Uneasy wife

[harlee79]

give it time, as it becomes a transparent part of your life it will not bother her as much. It has become part of my dress, just like wearing a belt. She doesn't even need to ask. In the beginning it was just like what your saying.... give it time.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[B52]

Only time my friend...it took my wife a little while. My wife now has her CCW and always asks if I have mine when we go out.

[REVMAN]

My wife didn't understand it at first but I just kept CCing. Then she began talking with other ladies and found out that they too CC. Well to make a long story shorter, she is now waiting for her CWP to come in.

[oldpi]

John,

I've been carrying for years now and what you experienced is very common. Women sometimes just need a little time to become comfortable with the idea that hubby is packing.

My wife began by stating she "didn't see why I had to carry all the time". This changed a few months later when we went for an evening walk on a nice summer evening and could see a group of young men approaching that lookedlike they might be a problem. My wife "asked if I had my friend with me? I replied that I did and she walked on in comfort.

She now doesn't bat an eye when I carry.

[rsb319]

Take her to the range a few times. Eventually she will get more comfortable with the gun and with you carrying it. Give it time.

My wife does not like it that I carry, but after a while she got used to it. Now ,we are looking for something she might be willing to carry.

[ccw9mm]

Then she said, "What if someone knows you have it and try to hurt you...or me."

Then, you'll have some ability to defend.

Does she actually believe that a defensive tool is somehow a magnet for criminals?

Also, she does not see the "need" because of the ... small town we live in.

Here's my question: How can I make my wife more comfortable with me CCing?

This gets asked several times each month. Each discussion has dozens of responses.

I'm of the opinion that there's only one real option for fixing this (in the long run), and that's to discuss it.

We fear what we don't understand. Understanding can come from seeing "normal" people attacked/killed via newspaper articles in your town or neighboring towns, via reading a decent book or two on the subject, by having a true dialog about the subject, etc.

It'll take an open mind on the part of both of you. Closed minds won't learn anything new. They'll only tell the heels to dig in, and that's worthless for helping folks to learn.

Reality is:

• The "western" culture in the USA is going down the flusher. There is little respect and honor, and criminals will do almost anything these days.
• No matter how you slice it, a police officer who is 2mi away absolutely cannot be there on the instant that crime strikes you. The only real question is whether you are able to survive until the cavalry arrives.
• How, exactly, are you going to survive until the cavalry can be called and get to you? Pixie dust, your hand-to-hand skills, your ability to avoid damage from whatever weapons the criminal (or criminals) has brought, divine intervention, or the goodness in the criminal's heart?
• Are you willing to bet your life on the fact that you're unable to defend against a determined/armed criminal and that you're going to rely upon pixie dust, prayer and the goodness of the criminal's heart to save you?
• Are your family members willing to bet their lives on your and their inability to survive attack, at least until the cavalry arrives?
• What is the life of your spouse or child worth? What are you willing to do, besides mere wishful thinking?

That's what's real. Ask and answer those questions, as fully and honestly as you're able. When the two of you have jointly determined what is true, then you can go about formulating a plan to address the holes in your thinking and preparations.

You might check with your police or sheriff's department, to see if any of the experienced officers do training or courses on self-defense, on understanding crime in the area and what to do about it. One thing that officers can help do is fill in the blank spots folks get when they only hear from neighbors and the news. There are a LOT of things that don't hit the news, and a lot of trends happening that folks normally never hear about. Getting the scoop from the source can help open your eyes to what's really going on.

L'Anse, Michigan, might well be a fairly small town. (On a map, it is waaay up there, isn't it?) Doesn't mean that crime isn't happening. Small budgets mean few cops, and "small" for a town might well mean there's a lot of distance between you and the cavalry when the chips are down. Still, the above truths apply in your small town in the same way they do anywhere else. You have the responsibility to survive until the cavalry arrives, and there is simply no way around that problem. Do it, and you have a chance to go on; fail, and you'll no longer care. Them's the choices.

Good luck.

[ibesarcasm]

I kept my training weapon in the house (it was a G19). Back then the San Diego PD and the Padres teamed up and was offering free Padre tickets to anyone who turned in a gun. Do you believe my wife (back then) actually suggested that to me?

Sounds like a pretty good trade!!
LMAO!!
I'm just kidding GLOCK fans!!

[Sky Pilot]

I married a youngest.
She was (at first) of the opinion that if anything goes wrong you call "the police."
I pointed out to her that:
1) I was "The Police"
2) We lived in a rural area and "The Police" existed within the corporation limits of the county seat, or within a nearby village (my bailiwick) and so neither had jurisdiction there; it was the county sheriff's office, and they had to cover the entire bloody county, often with only one cruiser on the road;
3) I reminded her that she was a youngest, that when I married her I'd married "Daddy's Little Girl" and had as much as looked that fine man in the eye and told him "I will love, honor, provide for AND PROTECT, YOUR LITTLE GIRL!"
Of all my arguments, that last was the most effective.

[JimmyC4]

Yep, good idea I see, the one about it being like shoe shopping--that way she will understand that you need lots of "pairs"....heh.

For some reason, when I read the opening post, I felt the need for you to provide some "coaching" in terms of her not sharing your carry status with others.

Good luck.

[coriantan]

Look up CorneredCat.com This is a website for women, by a woman concerning CCW. Tons of good info for both of you, including how to introduce your children to guns, and several articles about the peace that comes with CCW.

[maddy345]

There is a woman on here called The Cornered Cat. I hope she doesn't mind but I am going to post a link to something she wrote that is so very true.

Cornered Cat - How to Make Your Wife Hate Guns

Thanks Kathy!!

[adaman04]

Or how about "What if they know I DON'T have it and try to hurt us?"

My wife wasn't uncomfortable with it, but she used to give me grief that it took me longer to get ready than her. Picking cover garment, etc.

As far as the small town thing, she's probably right. Just by a game of numbers. Unfortunately, people are free to come and go in your town as they wish.

A few that come to mine near my small town have been:

-Tweakers from the city coming to steal anhydrous ammonia to make meth.
-More tweakers who drove around the tri-county area breaking in to houses for drug money. They eventually broke in to a where people were home.
-Guy with warrants passing through town, stealing a box cutter from a gas station and using it to take a woman and her car hostage to get him out of town.

I’m not willing to risk my life on “probably never happen” scenarios. Continue to carry, she’ll get used to it and in my case there will be some hairy situations where she’ll whisper “Are you carrying?” and be glad you are.

[searcher 45]

We have being married 36 years and only in the last 2 years have I felt the need to be armed. The funny thing was my wife took her CHL class before me and did quite well. She out shoots me at the range and we together have become situational award, and when out and about we back each other up. For years I protected her now we protect each other. We have a code word for moving up to higher alert and as we regularly go about our daily activities we stay in condition yellow. We both pack same model firearm and ammo and both carry flash light. She is talking about getting a folding knife that fits her need. She has my back and I have her's. Life is good!!

[Random]

She said, "It makes me nervous when you have that with you."

Hell, it makes ME nervous when I have a loaded gun with me :) That's not necessarily a bad thing

Then she said, "What if someone knows you have it and try to hurt you...or me."

As for the rest of it, I guess I'm lucky - my wife has absolutely no problem. I think part of that comes from the fact that I was a self-defense instructor when we met, and we share a mindset about that.

Read through the archives here - just in the past couple months there have been some good discussions on how to deal with it. A lot of it depends on how well you can talk to her - if she's willing to listen to your arguments, you can show her the relevant statistics and stories (they're all over the place here - check "in the news"). If not, then it's going to be an uphill battle, and really, I think only time will do much good.

[Landor]

A lot of us have been in the same spot you are now. She will get use to it. Keep educating her. Tell her stories of people that were lucky they were carrying and so on. My wife said the same thing now she has her permit and own gun.