Wife is PISSED!!!!!! - Page 5

Wife is PISSED!!!!!!

This is a discussion on Wife is PISSED!!!!!! within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Good points, Grady. OP: Listen to this ~5min video clip of Suzanna Gratia-Hupp explaining the lifelong guilt and horror she'll have to live with knowing ...

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Thread: Wife is PISSED!!!!!!

  1. #61
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Good points, Grady.

    OP: Listen to this ~5min video clip of Suzanna Gratia-Hupp explaining the lifelong guilt and horror she'll have to live with knowing she was unable to defend her family during an attack on her and her family, all because she had listened to her legislators and thus left her defensive gun in her truck during that lunch. Her parents were murdered before her eyes. Luby's Cafe was the place. Anytime, anywhere. It can happen to you and your family. The only choice you're going to have is this: what will you be able to do about it. THAT is what this is all about.

    This isn't about guns. It isn't about power or control. This isn't about kowtowing to your spouse, or conceding a point and making nice-nice later. It's partly about your spouse not having known about the steps you had taken prior to today. In the end, it's about your family's ability to survive the crime of a modern world. It's about deciding whether you're going to be prepared to protect them, and deciding what you're going to do if your family members are threatened. You have a fire extinguisher, car insurance, a screwdriver, a ladder, spare blankets/water on long trips in the car. Defensive weapons are merely the right tools for the job, the most-effective tools for the purpose, tools for which there are no good substitutes ... like all good tools. As someone pointed out, above, it's emergency life saving equipment and it has its legitimate place for good reason, primarily because there isn't anything else that can do the job nearly as well.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
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  2. #62
    VIP Member Array wmhawth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    Most things in a marriage/life are negotiable, but my role in protecting my famiy and myself is one thing that was/is/and always will be off the table.
    That's exactly how I see it and the truth is my wife has never bothered her pretty little head with the matter except that nowadays when we leave the house she sometimes double checks me to make sure I remembered to strap on my gun.

  3. #63
    Member Array Leopard125's Avatar
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    As My Dad would say " You picked Her. "

    Carry.

  4. #64
    Member Array 45XDCCW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kellyII View Post
    You need to find out just why she feels this way. Sounds like she has a reason for thinking this way, now you need to find out why that is and educated her on the facts. It may be easier said than done, but it is your responsibility as a father and husband to be able to protect your loved ones...

    Good luck,
    Couldnt of said it better
    "The Beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it." -Thomas Jefferson

    "When loss of liberty is looming, as it is now The siren sounds first in the hearts of freedoms vanguard"- Heston
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  5. #65
    DM2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Extreme Defender View Post
    She found out that i was carrying the other day while out with her and my 3.5 year old daughter. My wife has asked me not to carry when out with my daughter.

    She freaked out today when finding my EMPTY holster still on my pants.

    Bottom line she thinks it's too dangerous to carry with the little one in tow and I feel I should be able to protect them if danger arises.

    So what to do?
    Honer her wishes?
    Carry anyway?
    Okay, I've read through the whole thread looking to see if anyone saw the same thing I did and I don't believe I saw it.

    I doesn't appear to me that his wife didn't know he carried, but had requested that he not carry when out with his daughter. My first question is did you agree to her request? If so, then I understand her being "pissed" as you put it. She has a right to be because you have broken a trust she had given to you. In that respect, Rugergirl, is absolutely correct in that some major butt-kissing is in order. You and only you will have to work to regain her trust.

    Secondly, I agree with the other posters who have said or implied that some deep seeded fear is at work here and needs to be overcome. This may take some time. Here is my example of time taking over 20 years.

    From my teenage years all the way through my second year of college, I had very vivid dreams/nightmares of being shot by someone I knew. That coupled with being brought up to believe that only bad people had guns kept me away from firearms until last year. I identified the source of my fear with the help of a psychiatrist during my second year of college, but that fear of guns persisted until I faced it. For me, putting a gun in my hands and firing it under controlled circumstances at the range with proper instruction last year, was the final step for me. Now, I'm a fan, I'm here trying to learn more and I'm researching firearms for my first purchase.

    Finally, I am in no way suggesting that it should take 20 years to get at that fear and overcome it, but it can be done with a willing participant. In the meantime, communication, communication, communication is the key. You and your wife need to have calm, peaceful conversations to get each of your concerns on the table and come to mutual agreement. No amount of force, or fear tactics is going to bring her around.

    I didn't not vote, because I don't think an ultimatum is in order here. You and your wife are both responsible for your family and your family's safety and divorce doesn't solve the problem. Keep trying to work together and involve a neutral third party only as agreed on by the two of you.

    Good luck my friend and remember what is ultimately important here ... your family. Your RTBA should not be more important than your wife, children and marriage. Only you know your wife. And, none of us here, no matter how well-intentioned, can provide you your answer. You have to decide together what your limits will be.
    DM2
    "I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer. Now here I stand a stronger soul and all I lost was fear." ...Anonymous

  6. #66
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bark'n View Post
    Grady, may I ask If you were a gun person before you met your wife, or did you come to realize the benefit of the gun's role in self defense and desire to get your ccw after you were married?
    No Sir, I wasn't a gun person early on. I came very late to the party of self-defense and common sense. With respect to the OP, I'll make this short, but I'll include it because it may be relevant to him.

    .22 rifle when young. Didn't shoot much, but had it.

    After the military, picked up an auto in '86 when I was living in downtown K.C. Left K.C., never shot the gun for over 20 years.

    Got busy trying to make a living, believed the lie that America was a safe place unless one went to the bad parts of town. I don't know what I was thinking. I installed deadbolts and an alarm system, but other than that, I was condition white-white-white. In short, I was a ....... moron.

    Virginia Tech happened. I realized bad things happen to innocent people.

    The rapes/murders of the doctor's family in Cheshire, CT, happened soon after, and sealed the deal. Ain't no way in hell I'll ever be in the situation where I cannot defend my family.

    To the OP: you want an idea of what can happen to your family if you submit to your wife's demand to be unarmed? Google Cheshire CT rapes murders. The two young daughters were tied to their beds, raped, had gasoline poured on them, and were burned alive. The mom was raped, went to the bank and withdrew money trying to appease the attackers. When she returned with the money, they strangled her to death as soon as she entered the house. Then they set the girls on fire and left. All 3 females died. The husband had been beaten unconscious in the basement. He escaped and lived. Do you want to guess how many regrets he lives with daily?

    So Bark'n, I've got a lot of lost time to make up for. I dodged many bullets concerning the safety of my family. I feel in my soul I've used up all my grace periods, and the next time it'll be for real, and I'll have to be ready.

    My family's safety depends on me. My wife doesn't understand the evil in humans, so she doesn't take precautions. I'm a loner, so when we're out, it's me and me alone who will be there to stop any attack.

    I made a hard right turn after Virginia Tech and Cheshire, and I ain't never going back. Even if I have to make the trip alone. Done. Forever done.

    If I lose every friend I have, it doesn't matter: I'll be armed, and hopefully ready, when the day of evil comes to my family.

    I can say in all seriousness, "from my cold, dead hands."

  7. #67
    Member Array Bm7b5's Avatar
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    Your wife may know something about you that the rest of us don't know which makes her opposition to you carrying a gun completely reasonable. Or maybe she believes that in the circumstances in which your family lives, the risk/reward analysis favors no carry. Or maybe she has an irrational fear.

    Carrying a gun is just one part of a good self-defense plan. And --listen carefully -- it is not the most important part. Conciously keeping yourself out of situations that increase your likelyhood of needing a gun is much more important in a comprehensive self-defense plan.

    If you rank all the possible threats to your daughter's well-being (medical, accidents, crime, etc), is carrying a gun really adding much safety to your daughter's life? Is it adding more risk than safety (yes, you incur risks by carrying a gun--have you been honest with yourself about those risks)?

    This is a decision you need to make as a couple. And you need to approach these discussions with an open mind. Maybe the right thing for you, for the next few years, is to NOT carry.

    Best wishes.

  8. #68
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    Grady... I have a lot of respect for you my friend. Hopefully, you already knew that... I appreciate you candor and am glad you here with us.

    I can really appreciate the difficulty you've had with bringing your wife on board, knowing you weren't exactly a "gun person" yourself until recently.

    You and RamRod, tend to have a somewhat rigid set of standards you live by. As far as I'm concerned, that is a virtue.

    No grey area's with you guys! I know where you guys are gonna stand before you post!

    Take care my friend, and stay safe buddy!
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  9. #69
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bark'n View Post
    Take care my friend, and stay safe buddy!
    Thanks. If things go south in MO, I know a few people who I can depend on. You are one of them.

  10. #70
    Distinguished Member Array Arko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ram Rod View Post
    Nobody I love or care for or under my need for protecting is going to be unprotected at any time so long as I am able to protect them or myself to continue protecting them from possible harm. No two ways about it. You're going to have to work this out at home, and to all that, I wish you good luck. I do feel that you have the better stand for the sake of argument, and I'm sure there will be some of that now.
    Exactly how I feel.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spirit51 View Post
    Go to this site:

    Armor of New Hampshire: Author: Massad Ayoob - Books

    and buy her the book "Truth About Self Protection" by Massad Ayoob.

    This book explains the need with facts...interviews with criminals...and explains many ways in which self defense is needed and can be archived. It is not just about weapons and lethal force, though it is there too.

    I don't believe your wife really understands the type of world we live in. This book is a good eye opener for her. You do need to approach it in a positive way. Try not to fight....request she read it so you both can have a cool discussion on the matter. I hope she will understand that the only dangerous part of it is if you DON'T have your weapon when it is needed. How would you protect her and your lovely daughter without it. Explain to her that at the scene of most crimes there are only two sets of people....the criminals and the victims. Police don't show up until later...when the crime is either done or stopped. Have her go to some of the sites ran by women who believe in self defense like Cornered Cat.
    Stress to her that this is important to you that you be able to protect her and your child if crime finds you. Also explain what type of actions you may need to take in given situations. Let her know what she will have to do also...like drop to the ground with the child...roll under a parked car...ect. Explain to her your personal family defense team needs her and her support.

    I hope this works out for you. Too many women don't really understand what personal self defense means. I saw that too many times when working EMS in the Metro area. My experiences there made a believer out of me. We I go with my daughter and grand daughter...they know I carry concealed and why and what they need to do if I am ever called on by incident to use it. Get down...roll under a car...use the cell to call 911 and keep hidden until police arrive....NO MATTER WHAT.
    +1 to the book, if you can even get her to read it.
    "Don't Tread on Me"

  11. #71
    VIP Member Array edr9x23super's Avatar
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    Keep carrying; tell your wife you do so because the safety of the beautiful child you had together is first and foremost in your mind when you are doing so. Show her the story of the little girl who was kidnapped 18 years ago and was recently found after being repeatedly raped and forced to bear 2 children.

    If that doesn't convince her, nothing will.....
    "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined". - Patrick Henry

  12. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    Good points, Grady.

    OP: Listen to this ~5min video clip of Suzanna Gratia-Hupp explaining the lifelong guilt and horror she'll have to live with knowing she was unable to defend her family during an attack on her and her family, all because she had listened to her legislators and thus left her defensive gun in her truck during that lunch. Her parents were murdered before her eyes. Luby's Cafe was the place. Anytime, anywhere. It can happen to you and your family. The only choice you're going to have is this: what will you be able to do about it. THAT is what this is all about.

    This isn't about guns. It isn't about power or control. This isn't about kowtowing to your spouse, or conceding a point and making nice-nice later. It's partly about your spouse not having known about the steps you had taken prior to today. In the end, it's about your family's ability to survive the crime of a modern world. It's about deciding whether you're going to be prepared to protect them, and deciding what you're going to do if your family members are threatened. You have a fire extinguisher, car insurance, a screwdriver, a ladder, spare blankets/water on long trips in the car. Defensive weapons are merely the right tools for the job, the most-effective tools for the purpose, tools for which there are no good substitutes ... like all good tools. As someone pointed out, above, it's emergency life saving equipment and it has its legitimate place for good reason, primarily because there isn't anything else that can do the job nearly as well.
    Outstanding post!
    Well, if Susanna’s video clip doesn’t help to convince her, I don’t believe anything will. Frankly, I was moved by her testimony as it was very well delivered.
    Regards,
    “Monsters are real and so are ghosts. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win.”
    ~ Stephen King

  13. #73
    Senior Member Array boscobeans's Avatar
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    The phrase between Scylla and Charybdis, although infrequently used today, has meant having to choose between two unattractive choices.
    Life often gives us some hard choices to make. In the case of Odysseus he had to sail between a rock and a hard place(whirlpool)"Scylla and Charybdis".
    If he tried to avoid one danger he would be in danger from the other side.
    Choice one for you is to protect your family and be in danger of your wife's wrath or you can choose the other route and not be able to protect your family.
    I know that there are a lot of people out there that would never, ever want to even touch a gun even if their life depended on it. As for me, I would use anything and everything at my disposal to protect my family and those around me.
    Our Greek hero made it through but not without the loss of six of his crew. I hope that you can eventually break down the danger of your wife's decision and sail your way through this predicament without any loss of crew members.

    As seen in the attachment this type of choice has been going on forever and will probably never end..

    GOOD LUCK !!

    bosco
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  14. #74
    Senior Member Array jofrdo's Avatar
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    Where's the OP?

    It would be nice if the original poster would weigh in on some of this. Forum members have written seven pages of marital advice, including much discussion about possible divorce, even though the OP said nothing about divorce.

    I don't think Ayoob's book "The Truth About Self Protection" is a good first read; there's too much in there about attack dogs vs guard dogs vs pet dogs, and different types of shot guns etc. That book has certain chapters that might be worthwhile for her to read. But either of Ayoob's books "In the Gravest Extreme" or "The Ayoob Files" would be better as an introduction to proper use of self defense guns and are quicker reads.

    There are so many gun murders, and we hear about them in the news all of the time, that many people get the impression that guns are overtly dangerous (well of course they're dangerous, but they don't just involuntarily kill people). The fact is that accidental deaths (doesn't include murders) due to firearms in the US make up less than 1% of all accidental deaths across all age groups (Death Statistics Tables). Accidental deaths due to drowning make up almost 4% of accidental deaths (I propose mandatory registration of killer bathtubs). OP should make sure his wife understands that guns don't kill people. He must understand what she is afraid might happen when the gun is around their young child. Maybe a good retention holster is all it would take to put her mind at ease. If she has never shot a gun, he should insist that she goes to the range, so she understands the subject matter. The bottom line is that the OP and wifey need to have an in-depth, non-confrontational, non-angry discussion about why he wants to carry a gun and why she doesn't want him to.

  15. #75
    Senior Member Array Rob P.'s Avatar
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    I think that it would be time for me to pack my stuff if MY spouse EVER pulled that crap on me. IMO; "Me or the . . ." is for immature children on a power trip.

    I wonder if the parents of Jaycee Dugard wouldn't have rather had a gun at the time they saw their daughter kidnapped. Jaycee likely would not have been held by a child molester for 18 years and forced to bear 2 children by him if that was the case. Or at least the parents wouldn't have had to live with the thought that they didn't do ENOUGH to protect their child at that moment.

    The OP has a choice. He can bend and hope for the best outcome in life. Or he can calmly tell his spouse "No." Either way, he's in for some hard emotional pain and that is a burden that no one on this site can help him with.

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