowering edicts, neither of which has anything to do with a family's safety and security precautions, neither of which will last long unless understanding is reached.

    It's not about "honoring" wishes, or about ignoring concerns. It's certainly not about emotional blackmail. These are merely weak excuses for refusing to think. It's about coming to an understanding regarding whether the family's safety/security is worthwhile, and to what extent.

    Saying "I've got the pants, thus 'guns' it is" or "I refuse to consider it because I have fear" each have about as much value to a discussion as wet sand.

    All it involves is an open mind. Understanding is only found on the far side of it.
    Last edited by ccw9mm; September 3rd, 2009 at 02:47 AM. Reason: clarity
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: Why the Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).

  8. #158
    Member Array Buckley's Avatar
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    Jul 2009
    Fort Myers, Florida
    Like having children, I suppose that issue should have been discussed prior to marriage. That being said, I don't see how a marriage license can serve as a suicide pact or victimization agreement.

    The right to defend oneself is more important that the right to vote, I would hope that a spouse's desire that her husband not cast a ballot would not prevent him from doing so. Maybe the two of you can eventually agree on a method to defend yourselves.

  9. #159
    Distinguished Member Array Gideon's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    When we decide to take a different/new direction in our life, we have a responsiblity to talk to our spouse about it. How and when we communicate is every bit as important as what ever it is that we're communicating about.

    No choice here but to take a pause, discuss how both of you feel and make a decision. If either one of you "takes a stand" and simply won't back down, then you both need to have a discussion of how this will affect the way you make other decisions regarding other equally contentious issues.

    I hear some advice in this thread that is ill-advised and a sure fire way to tell your wife that you don't respect her as a person. Even if she's action belligerent or illogical, it's no excuse for the other person to and I'm not saying she was or is.

    I didn't carry when I got married. When I decided I wanted to carry I owed it to my wife and to myself to share with her BEFORE I did. She didn't care for the idea but after discussing it, we agreed I would even though she still doesn't like the idea. Had she given me an ultimatium I don't know what I would have done but the bigger problem would have been that once you start doing that it gets easier to do and it's a sure fire way to head to divorce so if you feel you have to, you'd better be sure it's such a significant life principle for you that you're willing to let it hurt your marriage as much as it might.

    Your situation is different in that she understood you'd carry but not with your Daughter but at the end of the day it's still about carrying albiet under a specific condition.

    If I knew that my wife was that upset about it I think I'd stop for a week or two, allow a cooling off period, buy her flowers and then talk about you feel it's important for the two of you to talk about HOW you can go about talking about this touchy subject without it causing anger and I'd smile and touch her hand as I said this (if she'd let me ).

    What she might be more upset about than anything else is she might feel like you were doing it behind her back. It might be more about trust than about carrying a gun around your daughter.

    I hope it works out for you. It took a year or more but now I have a gun on almost all the time when I'm in the house. It's IWB so the whole family sees it all the time. I conceal or remove it if others come over to the house. At first that would have caused too much friction so I either kept the gun concealed or I disarmed at home.

    It was all worth it.

    I have little respect for opinions that bull headidly say it's your right, just do it period and don't give any consideration to the importants of the relationship with your wife. Won't do you much good to stand your ground and tell the woman what you're going to do if you end up some day not having that woman and little girl. Sound extreme? Well relationships tend to errode over time, one little thing at a time....

  10. #160
    Member Array Extreme Defender's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by Karter View Post
    Probabilities matter.

    If they didn't, you couldn't drive a car. Because the probability of a fatal automobile accident is some miniscule percentage given you drive skillfully and use appropriate child seats and restraints, you take the risk of driving. This is not an absurd decision.

    Taking the risk of not carrying in a low crime area, in order to preserve your marriage is not an absurd decision either. Yes something terrible *could* happen. But you are still much more likely to die in an automobile accident.

    Coulda,shoulda, woulda has no place after the fact of any decision regardless of outcome; if you knew why you made your decision and weighed the *various* risk factors, not just physical threat risks then you should be able to live with that decision.

    Losinig your marriage, having your child call another man daddy, is almost as bad as losing their lives. And it is *far more probable* if you lie to your wife or carry when you've promised not to etc.

    The threat of death to random homicidal attack does not have an infinitely high risk value, to the point that it should override all other considerations.
    I would say you have summed up how SHE is thinking to a tee here!

    I'm not sure where I stand at this point. I did pick up a e-Vault today so I can mount it near the bed because a gun in the top dresser drawer isn't going to cut it now that my daughter is almost 4!

    Now I'm nervous she will figure out the electronic code!

    I'm going to put a post up on this subject

  11. #161
    DM2 is offline
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    Jul 2009
    I have already expressed my thoughts on the OPs original post early on. However, this thread gets more interesting each time I stop by to read it, but I couldn't go by and not acknowledge the posts by BikerRN and Grady. Gentlemen, your posts were spot-on.

    As a woman, at my core, I just want to be loved, protected and supported by the man in my life. If I feel safe and secure both physically and emotionally, the sky is the limit. There is nothing more attractive than a man who knows who he is and is not afraid to make a decision. I wouldn't be with him if I did not trust him, therefore, I have to trust he will make the best decision for our family.

    Now ladies, that may sound old fashion to some of you, but I'll admit that I am pretty traditional in my views. Yes, I'm single and Yes, its by choice because I will not compromise on my core values. In my youth I thought I could "change" someone and that only landed me in divorce court. Now, as a big girl, I know better and when you know better, you do better.

    Two thumbs up for men who know how to be men.
    "I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer. Now here I stand a stronger soul and all I lost was fear." ...Anonymous

  12. #162
    Member Array cl00bie's Avatar
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    Broome County, New York (USA)
    Quote Originally Posted by grady View Post
    Perhaps in those examples no one was of legal age to carry. That's not the point. The point is that the "miniscule odds" that you so often refer to mean nothing to those who die, and mean less than nothing to their families.
    I live in a suburb of Binghamton, NY. We generally don't have bad things happen in Binghamton. I looked in the national paper, and I saw sleepy little burgs like Binghamton being the center of some manic with a gun killing people and going out in a blaze of glory, and I realize that if I'm armed, at least I have a better than 30 percent chance of surviving something like that, right?

    But things like that don't happen in Binghamton.

    While I was waiting for my permit to be processed, a nut case named Jiverly Wong parked his car across the back door of the Civic Centerin Binghamton where he had taken English classes, and calmly walked through the front door and killed over a dozen people before turning the gun on himself.

    The odds are against something like this ever happening to me. But I take shelter in thunder storms, I wear my seatbelt, I have a fire extinguisher, and I carry my LCP in my pocket wherever it's legal.

    "Those who beat their guns into plowshares will plow for those who didn't." -- Thomas Jefferson

  13. #163
    Member Array CenCal's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    Central California
    First, I think it is fine to post that your wife isn't supportive. My wife wasn't either, and to some extent, still isn't. She basically just puts up with it, which is a far cry from how things started out.

    Why not post about it? Reading the experiences of others who delt with a similar situation can only help. Shame on others if they made you feel bad about your post.

    I did my very best teach my kids (3yrs and 6yrs old) about firearm safety and the NRAs rules if a child happens upon a firearm. She watched and was very impressed at the detail and importance about safety I stressed with the children. That probably did the most to ease her mind about carrying a weapon.

    Maybe that will work for you?

  14. #164
    Member Array 86thecat's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Central WA
    I jumped ahead here, but if this hasn't already been discussed- If your wife is concerned with the muzzle pointing down toward your daughter see if she is more comfortable with a shoulder holster. One that carries at a 45 degree angle is pointing up toward the sky as much as behind you and the muzzle won't sweep your daughter.

  15. #165
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    Haven't read all the posts, but saw something to the effect of 'stop carrying or lose the kids' - don't know if that was actually on the table or not. Sounds like emotional blackmail. Definitely has no place in any relationship and once that card is played and won, things just get worse.

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