Wife being reluctant about carrying.

This is a discussion on Wife being reluctant about carrying. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; The wife went out shopping this morning and once again she didn't have her weapon. Even after I said " where is your 9mm?" This ...

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Thread: Wife being reluctant about carrying.

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Wife being reluctant about carrying.

    The wife went out shopping this morning and once again she didn't have her weapon. Even after I said " where is your 9mm?" This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry.

    She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry. When she first received her LTC she was faithful to carry her M&P 9c daily. Now it seems less important to her.

    My encouraging remarks about the potential threats and the need to stay safe seem to no longer work. We try to get to the range as much as possible and that helps.

    It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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    Member Array mengel4228's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAT40 View Post
    The wife went out shopping this morning and once again she didn't have her weapon. Even after I said " where is your 9mm?" This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry.

    She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry. When she first received her LTC she was faithful to carry her M&P 9c daily. Now it seems less important to her.

    My encouraging remarks about the potential threats and the need to stay safe seem to no longer work. We try to get to the range as much as possible and that helps.

    It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?
    Maybe try finding her a smaller weapon to carry. My friends wife left her Glock at home 90% of the time. He happened to see my Kahr and he went out and got a Kahr PM9. Now she prolly carries 95% of the time. Just a thought.
    "It is better to judged by 12, Than to be carried by 6"

    "You ask me why I carry so much gear??? I ask you why you are not prepared?"

  4. #3
    Member Array doctorw's Avatar
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    +1 on the size issue. She has a fine firearm, but I can see where it may be burdensome for her to carry something that size in black. Make sure to get her something that is easy to carry that appeals to her eye.

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    Member Array coriantan's Avatar
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    Make sure that if you get her another gun, let HER choose the gun. She'll have a greater attachment to a gun she chooses herself.

    Also, check with her to see if she doesn't like her holster. If she's not comfortable, that could be a contributing factor.

    I'm having this problem right now myself. I carry every waking hour, even at work. My wife keeps coming up with excuses. Her latest was that she hasn't taken a shower yet today, so she'll put her gun on when she gets out of the shower, which she'll take after she gets home from the store...
    ~Coriantan~

    "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away." * "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight."

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    VIP Member Array varob's Avatar
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    I'm sure some of ladies here can offer better advice then me. But I showed my wife the cornered cat website and it helped some.
    Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see!
    -Tony Soprano

  7. #6
    Member Array Trouble's Avatar
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    Maybe she is just not comfortable carrying a gun? Maybe it's not the size of the gun or the type of holster.

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    I’m sure you already determined if it’s the size of the gun or just old fashion complacency. I know that in my case, I sometimes become complacent and/or I simply don’t want any restrictive objects on my person. This actually caused me to re-think my carry arsenal down from a mega-stopper to a simpler set of light/heavy revolvers.
    Regards,
    “Monsters are real and so are ghosts. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win.”
    ~ Stephen King

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    Member Array chenemf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAT40 View Post
    This is very disappointing because our agreement was if we made the investment to set her up for CC she would carry...

    She has slowly drifted away from the core DC beliefs of always carry...

    Now it seems less important to her..

    It's been a battle, any ideas or thoughts?
    If this has been a battle, maybe this isn't what she believes or maybe she has reservations.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    I won't let become a issue in our marriage, it's more of a battle for me than her.

    I believe it's complacency, she picked her own carry weapon after trying many handguns at the shooting sports center.

    I have offered my 642 for her to try for a change up with no success.

    I'm at a loss on how to spark up that initial interest she once had without being a nag.
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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    Distinguished Member Array Rcher's Avatar
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    I am confronted with this quite frequently with my wife too. I let her pick her own gun and have had her to the range many times, she shoots it well. My wife is a little intimidated by handguns. She is very proficient with her shotgun and archery equipment but hasnt had much experience with handguns until the last few years. She is still apprehensive about carrying. I wanted her to have a smaller pistol but she chose a medium sized pistol because it fit her hands better. I even bought her a CCW purse thinking that she would atleast keep it in there at home ... no, it's in her dresser drawer unloaded.

    I have decided to be patient and let her do it on her own. There's no point in harrassing her, she will only resent it more. We discuss the reason's for self preservation all the time and she supports my decision to carry and also all the guns in the house. I think a smaller gun would be easier for most women to carry but all I can do is guide. She has to make that decision herself.

    I feel your concerns, good luck.
    "Government is not the solution to our problem; government IS the problem". - Ronald Reagan 1981

  12. #11
    Member Array Wiggy's Avatar
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    Sometimes folks just don't want to carry everywhere. It's a big responsibility and sometimes people would rather leave it at home. It's not that they don't believe that they could be involved in a robbery or assult, it's just that If it makes them uncomfortable, it effects thier quality of life in a negative way and that's something no one wants. They don't feel the need to carry everywhere all the time. I think sometimes people lose sight of the fact that you're not a slave to the gun just because you can carry one, it's just one option out of many to have with you.

    But don't feel like the time and money you spent on getting her permit was wasted, because it wasn't. She now has the option to carry if she wants to and training is never wasted.

    When she wants to carry, she will.
    Eat a moose... 50,000 wolves can't be wrong.

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    VIP Member Array David in FL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mengel4228 View Post
    Maybe try finding her a smaller weapon to carry. My friends wife left her Glock at home 90% of the time. He happened to see my Kahr and he went out and got a Kahr PM9. Now she prolly carries 95% of the time. Just a thought.

    +1.

    A .380 or .32 in the pocket is better than the 9mm at home in the safe.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

    Theodore Roosevelt

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    Member Array nova83tx's Avatar
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    I would think that the most appropriate way to handle this situation is to have a healthy dialogue. When you chat with her about this, are you just mentioning it passively while you are in the car, or do you sit her down one on one and have a genuine conversation about this without any distractions?

    First of all, I believe I would offer up positive reinforcement. Something along the lines of "I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for all the effort you have given participating with me getting your LTC and going to the range. You know how important I think our SD is, and I think that it is fantastic you join me in the training and activities, because most other wives wouldn't usually participate." (I am NOT saying that women don't EDC, I am just trying to create a statement where the OP's wife feels special. I hope none of the female's on this site take the above statement the wrong way)

    After you offer up your own form of positive reinforcement (designed to get her to relax about the subject, and hopefully put her in a positive mindset), begin to gently ask a few questions. "I have noticed lately that the enthusiasm you had for EDC has started to taper off a bit, and I was wondering if there has been anything that has changed your mind about SD/EDC." Or you could say "I want to make sure that I am here for you and support you 100% on your decision, so I am here for any questions or concerns that you have about your EDC."

    Pretty much ask questions and get her to talk about HER feelings and opinions of SD/EDC. Let her talk, don't interrupt or make points while she is opening up, and listen to everything she has to say. It is important that she knows that you care about what she is thinking, and you aren't trying to be pushy at this point and tell her that her feelings are wrong.

    You then need to make sure that you explain in a calm and non-confrontational demeanor your feelings about her EDC. Do you have kids that you are concerned about their safety? Are you worried about her well being because you love and care for her?

    That's it, use this open communication to now have an understanding of what she is thinking and feeling, and now she knows very clearly your opinions as well. Using this as a starting point, you can calmly bring up concerns that she has or problems she might be experiencing, and handle them one by one.

    Is the gun too large, or she doesn't have a carry method she likes? Does she find a firearm unnecessary in her mind? Is she hesitant about knowing the laws and regulations well, and feels awkward carrying in public? There are tons of reasons she might not be carrying and I won't assume to know any, so you must ask and find these out yourself.

    If you need easy rationalization points . . . I always use cars because everyone drives. She doesn't carry anymore because she doesn't think it necessary : When we bought the car, we wore our seatbelt every time we went anywhere. We didn't expect an accident to happen, but we still buckle up anyway. After a few weeks/months with no accidents, we shouldn't just stop wearing our seat-belts. EDC is just like a seatbelt. It is something you do everyday hoping you never have to use it, but because we will never know when something will happen, the more we use it the better our safety and protection.

    Good luck, and keep us updated with how it goes.
    Glock 26 w/ CTAC IWB

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" - Theodore Roosevelt

  15. #14
    Member Array Buckley's Avatar
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    I've seen this many times, sir. If someone decides not to carry, this must be respected. Whenever someone places that weapon on themselves, they must have the mindset to take someone's life. Maybe she just needs some time.

  16. #15
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    Don't pressure her. If she has become complacent, you can't really do anything about it. I've been married for 18 years, we met when I was a cop. She has heard about all the things I've seen and knows what I have been thru because of my job. She doesn't carry and I don't push it.

    I would check into a smaller gun, too. Just because she picked out her first carry gun, doesn't mean she's really happy with it. Did you make the 100% best selection for your first carry gun, what about your first holster choice?
    "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!".... Sam Houston

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