How to talk to parents?

This is a discussion on How to talk to parents? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; My folks are coming to town this weekend. Haven't seen them in about a year, due to distance and finances. During that year, my wife ...

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Thread: How to talk to parents?

  1. #1
    Member Array coriantan's Avatar
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    How to talk to parents?

    My folks are coming to town this weekend. Haven't seen them in about a year, due to distance and finances. During that year, my wife and I got our CCW's and now carry regularly.

    My parents don't know that we carry. I don't think they will be particularly opposed to it, but I also don't think they will be supportive. The biggest thing they'll rag on us for is spending money on guns when we aren't exactly wealthy. We pay our bills, have no debt beyond student loans and make enough money to get by, but not a lot of extra.

    Like many, if not all, of you, we feel our family is worth spending a little extra to protect.

    My big question is How do I talk to my parents about it??? They will feel the gun on my hip (Supertuck with either a shirt loose over the gun or tucked in over the gun) when I give them hugs when they arrive. I'll try to remember to hug low as to force them to hug high, but really don't think I can keep it from them for 3 days of visit.

    Any advice is welcome! Thanks everyone.
    ~Coriantan~

    "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away." * "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight."

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  3. #2
    Member Array swbkb8's Avatar
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    I see my dad almost every weekend. He has never noticed. I don't know that you need to bring it up. Besides, it is your decision. I know no one wants to disappoint their parents but its your life.
    I'd just leave it alone unless it gets brought up.

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array MitchellCT's Avatar
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    Just tell them that you made a choice for your personal safety, that you decided that self protection is more important than drinking expensive booze (it's not, but you can tell them that...) or clubbing (which you feel is very iresponsible as well...) or having an x-box (hide it), or a host of other less important things.

    It's not a big deal.

    Don't let them make it one.

  5. #4
    Member Array jp3276's Avatar
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    My parents give my wife and me a lot of "advice" about finances. We have shown them over the past few years that we are being responsible. Whenever we make any major purchases my mom will question everything. She did not question my decision to get my CWP, she did not have anything negative to say when I bought my J-frame, and when I told here I spent $80.00 on a new holster she was happy for me. There is a chance that your parents will be oko with it. If you guys are being responsible with your bills and debt they will probably be supportive. Good luck.
    "The theory that the children of the Commonwealth are the charge of the Commonwealth is a pagan one, derived from heathen Sparta and Platoís heathen republic, and connected by regular, logical sequence with legalized prostitution and the dissolution of the conjugal tie." R.L. Dabney

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  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Janq's Avatar
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    My mom came to visit and stay for a week last January and both parents came for 4 days the summer before that.

    I had carried around and amongst them the _entire time_ including hugs and what not, as well as taking a seat at my dinner table with them as armed.
    Not once was I discovered and no one was the wiser even as I carried around the house and in my yard horsing around with my kids.

    Concealed means concealed, as in nobody but you sees or knows it's there.
    Regardless of who the persons might be, be it your neighbor, your parents, or the in uniform LEO who walked past and is standing next to you in line at the grocery mart.

    You are not obliged to inform nor discuss your adult choice to keep or carry concealed firearms with anyone but a LEO, and that is dependent on state laws.

    Conceal
    1 : to prevent disclosure or recognition of <conceal the truth>
    2 : to place out of sight <concealed himself behind the door>
    Source - conceal - Definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

    I have never informed my parents that I carry concealed, even as they do know I own firearms and shoot.
    No need to do so and I'm not pressed to discuss it with them nor to seek their approval toward as much.

    Move on and let this slide. It's not like you have cancer or aren't telling them about having leprosy.

    - Janq
    "Killers who are not deterred by laws against murder are not going to be deterred by laws against guns. " - Robert A. Levy

    "A license to carry a concealed weapon does not make you a free-lance policeman." - Florida Div. of Licensing

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    Member Array Dakota97's Avatar
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    Practice the "don't ask don't tell policy". I'm betting you didn't tell your parents everything when you were a kid so why start now. If they discover your carrying due to a hug, just discuss it at that time.
    NRA life member.

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    Member Array oldogy's Avatar
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    If they need to know why you carry just Google christianson newsom ....More than enough reason to protect oneself.
    From a parent and grandparent's view, you should do what ever you feel is required to protect yourself and your loved ones. Remind them it is not the duty of the police to protect, only to clean up, investigate the aftermath of violence.
    My son has his carry permit as does his long time lady friend. Make them proud.

    oldogy
    Government is out of control
    "If gun laws in fact worked, the sponsors of this type of legislation should have no difficulty drawing upon long lists of examples of crime rates reduced by such legislation. That they cannot do so after a century and a half of trying -- " Sen Orrin G. Hatch

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    You may not have a lot of money, but you have your life to protect (and each others). That is reason enough right there.

    Oh, and as always concealed is concealed. Good luck with your decision.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

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    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    You don't need to bring the subject up but if it does come up the simple answer is, "self-defense" is important to you and you felt is was a good investment to make. You didn't go in debt over it, the guns won't wear out in a year and need replacing, the investment is long term. So what do they have to complain about.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

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    Member Array larefugee's Avatar
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    If you are doing what you believe is right, I don't think you should hide the truth and act like you are doing something wrong. I call that "being in the closet". If being a gun owner is part of who you are, why put on a mask and pretend to be someone else in front of them? I say this as someone that has warmed up to open carry for various reasons.

    My dad is a leftist drone and reacted with predictable dismay when I told him that I had purchased a gun. I tried to engage him about how it is responsible to be able to take care of one's self and loved ones, but as usual he shut his ears to anything outside his world view. This despite the fact my parents' house had been previously burglarized and my mom mugged in broad daylight two blocks from their home. What can you do? Live your own life and be who you are.

  12. #11
    Member Array mfcmb's Avatar
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    However you handle it, it may help to bear in mind that at this point in your and your wife's lives you are responsible for your own decisions, have the right to do whatever you feel in your sole judgement is best, and are the beneficiaries or sufferers of the consequences of those decisions.

    You should respect, honor and love your parents, but their role is no longer to shape your lives, so don't allow them them push you around out of respect for their past role.

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    I agree with the others here, no need to bring it up. If they do by chance discover you carry and have negative comments about it, simply tell them you evaluated your needs and came to the decision that it is what you feel you have to do to protect yourself and family. They either accept it or they don't.

  14. #13
    Member Array swbkb8's Avatar
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    I don't necessarily believe it is hiding the truth. I feel it is just none of their business. They can make the choices in life and don't have to tell me everything.

    The only thing I would say is that if you do decide to tell them, don't sound defensive as to why you have it. You did it, you have your reasons. My parents got upset when I got my flying license because it was "so unsafe." I told them whenever they got over it they could go flying with me.

    Personally, I would avoid the drama.

    Quote Originally Posted by larefugee View Post
    If you are doing what you believe is right, I don't think you should hide the truth and act like you are doing something wrong. I call that "being in the closet". If being a gun owner is part of who you are, why put on a mask and pretend to be someone else in front of them? I say this as someone that has warmed up to open carry for various reasons.

    My dad is a leftist drone and reacted with predictable dismay when I told him that I had purchased a gun. I tried to engage him about how it is responsible to be able to take care of one's self and loved ones, but as usual he shut his ears to anything outside his world view. This despite the fact my parents' house had been previously burglarized and my mom mugged in broad daylight two blocks from their home. What can you do? Live your own life and be who you are.

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coriantan View Post
    My parents don't know that we carry. I don't think they will be particularly opposed to it, but I also don't think they will be supportive. The biggest thing they'll rag on us for is spending money on guns when we aren't exactly wealthy.
    If you're an adult, married and responsible with your money and time, then if when it comes up you respectfully state the simple reasons why you both carry then they'll either appreciate the reasons or fail to see them. Up to them.

    Or, don't worry about it. It's not like carrying is a big deal to you. It's just one more thing you two do in your lives to help with your safety and security precautions. You grab your wallet, keys, firearm/CHL, ammo, briefcase, jacket, whatever. Same as every day. Tell them, don't tell them. Your choice.

    Personally, I'd simply treat it as if they were visiting neighbors, in regard to whether you'd say a thing. Why? Well, it's little different. They're your parents. So what? It's not like concealed carry is a problem or an abomination. You carry a leather wallet. Big deal. You wear brown socks. Yeah. With neighbors, you simply ignore it as you do those things, since it's simply not relevant.

    Frankly, your parents are going to be tough to read. I'm sure you've figured how they'll take such news. But they've been through one or two dances, before you, so it's hard to say how they'll react, if at all.

    Mine didn't exactly bubble over with joy at the news, but it's not really their problem or business. Had they made their disdain so outwardly painfully and disrespectfully obvious, the conversation would halt at that instant, and we'd conclude the day's activities right then and there. In my case, they took the news much as they did any other news. Things were a bit colder, then, since both is an anti-gunner extraordinaire. Neither sees the need, and one actually fears guns beyond all reasonableness. Occasionally, each might let drip a short but scathing remark during conversation, to which I respond simply and truthfully, to help correct the error of their thinking. They're each individuals, like anyone else. You won't know where each stands on the topic until you know. Same with anything else, really.

    I'd simply not mention anything. If they determine you're carrying, I'd discuss it as simply as why you're wearing brown socks. It IS NOT any big deal, and so long as you don't treat it as such then they won't have much to grab onto in terms of becoming hateful/spiteful/ugly about it. It's entirely possible they'll see your point of view, though entirely likely NOT at that exact moment. That'll have to do.

    Beyond that, I have few suggestions. You know your own parents better than anyone here. They love you. They respect you. Help them respect you, by showing that such a decision isn't anymore outside your grasp as anything else. In time, then, I believe they'll see it for what it is.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
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    Member Array Bm7b5's Avatar
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    If you have guests in your house, do you pull out all your medications so they can see what you take? Do you show them your private financial data? If not, why do you think you need to expose them to the fact that you carry concealed?

    If you want to minimize the chance that the subject will come up, don't be carrying on your person in a place that a hug will reveal.
    A traffic ticket is formal recognition of a lapse in situational awareness.

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