This is a discussion on Wife is PISSED!!!!!! within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Good points, Grady. OP: Listen to this ~5min video clip of Suzanna Gratia-Hupp explaining the lifelong guilt and horror she'll have to live with knowing ...
Do I Honor Her Wishes?
No, Protect Your Family And Carry
Good points, Grady.
OP: Listen to this ~5min video clip of Suzanna Gratia-Hupp explaining the lifelong guilt and horror she'll have to live with knowing she was unable to defend her family during an attack on her and her family, all because she had listened to her legislators and thus left her defensive gun in her truck during that lunch. Her parents were murdered before her eyes. Luby's Cafe was the place. Anytime, anywhere. It can happen to you and your family. The only choice you're going to have is this: what will you be able to do about it. THAT is what this is all about.
This isn't about guns. It isn't about power or control. This isn't about kowtowing to your spouse, or conceding a point and making nice-nice later. It's partly about your spouse not having known about the steps you had taken prior to today. In the end, it's about your family's ability to survive the crime of a modern world. It's about deciding whether you're going to be prepared to protect them, and deciding what you're going to do if your family members are threatened. You have a fire extinguisher, car insurance, a screwdriver, a ladder, spare blankets/water on long trips in the car. Defensive weapons are merely the right tools for the job, the most-effective tools for the purpose, tools for which there are no good substitutes ... like all good tools. As someone pointed out, above, it's emergency life saving equipment and it has its legitimate place for good reason, primarily because there isn't anything else that can do the job nearly as well.
"The future ain't what it used to be".
As My Dad would say " You picked Her. "
I doesn't appear to me that his wife didn't know he carried, but had requested that he not carry when out with his daughter. My first question is did you agree to her request? If so, then I understand her being "pissed" as you put it. She has a right to be because you have broken a trust she had given to you. In that respect, Rugergirl, is absolutely correct in that some major butt-kissing is in order. You and only you will have to work to regain her trust.
Secondly, I agree with the other posters who have said or implied that some deep seeded fear is at work here and needs to be overcome. This may take some time. Here is my example of time taking over 20 years.
From my teenage years all the way through my second year of college, I had very vivid dreams/nightmares of being shot by someone I knew. That coupled with being brought up to believe that only bad people had guns kept me away from firearms until last year. I identified the source of my fear with the help of a psychiatrist during my second year of college, but that fear of guns persisted until I faced it. For me, putting a gun in my hands and firing it under controlled circumstances at the range with proper instruction last year, was the final step for me. Now, I'm a fan, I'm here trying to learn more and I'm researching firearms for my first purchase.
Finally, I am in no way suggesting that it should take 20 years to get at that fear and overcome it, but it can be done with a willing participant. In the meantime, communication, communication, communication is the key. You and your wife need to have calm, peaceful conversations to get each of your concerns on the table and come to mutual agreement. No amount of force, or fear tactics is going to bring her around.
I didn't not vote, because I don't think an ultimatum is in order here. You and your wife are both responsible for your family and your family's safety and divorce doesn't solve the problem. Keep trying to work together and involve a neutral third party only as agreed on by the two of you.
Good luck my friend and remember what is ultimately important here ... your family. Your RTBA should not be more important than your wife, children and marriage. Only you know your wife. And, none of us here, no matter how well-intentioned, can provide you your answer. You have to decide together what your limits will be.
"I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer. Now here I stand a stronger soul and all I lost was fear." ...Anonymous
.22 rifle when young. Didn't shoot much, but had it.
After the military, picked up an auto in '86 when I was living in downtown K.C. Left K.C., never shot the gun for over 20 years.
Got busy trying to make a living, believed the lie that America was a safe place unless one went to the bad parts of town. I don't know what I was thinking. I installed deadbolts and an alarm system, but other than that, I was condition white-white-white. In short, I was a ....... moron.
Virginia Tech happened. I realized bad things happen to innocent people.
The rapes/murders of the doctor's family in Cheshire, CT, happened soon after, and sealed the deal. Ain't no way in hell I'll ever be in the situation where I cannot defend my family.
To the OP: you want an idea of what can happen to your family if you submit to your wife's demand to be unarmed? Google Cheshire CT rapes murders. The two young daughters were tied to their beds, raped, had gasoline poured on them, and were burned alive. The mom was raped, went to the bank and withdrew money trying to appease the attackers. When she returned with the money, they strangled her to death as soon as she entered the house. Then they set the girls on fire and left. All 3 females died. The husband had been beaten unconscious in the basement. He escaped and lived. Do you want to guess how many regrets he lives with daily?
So Bark'n, I've got a lot of lost time to make up for. I dodged many bullets concerning the safety of my family. I feel in my soul I've used up all my grace periods, and the next time it'll be for real, and I'll have to be ready.
My family's safety depends on me. My wife doesn't understand the evil in humans, so she doesn't take precautions. I'm a loner, so when we're out, it's me and me alone who will be there to stop any attack.
I made a hard right turn after Virginia Tech and Cheshire, and I ain't never going back. Even if I have to make the trip alone. Done. Forever done.
If I lose every friend I have, it doesn't matter: I'll be armed, and hopefully ready, when the day of evil comes to my family.
I can say in all seriousness, "from my cold, dead hands."
Your wife may know something about you that the rest of us don't know which makes her opposition to you carrying a gun completely reasonable. Or maybe she believes that in the circumstances in which your family lives, the risk/reward analysis favors no carry. Or maybe she has an irrational fear.
Carrying a gun is just one part of a good self-defense plan. And --listen carefully -- it is not the most important part. Conciously keeping yourself out of situations that increase your likelyhood of needing a gun is much more important in a comprehensive self-defense plan.
If you rank all the possible threats to your daughter's well-being (medical, accidents, crime, etc), is carrying a gun really adding much safety to your daughter's life? Is it adding more risk than safety (yes, you incur risks by carrying a gun--have you been honest with yourself about those risks)?
This is a decision you need to make as a couple. And you need to approach these discussions with an open mind. Maybe the right thing for you, for the next few years, is to NOT carry.
Grady... I have a lot of respect for you my friend. Hopefully, you already knew that... I appreciate you candor and am glad you here with us.
I can really appreciate the difficulty you've had with bringing your wife on board, knowing you weren't exactly a "gun person" yourself until recently.
You and RamRod, tend to have a somewhat rigid set of standards you live by. As far as I'm concerned, that is a virtue.
No grey area's with you guys! I know where you guys are gonna stand before you post!
Take care my friend, and stay safe buddy!
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
Keep carrying; tell your wife you do so because the safety of the beautiful child you had together is first and foremost in your mind when you are doing so. Show her the story of the little girl who was kidnapped 18 years ago and was recently found after being repeatedly raped and forced to bear 2 children.
If that doesn't convince her, nothing will.....
"Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined". - Patrick Henry
“Monsters are real and so are ghosts. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win.”
~ Stephen King
The phrase between Scylla and Charybdis, although infrequently used today, has meant having to choose between two unattractive choices.
Life often gives us some hard choices to make. In the case of Odysseus he had to sail between a rock and a hard place(whirlpool)"Scylla and Charybdis".
If he tried to avoid one danger he would be in danger from the other side.
Choice one for you is to protect your family and be in danger of your wife's wrath or you can choose the other route and not be able to protect your family.
I know that there are a lot of people out there that would never, ever want to even touch a gun even if their life depended on it. As for me, I would use anything and everything at my disposal to protect my family and those around me.
Our Greek hero made it through but not without the loss of six of his crew. I hope that you can eventually break down the danger of your wife's decision and sail your way through this predicament without any loss of crew members.
As seen in the attachment this type of choice has been going on forever and will probably never end..
GOOD LUCK !!
It would be nice if the original poster would weigh in on some of this. Forum members have written seven pages of marital advice, including much discussion about possible divorce, even though the OP said nothing about divorce.
I don't think Ayoob's book "The Truth About Self Protection" is a good first read; there's too much in there about attack dogs vs guard dogs vs pet dogs, and different types of shot guns etc. That book has certain chapters that might be worthwhile for her to read. But either of Ayoob's books "In the Gravest Extreme" or "The Ayoob Files" would be better as an introduction to proper use of self defense guns and are quicker reads.
There are so many gun murders, and we hear about them in the news all of the time, that many people get the impression that guns are overtly dangerous (well of course they're dangerous, but they don't just involuntarily kill people). The fact is that accidental deaths (doesn't include murders) due to firearms in the US make up less than 1% of all accidental deaths across all age groups (Death Statistics Tables). Accidental deaths due to drowning make up almost 4% of accidental deaths (I propose mandatory registration of killer bathtubs). OP should make sure his wife understands that guns don't kill people. He must understand what she is afraid might happen when the gun is around their young child. Maybe a good retention holster is all it would take to put her mind at ease. If she has never shot a gun, he should insist that she goes to the range, so she understands the subject matter. The bottom line is that the OP and wifey need to have an in-depth, non-confrontational, non-angry discussion about why he wants to carry a gun and why she doesn't want him to.
I think that it would be time for me to pack my stuff if MY spouse EVER pulled that crap on me. IMO; "Me or the . . ." is for immature children on a power trip.
I wonder if the parents of Jaycee Dugard wouldn't have rather had a gun at the time they saw their daughter kidnapped. Jaycee likely would not have been held by a child molester for 18 years and forced to bear 2 children by him if that was the case. Or at least the parents wouldn't have had to live with the thought that they didn't do ENOUGH to protect their child at that moment.
The OP has a choice. He can bend and hope for the best outcome in life. Or he can calmly tell his spouse "No." Either way, he's in for some hard emotional pain and that is a burden that no one on this site can help him with.