Uneasy wife

This is a discussion on Uneasy wife within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Time has been on my side. After carrying for a long period of time GF has become very comfortable with me carrying. I think my ...

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Thread: Uneasy wife

  1. #16
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    Array matdicdad's Avatar
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    Time has been on my side. After carrying for a long period of time GF has become very comfortable with me carrying. I think my confidence in what I do has really helped.

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  3. #17
    Member Array JVD85's Avatar
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    Wow...you guys are FAST!

    Thanks for the imput. I think we will work well with a, "don't ask, don't tell" policy for now. She is the type of person to go to the range, "just to watch" then when everyone leaves she wants to try. I think she's just uneasy because we don't have any friends that CC.

    As for the shoes...if I got a new gun everytime she got her 5th pair of shoes...I would need a bigger gun safe!

    Thanks again,
    John

  4. #18
    Senior Member Array youngda9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karter View Post
    We sort of made a don't ask, don't tell arrangement on the pistol. She has literally never seen it. I keep them in quick-access safes and when I strap it on, clean it or get ready to take them to the range I do it behind a closed door.

    she would not take her turn shooting and declared she will never touch a gun.
    I will never understand women.
    Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

  5. #19
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    Here's what I've got, maybe this will help others:

    My other half grew up in a house with guns. She had seen them, held them, even fired them a few times as a kid. I thought this would translate into at least a certain comfort level around firearms. Wrong! It didn't even translate into factual knowledge of firearms. She bought into the media depiction of gun owners as beer-swilling, four-wheeling, shoot-em-up hillbillies (I've met the "men" in her family and, well, her opinions aren't entirely unfounded.) She thinks the only reason a law-abiding citizen carries a gun is out of some deep-seated desire to be a vigilante hero or to build up a macho self-image.

    She knew I was interested in firearms when we were dating because I would briefly bring it up in conversation that I was doing research on gun laws, gun ownership, and different models of pistol. She was in denial; my words went in one ear and out the other. I bought my pistol about a year after we were together (saving pennies takes time) and she hit the roof.

    It was classic "you brought that into my house?" and so on. (Funny, it's "our" house when the bills are due, but it's "her" house when the rules get made) In fairness, after a while she did go with me to the gun range once. I thought this was going to be a monumental turning point in her attitude. It was more of a lane-change than an actual turning point. In the end, a truce was reached with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy which became my primary motivation for CC instead of OC. I should also add that she didn't object to me taking our (her) daughter to the range.

    There are few things (VERY few things) where I refuse to compromise in this relationship; carrying a firearm is one of them. I told her I'm willing to talk about guns any time she wants (no inquiries so far) and I would be happy to point her to some resources where she can get the facts (FBI, DoJ, CDC, etc.) about crime and accident statistics.

    The initial "blowout" was almost a year ago and has since mellowed into a non-issue (she doesn't know about the M4 yet...). This may be the best you can hope for in your situation.

    A couple of suggestions:

    1. Invite her to the gun range, but don't push it
    2. Know your sh:t when it comes to the facts and be prepared to cite sources
    3. Continue conducting yourself in a level-headed, law-abiding manner at all times
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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  6. #20
    Senior Member Array youngda9's Avatar
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    Does nothing bad ever happen in a small town? Is it really just neighbors exchanging apple pies and cookies?

    I bet everyone who was raped, robbed, assaulted, murdered, mugged, and kidnapped thought it wouldn't happen to them as well. Something to think about.
    Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

  7. #21
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    Whenever my wife starts to mention my guns, I switch the subject to something else that I screwed up and problem solved.

    On a serious note. Its been my experience that, what works for one, may not work for another, best of luck to ya, but don't give up.
    For me, I just kept it in the open with her until she pretty much stopped saying anything about it. With that; the Green light was on, then I started buying....
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." – Luke 22:36

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." – Thomas Jefferson

  8. #22
    Member Array Theman9mm's Avatar
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    Take her to the range and let her shoot the gun. It worked for me now she has a CWP and has many of her own guns.
    34 hand guns and still going.....

    EX-NRA lifetime Member

  9. #23
    Member Array dsoine's Avatar
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    Here is something - tho I'm sure no bad guys grow up in or live near L'anse...unfortunately they are imported by the MI Dept of Corrections:

    CORRECTIONS - Region 1 (west)

    Is the State Police post now closed? Those guys don't just patrol US41! I grew up in Negaunee and knew a trooper that headed the crime lab...Let me tell you there is no question there are bad things happening in the UP.

    How about this one - search on Baraga county or your ZIP:

    PSORDisclaimer


    John - as you continue to carry, your wife will get more comfortable with it, especially if you make a point of continued training and safety...and vigilance. Be sure to go the extra mile to ensure her safety...locked doors at all times, careful when out, etc, to prove you are serious about personal security. Hopefully your spouse will come around without further "eye-opening" experiences...but don't bet on it. Some people just don't get it.

    Best,

    Dave

  10. #24
    Member Array Nova's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JVD85 View Post
    Here's my question: How can I make my wife more comfortable with me CCing?


    Thanks,

    John
    Keep wearing it and let it become a part of your daily routine. She'll become accustomed to it.
    Springfield XD45 4" 13+1

  11. #25
    Member Array jp3276's Avatar
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    We're goinh through some of the same things in my house. Before I got the 442 my wife was like, "no way you are having a handgun in this house." I do not have my permit (counting down the days) but the 442 is always within a few feet of me and goes with us in the car. She will not look at it or touch it but she has agreed to take the CWP class so we will see how it goes. Just remember to listen to what she is saying and hear what she is saying.
    "The theory that the children of the Commonwealth are the charge of the Commonwealth is a pagan one, derived from heathen Sparta and Platoís heathen republic, and connected by regular, logical sequence with legalized prostitution and the dissolution of the conjugal tie." R.L. Dabney

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  12. #26
    Member Array bigdogtx's Avatar
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    John,

    Maybe she is nervous about you having the gun. Take a couple of self-defense courses so she will KNOW that you can handle the gun and the resposibility of carrying. By her statement, she seems uneasy as it is new to you carrying.

  13. #27
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    Is a new wife an option????

    Lots of good advice here, you should by now know what buttons to push, most of all it will take time or a bad incident.

    My wife now asks on occasion if I have my "buddy" with me.


    Z
    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

  14. #28
    Member Array JVD85's Avatar
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    It's not me having the gun, she knows I have been a gun nut since I was about 3...our candid wedding photos are of the wedding party with ALL KINDS of cool guns (tommy gun; M-1; 1911; sig; even a tazer....helps to have a buddy in the detroit police system!) I think she is just nervous because it's new. Maybe it's making her think of the bad things that can happen?

    I looked at the sex offender list tonight...and shared some of the info with her. Now THAT'S scarry stuff!
    John VanDusen

    "Whether it's a football game or an IED attack, you play EXACTLY how your practice."

    "Put your trust in God, and keep your powder dry." ~Oliver Cromwell

  15. #29
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by youngda9 View Post
    Does nothing bad ever happen in a small town? Is it really just neighbors exchanging apple pies and cookies?

    I bet everyone who was raped, robbed, assaulted, murdered, mugged, and kidnapped thought it wouldn't happen to them as well. Something to think about.
    In just about every story they interview the neighbors of the victim. And every neighbor says the same thing:

    "This is quiet/nice/upscale/peaceful neighborhood. Things like this just don't happen here."

    Well Mr.Neighbor, they do now.
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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  16. #30
    Ex Member Array BuckeyeEric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jp3276 View Post
    We're goinh through some of the same things in my house. Before I got the 442 my wife was like, "no way you are having a handgun in this house." I do not have my permit (counting down the days) but the 442 is always within a few feet of me and goes with us in the car. She will not look at it or touch it but she has agreed to take the CWP class so we will see how it goes. Just remember to listen to what she is saying and hear what she is saying.
    Thats funny... I remember when I graduated the Police Academy in 1998. I was looking to get pick up by a agency, and I kept my training weapon in the house (it was a G19). Back then the San Diego PD and the Padres teamed up and was offering free Padre tickets to anyone who turned in a gun. Do you believe my wife (back then) actually suggested that to me? I said, "I much rather have a vasectomy!" It was never mentioned again..lol

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