Wife being reluctant about carrying. - Page 2

Wife being reluctant about carrying.

This is a discussion on Wife being reluctant about carrying. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Get her a copy of the book "The Ayoob Files: The Book." It's a compilation of some of the best stories from his column by ...

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Thread: Wife being reluctant about carrying.

  1. #16
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    Array Bark'n's Avatar
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    Get her a copy of the book "The Ayoob Files: The Book." It's a compilation of some of the best stories from his column by the same name in American Handgunner magazine published in a book.

    She may need some real life stories under her belt in order to keep the importance of being armed in the front of her mind. The last thing anyone wants is for her to be a victim of violent crime to be the catalyst, however, for some people, that is in fact what it takes.

    Good luck in your endeavor to keep her safe.

    Also, a smaller handgun may also be what is needed. Maybe something along the lines of a snub revolver which my wife carries, or maybe a Ruger LCP or other .380 caliber.

    You can purchase a copy of the book here.
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."


  2. #17
    VIP Member Array JimmyC4's Avatar
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    It seems that folks who carry have an initial excitement that sometimes wanes some over time. At the same time, the evil and threats around us don't decrease (likely increase!).

    Why does she say she has dropped back on carry? Inconvenience? Complacency?
    "It's a big gun when I carry it, it is also a big gun when I take it out” – Clint Smith

  3. #18
    Senior Member Array elkhunter's Avatar
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    Over the years, I've come to understand how carrying a deadly weapon is something each person who chooses to do, must own for themselves in their own way and be at peace with it.

    I have observed my own wife desire to get her permit to carry, and then once she got the permit, take years to decide and settle on a weapon of her choice, no matter how many great choices I offered, she had to choose and own her gun for herself.
    THEN, I had to "remind" her from time to time to actually carry when she went out somewhere. At first she might have carried, many times she declined. I could not push it, she needed to own carrying each time.
    Once she told me about how she carried for a two day trip to Glenwood Springs, and when she checked into the hotel, her gun fell out of her pocket holster onto the lobby floor. Once she understood that nobody actually noticed or cared, she got over the fear of being "discovered", and now she carries much more often.

    I may be the one who reminds her, but the decision is hers to carry or not to carry.

    Your wife may need to have the time and space to come into her SD decisions on her own, but always with your support, not insistence. Does that make sense? (At least that is the way it works in my home, after 23 years of marriage.)

    In reality, all you can actually do is, provide protection when you are with your wife, and pray for God to protect her when you are not with her.

    ~My 2 cents.
    It’s so much easier now days, to "Love and honor" my wife, when she is armed, and shoots a better group than I do. (Till death do us part, eh?)

    “The way you get shot by a concealed weapons permit holder is, you point a gun at him,” the Sheriff said.

  4. #19
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Keep leaving articles on attacks on women in parking lots, shopping centers, and homes...... on the table in the mornings. If she asks, "oh, it was just something I thought you would be interested in".

  5. #20
    Member Array Phoebe's Avatar
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    Female perspective here:
    1) don't try to scare her into carrying (hate the idea of leaving crime stories or statistics around)
    2) you need to find out why she's not. Don't assume discomfort or weapon size or anything else without asking her.
    3) She may feel her risk is extremely minimal (and she may be correct.)
    3) Ultimately, she just might not want to...and if that's so, then that just may be her final decision.

    The odds of needing a firearm are small. How high the "small" is may depend on the neighborhood she lives in, the neighborhoods she visits, and the kinds of activities she involves herself in, as well as time of day.

    If she lives a suburban life, in decent neighborhoods, without much going out after dark, she may just find it a bother.

    Bottom line, you should find out why, be helpful if there is a way to be helpful, and let it be if she just doesn't want to.

    p.s. corneredcat is a great site, but I sometimes get tired of being referred to it, as if it were a magic bullet (haha) for all gun/female questions and answers. Most female/gun issues are no different than male/gun issues.

  6. #21
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Some people are in or get into the mindset of "it won't happen to me". If there's a noteworthy violent crime in your area in which the victim could have defended him or herself if they'd been armed, it'll probably get her attention. You might want to point out the Lane Bryant mass shooting in Tinley Park, Illinois.

    Anybody who can predict when they will need a gun doesn't need a gun, and probably not a job either. They can just win the Power Ball a few times and buy their own island.

  7. #22
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Well, I had a good talk with the wife. Had to wait for the right time and place.

    Asked her nicely about her lack of being armed. She gave two reasons;

    1. She is tired of the gun safe shuffle. Has to go to the school once or twice a day for the kids sports. Also the post office, we have a PO box, no mail delivery in our area.

    2. I think this is the biggie. She said that she hasn't been feeling 100% lately drained, weak and dizzy at times. I know she has been going through a period of glucose intolerance. She said she has lost confidence in her ability to conceal carry.

    I told her when she's well enough and she's ready we'll make a date to get more training.

    Or maybe not I need help here??
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

  8. #23
    Member Array Bm7b5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAT40 View Post
    Well, I had a good talk with the wife. Had to wait for the right time and place.

    Asked her nicely about her lack of being armed. She gave two reasons;

    1. She is tired of the gun safe shuffle. Has to go to the school once or twice a day for the kids sports. Also the post office, we have a PO box, no mail delivery in our area.

    2. I think this is the biggie. She said that she hasn't been feeling 100% lately drained, weak and dizzy at times. I know she has been going through a period of glucose intolerance. She said she has lost confidence in her ability to conceal carry.

    I told her when she's well enough and she's ready we'll make a date to get more training.

    Or maybe not I need help here??
    Jeez, leave the poor woman alone about this. Carrying a gun is obviously your obsession, not hers. Given your comment about making a date for more training, it sounds like you probably bullied her into making the "carrying deal" in the first place.

    I'm glad my wife doesn't pester me about carrying when I don't want to.

    Statistically speaking, a signficant portion of your wife's small risk of being a homicide victim comes from YOU (33%).

  9. #24
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bm7b5 View Post
    Jeez, leave the poor woman alone about this. Carrying a gun is obviously your obsession, not hers.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bm7b5 View Post
    Given your comment about making a date for more training, it sounds like you probably bullied her into making the "carrying deal" in the first place.




    Quote Originally Posted by Bm7b5 View Post
    Statistically speaking, a signficant portion of your wife's small risk of being a homicide victim comes from YOU (33%).
    Thanks for the kind and helpful words.
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

  10. #25
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAT40 View Post
    Well, I had a good talk with the wife. Had to wait for the right time and place.

    Asked her nicely about her lack of being armed. She gave two reasons;

    1. She is tired of the gun safe shuffle. Has to go to the school once or twice a day for the kids sports. Also the post office, we have a PO box, no mail delivery in our area.

    2. I think this is the biggie. She said that she hasn't been feeling 100% lately drained, weak and dizzy at times. I know she has been going through a period of glucose intolerance. She said she has lost confidence in her ability to conceal carry.

    I told her when she's well enough and she's ready we'll make a date to get more training.

    Or maybe not I need help here??
    IMO 1) she has a valid "concern" with having to go to the school, post office, and other "gun free" zones during the day. Perhaps a "readily available" weapon of her choice in the console (laws permitting) is a partial solution.
    2) in regards to her health, maybe YOU should take an active interest in helping her find out what's causing her medical problems and encouraging her to more actively seek a medical solution/treatment if her primary care physician is not helping, then maybe encourage a second opinion. Just a thought..

    As for a training date, maybe THAT could regenerate her enthusiasm and rekindle the MINDSET necessary for defensive carry. I would seek out/check out several training opportunities and sit down with her, AFTER she has her medical probs under control, and discuss the training aspect. Make it a FAMILY affair IF your kids are old enough to train too....I sent you a PM on the training aspect.
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

  11. #26
    Member Array Bm7b5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAT40 View Post
    Thanks for the kind and helpful words.
    I'm not trying to be an a*s, but I'm serious. It is bad for several reasons to coerce your wife into carrying a gun.

    Carrying a gun is a small part of a comprehensive self-defense package, and it is not the most important element. And if you evaluate all safety risks we face on a day-to-day basis, carrying a gun is an even less important tool. When you need one, nothing can substitute, but the same can be said for a defibrillator.

  12. #27
    Member Array theotherlis's Avatar
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    Your wife has *extremely* valid points for not wanting to carry lately.

    If she's been tired of shuffling the weapon around during the day, I would do some investigating into better ways to do it. She has to go to the particular gun-free zones, so that's not an option. Maybe the safe she's using is not the most efficient, or the process of going from holster to safe is too awkward. I would probably not ask her much about it right now, but do a little research and have the information available when she's ready.

    As far as not feeling 100% in the health department, that's also extremely responsible of her. I'd leave the subject alone until she's feeling better - and of course help her figure out how to feel better. :)

    Another suggestion that I've found is often popular with women is to learn other forms of self defence, aside from the firearm. I'm happy to know how to use my firearm, and to CC it in the extremely unfortunate event that I need to use it. But I also feel goo knowing that I can defend myself pretty well without it, too. I know that it's an extremely rare case where knowing how to hit back will help against a gun, but that's not really the purpose.

  13. #28
    Member Array Phoebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deanimator View Post
    Some people are in or get into the mindset of "it won't happen to me". If there's a noteworthy violent crime in your area in which the victim could have defended him or herself if they'd been armed, it'll probably get her attention. You might want to point out the Lane Bryant mass shooting in Tinley Park, Illinois.

    Anybody who can predict when they will need a gun doesn't need a gun, and probably not a job either. They can just win the Power Ball a few times and buy their own island.
    I'm all for SD. I'm all for carrying, if that's what someone wants to do!

    But statistically speaking, she (and you) are more likely to get hurt from crossing the street or driving a car than from violent crime. But we still cross the street and drive cars.

    I think this is a personal choice and I hate the idea of anyone insisting on making that choice for another person.

    JAT40, I don't think Bm7b5 was trying to be unkind. I think he was just pointing out that statistically speaking, the risk of assault is much higher from a family member, than it is from a stranger.

    I'm sure it was not a comment on you and yours.

    JAT40, the open question remains -- does she really want to carry? It sounds like the answer is, "no."

  14. #29
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bm7b5 View Post
    It is bad for several reasons to coerce your wife into carrying a gun.
    Please help me understand why you believe that I coerced my wife to carry? Do we know you?

    My wife chose to get her pistol permit on her own. Living in a wooded area with no neighbors, we have bears and other predators wander through our yard often. She decided a side arm was necessary to protect the kids and animals. I encouraged her to carry while out in town for all the reasons we discus on this forum.

    Yes, she still has a interest to continue carrying, time will tell.
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

  15. #30
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    Let it go...
    Continue to share 'stories' with her...encourage her, but don't make demands.

    My wife is exactly the same. She has her permit, a couple of new choices for firearms (Glock-26, S&W 637, P-3AT), and she seldom carries. Once in a while she will take it with her after some 'gentle' encouragement from me, but I don't push it. I can sense, with the crime reported on the news and the situation in Washington DC, that she is becoming more aware of the need to be armed.
    Little steps...
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