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Wife says no to carry when with child!

  • Do I Honor Her Wishes?

    Votes: 27 4.9%
  • No, Protect Your Family And Carry

    Votes: 520 95.1%

Wife is PISSED!!!!!!

14K views 180 replies 121 participants last post by  Hotbrass 
#1 ·
She found out that i was carrying the other day while out with her and my 3.5 year old daughter. My wife has asked me not to carry when out with my daughter.

She freaked out today when finding my EMPTY holster still on my pants.

Bottom line she thinks it's too dangerous to carry with the little one in tow and I feel I should be able to protect them if danger arises.

So what to do?
Honer her wishes?
Carry anyway?
 
#141 ·
Grady ... thanks for the posts. You clearly know who you are and why you are! You give us all something to think about.
 
#142 ·
I think Grady's post was dead on!!
Nuff said!!:congrats:
 
#143 ·
Anyone remember the words to the campfire song "kum bay yah"?

:cowboy: :joyman:

Where's a match when ya need one? :grouphug:
 
#144 ·
Grady... :hand10:

I was working on a couple of good comparisons to make in a post. Then I went back and reread you last post to verify some points you made.

I just erased about 5 paragraphs of diatribe. Just can't put it any better than what you said!

Stay safe!
 
#145 ·
Without reading through the entire post, I carry BECAUSE of my wife and children. Because they are that important to me. Because I have a moral, and for me religious, responsibility to protect and lay down my life for my family. And I'm not laying my life down without a fight. And because I am the only one working, I need to come home every day.

I am in the process of teaching the kids about guns. I OC with my kids. My wife prefers CC, and appreciates that I carry. Good luck.
 
#148 ·
ED, if you AGREED to not carry around you child it's no wonder she went ballistic. If She insisted and you said nothing at the time, again, it should be no surprise.

Good luck with that.

Nevertheless...

What is it with all these "I got an anti gun wife or girfriend: what do I do?" threads??

Why in the world do single men with guns bother getting involved with these women who despise guns?

My ex made out like she was fine with it, until I bought a SECOND gun (wooo terrorist!) And BOY was "all those guns" part of her rationale when we split up!

I've reached the age where I am not willing to spend 12 years arguing, wheedling, or mollycoddling anybody to persuade them into a sensible tolerance of a rather benign interest of mine. I already have plenty of SERIOUS flaws to overlook, as it is!

Don't need the drama.
 
#149 ·
to the OP.....from your last posts it sounds like you were able to communicate with her to get her exact detailed opinions (which are always necessary in order to discuss a problem with a female)

she thinks you're gonna go Rambo on someone, play cop, try to intervene in anything you see as an infraction of the law

you have to sit down and explicitly layout and PROMISE her that you will never do such things, that you will first look to get you and them out of the danger zone and that using your firearm will always be a last resort and it is only meant for protecting them from the scum of our society that would kill you, rape her, kidnap your child, etc

show your passion without showing frustration, but you've got to stand your ground
 
#150 ·
Probabilities matter.

If they didn't, you couldn't drive a car. Because the probability of a fatal automobile accident is some miniscule percentage given you drive skillfully and use appropriate child seats and restraints, you take the risk of driving. This is not an absurd decision.

Taking the risk of not carrying in a low crime area, in order to preserve your marriage is not an absurd decision either. Yes something terrible *could* happen. But you are still much more likely to die in an automobile accident.

Coulda,shoulda, woulda has no place after the fact of any decision regardless of outcome; if you knew why you made your decision and weighed the *various* risk factors, not just physical threat risks then you should be able to live with that decision.

Losinig your marriage, having your child call another man daddy, is almost as bad as losing their lives. And it is *far more probable* if you lie to your wife or carry when you've promised not to etc.

The threat of death to random homicidal attack does not have an infinitely high risk value, to the point that it should override all other considerations.
 
#160 ·
I would say you have summed up how SHE is thinking to a tee here!

I'm not sure where I stand at this point. I did pick up a e-Vault today so I can mount it near the bed because a gun in the top dresser drawer isn't going to cut it now that my daughter is almost 4!

Now I'm nervous she will figure out the electronic code!

I'm going to put a post up on this subject
 
#151 ·
Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter at all to others. It depends on how we see life, and how we do risk assessment.

Some are comfortable judging when they will carry and when they will not. Others refuse to make this judgment and carry all the time, knowing that no one knows for certain when criminals will strike. We all live with (and/or die with) our choices.

On the other hand, I, for one, would not live with a man who ignored my fears about something, whether it be guns, snakes, boats, flying, or anything else. A man who says "I wear the pants in the family" to me is a man who will shortly be back on the dating market.

Respect has to go both ways.

Then again, I *do* carry a gun, and do my best to stay in condition yellow. My ex-husband does neither.
 
#156 ·
Karter, I've read and learned a lot on this BB, and I've learned that probabilities matter to a lot of people, and they don't matter at all to others. It depends on how we see life, and how we do risk assessment.
Yes, I call the first group "rational" and the second group biased or ignorant. I never stop trying to reach the ignorant; because fundamentally I believe that people do make rational choices in most aspect of their lives but are blinded by certain biases that appear in other places.

Overcoming those biases is a struggle we must all deal with; a rationalist is really just someone who has committed to understanding their own biases and unwinding them - progress not perfection.
 
#153 ·
I would not honor her wishes. It is your responsibility as the head of the house to protect your family. If it continues to be a big deal on her part, then that would be a show stopper in my opinion - time to go.
 
#154 ·
What does she think is going to happen? The safest place and most practical place for a gun when there are children around is to have it holstered on my hip. Anywhere else it is out of my direct control or unattainable if needed in an emergency. That would make it dangerous or useless.
 
#155 ·
the wording of your poll sounds like you had already made up your mind on this issue. I know what I would do.
 
#158 ·
Like having children, I suppose that issue should have been discussed prior to marriage. That being said, I don't see how a marriage license can serve as a suicide pact or victimization agreement.

The right to defend oneself is more important that the right to vote, I would hope that a spouse's desire that her husband not cast a ballot would not prevent him from doing so. Maybe the two of you can eventually agree on a method to defend yourselves.
 
#159 ·
When we decide to take a different/new direction in our life, we have a responsiblity to talk to our spouse about it. How and when we communicate is every bit as important as what ever it is that we're communicating about.

No choice here but to take a pause, discuss how both of you feel and make a decision. If either one of you "takes a stand" and simply won't back down, then you both need to have a discussion of how this will affect the way you make other decisions regarding other equally contentious issues.

I hear some advice in this thread that is ill-advised and a sure fire way to tell your wife that you don't respect her as a person. Even if she's action belligerent or illogical, it's no excuse for the other person to and I'm not saying she was or is.

I didn't carry when I got married. When I decided I wanted to carry I owed it to my wife and to myself to share with her BEFORE I did. She didn't care for the idea but after discussing it, we agreed I would even though she still doesn't like the idea. Had she given me an ultimatium I don't know what I would have done but the bigger problem would have been that once you start doing that it gets easier to do and it's a sure fire way to head to divorce so if you feel you have to, you'd better be sure it's such a significant life principle for you that you're willing to let it hurt your marriage as much as it might.

Your situation is different in that she understood you'd carry but not with your Daughter but at the end of the day it's still about carrying albiet under a specific condition.

If I knew that my wife was that upset about it I think I'd stop for a week or two, allow a cooling off period, buy her flowers and then talk about you feel it's important for the two of you to talk about HOW you can go about talking about this touchy subject without it causing anger and I'd smile and touch her hand as I said this (if she'd let me :redface:).

What she might be more upset about than anything else is she might feel like you were doing it behind her back. It might be more about trust than about carrying a gun around your daughter.

I hope it works out for you. It took a year or more but now I have a gun on almost all the time when I'm in the house. It's IWB so the whole family sees it all the time. I conceal or remove it if others come over to the house. At first that would have caused too much friction so I either kept the gun concealed or I disarmed at home.

It was all worth it.

I have little respect for opinions that bull headidly say it's your right, just do it period and don't give any consideration to the importants of the relationship with your wife. Won't do you much good to stand your ground and tell the woman what you're going to do if you end up some day not having that woman and little girl. Sound extreme? Well relationships tend to errode over time, one little thing at a time....
 
#161 ·
I have already expressed my thoughts on the OPs original post early on. However, this thread gets more interesting each time I stop by to read it, but I couldn't go by and not acknowledge the posts by BikerRN and Grady. Gentlemen, your posts were spot-on.

As a woman, at my core, I just want to be loved, protected and supported by the man in my life. If I feel safe and secure both physically and emotionally, the sky is the limit. There is nothing more attractive than a man who knows who he is and is not afraid to make a decision. I wouldn't be with him if I did not trust him, therefore, I have to trust he will make the best decision for our family.

Now ladies, that may sound old fashion to some of you, but I'll admit that I am pretty traditional in my views. Yes, I'm single and Yes, its by choice because I will not compromise on my core values. In my youth I thought I could "change" someone and that only landed me in divorce court. Now, as a big girl, I know better and when you know better, you do better.

Two thumbs up for men who know how to be men.:hand10::hand10:
 
#166 ·
I worked as a Firefighter/paramedic for over 15 years. I never expected to be taken care of. When I was a Captain on the Units...I never asked any of my crew, male or female, to do what I myself was not willing to do. I didn't expect anyone to carry a heavier load than I would take.

In my personal life...you won't find a girlie girl than me, but I wanted and found a man who would not only put himself in harm's way for me, but also accept that I would do the same for him. I don't expect anyone to make all the decisions...nor would I want them to. Why should one person have all the stress when there are two people with two brains. We are a TEAM.

So don't think just because a woman doesn't wish to be "bundled up and taken care of" makes her any less a woman. Some of us are just wired differently and there are many men who LOVE IT. A man who dominates and rules with a "iron fist" is not a man...just a control freak. You know the type, "King of my castle...Captain of my ship...I rule the roost" types.

BTW, second, present, and final husband and I have been together for over twenty five years. Works great. There is not a man on earth I love and respect more. I follow his lead on subjects he knows more about like weapons and self defense, but thanks to his teaching me (and my late father's early instruction) I could give many in here a "run for their money" on the subject.

First husband...who is working on his third wife....was a bully....a control freak....and a violent jerk. The more I was subservient to him...the more I got beat for him having a bad day at work. Took that for 10 years until one day I just SNAPPED and got a 4X4 and came in and just started swinging. He didn't lay a hand on me after that....just switched to psychological warfare. Didn't last another year. Good riddance to ...you know the rest.

My husband now is a real man...the last one wasn't.
 
#163 ·
First, I think it is fine to post that your wife isn't supportive. My wife wasn't either, and to some extent, still isn't. She basically just puts up with it, which is a far cry from how things started out.

Why not post about it? Reading the experiences of others who delt with a similar situation can only help. Shame on others if they made you feel bad about your post.

I did my very best teach my kids (3yrs and 6yrs old) about firearm safety and the NRAs rules if a child happens upon a firearm. She watched and was very impressed at the detail and importance about safety I stressed with the children. That probably did the most to ease her mind about carrying a weapon.

Maybe that will work for you?
 
#164 ·
I jumped ahead here, but if this hasn't already been discussed- If your wife is concerned with the muzzle pointing down toward your daughter see if she is more comfortable with a shoulder holster. One that carries at a 45 degree angle is pointing up toward the sky as much as behind you and the muzzle won't sweep your daughter.
 
#165 ·
Haven't read all the posts, but saw something to the effect of 'stop carrying or lose the kids' - don't know if that was actually on the table or not. Sounds like emotional blackmail. Definitely has no place in any relationship and once that card is played and won, things just get worse.
 
#167 ·
You wanna be right or you wanna be Happy?
 
#169 · (Edited)
One can have both. All that's required is two open minds. A relationship is going to have serious problems at some point, without that.
 
#168 ·
Yes always carry, if legal. what about prescribed drugs as well, they are legal too can't leave home without them right?. Always back to emotions and perceptions. My wife is glad I CWP.
 
#170 ·
I really think you should respect her wishes, but that does not mean you have to give up on trying to convince her that there is nothing wrong with the carry. Give her time and she will robably come around. That being said I never had to deal with it because my wife has never had a problem with it and as soon as I got my permit she went and got hers. Later had to fight over the j-frame Smith.
 
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