My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by JerryM In addition the liklihood of needing a gun for SD is less than getting struck by lightning. you DO realize, Id ...

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Thread: My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

  1. #136
    Member Array RugerSP101's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    In addition the liklihood of needing a gun for SD is less than getting struck by lightning.
    you DO realize, Id hope, that a lot of murder/shooting victims have had that same thought in mind, right ?
    Thats exactly the sort of thinking that criminals are counting on.
    They WANT you to feel safe in not having a gun....so they ARE safe when they attack you.
    As for me if I had to get rid of my guns to keep my wife I would do so.
    My wife and I have had this line of discussion a time or two. She knows that I love her....and she knows Id let her walk if thats her decision to if she cant handle my owning and carrying a gun.

    Instead of HIS getting rid of the gun that will protect them to save the marriage the wife shouldnt be so willing to divorce him for wanting to protect his family.
    If SHE is willing to throw her marriage away over such a "horrible" thing like his wanting to keep her and his children safe, then maybe he deserved better to begin with.
    .

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  3. #137
    Member Array RugerSP101's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I have never known anyone who was attacked or had a forcible home entry.
    Uh....yeah.
    So because YOU dont know anyone who was.....then it cant possibly happen ?
    Please tell me your joking because you sound like my mother :D

    Oneís lifestyle is a large factor in whether or not you are likely to need to use a firearm in SD.
    Um....no it isnt, gent.
    There was a woman in Columbus here some years back who was taking a shower in her apartment when a man who had jimmied the lock on her door came up into her bathroom and raped and killed her.
    Lifestyle is irrelevant. Badguys can come at any time.

    My wife works at Joans Fabrics here in town and over last summer and elderly woman was getting out of her car in broad daylight with other people there when the man and woman in the car next to her told her to give them her purse or theyd shoot her.

    In NEITHER of these cases did 'lifestyle' make a single bit of difference.
    The 'lifestyle' argument is no better or any more logical/accurate than the 'odds' argument.
    Bad guys dont show up with the odds are for or against you. They show up when they do....which is anytime, anywhere.
    Will you be ready to defend your family....or wont you ?

    Like it or not its a 24 hour a day thing.
    In every place and every time.

  4. #138
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RugerSP101 View Post
    If SHE is willing to throw her marriage away over such a "horrible" thing like his wanting to keep her and his children safe, then maybe he deserved better to begin with.
    And that is how simple it is.

    It's refusal to consider the mutual goals, the mutual commitment, the mutual oath both swore to. Holding everything hostage over a stunt of making a point, over refusal to consider those things, putting at risk everything in order to make that point. What a waste, indeed. And yes, almost certainly, much better is deserved.

    Nicely, the OP seems to be making some headway. Hopefully rationality can come back into their discussion, where the true issue at hand is the safety and security of the family ... instead of the big, bad, evil black gun.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  5. #139
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    My wife, until she met me, had never been around guns at all. Before we started dating, one of my 'range buddies' had told her I had a permit and carried
    'everywhere'........I made her nervous. She was born in Illinois and moved to the Miami area in the 9th grade. She was never around guns early on and then went to high school in Homestead Fl. during the early "Miami Vice" years......not a positive exposure with the experiences of her youth.

    I guess I grew on her or something.....I dunno....she 'liked' me, but I scared her at the same time. One night a drunken transient tried to get into her house.....several times. She called the police, and then her friend. Her friend called me and I 'stood watch' for the next few nights. My sidearm and I sacked out on the coutch and gave her and her son a sense of security. She never saw my sidearm and 'knew' I had it, but she left it alone. The fear of a home invasion was greater than her fear of me with a gun. Also, I had never showed her any immaturity, lack of good judgement, or disrespect. All of a sudden, my carrying a gun was a good thing.

    Go figure.

    Several other instances have occured in our lives together where me being around with a sidearm has DEescalated potentialy bad situations. Her violent ex-husband's last act of violence ended with me driving up and drawing on him. He was breaking glass and doing his drunken best to kick her door in. My arrival turned his focus on me with a Tee-Ball bat....bad move. I didn't shoot, didn't even point my Sig 'at' him, but I did move to clear my 'background' and brought my gun up to the 'ready'. My wife.....then still (serious) girlfriend, witnessed this all transpire. Me carrying a gun was again, a 'not-bad' thing. One of the responding police officers even gave me the 'atta boy' for being responsible and level-headed during the confrontation. He needed the 'after-shooting' paperwork as much as I did. (scarcasm)

    She's given me grief before for 'packing that thing' to places or events where "it's just not necessary", and then turns around and will ask me if I'm 'bringing my 'buddy' along too?' Sometimes when all is good and 'safe' she'll question my packing, but other times she 'needs' me, and my sidearm, there just because.

    Women can be wierd.

    It's a slow process, but our spouses seem to be coming around. I hope you and yours never have to need a gun. I found out more about myself than I wanted to, and glad the experience taught me what it did. My wife learned a little bit too.

    The only advice I can offer is approach this with Love and Compassion. She is your wife and partner. Be a Husband.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  6. #140
    Distinguished Member Array BlueNinjaGo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RugerSP101 View Post
    The one I love best is the ignorant argument that your 51 times more likely to be hurt with a gun if one is in your home.
    Another fun fact: 100% of home invasions happen at home. See? I can make obvious statements too!

    My advice (which is probably worth less than $0.02) is to simply discuss the crime. Look at your local PD's statistics for the past year. I did that and made a point to show it to my girlfriend. The thing you have to remember to do is remind her that those numbers are people. You can tell someone "50 people were raped in our town last year" but that doesn't always make people realize the significance. Those are 50 REAL people. People just like you and I. You have to stop the "it only happens to other people" mentality.

  7. #141
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    The purpose of a defensive firearm is to stop threats. With two-legged predators, that means shooting humans. That's not exactly a pleasant thing. But it's reality, when two-legged predators treat us as prey. Thus, a bit of "fear" of firearms and those who wield them is reasonable. Intelligence demands, however, that it be tempered with the understanding that it's merely a tool, little different than a saw, hatchet, bow.

    I guess I grew on her or something.

    One night a drunken transient tried to get into her house.....several times. She called the police, and then her friend. Her friend called me and I 'stood watch' for the next few nights. My sidearm and I sacked out on the coutch and gave her and her son a sense of security. She never saw my sidearm and 'knew' I had it, but she left it alone. The fear of a home invasion was greater than her fear of me with a gun. Also, I had never showed her any immaturity, lack of good judgement, or disrespect.

    All of a sudden, my carrying a gun was a good thing.
    Reality is what it is. Clarity can come in many forms. Best that it come before death comes knocking. She was lucky, but she also showed good sense.

    Too bad so many millions of others cannot do the same. Because, the reality is the same: predators view us as prey; and being unarmed only helps ensure it ends that way.

    For when attack finds you, be able to live or die. Decide. It is nobody else's responsibility to defend, protect and care for you. If you don't, who will? The lives of your children may depend on your answer. Your own life may depend on it. Decide.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  8. #142
    Senior Member Array WJP9's Avatar
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    Come home bloodied and bludgeoned and without your wallet. Tell her you were assaulted and robbed....if only you had been armed. Maybe she will see the value in carrying. Meanwhile you can can fund a new gun purchase with the "stolen funds".
    -Bill

    "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

  9. #143
    Distinguished Member Array bladenbullet's Avatar
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    ive had my wife to the range twice in the last 2 weeks...first time she ever showed interest...and she is a great shot with the .22 and the g19...

    last night while watching tv there was a scene where a gun was used...she turned to me and said..."i can feel that now. i know what it feels like and how it works."...

    today she called me at work...told me the neighbors dog tried to break through our lanai screen going after our dog...the dog has been showing quite a few signs of aggressive behaviour and the owner will be on notice tonight when i get home...she was a bit shaken and i instructed her to keep the pepper spray handy...she mentioned that if she could would she be allowed to shoot the dog...i informed her that a dog breaking through the screen in a violent fashion is fair game and it would be preferable to her getting mauled...i informed her that when she was ready with more practice i would be more than happy to set her up (as of now she has no access to the safe)...

    she is starting to understand that protection comes in many forms and for many reasons...it only took 30 years...i predict another concealed carry license in our household sooner than i would have anticipated...

  10. #144
    Distinguished Member Array C9H13NO3's Avatar
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    I haven't read through every page of this thread, but have you made any progress? I agree with some of the above posts that there's something deeper here. If she's OK with guns but not CC...there has to be some reason behind that that needs to be debunked. Sorry to hear you have this problem...my girl yells at me if I forget to strap my gun on.
    -Ryan

    All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

  11. #145
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by C9H13NO3 View Post
    I haven't read through every page of this thread, but have you made any progress?
    As of Jan 30, here is nathan9493's latest reply:

    Quote Originally Posted by nathan9493 View Post
    Update:

    My wife actually brought up buying another firearm. She knows I want a .45 to go w/ my 9mm. I used that opportunity as an ice breaker and started to ask her about some sketchy situations that have happened to her and how she would have felt if she had a firearm to protect herself and our kids. She did some self examination at that point and told me that she isn't ready to kill someone if she needed to. If our kids were threatened she said she could do it in a heartbeat. I then asked her if the situation required that she run with the kids would they be able to keep up. She said "no". I saw the the change of thinking begin . A chip in her armor has been exposed. I left her to think about that for a while. I say this about her with all due respect, She is PMSing bad right now. So a little at a time.

    As for the divorce threat...shes using that to emphasize her point. I felt no threat from this as shes done this for years. It is a bluff. But it does show me how serious she is. We both love each other very much and have been thru hell in out marriage and know theres not much that would destroy it now. SHes wanted to take classes with me, so I'll use that to help her with this. Another poster on OCDO suggested she talk to Gila Hayes and Kathy from Cornered Cat at Firearms Academy of Seattle(where I've already taken classes), to get there input. I think thats an AWESOME idea.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  12. #146
    Member Array OLDPUPPYMAX's Avatar
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    Obviously none of my business, but how "happy" is she otherwise? Sounds like a dramatic overreaction to the situation, especially as she is apparently not anti-gun to begin with. Could something else be on her mind--something which provided the impetus to blow up over the first thing she considered "wrong?"

  13. #147
    Member Array billfromtx's Avatar
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    Sounds like a lot more going on with her than you CC;ing. Either do what she tells you for fear of her Divorce threats...Or man-up and do what you want and know is right and tell her to divorce you if it means that much too her!
    USMC 1984-1992
    To err is human.
    To forgive is divine.
    Neither of which is Marine Corps policy.

    "It's all about shot placement."- David (Slayer of Goliath)

  14. #148
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    Man, this is a long thread, with some LONG posts. I skimmed through it, and while doing so it made me think again how lucky I am that I don't have the "wife vs gun" issue.

    I've asked my wife why she's so comfortable with me CC (and her too) while some wives are freaked out. She says that it's a simple matter of increasing her chances in the real world.

    We've been married for 30+ years, so we've seen lot's of life, including the tragedies. Sadly those tragedies are learning lesson's. For instance, my wife knows that if she's in a Mall and some shooter comes on the scene, her plan is to run.....hide.....or escape. Her weapon is a means for her to accomplish that if need be, without it, lessen's her chances in doing so.
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

  15. #149
    Distinguished Member Array razor02097's Avatar
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    For the rambo thing... tell her Rule# 17: "Don't be a hero"

    Glad the OP made progress. Things change and there is a lot of myths for guns and other things... example is my mother was anti motorcycle until I bought one. I didn't die instantly so she warmed up to me riding it.

    She was also anti gun and wouldn't have anything that shot projectiles even near the house (no nerf, no BB gun, nothing!) until I turned 18 and bought a shotgun. I didn't shoot myself and got proper training on how to safely handle and how to clean it. I ended up showing her that a mature person can own a gun and not kill themself. It took her less then 2 years to go from anti to CHL holder

  16. #150
    Senior Member Array adaman04's Avatar
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    Yes, because you spend your time and money taking training (you are training right?) so that you can be more skilled with your defensive handgun so that your wife and children can be killed. Yeah, that sounds reasonable. I tell you what, all the hours of complaining are quickly forgotten the first time there is an iffy situation and you feel her grab on to you for dear life. It happened with my wife. I was open with her about carrying from day one. I may not wear the pants in our house, but I WAS NOT budging on this issue.

    Some people are willing to believe that there is no evil in the world and that bad things only happen to other people. Since the consequences of that may be taking a bullet from a convicted felon over the contents of your wallet, or being raped, or screaming “Call 911” as someone drags your kids in to a van and drives away, I’m not willing to do it.

    I have accepted personal responsibility for my own safety. I have called the police once in what I felt was a possible emergency situation and it took them 17 minutes to get to my house. The police station is 1 mile away, but weather slowed them down.

    Don’t back down on this issue. There's more there than the CCW thing.

    This happened to a guy just like me, from my very own state. LEARN from it.

    My CCW Shooting Encounter AAR - AR15.COM

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