Wife is PISSED!!!!!!
This is a discussion on Wife is PISSED!!!!!! within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter ...
View Poll Results: Wife says no to carry when with child!
- 546. You may not vote on this poll
September 2nd, 2009 03:24 PM
Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter at all to others. It depends on how we see life, and how we do risk assessment.
Some are comfortable judging when they will carry and when they will not. Others refuse to make this judgment and carry all the time, knowing that no one knows for certain when criminals will strike. We all live with (and/or die with) our choices.
On the other hand, I, for one, would not live with a man who ignored my fears about something, whether it be guns, snakes, boats, flying, or anything else. A man who says "I wear the pants in the family" to me is a man who will shortly be back on the dating market.
Respect has to go both ways.
Then again, I *do* carry a gun, and do my best to stay in condition yellow. My ex-husband does neither.
"I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."
September 2nd, 2009 04:06 PM
Poll confused me, too! Thought it mean if the weapons carrier were preggers.
2nd Amendment Democrat
NRA - Dist. Life Member
September 2nd, 2009 04:11 PM
I would not honor her wishes. It is your responsibility as the head of the house to protect your family. If it continues to be a big deal on her part, then that would be a show stopper in my opinion - time to go.
The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
- Winston Churchill
Endowment Life Member - NRA
Life Member - GOA
Member - Oath Keepers, SAF, CCRKBA
U.S. Army (72G) 1975-1980
September 2nd, 2009 04:37 PM
What does she think is going to happen? The safest place and most practical place for a gun when there are children around is to have it holstered on my hip. Anywhere else it is out of my direct control or unattainable if needed in an emergency. That would make it dangerous or useless.
DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.
Certified Instructor for Minnesota Carry Permit
NRA Pistol and Personal Protection Insrtuctor
Utah Permit Certified Instructor
September 2nd, 2009 06:27 PM
the wording of your poll sounds like you had already made up your mind on this issue. I know what I would do.
September 2nd, 2009 06:32 PM
Yes, I call the first group "rational" and the second group biased or ignorant. I never stop trying to reach the ignorant; because fundamentally I believe that people do make rational choices in most aspect of their lives but are blinded by certain biases that appear in other places.
Originally Posted by gilraen
Overcoming those biases is a struggle we must all deal with; a rationalist is really just someone who has committed to understanding their own biases and unwinding them - progress not perfection.
September 2nd, 2009 07:32 PM
Absolutism has no place in a relationship, you're right. It does go both ways, both in the area of irrational fear and overpowering edicts, neither of which has anything to do with a family's safety and security precautions, neither of which will last long unless understanding is reached.
Originally Posted by gilraen
It's not about "honoring" wishes, or about ignoring concerns. It's certainly not about emotional blackmail. These are merely weak excuses for refusing to think. It's about coming to an understanding regarding whether the family's safety/security is worthwhile, and to what extent.
Saying "I've got the pants, thus 'guns' it is" or "I refuse to consider it because I have fear" each have about as much value to a discussion as wet sand.
All it involves is an open mind. Understanding is only found on the far side of it.
Last edited by ccw9mm; September 3rd, 2009 at 03:47 AM.
Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
self defense (A.O.J.).
How does disarming
the number of victims?
Reason over Force: Why the Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos)
NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.
September 2nd, 2009 08:58 PM
Like having children, I suppose that issue should have been discussed prior to marriage. That being said, I don't see how a marriage license can serve as a suicide pact or victimization agreement.
The right to defend oneself is more important that the right to vote, I would hope that a spouse's desire that her husband not cast a ballot would not prevent him from doing so. Maybe the two of you can eventually agree on a method to defend yourselves.
September 2nd, 2009 09:21 PM
When we decide to take a different/new direction in our life, we have a responsiblity to talk to our spouse about it. How and when we communicate is every bit as important as what ever it is that we're communicating about.
No choice here but to take a pause, discuss how both of you feel and make a decision. If either one of you "takes a stand" and simply won't back down, then you both need to have a discussion of how this will affect the way you make other decisions regarding other equally contentious issues.
I hear some advice in this thread that is ill-advised and a sure fire way to tell your wife that you don't respect her as a person. Even if she's action belligerent or illogical, it's no excuse for the other person to and I'm not saying she was or is.
I didn't carry when I got married. When I decided I wanted to carry I owed it to my wife and to myself to share with her BEFORE I did. She didn't care for the idea but after discussing it, we agreed I would even though she still doesn't like the idea. Had she given me an ultimatium I don't know what I would have done but the bigger problem would have been that once you start doing that it gets easier to do and it's a sure fire way to head to divorce so if you feel you have to, you'd better be sure it's such a significant life principle for you that you're willing to let it hurt your marriage as much as it might.
Your situation is different in that she understood you'd carry but not with your Daughter but at the end of the day it's still about carrying albiet under a specific condition.
If I knew that my wife was that upset about it I think I'd stop for a week or two, allow a cooling off period, buy her flowers and then talk about you feel it's important for the two of you to talk about HOW you can go about talking about this touchy subject without it causing anger and I'd smile and touch her hand as I said this (if she'd let me ).
What she might be more upset about than anything else is she might feel like you were doing it behind her back. It might be more about trust than about carrying a gun around your daughter.
I hope it works out for you. It took a year or more but now I have a gun on almost all the time when I'm in the house. It's IWB so the whole family sees it all the time. I conceal or remove it if others come over to the house. At first that would have caused too much friction so I either kept the gun concealed or I disarmed at home.
It was all worth it.
I have little respect for opinions that bull headidly say it's your right, just do it period and don't give any consideration to the importants of the relationship with your wife. Won't do you much good to stand your ground and tell the woman what you're going to do if you end up some day not having that woman and little girl. Sound extreme? Well relationships tend to errode over time, one little thing at a time....
September 2nd, 2009 09:54 PM
I would say you have summed up how SHE is thinking to a tee here!
Originally Posted by Karter
I'm not sure where I stand at this point. I did pick up a e-Vault today so I can mount it near the bed because a gun in the top dresser drawer isn't going to cut it now that my daughter is almost 4!
Now I'm nervous she will figure out the electronic code!
I'm going to put a post up on this subject
September 2nd, 2009 11:49 PM
I have already expressed my thoughts on the OPs original post early on. However, this thread gets more interesting each time I stop by to read it, but I couldn't go by and not acknowledge the posts by BikerRN and Grady. Gentlemen, your posts were spot-on.
As a woman, at my core, I just want to be loved, protected and supported by the man in my life. If I feel safe and secure both physically and emotionally, the sky is the limit. There is nothing more attractive than a man who knows who he is and is not afraid to make a decision. I wouldn't be with him if I did not trust him, therefore, I have to trust he will make the best decision for our family.
Now ladies, that may sound old fashion to some of you, but I'll admit that I am pretty traditional in my views. Yes, I'm single and Yes, its by choice because I will not compromise on my core values. In my youth I thought I could "change" someone and that only landed me in divorce court. Now, as a big girl, I know better and when you know better, you do better.
Two thumbs up for men who know how to be men.
"I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer. Now here I stand a stronger soul and all I lost was fear." ...Anonymous
September 2nd, 2009 11:52 PM
I live in a suburb of Binghamton, NY. We generally don't have bad things happen in Binghamton. I looked in the national paper, and I saw sleepy little burgs like Binghamton being the center of some manic with a gun killing people and going out in a blaze of glory, and I realize that if I'm armed, at least I have a better than 30 percent chance of surviving something like that, right?
Originally Posted by grady
But things like that don't happen in Binghamton.
While I was waiting for my permit to be processed, a nut case named Jiverly Wong parked his car across the back door of the Civic Centerin Binghamton where he had taken English classes, and calmly walked through the front door and killed over a dozen people before turning the gun on himself.
The odds are against something like this ever happening to me. But I take shelter in thunder storms, I wear my seatbelt, I have a fire extinguisher, and I carry my LCP in my pocket wherever it's legal.
"Those who beat their guns into plowshares will plow for those who didn't." -- Thomas Jefferson
September 3rd, 2009 02:41 AM
First, I think it is fine to post that your wife isn't supportive. My wife wasn't either, and to some extent, still isn't. She basically just puts up with it, which is a far cry from how things started out.
Why not post about it? Reading the experiences of others who delt with a similar situation can only help. Shame on others if they made you feel bad about your post.
I did my very best teach my kids (3yrs and 6yrs old) about firearm safety and the NRAs rules if a child happens upon a firearm. She watched and was very impressed at the detail and importance about safety I stressed with the children. That probably did the most to ease her mind about carrying a weapon.
Maybe that will work for you?
September 3rd, 2009 03:19 AM
I jumped ahead here, but if this hasn't already been discussed- If your wife is concerned with the muzzle pointing down toward your daughter see if she is more comfortable with a shoulder holster. One that carries at a 45 degree angle is pointing up toward the sky as much as behind you and the muzzle won't sweep your daughter.
September 3rd, 2009 03:30 AM
Haven't read all the posts, but saw something to the effect of 'stop carrying or lose the kids' - don't know if that was actually on the table or not. Sounds like emotional blackmail. Definitely has no place in any relationship and once that card is played and won, things just get worse.
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